CA: Days #9 & #10

Posted on August 10, 2024 by scoeyd

Planes – Trains – & Automobiles… DISCLAIMER: I have lost track of days/time/hours etc. I had to confirm (2x) that it is, actually, Saturday afternoon at 5:30 p.m. as I write this.

AUTOMOBILES: It seems more like 4 or 5 days since we said tearful goodbyes to our hosts & our CA team members sometime around 12:30 a.m. early Friday to make the 45 or so minute trek in our trusty & oh special Toyota Siena van to head to the airport. Each trip in the van with our local drivers was an experience that brought you closer to Jesus… usually in frantic prayer for protection as the drivers whipped in & out of traffic like wanna-be Formula One drivers, going from 0 to whatever the top acceleration speed is of an early 2000’s Siena that has been driven hard for > a decade & a half. Imagine driving down Mt. Rose Hwy in heavy traffic… with Mario Andretti as your driver… a Mario Andretti who believes all his loved ones will die unless he passes EVERY, SINGLE, CAR in front of him… in the next 45 minutes.

PLANES… Made it to the airport with about 3 hours before our flight, meaning we needed to wait to check in, as Lufthansa only opens check in about 2 hours (max) before flight time in this part of CA. Grabbed a flat-white from a storefront & shared a few moments of conversation with the team-members that traveled with us to the airport this morning. Shared time/space/experience gives a great recipe for building relationships; our time together over the last 9 or so days has really bound us together.

Eventually the time came for check-in; got through with no issues & navigated the security line without incident. TheBean & I decided to walk the terminal & discovered it was super-small… kinda had a John Wayne/OC airport feel, so it only took about 15 to circle our whole concourse. Made it to our gate & sat & talked with Teresa, an Aussie now based in SF at a 4square church there, the lone team member traveling on the same flight as us. We talked & I crushed a coldish Coke Zero.

The time for boarding came… & passed. Everyone headed out on this flight gathered around the gate opening in a way that would have made most gate attendants apoplectic; ours seemed to think this was normal & they went about their business checking their paperwork & who knows what else until all of the sudden, out of nowhere, surrounded by increasingly agitated people waiting for the flight, she started scanning boarding documents. No rhyme or reason; just first-come, first-served. TheBean & I made it to our seats & found that we were in a 2 seat row of our own in Economy – no middle seat for us.

Flight was about 30 minutes late taking off, but we made good time to the first stop, then had a record speed reload with passengers headed to our destination for the day: Frankfurt. It was about 7 1/2 uneventful hours in the air – a daytime-ish flight, not really conducive for sleeping, so I watched a couple of movies, read my books, & ate selections of whatever foods that were brought to us… including a sample of the very worst sandwich in the history of sandwiches… a fact that has been confirmed by theBean, a normally positive woman who, I discovered after 36 years together, is capable of incredible negativity when it comes to disappointment associated with food, unmet expectations, & esp. those sandwiches.

NOTE: we’ve been sitting so much (flights, meetings, services,) over the last 9 days that, after this flight, my tailbone & seat feel like they are severely bruised. Coming to a standing position & then sitting back down has been excruciating. It got better through the day (walking helped) but still is a pain in the rear.

BUSES… Landed in Frankfurt around 11;45 a.m. local time (3 hours earlier than where we were in CA,) & grabbed our luggage & eventually made our way towards where we thought the buses might be located. NOTE: Because of construction, our normal & easy routine of ‘get on a train at the airport & head towards Baden-Baden’ was instead a “find the replacement bus station, which is different from the regular bus station, get on the correct replacement bus which will take you an hour down the road to the Mannheim Main Train station at which point you’ll then get on a train & continue to your destination.’

And we couldn’t find it.

I was hangry & had not slept in > 24 hours, so my hangry was at DEFCON 2; I was alert enough to recognize it, but not alert nor coherent enough to fully contain it. An impromptu stop at McDonald’s helped (yay Double Cheese Double meat Royale,) but we were still stymied on how to get to the “Replacement Bus” station. Doesn’t help that the FRAPORT is as big as the entire city of Fernley.

