Tag Archives: Musings

On the way…

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A big chunk of life happens “on the way.” Our on the way time could be when we’re driving to/from work. Walking our neighborhood or heading to our next appointment. Waiting in line while getting a coffee.  I believe much of our on the way time flies under our radar because our focus/our thoughts are on something else. Stuff like: 

What’s next. Where we’re headed. What we’ll do when we’re done with work. Our destination. What has to be done at the destination. Our ‘to-do’ lists. Afternoon snacks. 

I find that my on the way time is often “multi-tasking” time where I pop in my earbuds to listen to the audio book I want to read, or the podcast I’ve been meaning to catch up on, or zoning out to a favorite playlist. It can be a great way to get stuff done, but with these on the way time fillers, I don’t often take time to sit in silence & think or observe closely what’s going on around me.

You get it.

I was thinking on that this afternoon while I was sitting in the sauna… not much to do in the sauna except for sweat & drink my LMNT-filled Nalgene bottle while waiting for the timer to wind down to zero. One of the things that came up for me was something I read in Acts 3 .

Peter & John were on the way to their church for the 3 p.m. prayers & ended up having a conversation  with a guy who had been lame from birth, that turned into a Holy Spirit inspired healing & life transformation, that turned into a “What’s going on here?” moment that caused a couple of thousand people to have an encounter with Jesus Christ.  

Really cool stuff. And it made me think, & it made me wonder about my own usage of my on the way time.

Ultimately, the nudge I’m following here is to write out my desire to be more alert, aware, intentional, & present while I’m on the way. To take stock of where I am; to purposely build a little time into my schedule for on-purpose Holy Spirit interruptions to my day; to not immediately pop the ear buds in as soon as I sit in the drivers seat… or head into some other version of being on the way.

We’ll see what happens…

 

 

 

 

Learning patience, or “Is there a lesson or purpose in everything?” & other musings…

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I like to know WHY… maybe its the bent I have towards teaching, or perhaps its because it makes difficult/frustrating situations more bearable if there is a discernible WHY.

Know what I mean? Where you can go, “Ahhhh. I get it now. THAT’s why that happened.”

At the same time, I’ve learned through experience, circumstances, & Scripture that sometimes “rain falls on the just & on the unjust.” That there is no easy correlation between something happening & the readily apparent REASON for that thing happening. Yes, it would be great if “everything happens for a reason,” or that the sources of frustration, pain, etc could be immediately & directly identified (& therefore, have the resulting pain mitigated, even if just a leeetle.)

But it doesn’t always. At least I think it doesn’t.

On the subject of patience & being content with trying circumstances… you may have heard me tell or write about the time we were on the way to Do Something in the City (back in the olden days, the 80s,) & my mom was driving our trusty manual transmission VW bus from our home in Golden Valley towards Civilization (it’s been a minute…. there was NOTHING in Golden Valley back in those days… just houses. If you wanted Things, you had to travel.) We were at the 4 way stop-light that was 395N, (now its a real life dedicated to Golden Valley off-ramp!) waiting for the light to change so we could hurry on our way (as fast as a 70’s VW bus could hurry.) The light changed & …. nothing. Clutch is popped. We’re not moving. This is Not Good.

This kind of thing didn’t happen much when my parents were driving, as both of them could navigate a VW shifter with the best of them. Just not this time. So, my mom went to start the car, & it took a bit for it to catch (not unusual for a VW bus – if you know, you know….) Finally the engine squirreled to life & we started to move, just in time to see & feel the WHOOSH of an 18-wheeler as it ran the red light at the intersection.

Any frustration we’d felt (ok, that I’d felt as an 11-year old backseat driver) melted away in awe… even I knew that if we’d pulled out when the light turned green, we’d have been a schmear of cream & tan German auto parts. Thank you Jesus – THIS was easy to see; we’d been spared from becoming schmear by a popped clutch.

But what about…?

