Tag Archives: Commentary on Human Condition

Diets…

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I’m on a diet. I know that the word “diet” is loaded with all kinds of meaning & baggage, but for me, it’s how I eat – & a specific food group that will become a part of my ‘food world.’ (My term probably. I like it for its descriptiveness… it speaks a lot of how small the actual pool of potential edibles is in my world.)

Anyway, over time, I have discovered that there are certain foods that don’t sit well in my belly. Dairy products. Like ice-cream. Mostly ice-cream. Milk. I end up with all kinds of negative side affects, which are better left undescribed. These only have kicked in over the last 3-5 years, so it’s not like I’ve been lactose intolerant my whole life, only to finally realize it. High sugar foods, like any good dessert – hot fudge, cheesecake, monkey bread, 6 layer double fudge cake, etc…, combined with high carbohydrate refined flours & sugars, cause me to have a near-catastrophic response in my blood sugar. And even if they didn’t, they left me feeling blah, sick to my stomach, & generally grumpus-like… all of this I had thought was just normal, par for the course response to food. You eat it, then you get this response. Turns out, not everybody has that kind of a deal with food. So, I modified my approach – if it doesn’t make me feel sick, angry, & doesn’t taste like dren…

A few years back, the Atkins Diet was all the rage. I was a few pounds heavier than my fighting weight, & my 30th birthday was fast approaching, so I thought I’d at least look into this ‘diet’ & see what it would entail… cutting out refined sugars & flours… avoiding trans fats… avoiding ‘high carbohydrate’ food… eating foods high in protein. Like meat. Sausages. Chicken. Pork. Meat. Did I mention meat? And good cheese. And I thought this was a diet. It sounded like my preferred means of nutrition. So I went ‘on’ the diet, & lost 35 pounds. The only things I missed eating were cookie dough, breakfast cereal (but milk was ok to miss) & the occasional dessert, like cake. Or ice-cream, which made me sick anyway. Some people were “Atkins haters” & some nutritionists said it was bad to eat that way, but my experience & my body told me a different story. And, yes, my cholesterol was measured at 141 – 70 for the ldl, 71 for the Hdl…

The next several years of my life involved eating what I referred to as a “modified Atkins’ meaning – I ate what I wanted, mostly high in protein, & low in refined sugars & flours. It was the ‘best’ time of life – where if I felt like eating something that wasn’t on the diet, I ate it, then resumed my regular routine.

Our church family went on 2 40 day fasts – not total fasts, but fasts that involved not eating meats or the ‘nice parts’ of meals – it was a part of something our denomination was doing at the time… so I participated, & in a short time, eating cereals, bagels, veggies, whole grains, & yogurt, had managed to put back on all the weight I had lost. Sigh.

Fast forward to May 16 of this year. I had been thinking about me & how I great I felt when I had been “Atkins-ing.” My pounds were still lurking, the residue of my 3 months (& then some) of special high-carb eating… I wanted them to go away – so I decided that for me, eating what I want in the manner I want was the way to go. So I’ve been doing the modified Atkins again since then, & the results have been what I expected. About 15 pounds gone. Feeling good in my body, soul, & mind. Enjoying the indulgence of life’s little pleasures like Spam, Flaming Hot Pork Skins, Louisiana Hot Links, broccoli, & Sharp Cheddar cheese.

I take vitamins. I work out 4x a week. I eat food that is high-protein/low carb, & I drink water like my life depends on it. (I know, I know. It does. But you get what I mean.) And my ‘diet’ is the way I want to eat. The way I feel best when I eat. And yes, I will occasionally mix in a dessert… It makes me think that for all the nutritional studies publishing what’s good, bad, & ugly for us to consume, there’s a lot of generalizations in those studies, & one of the best things we can do is find out what fuel our body likes best & functions best on…

But you can do what you like. I’m going to have a 2-egg Spam omelette with Taco Bell Fire Sauce & some great cheddar…

Remember the Sabbath…

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The circumstances of life lately have led to more introspection than normal, which is saying quite a bit, thank you very much. A lot of my pondering has been on the topic of relationships, what’s important in life, & having peace regardless of circumstance. In the midst of it, I keep hearing, “Remember the Sabbath…”

