Tag Archives: Relationships

The Caucuses – Day #13 – Last Sessions & Late Night Food/Fun/Fellowship

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Morning coffee never hit so good as it did before the last DLT sessions. Like most places theBean & I have been privileged to stay when we travel in this part of the world, there is a top notch “what’s your pleasure” coffee machine in the dining area. My go-to this trip was: Hit the Americano with an espresso topper, then add my own milk.

Sessions were: the roles of Fathers & Mothers – both in the natural family order as parents & also in spiritual terms, where we’re given the opportunity to help nurture & care for & contend for the spiritual life, development & well-being of others… esp. in situations/places where people are virtually parent-less (no leadership, no input from others, no direction, no care) & have no real idea on how to mature, grow up, live out the life of a Christ-follower.

We see all sorts of examples & precedents for this in Scripture, most notable with the Apostle Paul & Timothy (& Titus, though we hear more about the Paul/Timothy relationship.) Timothy was the son of a Greek man & a Jewish woman. A believer, at some point Paul encountered him & his mom (never really heard anything about dad) & took an interest in his growth & development as a Christian. Paul invited him to travel with him on one of his trips & took the time to impart everything he knew to him through the day-to-day process of sharing the Gospel Good News in new places, helping establish churches for the new believers, & in navigating the challenges & difficulties brought about in opposition, persecution, & other points of adversity. Paul refers to Timothy as his “true son in the faith” & writes at least 2 letters to him (1 & 2 Timothy); we also know that Paul installed Timothy as the pastor of the church at Ephesus as well.

The main encouragements we wanted to offer are these: God can give His people a ‘heart’ to care for others, esp. new believers & people without (obvious) help, leaders, & the like. As we grow up in Jesus, one of the things (I believe) that we’re to do is to take an interest in the well-being & development of others. To intentionally bless, care for, & impart what we’ve learned in Christ ourselves to those we encounter. That can often involve the development & ongoing maintaining of deep relationships that often mirror those of chosen family – spiritual parents if you will – that, like natural parents are called to do with their own &/or adopted offspring, care for & encourage their spiritual children.

I’ve never tried to declare myself to be someone’s spiritual “father” – I don’t know that you can demand/declare that you be given that role of significance & influence in the life of another. I believe it can be given by a person who adopts you as a person of influence & care for them. Its a beautiful thing – & it is a very helpful one, esp. in areas where there aren’t many (any?) visible spiritual elders, mature in the faith, to help lead & guide & offer direction to the believers in an area.

We asked our friend Ewald to share from his perspective what it means to him to be a spiritual father – we’ve known him for about 25 years, having met him & his wife Kerstin years ago at a German pastors conference. He is probably the person I know who most exemplifies what it means to be a spiritual father; the way he cares for the well-being & ongoing development of new (newish) believers in Central Asia (& beyond) is truly inspirational… & I’m praying that many in the room received a deposit of that same Father’s Heart from the things he shared.

Our final session was on Balancing Family Life & Work/Ministry. We talked from our own experiences – burnout, rhythm, rest, Sabbath. Saying “yes” & “no” congruently. Prioritizing family & having a strong sense of what “SUCCESS” looks like for you. Accountability. Margin. Life in all its fullness – as it was intended, by Jesus, to be lived. Our Eurasian Bible College host (& lead pastor/overseer T) shared about the power of rest & rhythm, as our time in this DLT came to a close.

We shared communion together over a light meal, & our time as a group came to an end as the first travelers gathered their stuff & said their goodbyes before heading out to the real world & home.

TheBean & I went to a store on the corner & I bought some Coke Zero & kleenex; we settled in around 9 p.m. to what we thought would be a quiet night, watching a movie & then heading to bed.

And then we got a text inviting us to go for a brief walk & a glass of wine.

Which turned into a group of 12 of us walking the cobblestone streets, somehow making our way only about 1/4 mile from the hotel to a really great Georgian food restaurant (same one we ate at a couple days ago.) The glass of wine & walk idea disappeared into a raucous, joy-filled fellowship around a couple long tables pushed together, as people from 5 nations ate from a smorgasbord of Georgian cuisine. TheBean & I sat at the end of a table, kind of away from party-central but still close enough to be a part. We heard the stories of a young man in a closed ‘stan country who has created a budding travel agency in his country to cover over his movements around the country as he shares the gospel. We listened to (& watched) the music & videos created by another young man, musician & producer, tied to celebrating Jesus & Christmas outreach to his city. We ate the sausages wrapped in tortilla; the lamb skewers. Drank copious amounts of mineral water.

Finally, just after midnight, theBean & I excused ourselves & made our way back to the hotel, navigating the still-bustling city streets. Climbed the 5 floors to our room & finished our movie over a Coke Zero. And, with joy & contentment, fell asleep.

Today is Sunday – nothing on the agenda for us beyond morning coffee except perhaps a trip to a flea market with some of our new friends. We’ll be saying goodbye to others later in the day, & then tomorrow, 8/4, we’ll head to the local airport around 8:30 a.m. to begin our trek home.

