Tag Archives: Relationships

Deutschland Travels, Spring 2010, #1-2

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Sunday is a blur. TheBean whisked me away right after church to the airport, & we had the familiar experience of saying our goodbyes. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to them.

Once I was alone in the airport, surrounded by strangers, the familiar travel-brain kicked in. Pay attention to the announcements. Check all the Departure screens. Check them again. Hurry up & wait.

The layover in San Francisco was a robust 4 hours 20 minutes – an unavoidable inconvenience due to United cutting back on a few of their Reno/SF legs. Fortunately, playoff hoops was on, & the Gordon Biersch restaurant was serving…

Finally boarded the plane, & made my way back to my assigned seat, praying all the way. Praying for what, you might ask? For a small human to occupy the seat next to me. With emphasis on the word small. Makes the long eastward bound ‘sleep’ flight that much easier to bear.

Turns out, the flight was 11 hours long, as it was re-routed due to the so-famous-its-INfamous Ash Cloud. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. I did manage to fit in about 7 total hours of sleep, mostly broken into 1 & 2 hour chunks. Better than the alternative, & I shall get good sleep tonight! So say we all!

Tonight, (as well as the week of Saturday, 1 May – 8 May,) I am staying with Eddy & Laura Dueck; he’s the pastor of our sister church in Frankfurt – they just moved into their new home in February after a pretty extensive remodel & reshaping to make the flat ‘reflect’ them. Took a bit to just relax & get settled in… & to get reacquainted with the Dueck’s 3 boys – Taylor 6; Elliot 3; & Max 2. To say that they have an active house would be an understatement. :)

Read a little, & then took a walk through the streets of Bockenheim (think Bistro Sahin, Subway, the White Tower, & the Rewe,) they live only a few blocks away from TPLF. So with our sister church as my North Start point of orientation, I know exactly where I am now. Which means I just may Run Real Fast in the morning. On purpose.

Eddy & Laura put the boys down, & went to a birthday party – meaning I’m the ‘on-call’ sitter. No sooner had they headed out, than #1 son Taylor made his way into the office where I’m writing & hung out with me for a while, sharing the kinds of stories that firstborns everywhere can relate to. Of little brothers. Getting to do things First. Feeling like a grown up at 6.

I DO plan on awakening refreshed in the morning – & will meet with Eddy to discuss my itinerary for the next couple of weeks. Then in the evening at 6 p.m. (meaning Tuesday at 9 a.m. PST,) I’ll be headed to Mainz to visit with Jan & Susanna von WIlle, & the church Jan pastors, enChristo. There shall be barbecue. And interaction & talks. I’m looking forward to it – it’s a great privilege to be able to spend time with people in their town, living life with them, hearing their stories. I love this place & these people.

Reflecting on the value of encouragement, not living self-focused, practicing thankfulness & thanksgiving, & being relentlessly committed to following Christ with everything, in every way. Praying for my family. Blessing the new life in Hillside (New Life = growth & CHANGE if you didn’t know.) Wondering what Jesus will bring my way.

“The best laid plans of mice & men…” or “How I’m learning to roll with the waves…”

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The best laid plans of mice & men go oft astray… Robert Burns – To A Mouse

I’m scheduled to fly to Germany on Sunday, 4/25, & this particular trip is something that I’ve been looking forward with great anticipation. April 27-30, I’m supposed to be meeting with pastors & leaders in Foursquare churches in & around the Rhein/Main area of Germany – to further relationships, to encourage them in their current life & church situation, & to be encouraged in return.

Probably the biggest thing I’d be doing is helping bring a deeper understanding & connection with the larger church family that we’re all apart of… to communicate & hopefully live out the core, the heart, purposes, & essence of what it means to be Foursquare, something that the Foursquare Deutschland national leader, Jan von Wille, believes to be especially important & timely for the German churches he oversees.

Connecting with, encouraging, & investing in pastors & churches in Germany is something that I’ve been doing for about 12 years now, & to be able to be a part of what is happening there is a real privilege, & is something that brings me great joy.

And then there’s an ash cloud. In case you’ve missed it, (& I know there’s a few who have, as I’ve spoken to you,) a volcano in Iceland has been erupting for the last week or so, steadily spewing volcanic ash into the atmosphere… which has resulted in most of Europe being ‘closed’ to any air travel, as ash is very damaging to airplane engines, often building up in them, causing them to overheat & stop working. Which is not a good thing.

