Goodbye to Sue L. & other thoughts…

Good bye Sue L. You’ll be missed. Esp. when I’m trying to figure out what exactly the little knobbys do on the soundboard.

On that note: I wonder what part of our psyche is affected as we try to deal with the death of friends & loved ones… cause I know there’s a part that is numbed, & does everything possible to try to function like Everything Is Normal, when at the same time a logical portion of the mind(?) is stating, matter of factly of course, the ‘reality’ of events that have led to our friend/loved one not being on the planet.

I remember the 1st time I prayed after my brother’s funeral… it was bedtime prayers, of course, just me & the Bean. I was covering all the bases (meaning praying for family & extended family,) & I prayed for Johnny, Joel, & Ben… (their birth order btw…) It took about 10 seconds before I realized that I’d prayed for Johnny. And that he had died. And I knew it, & wasn’t in denial. But at that moment, I had thought, “I need to pray for him…”

And I cried w/the Bean. Tears of grief. Loss. Sorrow. Loneliness. And I thought about my brother, & wondered if praying would ever be the same again…

The numbness fades over time, but I don’t know if it ever goes away totally – maybe its a sorrow or the residue of missing someone. Or the part of our psyche that screams out, “NO!” & does everything possible to protect me from the pain of feeling.

I wish more people who knew my brother, talked to me about my brother. Cause, Man, that is the best. My kids never met their Uncle, as he died in June 1990, & the Pasty Gangster didn’t enter the world until 9/1991. I wish they could have known him, because he was a piece of work. (The closest to his personality is #2 son, Prince Darrell – esp. when he doesn’t get his way…) So, I want to reminisce – look at videos, & ‘introduce’ my kids to him… Because then, his memory is carried on by more than just a picture.

If a loved one or friend has died, keep talking about them. It helps.

Walking with a friend as they bury their wife is hard… but it would be harder for them alone. Life’s too short to do that kind of thing by yourself. Let’s not go solo.

11 thoughts on “Goodbye to Sue L. & other thoughts…

  1. I’m still not sure if I’ll ever go to another funeral after my grandpa’s, which was in 1994. I just didn’t want to talk to anybody about him dying; I thought it was none of their business.

    Another thing I remember about that funeral was flying from LA to Sacramento afterwards to go to camp. Joni picked me up at the Sacramento Airport and she was about 4 months pregnant with Joey.

    I woke up after a short nap in the car and the first thing she said to me was, “The baby is curled up on my bladder and I really have to go pee.”

    I don’t think I had a response to that.

  2. You’ll come to my funeral or I’ll make your life a living visit to the Dentist…

    And as far as the story about the bladder… welcome to my world, the world of the walnut sized bladder. And that’s talking about me.

    Oh no! I’ve said, too, much. I haven’t said enough…

  3. I HATE with a vegance death. Knowing Jesus helps some but still the sting is deep and hurts and I just want to crawl into my bed and never get out but life is for the living and so we move on.
    I didn’t know Johnny personally, sure did know alot of girls who thought he was “the one” though. Boy howdy ,does Joey ever fall in those footsteps!!
    I still wish that Mo’s sister was here for our kids. SHe got to feel Em move in my belly but left shortly there after and the sting is still there. It sucks.
    I look forward to the day when that great party will take place and we will be together again with all those that have gone before us. All I have to say to all of them is , LUCKY (in napoleon dynamite fashion of course)!!!

  4. “Let’s not go solo.”

    Man ain’t that the truth . . . I wish I had known your brother . . .I know I sure like knowing Ben . . .

    BTW, I was really proud of Joey today too . . .

  5. You can’t threaten me with dentist stuff; I’ve never had a cavity so visits to the dentist are generally pain free.

  6. Dabey- I will fong you.

    No..el. Yes. It’s true.

    TPT- you’re right. Ben are great.

    scoeyd- you are a sentimental guy.

  7. i’ve been thinking alot about death lately, and to be honest, it scares me. just the thought about losing someone you love and care for and the pain that follows their passing, and the healing afterwards, and the scars that are left behind. i’m glad i have friends to go through things with. i agree with you… let’s not go solo.

  8. I hip thrust in deaths general direction. I’m not sure what direction that is, but it could be any. Many hip thrusts to follow.

  9. Ben you make me laugh.
    My first husband’s name was Chris, Christian Erich Fager. He is (was) Alex’s dad. He died on September 1,2001. He was 38 years old. That’s younger than I am now. He was my best friend. He had a great sense of humor. At times I find myself wishing he were here so I could share something with him that only he would understand. Alex doesn’t remember him. She is very curious at times (and dramatic I may add) about knowing who he was. I suggested that she ask everyone, (her sisters (I have 2 step daughters Ariel & Briana), her Grandpa Fager, a couple of his close friends I can get in contact with) to share with her their memories, and to give her a sense of who he was through their perspective.
    I have a couple of boxes that I haven’t shared with her yet. When she asks about it, I tell her I am waiting for an appropriate time. The truth is I’m just not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I hope she understands and forgives me for waiting so long when that day comes.

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