Life is good. Jesus is great.

to the Caucuses – Day #10 & 11? – The Heat is On

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Had a short (1 hour or so) delay to our flight leaving Central Asia, & arrived in the HEAT (35C/95F) of the Caucuses around 10:30 p.m. Turns out we had a few fellow DLT attendees on the plane with us, & we navigated the belly of the airport relatively unscathed. The cleanliness of the bathrooms really was impressive – they even smelled good. Cleared customs without an issues & gathered our luggages from the crawling carousel. Thank you Jesus.

Met our host for the next few days in the waiting area just outside of baggage claim & began the sometimes awkward (for me at least) process of meeting new people… a daunting task for me on a good day at home; especially challenging given the combo of everyone’s tiredness, late night, language challenges/barriers, & newness. We got sorted into a collection of Ubers & began the circuitous 30 minute journey to our hotel, weaving in & out of stop & go traffic, navigating the labyrinth of streets & combo of downtown neighborhoods & McCarran like streets. And then we arrived at our hotel. Kind of.

I’ve gotta say – getting dropped off in an alley, albeit with a sign for the hotel announcing its presence, was more than a little daunting. Hotel sign is there – where’s the hotel? Pulled our suitcases deeper into the alley, which, to be fair, had a bend at the end, so it wasn’t like we were in an alley with no exit… just no visible exit. Dark. Foreboding. Unfamiliar. We got about 10 yards into the alley & saw a collection of big city, almost Chicago-style restaurants inhabiting the ground floors of the myriad buildings crowded in around us, topped with what seemed to be a tetris collection of flats, apartments, & unknowns.

Right then, a car we hadn’t seen because of the darkness & probably our tiredness backed out of an alcove in the alley. It stopped & the driver rolled down the window & said, “You are looking for ….” & named the hotel. We said “Yes” & he pointed around the corner, smiled & headed out. We made our way in that direction & yes, indeed, there was our hotel, a 1920’s themed hotel built out into a 6 story old(?) new building. Seamlessly checked in & made our way to our top-floor room… to discover the temp in our room was 92. Ahhh. Quickly found the thermostat & worked out how to crank that A/C DOWN to 20C/68F. (BTW – that was Wednesday night; right now it is 7:30 a.m. Friday & it STILL hasn’t gotten below 22C/71F). But 71 > 92, at least when it comes to the temperature of one’s hotel room.

The room is about 1/3 the size of our room at the Be Fine, but it is still workable although without adequate dressers & with 1/2 the room taking on the low, sloping slant of the roof…  once we got our bags mostly stowed & our clothes put where they needed to be for the next few days, it was time for bed. Mostly. Too hot to sleep still I loaded up our VPN  & we watched part of a Hallmark show, a pleasant reminder of home.

Good sleep, slow morning, & breakfast in the hotel dining room. Typical setup of a boutique hotel breakfast area, but with local cuisine & breakfast items… & of course, cocoa puffs. Before this trip I hadn’t eaten them in at least 5 years. I ate two bowls. Went back to the room & crashed for another hour or so, then puttered around until lunchtime connections with our other DLT friends in the dining room. Got to meet a few new friends from nearby countries; I’m thankful that everyone speaks at least a tiny bit of English.

Our longtime friend from Germany, Ewald, is here. He’s on the board of directors of the Eurasian Bible College & has been ministering in the region for > 2 decades. He is a steadying force of a man, stable, encouraging, & grandfatherly (he has appeared that way since i met him back in the early 2000’s… even though he’s a little younger than me.) There have been logistical challenges & spiritual attacks/circumstances that will (probably) keep a couple handfuls of people who were signed up for the DLT from coming. There were about 25-30 people registered & we had about 15 who made it to the first session last night. Not 100% sure, but I think this might be the total number. We’re meeting in the hotel’s conference room, a small, odd-shaped room with few amenities or technology, but plenty of places to sit & comfy/cozy layout that facilitates squeezing into chairs around the tables & having easy conversations.

What precious people. Our hearts are moved & we feel connected to them as well…

Van Gogh in the live

Even though it was hot, we decided to brave the night with Ewald, our friend from last year, A, & a young 30 something couple who actually live in the city we were just in in Central Asia. We both connected with them & spent the next couple of hours walking the often cobblestoned streets of this ancient city & neighborhood looking at the things, taking the sights, sounds, & smells. Barkers stood outside their restaurants, hawking their food choices; humanity pressed up & down the street with people of every age & demographic packed into crowded spaces.

The group decided on gelato & we found an out  of the way shop with great A/C. Sat & talked for about 30 minutes, then made our way back to our hotel.

PRAYER REQUEST – I felt a twinge of pain in the bottom of my left foot about 1 inch below the joint on the 4th toe (you know, the little piggy who “had none.”) Not quite the ball of my foot. It hurts. Suddenly painful to walk or touch, bottom or top of the foot. I didn’t actually DO anything that seemed to cause it. I was walking on the uneven cobblestones, & then I noticed the pain.

As I type this in the morning on Friday, it hasn’t gotten worse… its just not any better. No swelling to speak of – its weird.

And we press on.

Breakfast in an hour or so, then 10-1 p.m. & 3-6 p.m. are our DLT sessions today, talking Family, Marriage, Husbands/Wives. We will see how it goes.