Europe is closed? Hmm. Didn’t see that coming.

There is talk that the wind patterns may change this Thursday, allowing air-traffic to resume; & there’s also talk that the expanding ash cloud may result in disruptions off & on for the next 6 months or so.

My brain is all over the place rehearsing different scenarios… if it clears up this week & flights resume & I go, will I be able to make it back? What if the wind shifts, the ash continues? I find myself laughing out loud at the thought of talking to my friend Eddy, the pastor of our sister church, Treffpunkt Leben (Meeting Point Life): “Hey Eddy. Good news & bad news. Good news, If you need any help around the church, I’m in. Bad news, I’ll be staying with YOU for the foreseeable future.”

TheBean has weighed in… she would definitely prefer me living in Sparks with her. Thanks babe. I appreciate it.

In all of it, I’m praying for peace & clarity. And I’m rolling with the waves, yet firmly anchored.

musings on a Slow Saturday…

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I’m functioning on EST pretty well – getting to bed by 10 or 11, usually rolling out about 8. Last night, I hit the sack a little earlier & the next thing I knew, I awoke to the sounds of falling rain. No thunder that I could hear, just the regular rhythm of rain on the pavement outside… if I wasn’t on the ground floor (out of 3 levels) perhaps I’d be talking about rain on the roof, which is one of my favorite sounds… & it was 9:45 in the a.m.

A part of my brain kicked in, knowing that 9:45 is LATE & there must be SOMETHING that needs to happen, something I need to do, a place to go… as the sleepy haze left, I once again realized that today is Slow Saturday – & day with Nothing on the agenda, the day of my week where I intentionally scheduled Nothing. I was roused from my thought by the beeping of the coffee pot finishing its brew cycle. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the coffee pot letting me know it is done… only thing cooler would be if it said, “Hey. Finished!”

Reading a lot, with lots of interruptions for thinking. A conversation I had with Chuck yesterday has been circling my brain – perhaps not so much in what was said in the conversation, but in the WHERE the conversation led to in my thoughts…

What keeps coming up is Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

I’m thinking on friendship – the kind of true friendship Proverbs addresses – the kind of friend that will stick with you through thick & thin, in good & bad – who wants the best for you – who sticks up for you if others run you down when you’re not around – who can genuinely be happy for you when something good happens to you, & who grieves with you in your pain.

And mostly, I’m thinking about how a friend, a good, true friend – will speak the truth in love – & be willing to say something that is hard to hear – to act as a ‘mirror’ – reflecting the truth of the matter, what they see & observe when so many others would cover over, ignore, &/or turn their head away.

I think in principle we want that kind of friend, but in reality, its easier to respond poorly to them – to deny, discount, &/or reject what they’re saying – to go on the defensive & pour out the excuses why the things they are mentioning are Not My Fault… maybe more often, we go on the offensive, & take shots at them – getting on a High Horse & lobbing verbal grenades at the one who would Dare to say such things to us. Even if its just them reflecting what they see.

I think that it takes a lot of humility to be able to receive correction – & trust, that the person speaking really does love me, & isn’t just pointing out faults to belittle me &/or to make themselves ‘bigger.’ That they want the best for me. That the ‘wounds’ they’ve given are more truthful & more important to me being able to grow & develop into the person I want to be than all the deceptive, pandering, & disingenuous ‘kisses’ of an enemy…

On more than 1 occasion, I’ve been on the receiving end of rebuke, correction, & reflection – & every time, it was tough to hear – but in retrospect, I prefer going through each of those difficult talks, & having to really, really work through stuff, than I would have wanted them to say nothing, or worse, tell me that what they saw wasn’t So Bad, esp. compared to Some.

Sigh.

It seems to me that the alternative of self-justification, self-righteousness, & pride aren’t worth it.

I want to have real friends, & also to BE a real friend. Especially when its tough.

Finished my LOTR Extended Version marathon. Still cry at when Sam & Frodo are alone on the rock, surrounded by liquid hot Mag-Ma. Maybe it’s the Frodo/Sam friendship that has been a part of provoking these musings as well. Hmm.

I saw love…

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I saw love…

Last week, I decided to be proactive & deal with my soon-to-expire drivers license. Brother told me what Tom had told him – waiting in line FOR-ever at the Galletti NV-DMV is over-rated… so he told me about the NV-DMV Commercial license renewal place thingy on E. Greg. Evidently, the word on the street is that the Commercial Drivers License place also does REGULAR license renewals for Rubes like me. Even better, Brother had spent a total of 15 minutes in the place & finished all the business one could ever want to finish. Ahhh. Sounds like my kind of place.