In our impaired states, we finally navigated to a DB travel center & found a very direct & very pointy German who gave us directions to the Replacement Bus center. Instructions that, point of order, didn’t fully make sense at the time, but after getting a clarifying couple of pieces of input from a very helpful airport worker, we were able to understand & apply. Navigated all the way down to where our Replacement Bus stop was, & discovered it was directly outside a Starbucks. Since we had a good 90 minutes to kill, we grabbed some iced drinks & sat in comfy chairs in blessed cool silence.

TheBean & I got on our bus – it was not a ‘normal’ bus, but more like a deluxe charter bus, with A/C & a WC in the back. TheBean slept for the hour it took to get to Mannheim; I read & tried to stay awake… feeling like if I slept I’d not be able to wake up fully.

TRAINS…

The Replacement Bus stop was about 1/4 mile from the Main Station, so we dragged our bags through the streets of Mannheim along with the other passengers. Found our track & had another Coke Zero while trying to determine where we needed to stand on the long concrete spit that made up the train station & loading area. (Gotta get on the right wagon…)

A little helper gave us the direction we needed & we made it onto our correct wagon & found our seats. (Close to them at least. They were taken, but the ones next to them weren’t. A different Louie might have asked for MY seat, the one I was assigned by the Man. This Louie, hangry tired Burnt Toasty Louie just thought about it while taking identical & available seats right across from the ones we’d been assigned.

It was a quick trip & < half hour until we had to hustle off our train at Track 2 & drag-run our bags to Track 12, all in the space of 5 minutes. And we made it.

But…

There was no space for me to sit, nor to put the bags. So I stood off to the side of the exit on the train, along with a few close strangers, & sweated profusely while waiting til the 75 minutes & several stops were done & we would arrive in Achern to see our Julia.

AUTOMOBILES #2…

We made it to Achern & I shuffled off the train, literally dripping w/sweat, trying not to look miserable – because I wasn’t. Just sweaty. At this point, I was almost past feeling anything. Just wanted to get to Julia’s.

She & her mama, Pia, were at the station & helped us wheel our bags through the small-town station in Achern. We loaded our bags into their cars & drove the short 10 or so minutes to Julia’s flat. She lives on the 3rd floor, so we dragged our stuff upstairs & got settled & showered.

Julia, Pia, & TheBean made tacos & then we sat around the table & ate & laughed & enjoyed catching up. We talk on a pretty regular basis with Julia via Marco Polo, we our catching up curve isn’t too great. Tacos were on point.

Cleaned up from dinner & hung out, trying desperately to stay up as late as possible before going to sleep so as to get on the local time… we made it to 8:20 pm & dragged ourselves into bed & promptly crashed.

Woke up around 8 a.m. & had coffee & read. Ended up going back to bed around 10 a.m. & sleeping for another couple of hours. Woke up around 12:30 p.m. & theBean & Julia made brunch – brown bread, eggs, cheese, salami, etc, & ate to our hearts content. TheBean made our grocery list & brushed up on my teaching notes for Church tomorrow at Die Arche Ottersweier; – aka “The Arc of Ottersweier.”

We went with Julia to the store; spent about 45 minutes shopping (I love shopping in German grocery stores) & came back to her flat & put away the groceries.

And then I sat down to blog. So there we are.

Thank you for your prayers. Thankful for food. Good sleep. Time with chosen family. Gracious wife. That hangry doesn’t last forever. And fans that blow a steady stream of air over you.

Delivered from bondage – Psalm 107

Posted on July 17, 2024 by scoeyd

Today’s Psalms reading includes Psalm 107. I was especially captivated (no pun intended) by the following verses:

He brought them OUT of darkness & the shadow of death & burst their bonds apart; let them THANK the Lord for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man! For He SHATTERS the doors of bronze & CUTS in two the bars of iron. Psalm 107:14-16 – NIV

The Psalmist describes the incredible deliverance brought about by the Lord, the God who delivers His people from hopeless & impossible situations. God enters into the darkness & rescues His people, bringing them from dark to light, while completely destroying the bonds that held them stuck. His motivation for doing so is not nefarious or self-serving; it is due to His steadfast love & care for His people. The inescapable prison of bronze doors & iron bars are shattered & cut through by the power of God. The result? Deliverance. Freedom. Great joy. Thankfulness. Hope.