Central Asia – The Blur of Days #7-9 – DLT

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Monday around noon we loaded up the family van & headed to the Be Fine Hotel on the other side of the city… a decent 10 mile trek through midday traffic in a bustling city of 4 million. How long could it take?

2 hours. At least 2 hours. Stop & go traffic. Vehicles playing their own versions of a game resembling Frogger, Tetris, & tag. More close calls than I care to revisit. No accidents seen. Angels on overtime.

Settled into our hotel room with a brief respite before the opening sessions of DLT kicked off. This particular conference is Module 2 of the DLT material, “Marriage & Family” & the topics we covered over the last 3 days include – Discipleship & Leadership Training within the context of:

  • Family – what is it & what are God’s purposes for the family unit? How does God work with family to teach people about Himself & His character & life?
  • Marriage – who gets to define what is the purpose of marriage? What does Scripture have to say about marriage? How do you navigate through cultural & social norms for marriage when they are in conflict with Scripture? (For example, many cultures in Asia embrace the male dominated, female subservient role within marriage, where the husband is the absolute authority & ruler in the relationship, & the wife’s role is to serve the husband (& often the extended family of both sides – hers & her husbands), have children (esp. boys), often being treated more as a servant &/or possession than a partner. In Christ, marriage can be seen elevated to a loving partnership where both parties submit to one another out of reverence for Christ; where the husband takes on the servant leadership role of headship of the wife, laying down his life for her like Christ laid down His life for the church; where the wife willingly submits to her own husband (think 2 cars merging into 1 lane to avoid a crash) – instead of insisting on forcing her way ahead of her husband or into a domineering role over him, she comes alongside & walks with him.
  • the significant roles of the fathers & mothers in establishing & maintaining the identity & direction of the children; the role of spiritual fathers & mothers in providing care, leadership, encouragement, & mentorship in the pursuit of relationship with Christ, esp. for people who haven’t had the support/care of natural parents, or whose parents didn’t know Christ/didn’t teach them about life with Him.
  • the role of the single (unmarried) persons; the ultimate goal for all people for all life isn’t marriage – & singles aren’t to be pitied & treated as pariahs until the day when they could somehow (gasp!) enter into normal life & be married. There is a huge value on the individual in Christ.
  • Balancing family, life, work etc – living in rhythm & rest; embracing the Sabbath as a normative part of life for the Christian disciple;
  • As I’m doing this off the top of my head, I’m forgetting a couple of sections…

As I’m typing this, it is now Wednesday at 6 a.m. We’ll be doing our last sessions of this Central Asian DLT in about 4 hours – over the last 3 days, our schedule has included at least two 3-hour sessions to present the material through a translator, initiate & moderate discussions around the 5 or 6 tables where the participants are scattered 4-6 deep; provide opportunities for meaningful feedback from the participants.

The drain on the brain is real – trying to teach & “facilitate” while attempting to think in simple, easily translatable concepts, avoiding Americanisms & idioms that we rely on for our daily communication without even knowing it. Think:

  • Watching paint dry.
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • Hang in there.
  • The last straw.

All of these were used this week. Native English (or at least Northern NV Americans) would easily pick up what is being said with each of these phrases… but for the Central Asian for whom English (not American, but English – there is a HUGE difference) is a 3rd or 4th language, it is tough & requires stopping, giving an explanation, re-translations, etc. Add to the mix the nuanced & emotionally charged topics of marriage & family which are often fraught with disappointment, frustrations, & unmet expectations, & you’ve got quite the brain drain.

Add to that 3 meals a day – social & conversational events that require patience, a sense of humor, & more than a few attempts to even get a cursory understanding of the simplest of interactions & you see why & how a person gets fried.

We’re 12 hours ahead of home, which makes for easy math, but not great sleep. We’ve been able to head to bed around 10 each night, often passing out quickly only to reawaken in the middle of the night (I’ve seen the clock turn from 2 to 3 a.m. every night so far) & struggle to get back to sleep before the morning responsibilities kicked in.

After our last session & receiving communion together today, we’ll be packing our bags & (eventually) heading to the airport where we’ll catch a flight to our next destination in the Caucasus where the Russian-language DLT starts tomorrow (Thursday for us – at 2 p.m.) It will wrap up Saturday evening with communion & celebration.

We’re looking forward to reconnecting with our dear friends who are the overseers for the Eurasian Bible School – people we got to know last year who are meeting us there for the DLT. From what we’ve been told, there are participants coming from several surrounding countries – all who have committed to the 18-month DLT process as they explore formalizing their personal & their churches relationships with Foursquare & either joining or, more often, beginning the process of forming the Foursquare Church in their country of origin. It’s a long & relational process – & I have to say – people are people.

Thank you for your prayers & support – they are helping us through some challenging times & we are seeing God doing some really cool things in healing marriages, providing hope & thoughts of a different & preferable future, in addition to growing as disciples of Christ. After all, what good is our faith if it doesn’t have a transformational effect on us in every area of life, especially in our interpersonal interactions with loved ones & family – both family of origin & chosen.