 

Most Thursday mornings, we (me & some guys) meet for prayer & talks in the Loft at our church at the Crack O Doom/Dawn… 6 a.m. As a creature of habit & routine, I like to Be Ready & Prepped (whatever that means) so when its time to pray, I feel like its not the first thing I’m doing during the morning… (FWIW, this Ready & Prepped list involves coffee, reading & finishing my morning Bible time, & making sure our meeting space in the Loft is Ready-To-Go.

This Thursday started like they usually do: I rolled out of bed at 4:34 & hit the shower; quickly dressed & headed downstairs with My Stuff to make my coffee (& to prep theBean’s coffee cup so all she has to do is hit the “GO” button on the KCoffee machine.) Now, an aside – after talking with my friend Antonio before our last Snow Sunday at Hillside (where we only did online church because, SNOW,) I discovered that we both are what the kids might call “Bougie“/Boujee (aka “Extra Fancy) when it come to our coffee & how we like it/make it. I don’t know that I’d agree, but say I do – if Antonio is bougie, then I will be bougie with him. Good company, that man. Anyway, I digress.

In our pre-church discussions, we talked about how we USED to drink coffee (black as the night, strong as the universe,) & how we drink coffee NOW (you can ask Antonio how he takes his coffee & decide for yourself just how things have changed for him.) As for me – I like to PUT THINGS into my coffee:

That is it. And trust me. It is tasty & it is > black coffee.

I do this EVERY DAY, with little to no trouble, no mess, no wasted motion… except today, I dropped the plastic dish holding the chocolate salt. Which means I spilled the WHOLE dish on the counter & floor. This very fine, very powdery chocolate salt, all over. At 4:50 a.m. I gotta be on the road in 2, people.

Might have gotten a little huffy-puffy. I wasn’t leaving the mess for theBean, so cleaning it up NOW was a must. And so with broom (& vacuum) in hand, I made the best of the mess & cleaned it up. Even rescued some salt off the counter (hey! There’s a win for me.) But…

Turns out I overfilled the to-go mug I was using that day. My usual mug was in Eugene (my 2001 Land Rover beast machine, where it doesn’t belong,) so I used the backup to a backup. And I miscalculated the size of the cup. Which overflowed with coffee & MCT oil & creamer & chocolate salt. BAHHHH! (Or something like that) came out of my mouth – no big deal. I can do this. I’ve already conquered one dragon this morning – I’ll just take it sloooow & dump a little coffee out of the to-go cup into the sink & be on my way.. Except…

MCT oil is oily. Slippery even. So slippery on plastic that when I attempted to pick up my cup, I dropped it. And the liquid flowed as only liquid & oils & creams can flow. All over. Everywhere. On the counter. Into the cabinets. Into the drawers. Onto the floor. Here. There. Everywhere.

I saw red (& other angry things.) And then I KNEW I was going to be late for my routine. Late for prayer maybe. And this mess wasn’t going to clean itself.

And the second thought that came to my mind (the first one wasn’t helpful or constructive,) was this: “Ahhh. I remember the VW bus incident, & several others like it where I was spared something terrible by an unfortunate & frustration circumstances that bothered me tremendously in the moment, but turned out to be a Blessing in Disguise.. Maybe THIS is THAT…”

Almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I ‘heard/felt’ God speak, “What if this is just one of those things that happens? What if there’s no visible, easily traceable lesson to discover? What if THIS is just a THING that happened, & you get to CHOOSE how you will act/respond/move forward?”

Those thoughts stopped me in my oily, creamy, chocolate tracks… I didn’t like that idea. That was DUMB. Its better if there’s a REASON. Something I’m being spared from… But what if if IS just an opportunity to be patient, to slow down, to clean up, to laugh at myself? What if THAT is all THIS was?

It has to be enough, today. And so it was.

Got to the church at the same time as Matt – not late, but not on my schedule. Thought quite a bit about all the things I’d experienced that morning… All the frustrations. The messes. The (surprising) NEED for all of it to be more than just a life obstacle to navigate… one of those things that every single one of us faces all the time. Told the guys about it. Laughed together. 

Been thinking about it for 2 days now. I aim to choose patience whenever it comes to mind that it IS a choice how I respond. To not have to see or know the WHY about my (petty) inconveniences… or even the not-so-petty ones. I’m asking Jesus for transformation in my heart, mind, & character. To reflect Him. To laugh quicker. To slow down. Even if I can’t see the WHY or the lesson in it. 

