“What’s in your hand?” & other musings

Last week, theBean & I went to Cannon Beach OR for the Compassion First  Pastor Retreat with about 25 or so other pastoral couples… it’s an event we’ve attended the last 3 years, & each time we’ve been refreshed, encouraged, & revitalized by our time together – just the two of us. We also greatly enjoyed our time with others who have the Compassion First fam in common, & our time hearing from some incredible men & women. This year’s main speakers were Jo Anne Lyon – President Emeritus of the Wesleyan Church, & Randy Remington, President of the Foursquare Church. All that to set the stage for the context in which I heard God speak to me in an answer to prayer just about an hour after I prayed it.


Sometime in the early morning of the 2nd day there, I was journaling through a series of partially formed thoughts, mental pictures, & hints (allegations?) of ugliness within… feelings of inadequacy & insufficiency. Feelings that seemed like the beginnings of temptation to be jealous of Others, to engage in negative self-comparison to Others; a general dissatisfaction & lack of contentedness that wanted to take up a more permanent space in my heart, mind, & life. There were (are) no specific OTHERS that come to mind when I’m hit with those feelings; just a general sense that somehow, someway, something vital was handed out to everyone but me, & I missed out because I’d stepped out of the room when it was distributed. Nebulous, I know, but I think it paints the picture. You might have experienced something like it in your own journey; I haven’t had this pointed & strong a set of ‘those feelings & thoughts’ for quite a while. 

So I journaled about it – & my prayer was “I don’t want to give time or space to this, Lord. Create in me a clean heart & renew a right spirit in me. Whatever this is, wherever it is coming from, I don’t want it. But I DO want to know what you have to say about this. And me.”

And so theBean & I went to the gathering.


JoAnne Lyon spoke that morning on something – what I heard her address was inadequacy & how silly it is when it comes to God working in & through us. He doesn’t NEED us to be ADEQUATE; He wants us to be AVAILABLE. She spoke from Exodus 4, where Moses is disqualifying himself from God’s call for him to go to Egypt for the express purpose of calling on Pharaoh to release the Israelites from slavery. 430 years & countless generations of slavery. Moses tells God, “they won’t believe me or listen to me because…” 

And God says to Moses, “What do you have in your hand?” 

If you read the story, you know Moses had in his hand a shepherd’s staff, the tools of his trade for the previous 40 years, something not special, yet useful in the hands of one who knows what to do with it. With sheep. 

And yet God chooses to use the staff of Moses BECAUSE IT WAS HANDY. He could have used anything, but He chose to use what Moses had in his hand. 

It wasn’t Moses’ skill, leadership, or general awesomeness that caused God to call Him; it was his availability. And God chose to use what he had in his hand to start the deliverance process in Egypt for ALL the Israelites… with God getting all the glory & honor & praise in the middle of it.


She had me at “What do you have in your hand?” 

It was like God Himself was speaking directly to me, answering the questions & prayers I’d written down less than 60 short minutes before. And He was reassuring me of my place with Him; the inadequacy & insecurity melted away. The images & thoughts & worries were exposed for the shadows they were, & the bright light banished them back to the shadows from whence they’d come. 

I knew. My job, my purpose is to be available, & God will use what He chooses… maybe what I happen to have in my hand at the time. 

Freedom. Peace. Thankfulness. Thank you Jesus.

He’s working for my good, & for His glory. Booyah.


Over the last week I’ve been reflecting a bit on this experience & while I don’t necessarily have anything figured out, I do know that the temptation to compare myself to Anyone is a dark abyss of trouble; to worry about my inadequacy steps into fear & casts doubt on God’s abilities to do the miraculous in whatever way – through whoever – He wants to. 

I don’t want to worry too much about “me.” What people are going to think of “me” or how I’ll stack up in a crowd of others. 

I do want to live in such a way that I continue to DECREASE & Jesus continues to INCREASE.

Snow days, a little perspective & other musings… + a current read

It snowed last Wednesday. And when I say, “It snowed” I mean it snowed about 9″ in just a couple of hours. From nothing to “we’re headed to a snow-pocalypse.” It was interesting to hear how the sudden intrusion of winter weather into our January affected peoples’ sense of well-being. There was a plethora of cries of “Woe” at the thought of having to drive in the snow (I get it.)

Others bemoaned the onslaught of what could only be the beginning of The Long Winter in which our snowfall would probably rival the worst (best?) in the Nevada history. (Remember February 2019? The month where it snowed more than 26 feet in 28 days? THAT was a lot of snow.) 

Still others celebrated the forced slow down (stoppage? limit?) that a heavy snow inevitably enforces on the peoples’ lives where it falls. That Thursday was full of school cancellations & delays, Official Declarations from the State of Nevada, & (much) longer times in the car as the snow (coupled with frigid temperatures) combined to create virtual ice-rinks all over Northern Nevada as people crept & slid & spun from place to place, longing for a day when the Snow Would Someday Be Gone.


Fast-forward to today – Tuesday – a mere 5 days removed from the carnage that that particular storm wrought upon the land & the people. Just about ALL the snow & ice is gone, save for some piled high from the plowing of huge parking lots. The temperatures are settling into the high 40s & even low 50s #FTW. All the worry, all the anxiety, all the doom & gloom about the pain & suffering that Would Come from the Snows is all but forgotten. 

5 days. What a difference it makes.


The last 5 days of rising temperatures (sure its not Summer or even Spring, but it was 51F yesterday) revealed that though we got hammered with snow on 1/10, it wasn’t the end of the world nor the beginning of the Snow Times. The last 5 days provide us with much needed perspective & a strong reminder that no matter what we’re getting hit with in the moment, there is most likely relief coming in the (very) near future. 