Central Asia – Day #5 – The Top of the World

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It’s been hot… really hot & today was the most hot. Our hosts wanted to take us out of the city into the nearby mountains to get away for a chunk of the day – both to cool down & also to visit one of this region’s (& all of Central Asia’s) most beautiful areas.

We drove for about 45 minutes out of the city of almost 4 million people, gradually climbing towards the ever present, towering peaks surrounding the valley (Think of it as driving to Tahoe’s West Shore & the Squaw Valley/Palisades resort, or the Heavenly Valley area. This reminded me a LOT of that, esp. because of the gondola ride we ended up taking to the top of the majestic mountains)

Its not like we ever actually got OUT of the city… like most bigger cities, it just keeps going & going, but it did change & as we climbed, it got cooler – think 100 down to 85. We arrived at the base of the Shymbulak Mountain Resort & navigated our way towards the gondolas that promised to take us to the top of the 10 to 11,000 ft mountains. Y&G insisted we go earlier rather than later in the day, both to beat the heat & also the crowds; we experienced little to no people issues or wait times, unlike the Disneyland in summer type lines that were evident when we came down the mountain just a few hours later.

The 4 of us traveled together in the gondola through 3 different stations – total trip UP the mountain took about 45 minutes; we loved the 360 degree views of the surrounding valley & mountain range, although more than once I was wishing for a bigger window to be able to get some of the cool(er) air in.

We spent about 90 minutes at the top top, looking at the glacial remnants evident, the mountain passes leading to the different ‘stans’ & the people from every tribe, tongue & nation, all there to soak in the beauty, enjoy the touristy attractions (hanggliding, food & drink, yurts, & even a collection of BnB’s. It was about 70 up there, which informs you a bit more about the heat of the city. Y told us there is a mountain in the range that is rumored to be > 21,000 feet tall.

Y recommended we take the ski chair-lift style way down the hill – so theBean & I got to experience the slow descent in our very first (& most likely last) time ever being on a chair-lift. My skier of a Bean must have referenced this “first time” 20x throughout the travels down, & we took the time to snap pictures, send Marco Polo videos to loved ones, & generally laugh our way down the hill. Good times.

Had a late lunch at a little piece of Paradise (the name of the restaurant.) We shared a small pepperoni style pizza & a couple of short-ribs, then stopped at a mom n pop store for waters & Coke Zero before making our way to home base. We all took a nap – I slept for at least 3 1/2 hours & have several, very vague memories of theBean coming in to check on me; I eventually woke with a start to her sitting on her bed (we’re in 2 twins in our guest room) looking intently at me. The weight of her gaze & the power of her presence must have woken me :)

By this time it was almost 8 p.m.(!) & I was still full from lunch, so I snacked on some cool watermelon from the the fertile south region of the country, & reviewed my notes for the speech I’m giving today at church. At home we’re in Ecclesiastes so I modified a couple of messages I’ve recently done & put something together from Ecclesiastes 5:18-6:9.  Church starts around 2 & will go to 4:30-5 p.m. Then it’s packing & prep time, complete with a visit to a proper grocery store for any supplies we might need as we head in the morning to the outskirts of the city & the same “Be Fine” Hotel we stayed at with our full team of pastors last year.

Tomorrow starts the CA version of the DLT, & it will go until Wednesday afternoon, at which time we’ll say goodbye to Y&G & fly to the Caucuses for round 2.

It was a great day. Thank you in advance for your prayers & encouragements.

Central Asia – Caucuses – Days #3-5 –

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The 10 (Istanbul) & now 12 (CA) hour time difference, coupled with travel shock & not enough sleep make me doubt how many days we’ve been at this… I’m at the spot where fingers are starting to help with counting the days etc, so maybe later I’ll give it another shot. Bottom line: we’re doing well; mostly rested & settled firmly in Central Asia (CA) , staying for the next 3 days with our new friends, Y & G.

We loved our time in Istanbul, & spent the evening soaking up the ambiance, resting in our hotel, & dotting i’s/crossing t’s to depart for the next leg of the trip. After a quick taxi ride, our we headed to the airport 3 hours early, just in case there were snafus. There weren’t any, but its good to be prepared.

The flight from Istanbul to CA left at 12:45 a.m., which meant navigating the airport, late-night. It’s my 2nd experience & my 2nd country having a crack-of-doom departure time, & both experiences have been Vegas-casino like. Super-bright lights, packed terminals, & all the activity & bustle you would associate with the casino night life of city that never sleeps, minus the slots & games. Of course its a peak travel time for a big chunk of the world… its just not a peak travel time experience that I am used to.  Yet.

Seamless travels & a mostly quick 5 hour trip landed us a few minutes before 8 a.m. We navigated customs & baggage over the course of about 90 minutes, & made our way out to meet our host, Y, a local Foursquare pastor & overseer that we met during last year’s trip. Y is a planter of churches, the coordinator of an inter-denominational fellowship of Christian churches throughout the country (& several of the surrounding countries as well.)

Arrived at Y’s home & was met by his wife, G, & a killer breakfast spread. The majority of what we ate came from their garden (fruits & vegetables), their neighbors (farm-fresh eggs), & a collection of dried peaches, raisins, & nuts from nearby countries. CA is super inter-connected.

