Tag Archives: Musings

Monday evening musings…

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Sometimes, I find great comfort in marking the passing of time through the advancement of seasons as marked through TV series… the arrival of a new season of a long-awaited series is like a healing balm to aching joints… Hello, 24! And BSG!

Listening (reading?) someone arguing their ethical viewpoint doesn’t quite make sense to me… esp. the argument, “If I do this for you, then I’d have to do it for everyone…” Bull. Every situation is different – & I think you just might be hiding behind the fact that you don’t want to make a hard decision & have to live through it.

When I talk to my kids about what it was like when I was growing up, & relay specific stories relating to things that they’re going through currently in their life, they look at me like A) I’m a liar or B) like the world today is so different there’s no way what I’m saying/relating could possibly be relevant to their oh-so-sophistimicated lives…

Case in point – the High School years – I was talking to Pasty & theBean – & relating to Pasty some of the difficult decision making situations I’d been in at his age that involved the attempted seduction BY the opposite sex. I counted 10 separate instances where my virtue had been challenged, my heart wooed, & the overt assault, attempt to get me to engage prematurely in the horizontal polka had taken place… all by the time I was 17. And the Pasty Gangsta just smiled at me like I was making it all up. Oh that learning can come through the wisdom of others, & not through the School of Hard Knocks.

The richness of relationship that I have the privilege of enjoying currently is something far beyond anything that I’ve ever thought I would have. To all of you – thank you for being integrally involved in my life. You have no idea how enriching you are to me & mine.

Hershey’s chocolate stands up to any chocolate, worldwide. Swiss chocolate be darned.

U2’s new one, Get On Your Boots is out & about. Enjoy.

The Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl. A great story, & a lineup, a series of matchups that have to make Las Vegas nervous, & the Steelers lose sleep.

In retrospect, the Lord of the Rings trilogy is amazing.

I’d like to go to sleep, a sleep without dreams, without tossing & turning, a sleep with no alarm clock to ruin it. I can dream. :)

Speaking of dreaming, something that has crept into my waking hours is a longing to be warmed by the sun, cooled by the sea-spray, held by the sand, refreshed by the fruity, tropicalness in a place, domestic or exotic, where theBean & I can rest, recharge, & be filled. Oh yes, it will happen.

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Suffering…

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My last post (more of a “sentence” than a post,) was penned late at night while I was pondering something – rejection – something I know that I’m not alone in having experienced. I even have probably dished out a bit of it myself, albeit unknowingly. Anyhow, I was thinking about rejection, both from the aspect of experiencing a recent & fresh dose of it, & also from the standpoint of Jesus Christ being intimately familiar with it Himself.

When I think about the sufferings of Christ, the first thing that comes to mind is His suffering leading up to the cross – being scourged by the Roman soldiers, beaten with sticks & fists, forcibly being fitted with a crown of Jerusalem thorns… & finally being nailed to the cross.

But Jesus’ suffering wasn’t limited to the cross… in doing a little digging, you can see that His suffering was something that was experienced in every area of life. I re-read Isaiah 53 the well known prophecy about the ‘suffering servant’, a passage that foretold the suffering of Christ on the cross. However, something else in the passage caught my eye:

My servant grew up in the LORD’S presence like a tender green shoot, sprouting from a root in dry and sterile ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised, and we did not care. vv2,3

He was despised and rejected? Acquainted with the bitterest grief? I dug some more – & read through the gospels doing a word search for “rejection” & “suffering” – what I found was:

  • Matthew 10:24-26 – on the subject of suffering – if/since Jesus (the master) suffered, all of His followers will suffer as well.
  • Matthew 21:42 – Jesus was the ‘stone that the builders rejected,’ the One who has since become the Cornerstone (the main stone of a building, upon which all of the walls are based…)
  • Mark 6:1-5 – upon returning to His hometown of Nazareth, & revealing Himself as the Messiah, it says that Jesus was rejected at Nazareth – by the people who knew Him best.
  • Mark 9:12 – Jesus prophesied to His disciples that He, the Son of Man would go through sufferings & be treated with contempt
  • You can see more on this if you check out Luke 2:34; 9:22; 17:25…

    • Other thoughts race through my mind – Jesus’ family thought He was crazy, out of His mind, & came to Him while He was teaching in order to “put Him away…”

    After pouring His life out for 3 years to His disciples, one of them, Judas Iscariot, betrays Him to the Jewish leaders/Roman soldiers for 30 pieces of silver, the going price for an ox. An ox! The Son of God sold for the price of livestock. On top of that, when He was arrested, every one of His disciples ran away from Him, abandoning Him. Worse, when confronted with the opportunity to be associated with Jesus, Simon Peter denied that he even knew Jesus, 3 separate times. To a servant girl.

    In Romans 5, we’re encouraged that we should “rejoice in our sufferings, because they produce in us endurance…” And Paul, a man well acquainted with suffering & rejection, reminds us in 8:18 that the sufferings of this present time, any & everything we go through, is not even worth comparing with the glory that is awaiting us in Christ… He even says:

    I want to know Christ & the power of His resurrection & the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like Him in His death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead… Philippians 3:10

    He wants to know Christ – even if… WHEN it means the sharing of the same sufferings Christ endured.

    Later, Peter, the same Peter who betrayed Jesus Christ, writes to Christ-followers going through life’s wringer, saying:

    Do not be surprised at the fiery trial taking place – to test you– as though something strange were happening to you. Instead, rejoice as you are sharing Christ’s sufferings, so you may be glad & shout for joy when His glory is revealed. If you are rejected & hated for the name of Christ, you are blessed because the spirit of glory, which is the Spirit of God, is resting on you… if you suffer as a Christ-follower, rejoice, because you bear His name…

    The rejection & suffering that Christ endured went far beyond the cross – & often came at the hands of those He knew best, those closest to Him – His family & the people in His hometown.