This speaks to me on a multitude of levels… about dealing with rising stress & challenges at work; navigating relational difficulties & conflicts; walking amidst spiraling mindsets, the blues, & other anxieties. 

Perspective. Time. A lifting of the head beyond the immediate, looking to the One who provides not only our help in times of trouble (all of them, all kinds,) but also gives us perspective, perhaps allowing us to see, if only for a moment, from His perspective. Which reminds me… iDoey & family came over the other day to take care of business (showers & washing clothes) because their hot water heater is in process of getting replaced. We’re just a couple weeks post Christmas, so the grandkids brought a Christmas present to play with. 9 year old Lucs got a remote controlled crab that looks all mechanical & steam-punk, & it moves really fast… & it freaks his (almost) 3 year old sister, Jane, out to no end, which probably makes playing with it 10x more fun. But not for Jane. She cried & ran & practically jumped into my arms, & began complaining about the “spider” & how much she didn’t like it… but from the perspective of my arms, it was ok. She still didn’t like it. She definitely didn’t want to get down (didn’t mind that one bit). But she was ok. Because she was safe.

Same for us. Same. Check out Psalm 121.


In other news, I just started reading a book that I’d picked up in the last year or so, (anybody else have “gonna get to them” book piles?) called “When Narcissism Comes to Church,” by Chuck DeGroat. Seems like the word “narcissism” is thrown around more & more on the daily, & people with seemingly self-centered, exploitive, bad-behavior towards others are given the title or label of being a “Narcissist.” I’ve done a bit of research on my own exploring the Cluster B personality types, & I’ve also seen (& heard of) a lot of very bad & even abusive behavior from people leading in the context of church (pastors & other church leaders.) 

A couple things that stand out to me so far (still only 2 chapters in:) NOTE: These aren’t points the author makes; they are just my ‘takes’ on what I’m reading in light of what I’ve seen.

  • The American church “system” seems to be especially susceptible towards narcissistic behavior, because we are drawn to superstars & superheroes, as if the pastors & leaders of our churches are Something Special, kind of like the Heroes of the Bible who were chosen because of their incredible giftings & abilities. (Wait. No. They were actually chosen to show the power of God & HIS abilities to work the miraculous & impossible, EVEN through the insignificant, very normal people He chose.) We (America) want bigger than life; we want special; we want charisma. And we’re often willing to overlook terrible behaviors for the “greater good” of “look at all God is doing in/through/around them.”
  • In a world that idolizes influencers & those with huge social media platforms, the church joins right in & champions church leaders, men & women who often seem to be utilizing the Gospel Good News for what it can get for them. (It’s not a new phenomena: Paul references those who preach the gospel out of selfish ambition & envy HERE.) 

I’m interested to see what else pops up & stands out over the next 10 or so chapters… & as I’m reading, I feel more & more led to embrace the “Jesus-style” service approach to life.

Obedience vs. Sacrifice, God’s guidance: musings on a Monday…

When I started pastoring @ Hillside in January 2000, I decided to intentionally incorporate listening to & meditating on good Bible teaching messages from a few “chosen mentors,” many of whom had no idea that they were mentoring me through their teaching (I hadn’t even met most of them at the time). Due to the tasks I had to complete on most Mondays (administration, office work, errands) I decided to make Monday my main listening day. Most of the time, I just listened to the previous day’s messages posted on the somewhat fledgling interwebs from Ralph Moore @ Hope Chapel Kaneohe-Hawaii & Daniel Brown @ the Coastlands-Aptos CA. I’m so thankful for the many hours of good stuff I was subjected to, listening through the speakers on my computer, as I tackled mundane tasks every week.


With the proliferation of Bible message podcasts (estimated to be about 60,000 in the US at this time) its gotten easier to find Bible messages, but I really don’t KNOW about many of the people speaking or the churches they are a part of… I’ve had a few “swing & a miss” moments where I started a podcast at random & got about 20 minutes (or a couple episodes in) & found it to be wacky or “unique (read: non-orthodox) theology.” I’ve also most connected with churches led by pastors with a similar worldview & mission to what I have; doesn’t mean I don’t listen to people different than me: I do. It does mean it often feels like a waste of time to listen to people talking from leading a church with an attractional, program, & church building-driven model of ministry when that is the opposite of what I believe we (me & the Hillsiders) are supposed to do.

NOTE: Reading back over the previous paragraph makes me think it is a digression from what I was wanting to actually write about, but I decided to leave it in there, just because.


All that to say – I am re-embracing the practice of listening to good Bible messages; some are current (check out our friends at LIFE Church Chico or Modesto First Foursquare, to name a few – I’ve got more suggestions if you’re interested. Hit me up in the comments) & some are vintage. Like from the archives of my childhood.

Today’s message was from 1978 & it is by my mentor Jerry Cook, taken from a Sunday service from when he was pastoring East Hill Church in Gresham, OR. I was given the mp3 access to about 30 of his teachings by his daughter Christy in 2022, & I’ve listened to just about all of them at least once; some as many as 3x.  This is one I’ve listened to several times – its called “Abraham #1: Genesis 12 & 13” & in it Jerry talks extensively about Abraham’s obedience to God’s call to him:

Go from your country & your kindred & your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, & I will bless you & make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, & him who dishonors you I will curse & in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.” So Abram went…  Genesis 12:14a

This is where the OBEDIENCE vs. SACRIFICE in the title comes in, especially as related to God’s guidance. (After all – this is the story of Abraham going without knowing WHERE he was being sent, only knowing the WHY – for God to bless him & bless all the families of the earth THROUGH him.)  Some highlights for me:

  • God wants our OBEDIENCE more than He wants our SACRIFICES. (You can read some of the biblical backing for this principle HERE in the story of God’s rejection of King Saul from 1Samuel 13-15.) There’s nothing God needs us to DO for him or to GIVE to Him or to SACRIFICE for Him; He wants us to learn to OBEY Him, to follow His commands.
  • There are many people who are willing to sacrifice but who aren’t willing to follow simple obedience patterns. God is not impressed with nor needs our sacrifices; He wants our hearts & won’t settle for less.
  • It’s in the act of our OBEDIENCE to God’s commands that His GUIDANCE comes… as obedience is a forerunner & key ingredient to receiving God as Lord & Master of our lives.
  • The kind of obedience God calls those who would be His people to isn’t mindless or driven by blind faith; it is rooted in faith in the proven character of God.
  • Sometimes we won’t know exactly or specifically what God is doing in/through/around us until we take the first steps of obedience to what He’s already spoken to us about.
  • Something Jerry closed with: “Ok, Abraham, you don’t know WHERE you’re going, but that’s ok, because you are SAFE with Me.” I want to lean into this one more & more.

As I’ve been musing on this this afternoon, other Bible passages come to mind, like from Matthew 28:18-20, the Great Commission, where Jesus emphasizes the “teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” part of the Message from verse 20.

Simple patterns of OBEDIENCE > all the SACRIFICES we can make.

To me, a core truth from this seems to be: Want guidance & direction from God? Then obey/put into practice what you already know God has spoken to you about.

And as you take steps of obedience, God will reveal Himself more & more. And even if/when you don’t know 100% (or 20%) where you’re going, you can be sure that you are safe with Him.

Some musings from the last week of 2023 – Part 1 – Enough

I’m mostly off for the last week of the year, that ethereal time & space between Christmas & New Years Day, where it seems the actual real days off (or celebrated days off) outnumber the days on. And in the spirit of that, I’ve been purposing to do more musing, to end this year called 2023 with some things that jump out to me from my thinking timFes. Don’t know how many of these I’ll do before 1/1/2024, but I’m-a-fixing to do a couple.


I’m noticing the older I get, the more I feel tempted to attempt to accumulate stuff… to try to make sure that there is enough. Which made me push back a bit on that word — ENOUGH — to define it. To explain it. To answer the question, “How much IS enough?”

It seems like the only answer I get is “just a little more.”

I get several emails a day (which I never signed up for) that all seem to have the same theme:

“Be very afraid, & scramble to protect your assets because someone is coming for you & what you have. But if you would only do what WE say, you’ll be protected, you’ll be provided for, you’ll be fine.” 

This afternoon I’ve been rehearsing one of my life Scriptures (its actually a life Scripture for any/all who want to be a disciple of Christ, but I digress…) It is Luke 9:23-25

And He (Jesus) said to all: If anyone would come after Me, let him DENY himself, & TAKE UP his cross DAILY, & FOLLOW Me. For whoever would SAVE his life will LOSE it, but whoever LOSES his life for My sake will SAVE it. For what does it profit a man if he GAINS the whole world & LOSES or FORFEITS himself?” (emphasis mine)


From this I’m reminded that my daily goal isn’t the preservation &/or accumulation of stuff so I have ENOUGH… my goal is to be a faithful disciple of Christ. I know that if/when I follow (OBEY) God’s instructions for me in every area I know to follow (OBEY), I am walking in His way… in which I experience His provision, care, & blessing.

I also want to be a good steward of what He’s provided, for me & theBean & our family, while at the same time not getting caught up in the chase to attempt to store up treasures for me/us HERE at the expense of storing up treasures in heaven.  Some of the Scriptures I rehearse to keep my head straight are:

  • Psalm 37:3 – Trust in the Lord & do good. Dwell in the land & enjoy safe pasture.
  • Psalm 37:25 – I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.
  • Philippians 4:19 – And my God will supply all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. 
  • 1Timothy 6:6-10 – But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, & we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food & clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation & a trap & into many foolish & harmful desires that plunge people into ruin & destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith & pierced themselves with many griefs.
  • 1John 2:15-17 – Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, & the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world & its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

Au jus, indelible marks, sin, & forgiveness…

Sunday after church, I had a church council meeting. Even though lunch is provided, I don’t normally eat AT the meeting; I wait until AFTER the meeting to ravenously scarf up any remnants of the lunch that remained. Though this usually works for me, (in that I survive it,) it really doesn’t work for me, as the chances of me ending up hangry after a full day of church, lots of people interactions, & a church council meeting, all done without a meal, are about 99.44 out of 100%.

So this week, to the rejoicing of theBean, I chose to eat lunch during the council meeting, at the same time everyone else was eating. And the food was so good – mini-cuban & mini-roast beef slider-sandwiches baked, casserole style, using King’s Hawaiian rolls.

Somewhere in the midst of the meeting, eating, talking, & multi-tasking, I found a way to get a noticeable sized amount of au jus on my left pant leg, probably from an overzealous dipping of the roast beef into the au jus, & even though I’d tried to rush the food into my mouth, some of it, the juicy part, had gotten on my pants. No worries; I’d take care of it at home.

We’d (meaning theBean) made the au jus using lots of fat & drippings & yummy goodness, so I wanted to make sure when it came time to wash my pants I did the appropriate amount of “pre-treatment” on the au jus stain so it would actually come out of the pants, & not serve as an indelible mark, a visible reminder of both that lunch & also my propensity to miss my mouth when I’m eating.

  • NOTE: TheBean offered to help me (translation: do it for me) but, hey, I’m in the 4th grade, (Dan in Real Life reference) so I figured I’d handle it myself.
  • NOTE 2: I was watching the 49ers/Eagles game, so I maaay have hurried through the application of the Spray & Wash (though I am 50% sure I sprayed the spray on the correct spot on the correct leg)

At some point during the game I heard the washer stop so I ran & very responsibly, threw the clothes into the dryer & rushed back to the game before the commercial ended.