No sleep the night before + a full belly = waves of overwhelming drowsiness. We excused ourselves to our room & crashed HARD for about 6 hours (!) Woke up discombobulated, but got to reconnect, albeit briefly, our dear friend Al – before he headed to the airport. We’ll see him next Wednesday when we go to the Caucuses.

The power went out around 2 p.m. (a not-usual happening in this next of the woods) so Y&G took us to a local place for dinner for laghman & shashlik. So good – & our conversations & laughter over the food was precious, esp. as we navigate the language barrier using hand gestures, best guesses & translation apps, etc.

Got back to the house to find that the power was back on (!) & there was great rejoicing. Sat around the table for a bit with good chocolate (from Sweden) & hot tea. Planned & plotted the Saturday activity – with the heat (approaching 100F) we are headed to the mountains to take a tram ride up a 10,000 footer to enjoy the views, see the sites, & hang out together.

Also, confirmed that I will be teaching at the afternoon Sunday service (if you’re up at 2 a.m. Sunday, pray for me) & I think I’ll be doing something from Ecclesiastes 5:18-6:9… a spin-off from our current “Meaning of Life” Ecclesiastes series at Hillside. We’ll be heading to the “Be Fine Hostel” on the outskirts of the city sometime Monday morning, & diving into the 1st DLT.

Thank you for your prayers & thank you for your encouragements. We are thankful & daily reminded of the relationships, care, covering, protection, & blessings God HAS & IS providing for us through this process. It’s a joy & an adventure.

I am a seed, embracing limits, & other musings…

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I find myself doing more pondering than I used to do, even a few short months ago… not sure if its solely the lag & slowly-but-surely attempt to re-engage the motor that always happens for me coming back from a long trip as I work through the physical, mental, & emotional costs of said trip, no matter how enjoyable or productive it may have been.

Work is different & the rhythms I’d grown used to (fallen into) over the last few years have been shaken up with a (virtual) head-shaking, sinus-clearing whiff of smelling salts brought on by change. Instead of just jumping back into the known & the familiar, I find myself stopping & observing, thinking on & through, & leaning more & more on my foundations for encouragement & possibly, for some directions as I go forward into December & toward the brink of 2024.

Jerry Cook used to say, “If you don’t know what you’re DOING, limit your activities. And if you don’t know what to SAY, limit your words.”  And so in these days I’m finding myself choosing (rather than begrudgingly complaining my way to & through) to embrace those limits of NOT knowing, surely, confidently, what to do. To say.

It’s not apathy. Nor inertia. It has the feel of a ‘gathering of self’ kinda like you’d do before you’d JUMP or SPRING towards something. (I’m picturing Mario C Champagne, a childhood cat much loved by all, getting ready to pounce. And pounce he did. But he could also linger. But I digress.)  i occasionally feel pressure (probably from firstborn, formerly Type A me) to DO something, to JUMP in & lead loud & fast & confidently towards… something. But what I have is nothing concrete, merely the subtle encouragements, a sense of being drawn towards/by the things/person I know & trust… to keep taking the steps in front of me that need to be taken. To lean on myBean & also on my Savior, trusting that I need both to encourage & remind me of things spoken to me long ago, things that are in process of being worked through now.

Sitting at my desk, looking out the window. Melancholy? Peace?

And I’m hit with this: I am a seed, (with the lyrics too.) Haven’t thought of that song in a minute (or a decade.) And yet… I am a seed. SOMETHING is definitely happening, but there’s not much ACTIVITY happening. Like a seed. In the ground. Waiting for the shaking off of the old form, the kernel that’s held me for so long, waiting for roots to sprout DOWN & for life to spring UP. Knowing I can’t make it happen by wanting, as the process isn’t mine to force. I’m on the timeline of Another; the Gardener who planted me knows His times & His seasons. And He knows not only WHEN the shaking/breaking will begin (emerge?) but also WHAT will come forward. And, like the fruit/plant/green that doesn’t even remotely resemble the seed it came from, that which is coming (probably) won’t look like the seed did… but it will be GOOD. And then the activities, the words, will be more evident.

This is the way. Walk in it. These are the words. Speak them.

Deutschland 2023 – Days #15 & 16 “Fun with Alex & Linda, which mostly involved trying out new restaurants & street food… “

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Day 15 – the afternoon & evening

We met Alex & Linda in the courtyard of the building where our flats are located, & made our way through the maze to one of the adjoining streets to meet our Uber. They typically employ 1 of 4 modes of transportation: walking, riding a bike, hiring an Uber/taxia, or (rarely) taking the public transportation system (combo of buses/S & U-bahn trains.) The driver dropped us off & it was just a short walk to Parma Pizza. To say it was a hole in the wall makes it seem bigger than it was… there were 3 or 4 tables crammed into 2 rooms, & the ‘kitchen’ was literally 2 steps from our table. Alex stepped into the kitchen twice & was reprimanded each time for violating the ‘chef’s’ space, but it’s not like he could access his seat without stepping into the kitchen. Inside of the rooms looked like a half-finished construction site where the workers had gone home for the weekend, leaving a bunch of stuff half-done, with tools & supplies strewn around the room. There were two guys in the kitchen area; one, the owner/chef, the other, a guy who kept sampling the box of wine on the edge of the super tiny refrigerator. He reminded me of someone who was probably a buddy of the owner who comes to hang out at his buddy’s place in the hopes he’ll be able to sponge some free food & drink if he hangs out long enough. The chef guy looked as though he was an Italian photographer just returned from a taxing & oh-so-draining photoshoot somewhere & by the way he acted, it sure didn’t seem like he was happy to have customers. I dubbed him “Artist Guy” & the other guy was “the Leech.” 