2 things… (or some words to live by from my dad)

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When I was a kid, my dad often reminded me 2 things that really helped at the time w/my interactions with my brothers. Both of these things stuck with me & I find I’m using them just about every day… so that I don’t antagonize or further exacerbate contentious situations, & so that I don’t get offended or weighed down by life & the messes it can bring. FWIW:

  • “Don’t throw wood on the fire.” This one is based on Proverbs 26:20/21 which states, “Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.” Don’t intentionally stoke the fires of conflict.”

The main context for this one used to be my interactions with my 3 younger brothers… they LOVED to antagonize me (so it seemed) just to get a reaction (attention?) out of me. And yes, they did get plenty of reactions… After one such “reaction,” my dad pulled me aside & challenged me (admonished? rebuked? corrected? instructed? All of the above?) to NOT add to the antagonism with my own special brand of fire accelerant… He, for some reason, thought that I could control myself & not cause situations to escalate by taking those situations up a notch… hence the “don’t throw wood on the fire.”

I sure knew how fire worked – loved building & stoking campfires or our every-morning-fire in the Franklin stove so that I’d be warmed while I folded newspapers & prepped to head out on my route. If I didn’t put wood on the campfire, if I didn’t adequately stoke the stove, the fire would eventually burn out. And in these situations, THAT was the goal – to let the fires that I was invited (provoked? teased? prodded?) into stoking, just die out.

It initially seemed impossible; like I’d be losing something if I didn’t give a prompt & powerful response (in the form of a cord or 2 of proverbial wood,) but over time I saw (& experienced) the wisdom in those words. And I learned to avoid meaningless & even potentially dangerous situations by not adding to the heated emotions, loud/angry words, & the like.

  • Let stuff go – let the stuff that COULD bug you or get under your skin be LIKE WATER OFF A DUCK’S BACK.. just let it roll off. This one comes from Proverbs 25:28, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into without walls.” Self-control is a virtue; & exercising it means I have a choice about how I respond to & with others.

I like words. I mean, I REALLY like words. Reading good ones. Receiving spoken, life giving encouragements. Sharing the same with others, with interest. They can convey one’s feelings, thoughts, & affections; they can help to purge your soul, like a good power wash to a filthy sidewalk.

They can also be a snare, a corrosive agent eating its way deep into your being. The words (& actions) of others, when laid a hold of & pondered, internalized, & analyzed ad nauseam can completely sidetrack, derail, & paralyze a person.

That’s how it was for me… if people could get under my skin, antagonize & provoke me enough, I HAD to respond… often in even greater measure. Young Me couldn’t understand HOW a person (let alone me) could be on the receiving end of such vitriol, & NOT say or do (or SAY & DO) something.

You can probably see the problem: I was in bondage to the words, actions, & hostilities of others. And when others know they can get a rise out of you every time, they’ll use it Indiscriminately. And it sucks.

It might have been at Virginia Lake, on Lakeside in old west Reno. The ‘lake’ has ducks & geese aplenty, & we would often go play at the park, walk around the lake, & yes, feed the ducks & geese our old crusty bread. (This was back in the Days, before we were told that we are not Supposed to feed ducks & geese bread. Those were simpler times, & any stomach distress or empty calories that Young Me may have caused or contributed to the ducks & geese was 100% unintentional.)

As we were feeding ducks, I believe that my dad & I were verbally processing through the conundrum: “How does one NOT respond in kind when provoked? When They push all the right (wrong?) buttons & it feels like there is No Choice but to respond/retaliate?” The response I got (as best as I recall,) went something like this:

“See the ducks? They glide through the water. They swim in & through it, & it doesn’t weigh them down, it doesn’t slow them down. It just rolls right off of them, & then they keep going. They can go under the fountain & get sprayed with jets of water… & the water just rolls right off their little backs. THAT is what you can do when it seems people are pushing your buttons. When they’re antagonizing you, attempting to get you to lash out, to respond in your frustration. You can be like a duck – just let ALL of that roll off your back. Quack.”