  • NOTE 3: I have DVR. I could have pressed the “PAUSE” button & taken my time, but instead I did it, 70s style.
  • NOTE 4: TheBean asked if I had checked the pant leg to make sure the spot had come out in the wash. I distinctly remember telling her, “I didn’t need to because I treated the pant leg.” Who’s a great big boy?!

In the aftermath of the 49ers total domination of the Eagles, I decided to pull my clothes from the dryer & fold them as I watched highlights of the game I’d just watched, beginning to end. (Anybody else do that?)

When I went to fold my pants I decided to admire my handiwork… And I discovered that the au jus spot was still there. In all its glory. Oh no. Even I know what happens when you dry clothes that have stains in them; you set the stains in the clothes, FOREVER. My favorite pants. Forever to be marked by a very visible reminder of some really great au jus.

TheBean said she’d try to look at them for me later, but I wasn’t holding out much hope.


TheBean opened at work the next morning so I was left to my own devices. I sat staring at my stained pants, wondering, thinking, pondering…

Soon my thoughts weren’t on my pants; I was thinking about sin & the mark it can leave in our lives… & how our best efforts to ‘clean up’ the mess left behind through our actions (intentional or otherwise) are woefully inadequate. And how its only the blood of Jesus that takes away, washes away, truly cleanses us from all of our sin.

And I had an idea – I decided to try Dawn PowerWash mixed with Spray & Wash on both the inside of the pant leg & the outside. I liberally applied both substances to the pants while crying out to Jesus about the state of my pants (but it really seemed like it was about more than that, like my soul was involved too.)

I put the pants into the washer, said one last prayer, & started the wash.


45 minutes later, I pulled the pants out of the washer & checked the pant leg for the stain.

Nothing.

I checked the other leg, thinking I must have looked at the wrong one.

Still nothing.

I didn’t trust it enough to put it into the dryer, so I hung the pants on our stair railing & left for work.


When theBean & I arrived home late that evening, I rushed upstairs to check on my mostly dry pants to see if the stain was still visible… it was not. Every trace was gone. Couldn’t even tell where it had been. There was great rejoicing.

And again thoughts of sin & forgiveness crossed my mind, along with the hymn “Nothing But the Blood of Jesus.” 

Scripture verses sprang to mind as I heard the reminders of God’s goodness, in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, of the promise of forgiveness of sins; not just some of them, or most of them, or parts of them… ALL of them.

And I wept with thankfulness. Not just about my pants. But about my soul too.

 “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” Isaiah 1:18

If we confess our sins, He is faithful & just to forgive us our sins & to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1John 1:9

I am a seed, embracing limits, & other musings…

I find myself doing more pondering than I used to do, even a few short months ago… not sure if its solely the lag & slowly-but-surely attempt to re-engage the motor that always happens for me coming back from a long trip as I work through the physical, mental, & emotional costs of said trip, no matter how enjoyable or productive it may have been.

Work is different & the rhythms I’d grown used to (fallen into) over the last few years have been shaken up with a (virtual) head-shaking, sinus-clearing whiff of smelling salts brought on by change. Instead of just jumping back into the known & the familiar, I find myself stopping & observing, thinking on & through, & leaning more & more on my foundations for encouragement & possibly, for some directions as I go forward into December & toward the brink of 2024.

Jerry Cook used to say, “If you don’t know what you’re DOING, limit your activities. And if you don’t know what to SAY, limit your words.”  And so in these days I’m finding myself choosing (rather than begrudgingly complaining my way to & through) to embrace those limits of NOT knowing, surely, confidently, what to do. To say.

It’s not apathy. Nor inertia. It has the feel of a ‘gathering of self’ kinda like you’d do before you’d JUMP or SPRING towards something. (I’m picturing Mario C Champagne, a childhood cat much loved by all, getting ready to pounce. And pounce he did. But he could also linger. But I digress.)  i occasionally feel pressure (probably from firstborn, formerly Type A me) to DO something, to JUMP in & lead loud & fast & confidently towards… something. But what I have is nothing concrete, merely the subtle encouragements, a sense of being drawn towards/by the things/person I know & trust… to keep taking the steps in front of me that need to be taken. To lean on myBean & also on my Savior, trusting that I need both to encourage & remind me of things spoken to me long ago, things that are in process of being worked through now.

Sitting at my desk, looking out the window. Melancholy? Peace?

And I’m hit with this: I am a seed, (with the lyrics too.) Haven’t thought of that song in a minute (or a decade.) And yet… I am a seed. SOMETHING is definitely happening, but there’s not much ACTIVITY happening. Like a seed. In the ground. Waiting for the shaking off of the old form, the kernel that’s held me for so long, waiting for roots to sprout DOWN & for life to spring UP. Knowing I can’t make it happen by wanting, as the process isn’t mine to force. I’m on the timeline of Another; the Gardener who planted me knows His times & His seasons. And He knows not only WHEN the shaking/breaking will begin (emerge?) but also WHAT will come forward. And, like the fruit/plant/green that doesn’t even remotely resemble the seed it came from, that which is coming (probably) won’t look like the seed did… but it will be GOOD. And then the activities, the words, will be more evident.

This is the way. Walk in it. These are the words. Speak them.