He finally got around to bringing us our menus & made a big show about the artistry of his pizzas… he took the time to explain several of the pizza options to us, in German & English, even though we already knew what we wanted to order. Once we ordered, he engaged in conversation with the Leech for about 15 minutes, seemingly forgetting we were there. Eventually our drink orders came, with our bottled water & the finest boxed red wine the kitchen had to offer placed hurriedly on the table so Artist guy could get back to his conversation.

He remembered we were there to EAT, so he frantically began to assemble the ingredients for the pizzas we’d ordered on his prep counter & then painstakingly made the pizzas, popping them 1 by 1 into the pizza oven on the far side of the kitchen. Good thing they only had to bake for about 90 seconds. Artist guy deposited the pizzas in front of us & stepped back into the kitchen. 

About this time, a younger guy arrived, complete with a dark mullet of curls on his head (theBean said they were the size of the classic pink 1 1/2″ sponge hair roller that hadn’t been brushed out after removing the curlers); he spoke only broken English & his native Italian, & he seemed to be there to do all the jobs Artist guy didn’t want to do.

Pizza was ok – I got a Salamewurst & Tomato & Mozzarella & theBean had a ham pizza (ham put on after the pizza cooked, much to her chagrin & displeasure.) We ate our fill & laughed a lot around the tiny table in the bizarre pizza place/construction zone while the Leech drank more wine & the Mullet guy went through the motions of cleaning & puttering around looking for something. 

We had a blast… time with Alex & Linda is always the BEST time. Good conversations on a variety of topics: Jesus, church life, health, exercise, conspiracy theories, Joe Rogan, specialty meal replacement shakes, work (Alex works in a start-up that does high end health supplements & Linda is a supervisor in the educational system, focusing much of her life on helping foreigners & others trying to make the best of school in Germany.)

Alex had us rolling with his active & quick sense of humor & Linda’s joy & love of life are evident in every conversation we had with her. Truly dear & much loved friends. 

After our meal, since it wasn’t raining (YES) we decided to stretch our legs & walk home through the dark back streets of Berlin’s Kreuzberg & Neukölln neighborhoods; it only took about 30 minutes & it was really refreshing, esp. considering how much we had sat around with little activity the first week of our trip. Went up to their flat for more talks & a late night glass of wine… eventually made our way across the courtyard to our flat & were in our room a minute later. It was a good day.

DAY 16 – Templehof, Street Food, & Crazy Kim’s

Woke up late & headed to the Cafe Bread for coffee & a breakfast pastry… guy from yesterday wasn’t working (bummer) & but the new girl hooked us up & quickly as we settled into our spot to read, enjoy our coffee & people watch. Alex worked until 1 p.m. & Linda until 5, so theBean & I went for a walk through the neighborhood & picked up some supplies from the local grocery store. When Alex called us, we met him outside at an Uber & made our way downtown for some “on the go” site-seeing & a quick stop for a ‘snack’ at Goldie’s Smashburger &.I’ve had smashburgers in the US & they were ok… nothing compared to a good 3×3 animal style, protein style, w/extra grilled onions & cheese, no tomato, no spread, ketchup & mustard please @ In-N-Out burger, but ok.  

This was > ok. This was incredible. Keep in mind, we stopped here for a snack… & also because we hadn’t had a burger our whole time in Germany. So of course, we ended up getting doubles, which were the size of my two fists together. We came at the perfect time, so no line. By the time we were done eating, the line had wandered down the block. We crushed our burgers (so good) & took turns sampling the fries until we couldn’t eat any more. This was, by far, the food highlight of our trip. 

After eating waaaay too much for a snack, we wanted to do some walking, so we made our way through the streets til we finally got to the old Templehof Airport (check out the link for Templehof above), the site of the Berlin airdrops that saved Berlin in 1948 & 1949 (go USA). This massive former airport is now a recreation area, where miles of former taxi & runways have been turned into places for exercise, (bikes, roller blades, scooters, & foot power), with large grassy areas here & there for picnics, kid-friendly recreation, & a couple designated dog parks. Very cool, & lots of places to stop & read about the history of the place. Spent about 90 minutes walking & ended up on the far side of the airport, where we (thank the Lord) found bathrooms that were open & available for usage, without any fee. (NOTE: most of the time to use a toilet in a store/restaurant in Germany/Europe, it will cost you at least 1 Euro. Put that on your list of Even More Things to be thankful for at home.) 