I spent about 15 minutes just pondering the ramifications of this Psalm: the significance of a God who saves; delivers; rescues; does the impossible, even to destroying the most impregnable & hopeless prisons the enemy could throw at us.

I imagined myself in bondage, broken down over time to not even consider that there could be a different way to live. My existence is futile & I hope for nothing because I am powerless to affect any change in my circumstances; if I could have gotten myself out of the mess, I’d have done it already. My efforts to free myself only made things worse.

But the Lord God…

That’s our hope. The mighty hand & outstretched arm of the Lord God. The One who does the impossible. The One who conquered death, the grave, & Hell. The One who brings us out of the Darkness through His mighty power. The One who breaks the bonds that have held us fast for who knows how long. The One who crushes the doors & bars of our prison cells with a word.

That’s why no matter how stuck we are, no matter how hopeless our situations seem, no matter how dark our days have become… there is still One we can turn to & know that He will not only HEAR us, He will ANSWER us.

Several times today – much more than a ‘normal day,’ I’ve heard of situations that people are facing that make me shudder. Situations that are terrible & hopeless & dark & complicated & impossible….

And yet, they’re really not. Because of the Lord God, the God who HEARS & the God who ANSWERS.

And when He sets us free, we are TRULY free.

“…Let us thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to us!”

Weighed down by the ‘SHOULDS’ vs. rest for your souls…

Posted on October 9, 2023 by scoeyd

The SHOULDS can crush us.

They feel tangible & nebulous at the same time… bouncing around in our heads & our hearts, somehow finding ways to minimize, mock, & deride our efforts as insignificant, inadequate, & feeble.

The SHOULDS are joy stealers.

They show up as we take baby steps to begin something new. As we stretch & try our best to grow, to learn, to embrace new life-patterns & life-habits. They show up as we change our eating patterns or as we launch into a Bible reading, prayer, & journal practice for ourselves (for the twenty-third time). They show up in the face of our small victories as they attempt to rob us of the satisfaction & encouragement of making ANY progress.

No matter what we have done or accomplished, the SHOULDS cry out for more.

And the SHOULDS are never satisfied.

I believe this is especially true in our relationship with God. Here’s what I mean:

In the Gospel of Matthew, I see two contrasting pictures, two “ways & means” of life that we have in front of us.

In the first, Jesus tells how the religious leaders of His day (& ours?) “tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, & lay them on peoples’ shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger.’ (Matthew 23:4).Those burdens, those SHOULDS, weigh heavily on people, tiring them out, wearing them down, stealing every ounce of forward progress, every potential bit of joy, freedom, & LIFE, turning our focus from the good towards the empty hopelessness that will never be satisfied, because there are always more SHOULDS lurking.

In the second, Jesus addresses ALL of those people who are weighed down, who are carrying the heavy burdens. Those who are so bone-weary & worn down they haven’t looked up in who knows how long? He says, “Come to Me, ALL who are weary & burdened, & I will give you REST. Take My yoke (teachings, practices, way of life) upon you & learn from Me, for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you WILL find REST for your souls. For My yoke (teachings, practices, way of life) is easy & My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30).

My encouragement to you? Take a look at the list of SHOULDS that presents itself to you & ask Jesus: “Are these from You? ANY of them? Do these give me LIFE? Does listening to/attempting to do these SHOULDS bring any FREEDOM? Am I experiencing something that could be described as ‘rest for my soul?’

And if/when the answer to those questions is “NO,” reject those SHOULDS & go to Jesus. Ask Him about His teachings, practices, way of life, about what it looks like to walk with Him.

I pray you will experience the rest He promises, deep in your soul, down to the very marrow of your bones. I pray that you will receive a joy & a peace beyond description, not dependent upon circumstances or situations.

Be at rest. Be at peace.

Blessings to you today.

On the way…

Posted on September 4, 2023 by scoeyd

A big chunk of life happens “on the way.” Our on the way time could be when we’re driving to/from work. Walking our neighborhood or heading to our next appointment. Waiting in line while getting a coffee. I believe much of our on the way time flies under our radar because our focus/our thoughts are on something else. Stuff like:

What’s next. Where we’re headed. What we’ll do when we’re done with work. Our destination. What has to be done at the destination. Our ‘to-do’ lists. Afternoon snacks.