Thoughts on making disciples… or an email I wrote to a friend who encourages & challenges me to use my brain & my heart…

TheBean & I are on “day 4” of our recovery time from our trip to Germany. As I reflect on our time in Germany, I’m reminded of an email I wrote to a dear friend, Kurt, in response to his “hope letter” (You can read it & his other “hope letters” HERE.) This particular hope letter was called, “I’m gonna need that back,” referencing a desire to reclaim the word “Disciple.”  I’d encourage you to check it out & then give this a read as well…


Kurt –

thank you for this… esp. the “I’m gonna need that back” for disciple. As I type this, Joni & I are in Berlin, nearing the end of a 17 day trip to several spots in Germany, brought here by the invitation of a local German pastor & longtime friend. We spent a week of our trip with him & the church at Bielefeld, called “Christ for All People” – it’s made up of/represented by about 15 nations & they have weekly translation of the services into English, Russian, Arabic & a handful of other languages, as needed.
The thing that has stood out to me about this trip is the focus our friends have on ‘making disciples.’ My friend Ewald is a regular traveler to Central Asia (Kazakhstan & all the “other stans” in the region, as well as Mongolia.) In many of the places he & his friends are going, they are seeing 1st generation Christians, meaning: the first people in their neighborhood, village, city, region, & even country(!) to become Christians. Places where the ‘old heads’ of Christianity have been walking with Jesus for 20 years, maybe, with no prior history at all of Jesus people in the region. In many ways, it tells/reads like the Book of Acts, complete with the living, breathing, Paul & Barnabas, Silas & John Mark teams of older/longer believing believers heading to regions to bring the encouragement of Christ, to rehearse the teachings of Jesus with people largely (completely?)  untouched by the junk I often associate with what we experience in the Western (American?) version of christianity (little c on purpose).
All that to say – I read your hopeletter, & I’m encouraged… because I know you. We. Many others. Are being stirred to ’need that back’, to contend for discipleship to not be a program led by a solitary director, sequestered in a building away from the people, but to be a multi-way process & exchange between peoples choosing to seek Jesus, to listen to the Holy Spirit, to trust the Holy Spirit speaking to & with each other.
I see a road in front of me as a pastor in the US… a road that grows increasingly ’simple,’ with the invitation & place given to the HS to strip away all that is not Him. A willingness & a refusal to label someone as a disciple/not a disciple based upon the completion of a ‘course’ of study, but rather as a goal we seek to be as we endeavor to obey the words of Christ & to teach others to do the same as we share a Gospel Good News centered solely on Jesus as He reconstructs us, burning away the chaff, calling us back to a simplicity of life & devotion to Him that is applicable in myriad cultural & country & language settings, not dependent on technology, well-crafted theologies, & our gurus.
Brothers & sisters embracing & encouraging brothers & sisters.
I used to hate that term when it was thrown around in church… a lazy way to avoid using names & to hide behind religion.
This last week, I got to be with brothers from Ukraine, Russia, Palestine, Israel, the stans, & just about every country in Europe. To learn. To listen. To love.
One Ukrainian guy said, “Look around. Only with Jesus is THIS possible.”
100%.
A few thoughts from friend who greatly admires you & appreciates you & your journey & communications.
Louie

Deutschland 2023 – Day #17 – Home

Woke up at the crack of doom to put the final touches on our bags & gather & place all our belongings in the appropriate suitcase. Took our bags downstairs & across the courtyard (sorry for the noise. It’s hard to be quiet when you’re rolling a suitcase across cobblestones) & parked them inside the entryway of Alex & Linda’s building. Linda was ready for us with plenty of coffee & snacks to take with.

You know those last few moments you have with dear (& faraway) friends, those moments before the Uber arrives? Those are precious & those are hard. Together we rehearsed our thankfulness for the time together we had; for the great talks; for the food adventures; for the time shared. Too soon we had to navigate downstairs, grab our bags & then make our way to the sidewalk in front of #13, hoping that the Uber I’d scheduled (& had confirmed the night before) would come on time. Evidently there were threats of major snafus on the roads today as the Deutsche Bahn/transit system went on strike this morning. Woohoo.

Fortunately, our driver was just a minute over his scheduled time, &, after hugs & a tearful goodbye (yes, me) we piled into the back of the car & prepared for the loooong day of travels. Berlin’s new airport isn’t huge, but it is big. Even more fun is trying to figure out WHERE you’re supposed to drop off your luggage, because the system used in most other parts of the world isn’t organized even remotely close to what we know at home. I remembered seeing some numbers when I checked in the night before, & sure enough, those corresponded to the place we were to drop off our checked luggage. BTW – I happened upon a German couple saying their passionate goodbyes outside the entrance to security/what we’d call TSA. It stood out to me because I don’t think I’ve seen a make out session like that one since… maybe ever. The dude (he was staying behind, she was leaving) was left a disheveled mess, in need of a hairbrush & a towel. 2 points for Germany.


With that first exchange in the books, theBean & I made our way towards the gate for the flight that would take us to Munich, where we’d catch a flight to San Francisco, where we’d catch a flight home. Wandered the terminal looking at the snack options & finally decided to go with a version of a salami & cheese on brown bread. When it came time for us to board, we lined up with our carryon & backpacks, only to discover that the Lufthansa lady at the gate had decided we weren’t making it by her with our backpack… that we’d have to check it all the way through. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but the justice part of me was more than a little frustrated by being singled out (Merica!) amongst a virtual plethora of other passengers’ bags bigger & more numerous than our own Lil Samsonite. There was no stopping her, so, we scrambled to put as much of the ‘stuff’ we’d packed in there into my backpack, & sent the bag on its way.

The flight to Munich was uneventful, though I was more than a bit concerned that our international flight to SF had started boarding 10 minutes before we landed in Munich. These concerns were compounded when we discovered our gate was an estimated (thank you AI estimating tool used in the German airports) 20 minutes walk away. To further complicate the issue, I needed to find a WC before we did any fast moving.

We speed walked/jogged through the crowds, & slowly made our way toward the gate. Airline officials lined the spacious hallways, asking questions, then funneling us toward the appropriate lines leading to our eventual gate entrance. Caught our breath & headed down the tunnel toward the plane… where we stood for another 10 minutes waiting to board. Elation.