Caught an Uber home, with just enough time to rest, change clothes, & meet Linda to catch another Uber to our dinner place, Crazy Kim’s Korean. We got seated by Kim herself at a table in the entry way, & placed our orders. This restaurant was one they hadn’t been to before, but our coming to visit gave them an opportunity. Food was decent & there were 15 appetizer bites brought to our table (no choice in the matter) & it was fun to try different things. For our main dishes, I got bulgogi & theBean got Korean short-ribs.

But the highlight of the night, for me, was the 2 women who came in shortly after us. One of them HAD to be the owner’s daughter & the other seemed to be a beloved best friend, because Kim doted on the super fancy & chic ladies, dressed in what were probably pretty fashionable (definition: super weird clothes that real people don’t wear) all the while snapping photos of themselves, each other, & the little pocket sized dog the daughter brought in in her purse. If you’ve ever seen wanna-be IG ‘influencers’ in action, you have an idea of our entertainment for the duration of dinner. They helped themselves to all sorts of things behind the bar, often leaving their table to walk around the building, often retreating into the “private” & “Staff only”, only to emerge later & hit the bar again. So. Funny.

Finished dinner & made our way to our Uber outside. The drive home only took 5 minutes, so we had to be close, but it was raining & we’d already walked about 8 miles earlier in the day. As it was our last night, we made our way up to Alex & Linda’s flat again, & sat around their table trying to pack as many conversations as possible into the time we had left. So precious. 

We sadly made our way back to our flat to sleep the short night’s sleep that comes before the departure flight home. We’d made plans to come to their flat in the morning for a cup of coffee & hugs goodbye, so we knew we’d get to see them at least one more time before we left. 

Slept well, with dreams of home in our minds.

Some thoughts on “connection” & other musings on a Monday…

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Was browsing my morning roundup of “all things interesting in the world of Sport” while waiting for the Monday meetings to start & something caught my eye. First, a little background:

Yesterday at church, both in the announcements & in the speech, theBean & I referenced a few of the goals that we have for people who call Hillside their home. One of those goals is simply stated as a desire for Hillsiders to know, experience, & nurture deep, meaningful, life-to-life connections (real relationships where you’re known & where you know others in return,) with other people.

This morning I came across this ARTICLE in ESPN. In it, the wife of Rams QB Matthew Stafford shared some significant insights about her husband’s experiences with attempted connection with his young teammates. Stafford described how difficult he was finding it with his current team, compared to previous experiences. He’s quoted as saying:

“In the old days you’d come out of practice, you’d shower, & people would be playing cards, interacting. Who knows what they’re doing, but they’re doing something together. Playing pingpong, they have a tournament going on. They’d at least be talking. But now they get out of practice, & meetings during training camp, & they go straight to their phones. No one looks up from their phones…What do I DO here?'”

Wow.

To me, this is an incredible testimony about a common, everyday practice/behavior pattern that not only doesn’t HELP with meaningful connection with others, it actually HURTS & INHIBITS it.

I shared the info with theBean & she commented, “Think about being in the airport yesterday. Even the couples that were sitting together were lost in their phones.” As I reminisced about the day, I thought about every place we’d gone: multiple airports; a hotel lobby; a restaurant. All with people glued to their phones. 

Not throwing rocks here. I’ve BEEN that guy. WE’VE ALL been that guy/girl. 

But it seems that when its the RULE of our life, our meaningful connections may suffer as a result. Makes me want to be even more mindful of this little device (& what it represents – distraction, diversion, disconnection, escape, etc.) & to be the boss of IT & not have IT be the boss of me.

Praying for meaningful connections that lead to life-giving relationships & real community for theBean & I; for my kids; for my grandkids (for whom this world of me-focused entertainment & diversion will be their generations native environment.) & for you.

Blessings to you today.

A thought on conflict & other musings on a Friday…

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This morning I was listening to one of the podcasts I try to catch weekly (The Ryen Russillo Podcast – its sports, entertainment, discussion on movies, & life advice.) Today’s episode featured a conversation with longtime NBA referee (& now Head of Referees) Monty McCutchen. Something McCutchen said about conflict really jumped out at me. Here’s my sum-up version (with apologies to Mr. McCutchen):

“I’ve been in this business for 30 years; I don’t try to avoid conflict, but rather to maximize the positive impact conflict can have on relationships. Think about it: if we’re both in the same field over a 30-year period of time, there will be countless opportunities where conflict can & will arise. It might be over a differing opinion over a call I make, it might be a personality clash, it could be anything. But  the fact that we BOTH are going to be interacting in each others lives for decades is enough reason to use conflict positively, as something that allows us to build & grow our relationship. Because our lives are about MORE than this conflict we’re having – if we both can keep that in mind, we can learn to embrace humility, recognize our own faults & challenges, & contend for lasting relationship. Because in the end, that’s what’s most important in life.”

I’ve been thinking about that statement all day… especially because in my experience, conflict is something that I don’t relish, let alone look forward to as a potential “growth opportunity.” (Honestly, most of the growth opportunities I seem to have encountered are as attractive as a novacaine-free root canal. But I digress…) This isn’t the first time I’ve encountered the “conflict leads to growth” idea, but it is the first time in a long time I’ve thought about it long enough to begin to grab ahold of & work on embracing it… again, not seeking conflict just to stir things up, but seeing conflict as an inevitability for people who have chosen to walk through life together. Maybe its in a workplace, family situation, or more pointedly for me & my life, in a church community.