I find that my on the way time is often “multi-tasking” time where I pop in my earbuds to listen to the audio book I want to read, or the podcast I’ve been meaning to catch up on, or zoning out to a favorite playlist. It can be a great way to get stuff done, but with these on the way time fillers, I don’t often take time to sit in silence & think or observe closely what’s going on around me.

You get it.

I was thinking on that this afternoon while I was sitting in the sauna… not much to do in the sauna except for sweat & drink my LMNT-filled Nalgene bottle while waiting for the timer to wind down to zero. One of the things that came up for me was something I read in Acts 3 .

Peter & John were on the way to their church for the 3 p.m. prayers & ended up having a conversation with a guy who had been lame from birth, that turned into a Holy Spirit inspired healing & life transformation, that turned into a “What’s going on here?” moment that caused a couple of thousand people to have an encounter with Jesus Christ.

Really cool stuff. And it made me think, & it made me wonder about my own usage of my on the way time.

Ultimately, the nudge I’m following here is to write out my desire to be more alert, aware, intentional, & present while I’m on the way. To take stock of where I am; to purposely build a little time into my schedule for on-purpose Holy Spirit interruptions to my day; to not immediately pop the ear buds in as soon as I sit in the drivers seat… or head into some other version of being on the way.

We’ll see what happens…

Starting Over…

Posted on August 8, 2023 by scoeyd

I’m starting over. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go back to ‘the beginning,‘ returning to school, or that I’m going someplace else. It means I’m choosing today to start (begin again) doing the things that I want to do; one of those “starting over” activities is writing. And I’m starting with blogging here.

Over the last few years, I haven’t done much writing. It’s been something that’s been on a back burner in my priorities of things to do… & somewhere along the line that burner got turned off. In retrospect, I think most of my ‘writing’ energy has been used for doing what started out as “stay in touch with our church community during the pandemic videos,” (HERE) & has morphed into doing a couple of short (usually > 3 minutes) weekly teaching-type videos for our church’s FB & IG, & also an occasional reel on my own IG.

And then at our denomination’s annual pastor’s conventions, one of the speakers (Joe Wittwer) spoke from John 3 (Jesus & Nicodemus) on the topic of repentance/beginning again/starting over. Immediately, WRITING came to mind as something I’d love to ‘start over’ with… its been something I love to do & at the same time, the longer I’ve not written or blogged, the harder its gotten to resume. As though to do so would require a complete life re-orientation where I’d be moving forward carrying the weight of so many days/weeks/months/years of NOT writing that somehow it seemed (almost) insurmountable.

But what Joe talked about DIDN’T have that baggage. I could just start over. Tomorrow. Or today. And begin (re-begin) writing, because I WANT to write. And therefore, I can. Will. Am. Writing. My past writing-less-ness (made that one up) doesn’t dictate my future of writing.

And this ‘start over’ thing doesn’t just apply to writing or to me… you can do it too. Take a look at your life: WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? START OVER DOING/NOT DOING? Take a look at you, holistically: what would you change…

PHYSICALLY – how are you stewarding your physical body & caring for yourself?
EMOTIONALLY – what are you doing to replenish your soul? to have fun? to live congruently & in touch with your emotions?
SOCIALLY – who are your friends? the real ones, not just the ones on the social media platforms… who do you call/connect with to celebrate something great or to mourn something terrible?
MENTAL – when was the last time you invested in your brain? intentionally tried to learn something new? Youtube can be a GREAT resource for discovery (not just a bottomless hole of wasted time,) & there are a ton of podcasts out there to pique your interests & stretch your brain… it doesn’t even have to be USEFUL or gainful information. Keep learning.
PERSONAL – how are you growing your character? Are you known as a person of integrity? What can you do to invest in being the kind of person you (& others) can rely on?
SPIRITUAL – how/in what ways are you intentionally growing in your love for Jesus? I’m not trying to weigh you down with a list of ‘to-dos’ to somehow mark off a spiritual accomplishments list; I’m talking about taking time to connect with the One who not only created the universe, but put you together – body, soul, mind, spirit – on purpose. How will you feed your spiritual person & grow with Jesus?
SEXUAL – where do your sexual energy/thoughts/etc. go? If you’re single – how are you processing & acknowledging this vital (but not the most significant/powerful/important) part of who you are? If you’re married – how are you investing yourself & this area of your life in pursuing your spouse, body/soul/mind/spirit

I’m hoping there’s something in this that encourages you to start over. To start new. To pick something back up. To put something down. To not be stuck in inactivity or paralyzed with the weight of years of pressure/unfulfilled hopes & dreams.