We made it – shortly we’d be on a plane headed to the US… but alas, our bags did not. At the switchover/customs check in in SF, we discovered that our bags hadn’t made the super-quick connection to Munich. After checking in with our carrier & reporting the issue, we were left with the understanding that NO, the bags didn’t make this trip, but YES, they knew where they were & had a decent guess when they’d show up. First world problems. Sigh.


By this time (14 hours into our day) I was feeling bleary, made worse by the fact that I didn’t sleep on the flight over. TheBean did, so she was in a little better shape, but still… Time passed slowly as we waited for the invite to board the last leg to Reno, but it did eventually pass. After landing at home, we met with the carrier again in the Reno-Tahoe Airport to officially file a missing bags report, & were assured they’d be delivered sometime the next day.

Our Gracer & the girls (Jane Alish & EloWEEZ) picked us up & transported us home. What a joy to hold family after a few weeks – the girls seem to have grown at LEAST 4 inches & 40 pounds apiece (I exaggerate, but you get it.) They came inside & Jane ran around Poppy’s house for a bit as EloWEEZ got herself together in preparation for her final 10 minute trip home. So good.

Home. No place like it.


The aftermath – the next day, 2 of the 3 bags showed up at our front door. The only missing bag? TheBean’s main suitcase. I talked to customer service again & it turns out her bag had always wanted to go to Anchorage, Alaska, so it would, hopefully, come the next day (Saturday) after a late fall excursion to the biggest state in all the land. It did arrive Saturday.


Takeaways:

  • There is nothing like being physically present, in the room, with friends. I’m thankful for technologies that allow regular & close communications, but it isn’t close to the same.
  • One thing we heard in every place we went (Frankfurt, Achern/Ottersweier, Oberwesel, Bielefeld, & Berlin) was “Thank you for your encouragement!” I believe it is a superpower given to us to be able to share, authentically & regularly, with the people we interact with. This tangible thankfulness that emerges in the aftermath of a person who’s been encouraged by another, SEEN by another, has given me a new appreciation of Barnabas, the OG “Son of Encouragement.” Makes me want to grow in this area & be more intentional with encouraging others.
  • The enemy of our souls, the devil, seems to hammer humanity equally, with a barrage of negative thoughts & perspectives about ourselves, how God (& others see us) & to rub in our face our unworthiness, insecurities, inadequacies, & real/perceived failures. THAT is why encouragement, friendship, & real fellowship are so vital for us inside/outside the Church. Doing that, being that, sharing that… helps combat those destructive, hyper-critical voices.
  • I love to partner in life, love, & work/play with theBean. I KNEW this already, but man, nothing like a 17 day voyage to the other side of the world to remind me of the Good Thing God gave to me almost 35 (!) years ago.
  • We’re looking forward to future trips to Germany (& beyond), but for now, we’ll be enjoying home, family, familiar food, friends, & our very own bed.

Thank you all for your prayers, your support, & your ENCOURAGEMENT to us. It helped sustain us in perfect health & good spirits, with everything we could ever need or ask for. You are loved & appreciated.

Be an encourager today.

Deutschland 2023 – Days #15 & 16 “Fun with Alex & Linda, which mostly involved trying out new restaurants & street food… “

Day 15 – the afternoon & evening

We met Alex & Linda in the courtyard of the building where our flats are located, & made our way through the maze to one of the adjoining streets to meet our Uber. They typically employ 1 of 4 modes of transportation: walking, riding a bike, hiring an Uber/taxia, or (rarely) taking the public transportation system (combo of buses/S & U-bahn trains.) The driver dropped us off & it was just a short walk to Parma Pizza. To say it was a hole in the wall makes it seem bigger than it was… there were 3 or 4 tables crammed into 2 rooms, & the ‘kitchen’ was literally 2 steps from our table. Alex stepped into the kitchen twice & was reprimanded each time for violating the ‘chef’s’ space, but it’s not like he could access his seat without stepping into the kitchen. Inside of the rooms looked like a half-finished construction site where the workers had gone home for the weekend, leaving a bunch of stuff half-done, with tools & supplies strewn around the room. There were two guys in the kitchen area; one, the owner/chef, the other, a guy who kept sampling the box of wine on the edge of the super tiny refrigerator. He reminded me of someone who was probably a buddy of the owner who comes to hang out at his buddy’s place in the hopes he’ll be able to sponge some free food & drink if he hangs out long enough. The chef guy looked as though he was an Italian photographer just returned from a taxing & oh-so-draining photoshoot somewhere & by the way he acted, it sure didn’t seem like he was happy to have customers. I dubbed him “Artist Guy” & the other guy was “the Leech.” 

He finally got around to bringing us our menus & made a big show about the artistry of his pizzas… he took the time to explain several of the pizza options to us, in German & English, even though we already knew what we wanted to order. Once we ordered, he engaged in conversation with the Leech for about 15 minutes, seemingly forgetting we were there. Eventually our drink orders came, with our bottled water & the finest boxed red wine the kitchen had to offer placed hurriedly on the table so Artist guy could get back to his conversation.

He remembered we were there to EAT, so he frantically began to assemble the ingredients for the pizzas we’d ordered on his prep counter & then painstakingly made the pizzas, popping them 1 by 1 into the pizza oven on the far side of the kitchen. Good thing they only had to bake for about 90 seconds. Artist guy deposited the pizzas in front of us & stepped back into the kitchen. 

About this time, a younger guy arrived, complete with a dark mullet of curls on his head (theBean said they were the size of the classic pink 1 1/2″ sponge hair roller that hadn’t been brushed out after removing the curlers); he spoke only broken English & his native Italian, & he seemed to be there to do all the jobs Artist guy didn’t want to do.