Looking back, the greatest friends that I have in this life are people with which I’ve navigated significant conflict & come out the other side.

I’m going to be thinking on this some more…

In other news, I went to the doctor in January of this year for my annual checkup. As I just turned 50, I discovered that there are several recommended tests & procedures recommended for this man who is now of a certain age. Let’s just say there were lots of “discussions” about prostates, colons, & other fun & (exciting!) procedures that need to be undertaken as a part of the new “50 year old’s health & wellness journey.” I left the office that day not necessarily looking forward to what was in front of me.

Fast forward 6 months – I received an email with a reminder that I need to get a colonoscopy scheduled & performed as soon as possible. In the midst of the pandemic & other craziness of 2020, it had completely skipped my mind. Until yesterday. Oh joy.

I called & left a message & then received a return call a few short minutes later. The P.A. on the other end of the call started off the conversation saying, “So, I hear that you are wanting to schedule a colonoscopy…” Now, words MEAN things to me; I can’t say, “Yeah, I want to schedule this…” as – I HAVE NOT & DO NOT want to have this procedure, but my primary care doctor strongly recommended this for me. So I relayed this to the nice lady: “Want to schedule? No. Need to schedule at my Doc’s request? Yes.”

And she laughed.

Sweet iced tea is too sweet for me. But I love to  put a packet of Splenda in my Pure Leaf Unsweetened Black Tea. Go figure.

After an 18 month writing/blogging hiatus, I feel like I am beginning to get back in the swing of things. I missed this.

Valentine’s Day, families, & other musings on a windy Wednesday…

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I forgot it was Valentine’s Day today. Ouch.

TheBean & I have been on the road most of this week, & just rolled into the driveway last night in time to grab a quick bite, check in with granddaughter Mila, & head to bed.

So when I woke up this morning, I had (literally) NO idea what day of the week it was, let alone the date. To my credit, I DID know it was (probably) still February. Went through my “morning coffee & Lara bar routine,” followed by about 10 minutes of wondering whether I’d taken my vitamins yet (there are 6 involved in the daily routine, & it has become so routine, I forget if I’ve taken them approx. 10 seconds after gulping them all down. I need a system, like an “X” on the calendar. But I digress.)

Anyway, by the time I realized it was Valentine’s Day, it was already 2 hours into the day & I’d interacted with theBean several times already. Gotta say I wasn’t too worried about theBean being hurt or upset at this point, as A) I know she doesn’t really pay attention to dates/holidays; B) she is in as much of a brain-jumble as I am.

But still.

So… several hours into today, I asked myBean, “By the way, will you be my valentine?” And she smiled at me, & said, “Yes.” And gave me a big hug to boot. #winning #HerLoveLanguageIsQualityTime #ActsOfService

At Hillside, we’re in a series about growing in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (loosely based on the principles of the book by the same name by Peter Scazzero. You can get it HERE. ) Last week’s message addressed the significant impact our families (defined as the 3 generations before our birth) can have on us, either positively or negatively.

For example, some negative family traits that could be passed down to us to the point where they become “just how we roll:”

  • abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, etc…) out-of-control anger; addiction/addictive behaviors; unfaithfulness; lying; favoritism; broken relationships;
  • financial instability/extremes; materialism; lack of grace, forgiveness, love; inability to grieve loss/disappointment
  • weird spirituality; lack of emotional connection/stability/balance
  • racism, discrimination; sexism; unhealthy attitudes/practices towards sexuality

You get the picture. Rarely do we do the digging into our own families of origin to look at the positives/negatives of the peoples’ lives that were lived & then passed down to us. We often don’t examine the sinful/destructive behaviors of our people, but rather generalize explanations: “Well, we’re Irish, so we lose our temper & drink a lot,” or, “We’re Italian, so if you ever cross us, you should just expect retaliation. And we never forget.”  Worse, we may never see those destructive habits/life-patterns as something we are capable of seeing transformed by the power of Christ in our lives.

With that said, as a part of my research, I looked for behaviors that could contribute to the creation of ‘healthy family relationships.’ And here’s what I found:

  • The leading contributor to a healthy family? Engaging in patterns of “positive family rituals,” both big (e.g. regular vacations with fun & shared activities – doesn’t have to be expensive, just shared; celebrating birthdays/the significance of each person in the family; how holidays are celebrated “this is the Locke family tradition;) & small, (having a regular “state of the family” check ins; eating a daily meal together, w/o television/screens; incorporating themed meals into regular routine, “Breakfast for Dinner day” etc…)
  • So what do these “positive family rituals” do to help contribute to the creation & maintenance of healthy family relationships? According to research, these positive family rituals build “a shared sense of identity, trust, cohesion, & respect.” 

As I think about this… my kids are all grown & married, with their own families. And yet, theBean & I can still contribute to helping create “positive family rituals” for our kids/grandkids… things like having “family dinner,” special birthday celebrations, hosting grandkid sleepovers (with their own traditions), & the like. It’s never too late to build up our families in whatever season of life they may be.