And for some reason, it stuck. I knew i could be like a duck. I didn’t have to respond to provocation. I could have self-control & not give others the power to direct me & my life.

Maybe its over-simplified. Sure there are other mental processes that have to be engaged to work through how, why, & when a response is necessary/not necessary. But the “water off a duck’s back” sure gave Young Me a great picture to use to DO those other processes. Maybe it’ll help you, too.

A thought on conflict & other musings on a Friday…

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This morning I was listening to one of the podcasts I try to catch weekly (The Ryen Russillo Podcast – its sports, entertainment, discussion on movies, & life advice.) Today’s episode featured a conversation with longtime NBA referee (& now Head of Referees) Monty McCutchen. Something McCutchen said about conflict really jumped out at me. Here’s my sum-up version (with apologies to Mr. McCutchen):

“I’ve been in this business for 30 years; I don’t try to avoid conflict, but rather to maximize the positive impact conflict can have on relationships. Think about it: if we’re both in the same field over a 30-year period of time, there will be countless opportunities where conflict can & will arise. It might be over a differing opinion over a call I make, it might be a personality clash, it could be anything. But  the fact that we BOTH are going to be interacting in each others lives for decades is enough reason to use conflict positively, as something that allows us to build & grow our relationship. Because our lives are about MORE than this conflict we’re having – if we both can keep that in mind, we can learn to embrace humility, recognize our own faults & challenges, & contend for lasting relationship. Because in the end, that’s what’s most important in life.”

I’ve been thinking about that statement all day… especially because in my experience, conflict is something that I don’t relish, let alone look forward to as a potential “growth opportunity.” (Honestly, most of the growth opportunities I seem to have encountered are as attractive as a novacaine-free root canal. But I digress…) This isn’t the first time I’ve encountered the “conflict leads to growth” idea, but it is the first time in a long time I’ve thought about it long enough to begin to grab ahold of & work on embracing it… again, not seeking conflict just to stir things up, but seeing conflict as an inevitability for people who have chosen to walk through life together. Maybe its in a workplace, family situation, or more pointedly for me & my life, in a church community.

Looking back, the greatest friends that I have in this life are people with which I’ve navigated significant conflict & come out the other side.

I’m going to be thinking on this some more…

In other news, I went to the doctor in January of this year for my annual checkup. As I just turned 50, I discovered that there are several recommended tests & procedures recommended for this man who is now of a certain age. Let’s just say there were lots of “discussions” about prostates, colons, & other fun & (exciting!) procedures that need to be undertaken as a part of the new “50 year old’s health & wellness journey.” I left the office that day not necessarily looking forward to what was in front of me.

Fast forward 6 months – I received an email with a reminder that I need to get a colonoscopy scheduled & performed as soon as possible. In the midst of the pandemic & other craziness of 2020, it had completely skipped my mind. Until yesterday. Oh joy.

I called & left a message & then received a return call a few short minutes later. The P.A. on the other end of the call started off the conversation saying, “So, I hear that you are wanting to schedule a colonoscopy…” Now, words MEAN things to me; I can’t say, “Yeah, I want to schedule this…” as – I HAVE NOT & DO NOT want to have this procedure, but my primary care doctor strongly recommended this for me. So I relayed this to the nice lady: “Want to schedule? No. Need to schedule at my Doc’s request? Yes.”

And she laughed.

Sweet iced tea is too sweet for me. But I love to  put a packet of Splenda in my Pure Leaf Unsweetened Black Tea. Go figure.

After an 18 month writing/blogging hiatus, I feel like I am beginning to get back in the swing of things. I missed this.

I’m back… or, how I finally found the internet in Prum, Germany

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I’ve not been able to connect to the net for a while, so if you’ve been sending me emails or notes that haven’t been returned, I’m sorry. Please bear with me – today, 10 November, Shawn & I found the “Lothar Raum” which is where we are connecting to the net via an ethernet cable. Also, this is a long post – you’ve been warned.

Sunday, 8 November
Woke up early to have breakfast with Alex & Linda – a good German breakfast of bread, nutella, yogurt & mueslix… & coffee of course. I appreciate these people who have opened up their home & life to me, inviting me in to be a part of what they do.