My plan to write here a couple times a week. Maybe it’ll be current events. Commentary/thoughts from my Bible reading. Silly stories. Deep thoughts. Not sure yet. But I WILL be writing.

Start over. Start today.

Thanks to Pastor Joe Wittwer for the message from the Foursquare Connection in Anaheim on 5/30/2023. Greatly appreciate the nudge, Sir.

Two dates…

Posted on June 17, 2016 by scoeyd

Two dates. Eventually, all of us will experience them. The first is the day we’re born. The second is the day we’ll die. Two dates.

My brother Johnny’s two dates are January 22, 1973 & June 17, 1990 – today is the anniversary of his heaven-going. (NOTE: I wrote a bit about Johnny earlier this year in a blog called have faith.)

I’ve been thinking about that quite a bit about those two dates lately. Part of it has to do with the intensive that theBean & I went through last week at HOTH. In our time there, we experienced mentoring, coaching, counseling, & therapy (if it is possible to separate the counseling & therapy. I did in my mind because, to me, there were very distinct difference between the 2. I’ll have to ask my Buddy the Therapist how he differentiates the 2. Or if he does. But I digress.)

One of the things that came out in our sessions is that, based upon negative/bad experiences (things I did/things done to me/things that happened to others,) we formulate ideas, thoughts, & beliefs that are honest (truly what we think, feel, & believe,) but that aren’t based on truth (a.k.a. what God says, what He declares is true of me & my identity.) These beliefs can & do shape our attitudes, thoughts, & behaviors, often in very negative & painful ways. One of those that has once again emerged, (& that I have been fortunate to have people wrestle through with me over the years,) is the belief that I am inadequate, insufficient, & wholly lacking in the areas I need for life, for relationships, for my ‘job.’ This belief does not have a strong hold on my life — due in large part to the many hours of theophostic prayer with Dennis & Georgia, hours of counseling & talks with Chuck, God’s boundless goodness & grace in revealing to me, through His word, through our ‘talks’ what He thinks of me, & finally through dear friendships full of good words & forgiveness.

Still, during the intensive – as I tracked negative experiences on yellow post-it notes (I will forever associate negative feelings with yellow post-its… so say we all) – I saw this consistent theme of inadequacy & insufficiency surface repeatedly… it got to the point that, as I looked at my years from a birds-eye view, I saw the thread linking them together, a diabolical, dehumanizing thread meant to put me into a shell, consumed with self-doubt & loathing, bound by fear, too timid to DO anything for fear of being discovered for what I was. Not enough.

I saw that thread & it pissed me off. Made me angry at the time I spent dwelling on those negative thoughts. Angry at the damage done TO me & BY me as a result of those beliefs. But most of all, angry at the enemy of my soul, enemy of OUR souls, the one who strikes at us, who looks to keep us from the saving grace of God through Christ if he can, & if he can’t, he’s the one who looks to steal from us, kill us off slowly, & methodically destroy every area of our lives.

For years, I felt like somehow I’d failed my brother… that, as crazy as it sounds, I should have been able to do something to keep him from dying. And that if I couldn’t keep him from dying, I should have spent more time with him, especially in his last year of life. (The SHOULD HAVES are a crushing weight… over time I have come to believe that when I feel a should have fall on my shoulders like a ton of blame & shame, its origin is usually coming from the enemy who’s trying, ever trying, to condemn, accuse, lying, & shame. So I verbally tell the should haves to go to hell. In Jesus Name.)

I know why I feel responsible for Johnny, (not to mention Joel & Ben;) its because I’m the oldest. The firstborn. I took on the responsibility when I was 4, & somewhere in there a parental encouragement of “Watch over your brothers while I go to the store,” became something never intended: You, Louie, are the one who is responsible to make sure that nothing bad happens to your brothers. And if it does, its because you somehow failed. Or you were inadequate. Or you should have done something better. Or different. Or both.