Pizza was ok – I got a Salamewurst & Tomato & Mozzarella & theBean had a ham pizza (ham put on after the pizza cooked, much to her chagrin & displeasure.) We ate our fill & laughed a lot around the tiny table in the bizarre pizza place/construction zone while the Leech drank more wine & the Mullet guy went through the motions of cleaning & puttering around looking for something. 

We had a blast… time with Alex & Linda is always the BEST time. Good conversations on a variety of topics: Jesus, church life, health, exercise, conspiracy theories, Joe Rogan, specialty meal replacement shakes, work (Alex works in a start-up that does high end health supplements & Linda is a supervisor in the educational system, focusing much of her life on helping foreigners & others trying to make the best of school in Germany.)

Alex had us rolling with his active & quick sense of humor & Linda’s joy & love of life are evident in every conversation we had with her. Truly dear & much loved friends. 

After our meal, since it wasn’t raining (YES) we decided to stretch our legs & walk home through the dark back streets of Berlin’s Kreuzberg & Neukölln neighborhoods; it only took about 30 minutes & it was really refreshing, esp. considering how much we had sat around with little activity the first week of our trip. Went up to their flat for more talks & a late night glass of wine… eventually made our way across the courtyard to our flat & were in our room a minute later. It was a good day.


DAY 16 – Templehof, Street Food, & Crazy Kim’s

Woke up late & headed to the Cafe Bread for coffee & a breakfast pastry… guy from yesterday wasn’t working (bummer) & but the new girl hooked us up & quickly as we settled into our spot to read, enjoy our coffee & people watch. Alex worked until 1 p.m. & Linda until 5, so theBean & I went for a walk through the neighborhood & picked up some supplies from the local grocery store. When Alex called us, we met him outside at an Uber & made our way downtown for some “on the go” site-seeing & a quick stop for a ‘snack’ at Goldie’s Smashburger &.I’ve had smashburgers in the US & they were ok… nothing compared to a good 3×3 animal style, protein style, w/extra grilled onions & cheese, no tomato, no spread, ketchup & mustard please @ In-N-Out burger, but ok.  

This was > ok. This was incredible. Keep in mind, we stopped here for a snack… & also because we hadn’t had a burger our whole time in Germany. So of course, we ended up getting doubles, which were the size of my two fists together. We came at the perfect time, so no line. By the time we were done eating, the line had wandered down the block. We crushed our burgers (so good) & took turns sampling the fries until we couldn’t eat any more. This was, by far, the food highlight of our trip. 

After eating waaaay too much for a snack, we wanted to do some walking, so we made our way through the streets til we finally got to the old Templehof Airport (check out the link for Templehof above), the site of the Berlin airdrops that saved Berlin in 1948 & 1949 (go USA). This massive former airport is now a recreation area, where miles of former taxi & runways have been turned into places for exercise, (bikes, roller blades, scooters, & foot power), with large grassy areas here & there for picnics, kid-friendly recreation, & a couple designated dog parks. Very cool, & lots of places to stop & read about the history of the place. Spent about 90 minutes walking & ended up on the far side of the airport, where we (thank the Lord) found bathrooms that were open & available for usage, without any fee. (NOTE: most of the time to use a toilet in a store/restaurant in Germany/Europe, it will cost you at least 1 Euro. Put that on your list of Even More Things to be thankful for at home.) 

Caught an Uber home, with just enough time to rest, change clothes, & meet Linda to catch another Uber to our dinner place, Crazy Kim’s Korean. We got seated by Kim herself at a table in the entry way, & placed our orders. This restaurant was one they hadn’t been to before, but our coming to visit gave them an opportunity. Food was decent & there were 15 appetizer bites brought to our table (no choice in the matter) & it was fun to try different things. For our main dishes, I got bulgogi & theBean got Korean short-ribs.

But the highlight of the night, for me, was the 2 women who came in shortly after us. One of them HAD to be the owner’s daughter & the other seemed to be a beloved best friend, because Kim doted on the super fancy & chic ladies, dressed in what were probably pretty fashionable (definition: super weird clothes that real people don’t wear) all the while snapping photos of themselves, each other, & the little pocket sized dog the daughter brought in in her purse. If you’ve ever seen wanna-be IG ‘influencers’ in action, you have an idea of our entertainment for the duration of dinner. They helped themselves to all sorts of things behind the bar, often leaving their table to walk around the building, often retreating into the “private” & “Staff only”, only to emerge later & hit the bar again. So. Funny.

Finished dinner & made our way to our Uber outside. The drive home only took 5 minutes, so we had to be close, but it was raining & we’d already walked about 8 miles earlier in the day. As it was our last night, we made our way up to Alex & Linda’s flat again, & sat around their table trying to pack as many conversations as possible into the time we had left. So precious. 

We sadly made our way back to our flat to sleep the short night’s sleep that comes before the departure flight home. We’d made plans to come to their flat in the morning for a cup of coffee & hugs goodbye, so we knew we’d get to see them at least one more time before we left. 

Slept well, with dreams of home in our minds.

Deutschland 2023 – Days #14 & 15 – Neukölln – Berlin… Coffee please, & the Cafe Bread

This is (if I remember correctly) the first night I slept the WHOLE night without waking up at all; morning came gradually, a dim light through the drawn yet translucent curtains. Temperature was perfect & I probably could have slept longer except for the call of nature & the siren’s call of morning kaffee. Which we didn’t know how we would get, as we hadn’t really seen the coffee set up.