Found it. And let’s just say it was a leettlle bit busier that when Tom & Brother had been there. Waiting room had 10 people in it, (which I know is still less than Galletti on an average day,) so I went to the cool, “Take A Number” station, pulled Lucky 403, & found a seat. And waited.

I hadn’t brought any of my normal time passers with me (books, chocolate, portable coffee, or wasser mit kohlensäure) so I went into introspection mode, which unfortunately lasted only about 37 seconds. Done with that, so I decided to look around the room & ‘observe’ the other individuals that were sharing the space that I had mistakenly assumed would be empty.

A couple in the waiting area caught my eye – it was the worried look on her face, & the hushed but strong tones they were speaking in. If I had to guess how old they were, I’d have said 50, but it was hard to tell, because it appeared that they had both lived ‘hard’ lives… you know what I mean… the years had etched themselves into their countenance, leaving visible marks from grief, disappointment, & hardship. Other signs – clothes: a worn & grubby sundress… workman’s shirt, jeans, & boots that had seen much better days… the tell-tale yellowish residue on skin & hair from smoking too many packs of cigarettes for too long, resulting in the visible affects that your mom warned you would happen if you smoked all your life. The woman looked a bit like I remember my Grandma Ramona looking…

I watched from the corner of my eye as their communication became more animated – it became apparent that the woman was scared… she had to take a vision test for her license renewal, & it was obvious she didn’t think she’d pass it. The anxiousness & worry became more pronounced as she got closer to her turn at the vision-apparatus. The man touched her arm gently & made “Shushing” noises… not the “be quiet” ones, but the kind you make to comfort a crying baby.

Her body stiffened when her number was called; she sat in the chair in front of the machine, & he sat next to her, his hand on her back. She took the test & passed. She was relieved. Now to get the picture for the new license.

They walked together to the area where the new pictures would be taken – she was self-conscious – I saw her look disapprovingly at herself, her clothes, & run her fingers through her hair – the signs of sadness, not wanting to get her picture taken.

The man pulled something out of the back pocket of his work pants. It was a hair brush – making the same, reassuring “Shushing” noises, he turned her towards him & began to gently, carefully, brush her long hair. After a couple of minutes of this, he put the brush away & with great care arranged her hair behind her ears, pulled back a bit from her face. And as she was called to the picture taking station, he put one hand on her chin, gazed into her eyes, & quietly said, “You are so pretty.”

The eyes that had been downcast, preoccupied, & self-conscious glimmered & sparkled with the confidence that comes from being loved by someone, that comes by choosing to believe that what you’ve just heard is the God’s honest truth. She sat & smiled for her picture, then arose, took the man’s hand, & they walked out together.

I saw love… & it touched me…

musings on the 1st of July

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Let’s just say that I’ve been a bit… deliberate in my blogging the last few weeks… meaning, its been slow. Not because there’s nothing to blog about, (because, really, has that ever stopped me before,) but rather because I’m processing in my head. And I’m back, with an intent to bring the cheese.

Today is anniversary #20 of my marriage to theBean. When I think back through all the little ‘coincidences’ that led to us connecting that 3rd week of June, 1988, it boggles my mind. Perhaps I’ll spend a little time revisiting the birth of our adventure.

I’m not much of a Destiny believer (meaning: there’s 1 person out there for me & Destiny will bring us to-gev-uh…) which automatically identifies me as a “chick-flick hater” (not true: I’ll watch ’em. Just don’t buy into ’em.) And as a “non-romantic” (also not true: I may not be the Dr. of Love, but I have been known to be able to romance, wine, & dine my girl…)

However, there were more than a few ‘what if’s’ that had to come together – when I was reminiscing about that with theBean, I asked her, “How could I get so lucky that you would love ME?” She said, “Hmm. Good question. You must’ve just been in the right place at the right time…” With a smile.

I was thinking about my life, & wondering if I would enjoy it if my job had a “summer break” – like my 3 kids do. Sometimes, the loads of free time, lounging around, doing whatever, whenever, however seems attractive. And then I realize that one of life’s great joys is the ability to do something with purpose…

Mind you, I’m not talking about deriving my worth from work; instead, its knowing that my life matters. Being able to put my hands to something, to give my all & do my best plays a role in the feeling of contentment. I’ve been reading through Ecclesiastes & found something that sums that up for me:

Here is what I have seen to be and fitting: to eat, to drink, & enjoy oneself in all one’s labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward…Ecclesiastes 5:18 NASB

Perhaps the doldrums, depression, & discontent come from not having something to apply one’s hands to? Not just a job, but a place to volunteer, help out, give of oneself. Hmmm.