See what I mean about a crushing weight?

When my parents brought Johnny home from UCSF, I was unaware that he was coming home to die, & would die soon, apart from a miracle healing from God. How was I unaware? Well, if you work hard, don’t ask questions, & pretend that life is really normal & nothing bad is happening, & your brother is in San Francisco for treatment but he’s really getting better, & then he’ll come home & life will resume, it’s really pretty easy.

Until I saw him. He was laying in his hospital bed, downstairs at my parents house. His abdomen was distended, & I didn’t know why. So I asked. And he told me, “It’s my liver.” And then I knew. I noticed the yellowish tint to his eyes, his skin. The general overall weakness of his countenance. How much weight he had lost. And then I knew.

And the previous 12 months of denial reproached me like a slap to the face. I had avoided the reality of the situation because it hurt to much to acknowledge it.

I wish I’d spent more time talking with Johnny through his months of treatment, because the conversations I did have are some of the most precious memories I have. Because in the middle of the sickness, the pain, the suffering… my brother found a depth of faith & trust in God, something I can only call true maturity in Christ. I’m thankful for my mom recording & writing down some of the conversations she had with him too. Because they provide an insight to what really matters.

Here’s what I mean: Instead of getting bitter or angry at God about his short life, the cancer, & all the things he’d lost or wouldn’t get to experience, he fully embraced what he HAD. His life. And his life’s purpose – to live for the glory of God, in the middle of WHATEVER circumstances he faced. In the face of death, in the midst of pain, he lived & died for that purpose. To have that kind of resolve, that kind of outlook on life, that kind of focus is something that motivates & inspires me every single day. He lived a good story, the kind of story that makes me want to be a better man.

Two dates. My first one is September 19, 1969. And my second one? Don’t know.

But I can tell you this. I will live & strive to live for the glory of God in every area of my life. To live a good story. To be the best husband, father, grandfather, son, & friend that I can be. Because when I do that, I’m honoring Johnny & God.

“We live in a world where bad stories are told, stories that teach us life doesn’t mean anything & that humanity has no great purpose. It’s a good calling, then, to speak a better story. How brightly a better story shines. How easily the world looks to it in wonder. How grateful we are to hear these stories, & how happy it makes us to repeat them.”

Donald Miller – A Million Miles In A Thousand Years

Monday afternoon musings…

Posted on October 5, 2015 by scoeyd

This morning I observed the normal hustle & bustle of our start to the week – thePastyGangster dropped Mason on his way to work so that Auntie Weezie could take him to preschool. He entered the kitchen in a whirlwind of energy & didn’t slow down. Frank came bounding down the stairs so theBean could take him to school… then rushed back upstairs at least 2 more times because he forgot something. (For such a little guy he sure makes a lot of noise.) iDoey was up & at ’em making breakfast… everyone was headed in different directions at 100 m.p.h. Still, it was a good morning.

The flurry of activity common to our weekday mornings stands in stark contrast to our Sunday afternoons/evenings. The afternoons are peaceful, quiet, & restful, with only the occasional football game related noise (cries of anguish for 49er fans like me,) breaking the silence It’s a time for rest, catching up on a good book, eating a favorite snack, or just hanging out. The evenings we gather around the dinner table (or counter,) usually with family & friends for a good meal, even better discussion, & time together to be savored. I love it.

I’m really enjoying our current series, “The Jesus Way,” a study through the gospel of John. The thing that really stands out to me is Jesus’ use of the words/imagery of LIGHT & LIFE in describing what He came to bring for any/all who would put their trust in & follow Him. In my studies, I came across the Didache, (a.k.a. the teachings of the 12 Apostles,) a document most likely put together in the 2nd century. Like its name suggests, it shares teachings of the early church on topics such as water baptism, communion/the Eucharist, prayer & fasting, etc…

An area that really jumped out to me was the section called “the 2 ways.” In a nutshell, it says there are 2 Ways – one that leads to LIFE (trusting & following Christ) & one that leads to DEATH (anything else.) It reminds me of Jesus’ declaration from Matthew 7:

Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide & the way is easy that leads to destruction, & those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow & the way is hard that leads to life, & those who find it are few.