The set up was professional; a pro grade Italian machine, the kind that takes an apprenticeship & lots of practice to master. Fortunately, Nu, our host, offered to make us each a coffee (#FTW) & we savored each & every sip as we stood around the island in her kitchen, getting a chance to get to know a bit about her. She & her husband are professionals who are doing a few ‘start-up’ businesses including solar, Air Bnb, & a couple more I didn’t catch; one of her aspirations is to open her own coffee shop featuring the coffee of her homeland, VietNam. She wants to use the proceeds to support the women of a couple remote Vietnamese villages, much the same way we (& Hillside) support the women of Compassion First. She described the different hand-made goods they create for sale, from handkerchiefs to shawls to scarfs to… who knows what else. She described herself as ‘Christian” & when she found out we are pastors, she said, “My mom would be so happy that you are in my home. She is VERY Christian.”


We connected via text with Alex; he’s working during the days this week, so he gave us some options for local cafes & grocery stores to explore. Decided to take a walk along the Spree River  which rolls through & around entire sections of Berlin, especially the Neukölln section where our flat is located. Chose La Maison & walked the mile or so to get there; navigated the drink & brunch menu pretty easily & found a spot facing the river where theBean could bask in the morning sun. We split the lunch special (onion quiche with salad & a ham & cheese baguette) & savored the coffee while enjoying the very full cafe atmosphere. Alex later told us this is one of the most popular cafes in Berlin, especially for the increasingly elusive creature known as the “hipster.” There’s another favorite cafe of his that attracts one variety of hipster, known as the “very motivated entrepreneur hipsters” who are often involved in several start-up businesses. The other kind of hipster hangs out here, at La Maison: they are the “hipsters who live in their mom’s basement hipsters.” Yep. True story. That’s all you need to know to have a good insight to Alex’s sense of humor.


Found the Ekeda grocery story to pick up some necessities that will make the next few days easier to navigate & made our way back to Alex & Linda’s flat to meet them for a walk on their work-breaks. So good to see them! We walked in the opposite direction for about 20 minutes to another favorite spot of theirs, Nah am Wasser. THIS was even better than La Maison. If we lived here, we’d LIVE here. The 4 of us sat outside at a table near the entrance, in the sun(!) & enjoyed our talks about the day, Berlin, hipsters, Christianity, & myriad other topics. 

Alex had to head back towards his flat for another work meeting, so we crossed over the river with them & began the walk ‘home.’ They parted ways & we went back to our flat to read, rest, & recharge. I’m so glad we built these days into our schedule; days of rest & recharging after a pretty full time of travel, people, & ministry stuff. Even though we built in Sabbath rest days to the trip in each spot, I can feel that the time has been draining at times, probably because we’ve had to be “ON” (alert, being fully attentive at all times) pretty much the whole time. This has become more evident today as, when offered the opportunity, both theBean & I chose rest, naps, & quiet.


Alex & Linda made reservations for us at a Turkish restaurant called Adana Grillhaus at 6:30 p.m., a place about 1 1/2 miles by foot or 5 minutes by Uber. We’d planned to walk there & Uber back, but the rain was coming down hard, so Uber both ways. They couldn’t join us, so we navigated the interesting Uber ‘pickup spot’ procedures mostly seamlessly. For some reason, the app keeps telling us to go somewhere else to get picked up/to meet the car… usually its not far away, but it is very confusing trying to find the elusive pickup spot using the readout on the phone. But we managed.

Didn’t get any pictures of dinner, but I can tell you, we ate like kings. We got 2 entrees, which was probably 1 too many; the 18 inch long meat skewer (combos of pork, chicken, & beef) partnered with Turkish tortillas & toasted bread, with hummus & a good Turkish wine were so good. Didn’t eat too much, but not because I didn’t WANT to. 

I’ve been a little adventurous with food on the trip & I’ve tried to eat (or at least taste) whatever comes out on the plate. The Kebabs came with a long, slender grilled & mostly anonymous red pepper. I looked it up & deduced it was 1 of 2 kinds of Turkish pepper. Either it would be mild & sweet or it would be hot, to the level above a habañero. 50/50 odds, right? So, against theBean’s admonishments, I cut a piece of the pepper, smelled it, & popped it into my mouth. Evidently, about 1/4 tsp of the innards (seeds etc) came with it.

Not sweet. Hot. Hot. Hot. First thing, my lips went numb. Second, my tongue turned to lava. I cried out to the Lord & the heavens seemed to be made of brass. I drank the water, the wine, shook copious amounts of salt onto the crispy Turkish bread & took big bites of it, all with the hopes that somehow, someway, the feeling would return to my mouth, that I would have at least the stub of a tongue… the salty bread helped. About 15 minutes later (might have been 30 seconds,) my numb lips began to regain feeling & my mouth felt functional enough to take another bite of the kebab. And wow. The already incredible taste of the meat was elevated to levels of “we might eat this in heaven” food. So much so that I was tempted (but didn’t give in) by the thought of taking ANOTHER bite of the pepper to enhance the taste of dinner. 

As the rain poured, we caught an Uber back to our flat & I texted Alex our thanks for the reservations at the restaurant. Told him about the experience I had with the pepper. He texted me: “SPOILER ALERT. The chili might burn twice.” 

Oh goodness.


We headed to bed after an NCIS: LA & I once again cried to the Lord with my voice, asking that He have mercy on me & my guts, especially for the morning. Ended up sleeping about 10 hours, & woke up close to 11 a.m. Feeling great.

Thank you Jesus.

We threw on some sweats & baseball hats & went to the “Cafe Bread” located directly across the street from the flat for coffee & pastry or 2. It’s operated by a Turkish guy who is super personable & makes killer pour-over coffees. We each had 2, along with sharing a savory croissant filled with cheese & a sweet one with chocolate & vanilla. 

Plotting out the afternoon of Day #15 now… it’ll be a pizza dinner at Alex & Linda’s favorite place tonight.