Just booked my time at CSR for the 3rd week of August. Me & theBean spent some time there last year & it was life-changing. If you’d like to reminisce (I know I did!) you can check out the posts from last August HERE

Current reading list:

  • Love, Acceptance, & Forgiveness – the re-release by Jerry Cook. Sweet. It just came out, & I can’t put it down.
  • Mother Kirk – by Douglas Wilson – a study in practical ecclesiology (the study of church doctrine,) in the reformed tradition… Hmmm.
  • The Mishnah – though I’m using it more as a resource & research book rather than reading through it cover to cover…
  • Emotionally Healthy Spirituality – Peter Scazzero – revisiting this in advance of my solo August journey to CSR…

    Time to go work out. Then home to shower, put on my foo-foo clothes, & out to dinner (which will be, most likely a slab of beef,) with my One, myBean, the love of my life, mother of my children, most B-E-A-Utiful woman in the entire world…

    Sigh.

    • rain down…

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    I was talking to the kids yesterday during our most recent downpour… just soaking in (literally) the smell of the rain, which is one of my favorite smells in the whole world (next to the purple meets cotton candy fragrance that theBean wears.) One of them said, “Dad, all this rain isn’t NORMAL, is it?”

    Thought about it for a minute & answered: “Nope. But I’m not complaining. Let’s enjoy it while its here…” And we are.

    Made it to & through Convention/Connection unscathed. Convicted. Challenged. Loved by friends & fam. Blessed with a surprise trip to Disneyland, my favorite place to go ever (right next to minor-league baseball parks…) But unscathed. Maybe a little larger in the soul. I’m believing for it.

    Just passed the time of year when I’d normally be in Frankfurt for my Spring visit to our sister church – this year’s visit will have to wait until November. I’m missing friends.

    Don’t know if its all the sitting last week that aggravated a stiff back, or something else… but I’ve been having intermittent back spasms up & down since last Friday. No buono… Which is why I go see Dr. G, & then things feel better. Less twisty, that’s for sure.

    I don’t have a map. Or a blueprint. Lost them a few years ago, back in the days when I was a lot smarter than I am now, & knew what I was going to do & how I was going to do it. Got reminded of that last week.

    By the way… don’t tell my 3 kids – It only looks like I’m winging this whole “dad” thing because… I am.

    Jesus! Help me!

    In the next few days, I’ll be painting over a mural that has got painted in my office in April 2000. Its time for change. I’m thinking a Tolkien theme. Or at least, I am going to hang my now homeless (room-less?) LOTR posters… because they can’t stay where they are now. Sorry Frodo. Sam. Strider. But now you get to be with me in my office.

    Either my feet are growing, or my shoes are shrinking.

    I ate at The Cheesecake Factory 4 times while in Anaheim. Man, I can get used to that place, esp. the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. I dreamt about it last night. Truly.

    On that note, I heard a rumor that the Reno/Sparks area (Scheels) will get one of those if the shops in the area can boost their annual sales to Cheesecake Factory standards. Oh please, oh please.

    Reading through my Complete Jewish Bible, musing through Mishlei/Proverbs, pondering 17:17

    A friend shows his friendship at all times – it is for adversity that {such} a brother is born.

    The longer I live, the more I realize my need for friends – real friends who will stick with me, through thick & thin, in spite of my issues, who love me enough to tell me the truth & not just blow smoke…

    love

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    This afternoon theWeez & I are headed to Anaheim for our denominations convention – its an all week-er. My preparations for the trip have involved not only the usual packing issues like: “how small of a suitcase can I get away with packing in?” & “do I really need that many shirts?” but have also involved more introspection & self-examination than even I’m used to.

    Sometimes people bug me – situations bug me – church people who can & do only talk about church bug me… going to convention provides opportunity to spend ample time doing all 3 of those things… & I want to have as little time around the source & cause of my supposed issues as possible.

    And then in the middle of my 2nd pot of coffee, I realize that I need love…to freely give it the way I’ve received it. To see people as God sees them, not through jaded & selfish eyes. Not in the Bud-Light “I love you man” way either – but to love, authentically, consistently, & without measure.