Alex dropped me at TPLF at 10, & I spent time reconnecting with friends & mentally preparing for the Sunday speech. Worshipping with our sister church is a lot like being at home, with a pleasant comfort that comes from revisiting something familiar, something that you’ve been missing. It was especially fun to see Dudi on the keyboards ☺.

I spoke on John 15:1-11 – on Staying Connected, with 3 specific points about connection:

  • connecting to God,
  • connecting to our church & church leaders
  • connecting to the people in our church family.

    Speaking through an interpreter is mentally draining – esp. because it requires thinking in complete thoughts vs. in ‘sentences’ if that makes sense. I hit a tangible ‘wall’ in point #2 about connecting to church & church leaders – because of the German reticence to ‘trust’ those in leadership due to both the history of domineering leadership in Germany (WW2) & also the loss/removal of TPLF’s senior pastor 18 months ago. It was tough, but I know I did what I was supposed to & said what I needed to. And left the rest up to the Holy Spirit & the grace of God. Sigh.

    After church, I ate a döner with Shawn & Matty, then waited for Eddy to come pick us up to take us to the Pastors conference that I’ve been a part of for the last 4 years – really enjoyed the talking & laughing with the boys on the long (3 hour) drive to Prüm, on the western border of Germany near France & Luxemborg.

    Our evening at the conference was one of getting oriented to the youth hostel where we’re staying, & a service consisting of praise & worship. Afterwards, we spent time with the German pastors & talked at length about the life & times of the last year. I met a pastor from Kazachstan who was visiting Germany & the German conference to see how the FEGW (Foursquare Germany) functioned as a church movement. As I stood their & listened to amazing story after amazing story, it reminded me both of how incredible our God is, & how small I am.

    FEGW Conference, Day 2
    Peter Wenz, a pastor from Stuttgart is the presenter. The thing that jumped out at me is that he is very animated & full of life & a tangible joy. The topic for the week is “FAITH” – & learning to live ‘correctly’ – which he defined as being filled with the Word of God, filled with hope, & lead by the Spirit into a life that is greater than me, for a purpose that God intends. Our main texts for the session were Habakkuk 2:14 & Hebrews 11:6

    I love how he defined & discussed faith –
    • not as something nebulous or intangible, but as something that is a secret, Godly substance placed in the hearts of His people; this secret substance gives us Godly confidence & boldness, special hope, discernment, & supernatural abilities to accomplish God’s purposes.
    • Faith is a gift from God to stir us, to awaken us to be looking for opportunities to live for God & to intersect the lives of others for God.
    • Faith opens us to God’s realm, the really real realm, to live life in a way that is ‘overcoming’ (Romans 8:39)
    • Faith is real & integrated into our everyday life, & as we act on it causes truth to become ‘real & evident’ in our hearts & lives
    • Faith is real & tangible, & causes ordinary people to really live extraordinary lives.

    Session 2 addressed Mark 1:14,15 & the ministry of Jesus – he talked about Jesus’ 4 declarations:
    • The time is come
    • The Kingdom of God is at hand
    • It is time to Repent – to renew our minds & way of thinking to God’s
    • Believe – in Christ, & follow Him

    Things that stood out:
    • The main obstacle to faith is unbelief – a humanist intellectualism that opposes the purposes & plans of God
    • This unbelief is often centered in the religious upper-class of society
    • We ask God to increase our faith, & then we ‘stand’ in & exercise the faith that we have – not the letter of it, but the Spirit of it.

    Good stuff – lots of great testimonies & encouragements.

    Shawn, Matt & I ate lunch together, then walked to a store down the street for supplies (snacks & water.) The highlight of our walk was when Matt tried to engage the cashier in small talk with a little, “How you doin?” She just looked at him blankly – didn’t speak any English. Shawn translated for Matt, & the clerk, once she understood, just looked at Matt & said, “Bad. Bad.” We all got some good smiles from that. Went to an Austrian restaurant for a schnitzel, a hefe, & lots of good discussion then went back to the hostel for the evening.