I have been on a ‘soup’ kick for the last few months. Seems like I just can’t get enough. My current favorite is made with grilled onions & garlic, cumin, green chiles, diced jalapenos, black & white beans, chicken stock, & the meat of a Costco rotisserie chicken. Lots of flavor & a little bit of spice. I think I’ve been eating it an average of 2x/day.

In the mornings when Mason comes over, I’ll hear him call out, “Hey Grammy.” And I look, expecting to see a grandmother… & I see theBean. Sometimes this doesn’t quite feel like real life, like somehow I have been transported into a future that isn’t my own. And then I look around for my little kids & instead I see 3 adults… 2 grown men with grown man jobs, & a grown woman who’s working really hard & setting herself up for the next chapter of her life. And I wonder, “Is this real life?”

And then Mason says, “Whatcha doing Poppy? Can I have a doughnut?”

And I remember, “Ah, yes. This is real life.”

Just signed up to be a part of a spiritual direction program for the next 9 months. It’s a 1x/month meeting via Skype & I have no idea what to expect, except that I am expecting good things.

I’m convinced that whatever you look for in somebody, you’ll find. If you’re looking for the good, for the areas that God is at work in & through, you’ll be able to uncover it, even if it’s small. And if you look for the negative, the bad, the ugly part of us that everyone has, you’ll find that too.

On that note, there’s always something in life to be complaining about, but really? Why? Why complain about life circumstances, another person who isn’t meeting your expectations about how they’re living their life, etc… ? It doesn’t help, & it makes it not very fun to be around you. Trust me. I’ve been that guy – & one of the best days of my life was when someone told me, “You are SO negative, & you complain about SO many things. It’s tiresome.” I was forced to look in the mirror of my soul & I found a lot of discontent – stuff that was for me to address about myself… & the complaining & negativity were just symptoms, a distraction maybe, that oriented me towards living as a ~~pessimist/realist/negative Nancy.~~ a real downer who was very critical of myself & others. No fun. Don’t want to go back to that.

Here’s to a great day.

Through the Gospels – Matthew 5

Posted on July 16, 2012 by scoeyd

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp & put it under a basket, but on a stand, & it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works & give glory to you Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16, English Standard Version

As I was reading Matthew 5 this morning, several “light-related” thoughts came to mind.

“Let there be light…” (Genesis 1:3, ESV)

Tahoe’s North Shore

Reno

Vincent Van Gogh

undermining the dignity of the priesthood

Starry Night

We are the light of the world because we have the LIFE that Christ has given, represented by the in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit. We are the light because Jesus was the light first (John 8:12), & we’re following in His footsteps, reflecting Him. The Matthew 5:14-16 passage declares that the light is meant to shine; a lamp isn’t lit to be covered, but to be placed where it can bring light to the dark areas. Since we are the light of the world, we are to LET our light SHINE – not hide it, minimize or cover it. To me, this is a declaration that if I live following after Jesus & loving God & people, & following Him, my light WILL shine; I would have to take specific measures to keep the light from being seen.

And that is the purpose of shining the light – so people can see. Light means, “There is LIFE here.” It draws people towards it. And worked out in our every day lives, it brings glory to God the Father.

LORD, let Your light shine in & through me today. Bring life to me & to others in Jesus Name, for Your glory.

Free time & other musings on a cloudy Tuesday…

Posted on March 20, 2012 by scoeyd

I have 40 minutes until I pick up my little big kids from school. Doesn’t seem like much, but I’ve chosen to steal time where I can get it – free time.

Life is beautiful, still. I will declare it. But it is also full. I have a dwindling yet still there built in margin that is constantly being threatened by the Pressing In. Life. Family happenings. Work responsibilities. Grad school. Bulletin board interactions. Forced reading & writing. Rinse. Repeat.

Free time. Time alotted for nothing but whatever I could find to give myself to. It is precious, & when i find it, like I have today, I treasure it, relish it like a teaspoon of crunchy peanut butter on a hot spoon, smothered in chocolate chips. Even if its just 40 minutes.