  • It’s a reminder that I’m more than the sum of my accomplishments. That I’m holy, because I belong to God.
  • It’s holy time – set apart to God to honor Him, & live life for the sake of living – I like to think of it as being ‘for no good reason,’ which is something I think about as a poke at the idea that all the time I spend needs to be Productive. And Purposeful.
  • It’s coming to Jesus because His yoke is easy & His burden is light. And anyone selling a different yoke or trying to lay one on you is selling something…
  • It’s life in all of its fullness…

    It’s for me. I choose it.

    Psalm 54 1 Save me, O God, by your name;
    vindicate me by your might.
    2 Hear my prayer, O God;
    listen to the words of my mouth.

    3 Strangers are attacking me;
    ruthless men seek my life—
    men without regard for God.
    Selah

    4 Surely God is my help;
    the Lord is the one who sustains me.

    5 Let evil recoil on those who slander me;
    in your faithfulness destroy them.

    6 I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you;
    I will praise your name, O LORD,
    for it is good.

    7 For he has delivered me from all my troubles,
    and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.

    NLT

    • emotional gas tank…

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    And I thought the price of gas was high.

    One of the things that I’ve been learning about myself over the last 18 or so months is that I need to keep a watch on my emotional gas tank… it runs out way, way, sooner than does my physical tank. The problem is, my emotional tank lies to me. Tells me everything is OK. No worries. Coping just fine, thanks for asking. I’m doing Well.

    It could almost lead one to think that the emotional gas tank was doing just fine. But I’m catching on to it…

    So far, I’ve found that doing things & being around people that I enjoy (or enjoy me, take your pick) makes me feel about 83% better. And the rest of the refill might just be waiting for the time to pass to allow healing. I feel weepy, & cry at the drop of the proverbial hat. Oh, the joy of being around me.

    And wondering… what refills your emotional gas tank? Or, have you discovered that you HAVE one?

    Goodbye to Sue L. & other thoughts…

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    Good bye Sue L. You’ll be missed. Esp. when I’m trying to figure out what exactly the little knobbys do on the soundboard.

    On that note: I wonder what part of our psyche is affected as we try to deal with the death of friends & loved ones… cause I know there’s a part that is numbed, & does everything possible to try to function like Everything Is Normal, when at the same time a logical portion of the mind(?) is stating, matter of factly of course, the ‘reality’ of events that have led to our friend/loved one not being on the planet.

    I remember the 1st time I prayed after my brother’s funeral… it was bedtime prayers, of course, just me & the Bean. I was covering all the bases (meaning praying for family & extended family,) & I prayed for Johnny, Joel, & Ben… (their birth order btw…) It took about 10 seconds before I realized that I’d prayed for Johnny. And that he had died. And I knew it, & wasn’t in denial. But at that moment, I had thought, “I need to pray for him…”

    And I cried w/the Bean. Tears of grief. Loss. Sorrow. Loneliness. And I thought about my brother, & wondered if praying would ever be the same again…

    The numbness fades over time, but I don’t know if it ever goes away totally – maybe its a sorrow or the residue of missing someone. Or the part of our psyche that screams out, “NO!” & does everything possible to protect me from the pain of feeling.

    I wish more people who knew my brother, talked to me about my brother. Cause, Man, that is the best. My kids never met their Uncle, as he died in June 1990, & the Pasty Gangster didn’t enter the world until 9/1991. I wish they could have known him, because he was a piece of work. (The closest to his personality is #2 son, Prince Darrell – esp. when he doesn’t get his way…) So, I want to reminisce – look at videos, & ‘introduce’ my kids to him… Because then, his memory is carried on by more than just a picture.

    If a loved one or friend has died, keep talking about them. It helps.