    We’re learning all kinds of stuff about each other. Good times.

    FEGW Conference, Day 3
    I woke up at 1 a.m. to a dull ache in my right shoulder, waaaay down deep in the joint. It kept me up until about 4. Bummer way to start the day.

    Our final sessions with Peter Wenz centered on Ephesians 4:7-13 – which is a portion of scripture that is especially significant for me (on account of the fact that we spent more than 3 months in those verses last year at this time – he focused on the words “measure of grace,” something given by God for people to live & function in – & that the “some people” who’ve been given the role of being a pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, or apostle are to be about the work of making disciples, spurring others on towards maturity in Christ.

    I especially enjoyed his discussion on how the body of Christ is to be “complementing” each other instead of “competing” with each other – with complementing being “to harmonize, go together better;” truly functioning like a body functions towards the same goal, not 100 unique ones.

    The boys & I are debating what we’ll do this afternoon during the ‘small group’ time – everyone else will be getting with the other pastors & leaders from their region & working on a project. We may be making another run to the store for snacks & supplies; Shawn found a “Sculpture Park” that we might be walking to, though the chill of our day, coupled with the ache in my shoulder makes a longer jaunt seem much less attractive… We will see.

    • The Fantastic Journey!… or how I managed to travel for 24 hours straight…

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    I’ve known that my November 2009 trip to Germany was coming – months ago, when I booked my flights, I intentionally did 3 things to avoid known trouble spots:

  • Avoided any flight with the words “San” or “Francisco” included in it.
  • Put “I Heart Denver” in all my itinerary searches
  • Determined not to start my outbound voyage before 10 a.m.

    Lucky me, the first 2 things I did worked great – the 3rd? Not so much. Due to an Unforeseen Need To Cutback on the Number of Flights, my Reno-Denver leg was moved 3 times. So, I got to start my day at 5 a.m. so that I could make sure to get to the airport to make my 7:20 with time to spare. Sigh.

    Denver is a great airport; lots of great places to eat, spacious & clean concourses to walk (w/hand sanitizer every 10 steps,) & this time, friends to hang out with. Matty C & Earl W were both on board for the 1st leg of the trip – we hung out at the New Belgium Hub, ate omelettes & egg burritos, sampled the 1554 Black, & talked.

    A good time was had by all… a good time that was split up only by the next flight for me – Matty & Earl had somehow finagled a direct flight to Frankfurt out of Denver, albeit with a 7 hour layover in the aforementioned Denver Airport. At least it was a good one.

    Said my goodbyes & headed for Chicago – even landed there early due to a great tailwind. Only 90 minutes & I was to be off to Deutschland. Or so I thought.

    Literally as we were lining up for boarding, word came down from On High that there was an Un-named mechanical issue that needed to be resolved – the screen began flashing a modified departure time… 45 minutes further out. Ok.

    As our scheduled boarding time arrived, the voice from On High declared that our aircraft had been sent to the proverbial bullpen – & needed more repairs than could be gotten on the tarmac. The good news (& I use that phrase with my tongue firmly placed in my cheek, which caused me to bite it,) was that a replacement plane had been found to take us to the Fatherland… though it was only a mere 3 hours away. Which meant that our departure time would be just a little bit later than we’d initially thought…

    So, what to do? Get a bad attitude? Complain? Go flex my proverbial muscles for all the desk-counter personnel & ask them if they happened to know who I am? No. All of those jobs were already taken, with understudies even.

    The job that wasn’t taken was the one of the happy, content guy reading his book, who was also pleasant to be around, & occasionally even engaged in conversation with the people around him. So I took it.

    Not because I felt like that guy – precisely because I DIDN’T feel it. I was uncomfortable, grouchy, tired, hungry, frustrated, missing out on Game 6 of the Series, missing theBean & theFam something terrible already… I’ve been trying to grow in not just living by my feelings or by the attitude/outlook that tries to muscle its way to the surface… instead I tried to put on Christ. Keep a good attitude. Not focus on me & my disappointments.

    And I made it.