The Pasty Gangster called me just now – he had 10 minutes to kill, & thought of me. It has been 7 months, 9 days since we last interacted face to face. I’m hoping to be able to send theBean to see him soon; don’t know if it will work out for all of us to get there, but if anyone goes, its gotta be theBean. Mom’s gotta be able to see her son – where he lives, works, etc. Somehow, its enough for me to hear about it & let my mind paint pictures of what his life is like. Mom has gotta see it. I understand, I think. And wonder if I’m just in denial, telling myself it will be ok to send Just theBean to Knoxville, & that me, theWeez, & iDoey will hold down the fort. Cause if its ok, then the hurt & longing of missing the boy can be wrapped up in the joy of theBean getting to see him on our behalf.

I just want people to know Jesus. To know His love & acceptance, the transforming power of forgiveness and grace. The real freedom that comes with a Holy Spirit-led life.

So often, the familiarity of the life we know keeps us from moving forward into the life in all of its fullness.

Had coffee with a new potential friend today – a fellow laborer within the church in Reno. It was fun, truly, getting to talk & feel each other out & to talk about commonalities.

A door for a hobbit hole, navigating the plague, & other musings as Christmas approaches…

Posted on December 20, 2011 by scoeyd

My Hobbit Door Spent the last several “Sunday Family Movie Nights” watching the LOTR (Lord of the Rings for the uninitiated,) & during the “Fellowship of the Ring,” I was hit by an epiphany: the hill directly across the street from my front door needs a “Hobbit Door.” Granted, in a perfect world, I would create an entire hobbit lair, but I can’t do that, for a plethora of reasons. A door, however, would most likely be a pretty easy install, & though it would go NOWHERE, you could imagine.

I mentioned it to theBean, & she wasn’t a fan. For some reason.

And then a backhoe showed up in front of my house. Obviously, I took this as a sign that God wanted me to have the Backhoe Guy dig a hole in the hill, & have a few handy friends come over to shore up the hill & ‘install’ a hobbit door. I could see the unveiling over next couple of months, complete with grass, flowers, a hobbit mailbox, & other accessories that I know that the neighbors (& of course city officials) would be very appreciative of.

As I was dreaming of all the upcoming construction, & mentally thanking the LORD for His providence at sending Backhoe Guy to my front porch, Backhoe Guy drove the backhoe up the hill to work on an install of some drainage pipe.

Noooo. Come back, says me.

It could still happen. I’m dreaming.

I have spent the last 10 days recovering from the flu – it was by far the ‘worst’ sickness I’ve endured in the last 20 years, as if there could be a ‘good’ sickness to have. The most troubling part of this sickness involved a renegade lymph node that swelled to the size of Kentucky. It was round, hard as a rock, & oh-so-conspicuous on the underside of my jaw, strategically placed on the left side. It was huge. TheWeez kindly said I resembled the dad from “Family Guy.” Though it has diminished in size due to prayer, antibiotics, & anti-inflammatories, I shall remember this little bundle of joy for all time.

As of Sunday, I am officially done with my first year (of two) of school in the pursuit of my Master’s degree. The year I’ve just completed is marked by a 4-week break from any real school activities. And there is great rejoicing!

Just about every day, in addition to my ‘regular’ Bible reading, I read the Psalms. My ‘way’ of reading them is to take whatever the date is today (the 20th,) & read Psalm 20, then add 30 & read Psalm 50, 80, 110, & 140. By doing this, I will have read through all 150 of the Psalms in a month.

A few weeks ago, I was given the Kathleen Norris book “The Cloister Walk” – I’d encourage you to check it out – & though it wasn’t something she recommended in the book, I felt compelled to return to reading my Psalms like I normally do, except OUT LOUD. One of the things I immediately noticed is the significant shift that happens when I have to slow down in order to speak each word, each phrase the psalmist has written. I find that I’m hanging on the words more, as though they are not just the words I’m reading, but are part of a prayer I’m praying, joining in with the church that has been praying these same psalms for thousands of years.

I am comforted by the humanity of the words, the acknowledgement of the suffering, need, and pain of the human condition, especially with how all of that is submitted to the glory & greatness of God. No whining. No complaining. No “woe is me” stands up to the fact that He is with me. He gives me peace, life, power, freedom, encouragement, and strength. And as I read, I sense the bedrock surety that is built in a life that depends on God & His Word.

Life is good. God is better.

I’m looking forward to 2012…

scoey's conundrum

just a boy trying to figure it out on the fly…

Tag Archives: Life