    Walking with a friend as they bury their wife is hard… but it would be harder for them alone. Life’s too short to do that kind of thing by yourself. Let’s not go solo.

    goodbyes are hard…

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    Aaron & Michelle are moving home for the summer, but they’ll be back in late August just in time for Aaron to subject himself to 21 units at the U of N, & for Miss Michelle to jump in for the opening of the Fall semester of Little Lites. The fact that they’re coming back in a relatively short time (as short as the summers are in Reno,) should temper the loss… but it doesn’t, really. Because I know that when Aaron graduates, they’re moving. And goodbyes are hard…

    So how does one deal with goodbyes? Here’s a couple of my favorites…

  • Avoidance – Some avoid relationships all-together, & become virtual hermits… Bizarro-scoeyd could do that. Has done that. Didn’t work out either, thanks for asking.
  • Denial – pretending its not happening. Creating an artificial reality helps, where people only exist when they’re in your presence. It helps if one has lots of practice at living in their own little world, but it’s pretty tough to sustain this one. Other people keep it complicated.
  • Embracing – kinda like the moment at camp, when the Friends song gets broken out at the end. People claim to hate it, but I think it’s really their favorite part of camp – being able to get all teary & clingy – maybe it’s an artificial grieving, maybe it’s real, but I think it serves a purpose, for at least a segment of the population. Cause people are going to move away. Or die. Or get married. Or I will. (not the married part. Done that.)

    I know that there’s many other means of dealing with goodbyes, but Friends is almost over. I never intended to post this morning, but rather to just roll through my blogs & catch up with friends. So as I read back over it, I feel self-conscious, because there are many more eloquent ways to state what I’ve stated, & if I crafted for a while, I might even find one. But instead, I’m just pondering. And feeling a bit melancholy.

    And setting myself to be a person who lives well. Embraces life. And relationships. They make life so much richer & deeper, which is probably why it hurts so much when a relationship changes, even if its ‘just’ geographic. I’m thankful for you.

    I miss you Dabey… :)

    • One Day

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    I was thinking back over the last few years & the different people that have come into & subsequently gone out of my life. A lot of it has happened in, around, & through this thing called “church…” which is quite the microcosm of society & is one of the more bizarre Social Environments I have ever encountered…

    ..so I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised that when One Day, people that I thought I’d been close to, disappeared. I didn’t know if they were gone, gone, or if they were just on vacation. I bet that if people are looking to drop out or leave a church, doing it post-vacation would be the way it happens more often than not. After all, you’re already on the move, & your absence wouldn’t really be noticed until you were Out There.

    What runs through my head is: Are you supposed to call people that have gone M.I.A.? How long qualifies as MIA? How much time does one give between calls? Is it considered stalking or pressuring people to check in & ask them what’s up & where they’ve been?

    My thought is that what people do or don’t do for ‘church’ is up to them – & I don’t want to be the High Pressure guy that is in your grill trying to get you to justify why you haven’t been coming to church. Or (Gasp!) why you don’t go to this one anymore… But it would be nice to know what’s up – a short, “We’re going somewhere else. Thanks!” would be great. No drive-bys, no wondering “Whatever happened to…”

    ‘cos really, I want to know, but I don’t want to try to chase people down – if they wanted to communicate, wouldn’t they have initiated it? I don’t know. Weird.

    It’s pretty darn easy to be selfish – to focus on how other peoples’ behaviors are so bad, & how sad it makes us… but I really think that a lot of that has to do with how their behavior, choices, actions, etc. affect or reflect on us. We don’t want to be the guy with the friend that blew it, like somehow, the bad choice & the resulting consequences could be pinned on us, & somehow, someway end up taking us down a notch or 10 in the eyes & esteem of others. I can say its about them, but really, its probably about me.

    musings…

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    Haven’t had much trouble with jet-lag this time… other than the typical waking up about 2 – 3 hours early (3 or 4 in the a.m.), which of course makes me a very tired boy that can’t wait to hit the sack by 10… each day I’ve stretched the wakeup another hour, so tomorrow I’m aiming for 5:30.