    Slept for 7 out of 8 1/2 hours of my flight. Woke up rested. Flight landed. Eventually made my way through passport control, baggage claim, & customs… found Alex G. Matty C & Earl W were located. Navigated the city (with a temperamental GPS to boot) & eventually got everyone where they needed to be for round 2…

    Ate the Hot & Spicy Pasta that Chef Alex made, with the 337 that theBean sent for Linda… enjoyed a Via together. Went for a walk through the park & the streets around Alex & Linda’s new neighborhood. Relaxing.

    Had a brief chat with theBean before she went to work. Ahhh.

    I’m looking forward to the rest of my time – starting with a good nights sleep. Good night now.

    • 40 going on 21, part 1

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    I’ve been ruminating on a series of conversations that I had with my buddy, Chuck, while I was at CSR this last August.

    The conversations were brought on by the fact that my 40th birthday was coming soon – & how much I was looking forward to that event & the stage of life that would come with it. (And, by the way, I’m 40 days into my 40th year, & so far, I’m loving the fact that I’m a man! I’m 40!)

    A lot of our talks centered on the infatuation our society seems to have with YOUTH & being YOUNG… & the seeming inability to accept the fact that people age… & aging is seen as a bad thing, something to be ashamed of, avoided, &/or denied.

    Bummer.

    Part of what really drove it home for me was that a lot of my ‘thinking time’ happened on & near the Virginia Tech University campus – there were literally thousands of 18-25 year olds all over the place just arriving in Blacksburg for the start of the fall semester… In Walmart. Starbucks. Borders. The campus bookstore. Swarms of people. Checking each other out, visually measuring self against others, masking anxiety with volume… The pretty young things got the most attention & savored it.

    In the midst of it, I felt strangely secure. Comfortable in my own skin. I pondered Chuck’s words, & thought about what he’d said about the privileges & things gained as one ages…

    …experience & wisdom to be shared. Perspective at having seen seasons of life, fad, & fashion come & go & come back again. The weight the words carry of one who has not only lived, but has lived well, without striving, through the tides, peaks, & valleys that life brings. The joy of watching one’s children grow. Peace at being able to simply enjoy the moment.

    The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old. Proverbs 20:29 New Living Translation

    Being 40 is great. I’m lovin’ it.

    Things I’m thinking about:

  • Associating ‘young’ & ‘youth’ with childish, irresponsible, immoral behavior
  • Peter Pan syndrome…
  • valuing people by their outward appearance…
  • living selfishly, without regard for others
  • attempting to avoid the responsibility that comes with the making of choices – & the consequences (outcomes?) of those choices
  • the inevitability of aging… something that no amount of cosmetic surgery, hair dye, or botox can avoid.
  • my dream…

    Hmmm.

    • tuesday & it’s pretending to snow…

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    Woke up last night to a howling wind, accompanied by the sound of rain & hail being slammed up against our windows. Ah yes. It is nearly Winter. Or at least its pretending.

    Went to theWeez’s soccer banquet tonight – held at Pizza Plus, which IS a plus. Got to eat pizza & wings & watch 15 or so 12-14 year old girls do whatever it is that 12-14 year old girls do.

    75 minutes, lots of giggling & a 3 minute awards ceremony later, we were on our way out.

    It was snowing. Or at least pretending to snow. You know what I mean, the kind of snow that you can actually see falling to the ground, but once its actually there, it sort of disappears. Which is why I say it’s ‘pretending.’

    I’ve started my packing process – the week-long saga I go through in preparing for my November trip to Germany. Laying out clothes I might want to take, making sure they’re all washed & pressed; then, laying out clothes that I’ll wear in the days leading up to departure day. Silly, I know. But the 2 piles can’t be mixed.

    Determined more than ever not to over pack, & also to leave adequate room for my gifts & take-alongs.

    Got a great present today – about 40 3-packs of the Starbuck’s Via instant coffee… just add hot water & booyah! Coffee, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof. I’m taking it with, just in case I meet some hot water…

    I like to hulu, – esp. because it makes it so I can watch Fringe. It reminds me a bit of The X-Files… Fringe is something I normally couldn’t watch, because it’s on the same time as The Office, which totally trumps Fringe, at least in theBean’s eyes. (Which, by the way, are some pretty deep blue eyes… so deep, I got lost… but I digress…)

    Week 3 of the kettlebells – holy moly. That’s all I have to say. Arms, legs, chest, core…

    Which reminds me that I need to soak-a my feet. I’m tired.