    So that’s my prayer for today – LORD, fill me with your love. New eyes. Not focused just on me.

    Tuesday afternoon…

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    Life has settled into a familiar rhythm… familiar for Spring that is. Spring football practice for Pasty. Baseball 3 nights a week for I-Doey. Soccer just around the corner for theWeez. Soffa-baru 2 nights for me. Sometimes the events are all at the same place. Hmmm.

    It doesn’t FEEL hectic… it just means that our ‘free-time’ is spoken for, & we get to hang with each other in a different environment than home. And on a beautiful Nevada evening, there’s nothing better.

    I’m a people watcher. Last night at I-Doey’s game, I observed a mom with 4 kids in tow, probably between the ages of 3 & 10, 2 boys & 2 girls. She attempted, vainly, to get them to sit & watch the game. The 2 youngest (the boys) were all over the place, & were pretty active, even according to The scoey d Standard of Active-ness.

    Finally, the seemingly frustrated mom got up & said in her best “momma ain’t happy, so there ain’t no one gonna be happy” voice:

    All of you. Stop now! Come with me!

    With all 4 kids in tow, mom obviously fired up, the youngest got a big smile on his face & asked her:

    Mommy! Is this a privilege? Is this a privilege?

    She was not amused.

    But I sure was.

    Today is my mom’s birthday… & I’m musing on the fact that I am currently 10 years older than she is. Or will be. And the gap will grow.

    I’m trying to gear myself up for a week away from theBean next week. While she is holding down the proverbial fort, I will be going to Anaheim for the yearly Foursquare Convention er… ‘Connection’. It’s the gathering for the denomination that our church family belongs to. Convention is called Connection because…

    TheWeez is coming with… Lucky me. She just came out & declared her undying love & devotion for the Boston Red Sox of all teams. Fortunately, I know that she is just saying this due to her undying love & devotion that she has for a certain Red Sox fan who shall remain nameless.

    The monastery that theMoses, Brother, & I went to in March 2008 supports itself with the proceeds they make off of the vineyard on their property. While we were there, we visited their wine shop for a tasting. Great vino…

    So I joined their Wine Club. Next week, the ‘spring shipment’ comes out. Sweet. Should be here when I get back from Connection…

    monday musings…

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    Home after a great weekend spent in Portland with theBean’s cousin Christy & her husband Levi. And their little dog Winston. It turns out after 3 days together, we remembered to take 2 pictures. 2. Silly us. Hopefully, we can snag some of the pics that Levi & his family took when they came over for dinner on Saturday…

    Christy is 9 years younger than theBean & was the flower girl in our wedding… it rained (not unusual for Portland :) which was beautiful. I loved the steady but tolerable showers, the cloudy-overcastness, the glimmers of sun breaking through the clouds for seconds at a time. The food they cooked for us was incredible, & we hope to get several of the recipes to make our own…

    Both Levi & Christy work at Multnomah University, which is about 5 minutes walk from their house. As I’ve stated before, I absolutely love the higher ed environment, & my recent grad school pursuits were really fired up seeing the school & talking through all the ed. options that Levi will be exploring. Lucky.

    Words can’t really describe the impact of the weekend – catching up with Levi & Christy; watching theBean with her cousin, & finding how eerily similar they are. Like the same foods. Can’t breathe too well through their noses. Both think they’re pretty funny & laugh quite a bit. Have an interesting time pronouncing certain words, esp. words with an “S”. It was priceless.

    Makes me wonder about the power & wonder of knowing & being known… & the comfort & encouragement of seeing someone that is ‘like’ you… hmmm…

    Came home to sun. I love Reno. Clear blue skies. Light wind. Still manages to be freezing cold at night. I love it!

    4+ mile run with Brother today… the good news is that I’m still feeling it… hips, knees, ankles are doing well, which makes me happy. I’m working up to a regular schedule of 5 miles (3-4x/week) & hope to do a 10K one of these days.

    Reading through CS Lewis’ sci-fi trilogy... just finished the 1st one, & started Perelandra last night… Thursday, I start the finale……

    I enjoy the trilogy because the main character, E. Ransom, is based on JRR Tolkien… & at the same time is a completely unexceptional individual… whom nonetheless is chosen for an extraordinary series of missions, to battle evil incarnate with seemingly nothing but his wits & a growing spiritual sensitivity… good times.

    Finally caught the BSG finale. Meh.