    In retrospect, this trip seemed like it was 28 days long, instead of the actual 7… wondered why that was the case? I think it had to do with several factors-

  • No Bean makes every day much, much longer than it really is.
  • Sitting for long periods of time (meaning 12 hours)…
  • Forgetting my watch. I left Mickey in my car because I didn’t want to forget him, then I got dropped off at the airport by Brother & theMoses in Shirley so the best laid plans of mice & me went awry…
  • a couple of hard days with long talks about difficult subjects. Sigh…

    Sunday, Nick & Kirstin are getting baptized! That gives me joy – we’ve been really fortunate to be able to get to know them better through the Sunday p.m. study – & now we get to rejoice with them. Aaron C gets to help with the dunkage in the Jordan, err.. the Truckee.

    I like to do dishes. And fold laundry. The sense of accomplishment at the end is nice. The only issue is that my folding skills are not quite up to snuff, so I do the kids & let the Bean take on her own kleidung (clothes). She could go pro in folding clothes. And in wrapping presents. She’s THAT good.

    Had a heart to heart with Weez after some interactions that she witnessed left her puzzled – she’s trying to figure out the perpetuation of injustice on her dad (her observation, not mine.) The most difficult part is that the person she observed was a Christian… and if they’re Christian, then WHY would they act that way?

    On the topic of Weez – w/the Bean working M-F 10-3, & with Weez being on a 12-month school schedule, I now get to spend a bit more quality time with her when she’s on break – like the month of May. Reminds me of the old times. The boat times, where her wit & interests were unmarred by the tripe called ‘The Disney Channel” & by an interest in boy bands. My favorite is going to lunch, because while we’re eating, just the two of us, all sort of questions are fair game:

  • Weez: So, dad: do you think I can get my nose pierced?
  • Me: Uh, no. You’re 11. When you’re 16 & can understand the consequences & ramifications of making such a fashion (& glamour statement) then we’ll talk.
  • Weez: Ok. That’s what I thought. How about my belly button?
  • Me: Nope.
  • Weez: Don’t you think it would be great to go on “What Not To Wear?”
  • Me: What are you saying?
  • Weez: Nothing…

    And so it goes…

    Finding myself procrastinating today. Just want to lay around on the couch & eat Pork Skins. Ah, yes. That is the life.

    • heading out

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    Woke up this morning to smell of breakfast – Johannes prepared some eggs all the accoutrements of a German breakfast for us today… very nice. We hung out, drank coffee, & enjoyed catching up on the last 6 months. We went for a drive to the Black Forest using the High Road – a special windy road that made me get all nauseous & long for fresh air :).

    We arrived at the Aldes Gott Vineyard (Old God) & browsed the gift shop to pick up a memento for The Bean & Alex & Linda too – & made it back to J & A’s by the time Anja had to go to work. Johannes took me back to Frankfurt, a 2 hour drive. I have really missed my friend…

    Alex, Linda, & I took Johnathan for a walk in the park (as fun as it sounds,) & then hung out at home to watch “The Counterfeiters”.

    One of the highlights, if not THE highlight for me, has been the opportunity to share life with the Grieguszies family. To be involved, included, & accepted by such wonderful people goes beyond the words necessary to describe it. It’s been truly amazing.

    I’ve got about 4 1/2 hours of potential sleep available, as I’m coming home tomorrow – taking the 8:25 flight to Washington – to Denver – to Reno… I’m planning on processing the week & trying to wrap my brain around what I’ve seen & heard.

    Thanks for your prayers – its greatly appreciated. I can’t wait to get home.

    9 Mai, Part Deux…

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    This a.m. we had a prayer time – one of the student leaders (Dudi from Frankfurt) thought it would be a God idea for all of the core team (of which I’m a part) to do nothing tonight – but that all of the student leaders to bring a ‘gift’ – a song, a psalm, a scripture, a prayer, something, that would be done for the benefit & building up of everybody there. Church.

    There were prayers in Romanian; a couple of original songs (one in English, one in Japanese;) a poem; a bible verse reading; a game; 15 minute relaxation; communion shared (with bread & wine & lots of community union) a funny story by one of the most intriguing people I’ve ever heard talk – a great Finn with a booming, sweet voice.

    It was amazing. A great day.

    Now it is 1:15 in the a.m. so Hi Ho, Hi Ho, its off to sleepy I go.