    Here’s to “No Snow!” tomorrow.

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    thursday night…

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    One of the by-products of the killer kettlebell workout from yesterday, which was also accompanied by a couple miles of extra running up & down Disc Drive, is that I am sore. Really sore. Wake-yourself-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-rolling-over sore. Sigh.

    As the ALCS plays out in front of me, I’m realizing that this is officially the least amount of baseball I have ever watched, over the season, on TV. The plus side is that having the Aces in town meant that I got to see more games in person.

    Re-discovered an early 80’s movie The Philadelphia Experiment. Last saw it as a high school sophomore. Took me back in time.

    Which reminds me: that may be why I love to watch old movies (old to me mostly means 40’s, 50’s & 60’s) – watching them takes me back to the 1st time that I saw them. Almost like time travel… except safer. And without a DeLorean.

    Socks have become increasingly important to me.

    Fresca. Get it.

    Great talks with EdieVegas yesterday. He’s in grad school studying a developing branch of Historical-ness. Love that guy. He’s living one of my dreams – pursuing a graduate degree in History. Heavy sigh.

    Is there anything that you CAN’T put Tea Tree Oil on?

    A nap is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself. Good news: I’m a giver! Perhaps tomorrow I shall nap. We shall see. We shall see.

    Good night now!

    Wednesday was a funny day…

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    I found a new gym. Or should I say, it found me. Its only .9 miles from my home, & my whole family can gymnasium (I totally verbed a noun) for less than $30/month. Haven’t left my old gym officially, but I’m not going anymore, because my new gym has NEW equipment. Functional treadmills. Nice barbells. And kettlebells. They had me at kettlebells.

    Worked out today. Happened to put my car/house/every-important-thing-that-requires-a-key-in-life-key chain in a locker. Forgot my own lock, but that’s ok, right? Came back to pick up my keys to find… someone had put a lock on the locker. Sigh.

    I went around to every male in the gym (thank you Jesus that there is a Men’s locker room, because it totally limited my search) asking, “So, did you happen to put a lock on locker #37? Cause my keys are in there, man.” Everyone said, “No.” It was awkward, especially with the BIG men, the guys that have a Routine, guys listening to their iPods, guys like Sal who seem like they’d rather break me into several pieces as soon as look at me…

    So I called mytheBean. She brought me keys to my car so I could take care of some of the errands I needed to run. I rationalized, “I will come back in 2 hours & the lock will be off #37 & my silliness at not putting my own lock on will be but a distant memory…”

    I had planned on driving the Ex down to the gym to pick up my keys. Turns out, everyone left me at home WITHOUT keys to the Ex. So…

    TheWeez & I walked the .9 miles down to the gym & I expected that my keys would be at the front desk by this time. Not so. The lock was still on #37. I was able to convince the manager that the best course of action was to CUT the lock on #37, & let me get my keys. Then, I would buy a new lock at the Home Depot & bring it back. A small price to pay for my… forgetfulness.

    Got my keys. Ran the .9 miles uphill home, while theWeez waited at theBean’s work. Got the Ex. Drove to pick up theWeez. Went to the Home Depot. Tried to find a lock that resembled the 1 that was cut for me. No dice. Looked for 1 that I would want, & found 1 for only $6.34 (tax included.)

    Went back to the gym to drop off the lock. Girl at the front desk was amazed at the quality of the lock I chose. Go figure.

    Turns out the guy that had put the lock on #37 had been in the gym the whole time, (4 hours bro?) & had said, “NO!” when asked if he had put a lock on #37, but had obviously been simply trying to avoid the responsibility of locking a space that had held my keys… go figure.

    Drove home with theWeez. Weary. 3 hours & counting of my life, poured out in the pursuit of right. Gonna watch a moving picture with my girl – Shanghai Noon? That’ll work…