    It gives me great courage & encouragement, peace & faith, to know that Christ endured this type of rejection as well, being hated, & reviled, abandoned, & denied… & He endured to the end, through it all, & gives us an example to follow – one filled with grace, healing, restoration, & life.

    Rejection hurts -& we’re promised suffering if/since we follow Christ… yet in the middle of all of it, God gives us grace to endure; to persevere. To bring glory to Him.

    running in the rain, & other musings…

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    Of all the weather to run in, I think I like running in the rain the best. Its the smell of fresh fallen rain on the asphalt, coupled with wet sagebrush, two scents that give me joy for some reason. Also, it doesn’t seem like I ran nearly as far as I did, with the absence of sun beating down on me.

    For the first time in my life, I notice a difference if I stretch after running or if I don’t.

    Got a set of pictures from a friend that’s in the Marines, serving in Iraq, & got a little glimpse of what his Thanksgiving looks like. I wept. For the sacrifice that he & other are making & have made. For the sorrow I feel at the losses that have occurred in the last years. For my own myopia, focusing on my own comfort & needs way too easily. Here’s to you, Johnny Fritsche!

    On that note, & with more than a touch of irony, I’m waiting for theBean to make it home from World Market, with many goodies for tomorrow – not the necessities & main courses, but the good stuff. Like choco jimmies from Deutschland. Special sauces. Bopcorn. Salties. And most surprisingly, a box of wine, called, “Wine 4 Grilling.” Go figure.

    We’re cleaning our rooms. All of us. And not just picking up dirties off of the floor, but the full deal-io. So clean you can vacuum.

    Can’t wait for dinner tonight. Let alone for tomorrow.

    And, I’m ready for some football. You?

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    Tuesday musings…

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    Flew into Reno about 5 – all of my flights yesterday were at least 30 minutes early due to the absence of a strong headwind – makes me ponder parallels… & how it seems there are days when I’m living into a fearsome headwind, moving uphill, & that only the most minute forward progress is made… & also the converse, when the ‘Rückenwind’ (tailwind) is so strong that it’s like running downhill. It helps with perspective, knowing that there are times when its all I can do to keep standing up & not to fall, & not to get discouraged by it, but to learn to discern the times & the days.

    Finally allowed myself to hit the sack at 8:25 – didn’t want to go to bed too early & thereby make the transition to PST & the real world that much harder. Slept until 8:45 a.m. Very nice. Yay. Now I’m just a little cloudy, & am drinking some good java (Dunkin’ Donuts, don’t you know?) & washing the clothes I took with me to Deutschland.

    On that note, this time I packed just about perfectly – if I had it to do over again, I’d have left 4 shirts behind, brought 2 more pairs of socks & unmentionables, & 1 more pair of jeans. My packing for the trip home required that I leave a couple of things behind at Alex’s – including my LOTR book that I read whenever I go – but its ok. I was glad to be able to add it to Alex’s library. Part of it was bringing back gifts for Julia & for other friends – in the future I might need to dedicate 1 bag to ‘bring backs.’

    My fantasy football team did well in my absence – really well gearing up for the playoffs. Hooray me.

    I missed home, family, & friends quite a bit. It helped to be on a very specific task, & to know that I needed to & was supposed to be there, but there’s no place like home.

    This trip also provided insight into my ‘pace of life’ – something that is always tested when I work, but esp. when I travel. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I’m doing fairly well at pacing myself, & walking at a speed that fits me, Sabbath, & good rest.

    TheBean is an incredible woman. WIfe. Mother. Friend. Can hardly believe just how great. Sigh.
    Ciao!

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    musings on a Thursday…

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    One thing about having big kids is that my socks end up in 3 different rooms, & disappear with alarming regularity. For me, socks are sacred, & should be set apart only to me. Yet, my own flesh & blood take them on a daily basis, leaving me with nothing but… one sock, missing a partner.

    DVR is the only reason I end up watching TV anymore – as the times that the shows I like are on, I’m either otherwise occupied or in dreamland.

    I’m leaving for Frankfurt on Tuesday next… and am in cleaning & packing mode already – I’m plotting a 1 carry on, 1 small suitcase attack this time, with a minimum of clothes. Meaning, either I’ll wash my stuff a couple of times on my 12 day trip, or I’ll become very ripe & fit right in with the Euro vibe.

    Petite Sirah is the best grape, in my opinion. And Stag’s Leap is the best of those…

    I want to go to grad school, & am researching a masters program that I can get behind… not just for the sake of getting a masters, but something that I really want to study. I thought I’d be working through the LPC, but the promised program never materialized…

    I can jump rope for 5 minutes straight without missing. That’s a record for me. Its one of my favorite forms of exercise, & the kids on the playground think I’m moto-cool.

    I’m looking forward to the presidential (& other) election being over – campaign season is one of my least favorite times of the year… On top of that, listening to the rhetoric can make one lose ones lunch. Does ANYBODY really believe this stuff? I mean REALLY?

    The thing I miss most while I’m out of the country is… theBean. No surprise. Second… coffee on demand, (aka, the OtherBean). I have learned to appreciate the otherBean even more due its lack of availability, though the German Hefeweizen has a way of making up for the java, though at a completely different hour of the day/night. The Hefe is one of the great uniters in Deutschland, giving built in time to hang out, to pontificate, to bond. Hmmm.

    It’s now 10 minutes into 31 October, & I’m wishing I was asleep, so I’ll say to you, “Good night now!”

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    Friends #1 – what got me thinking was ‘Facebook’

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    Social networking is what they say is one of the purposes of Facebook. So when I veeerrryyy reluctantly joined, it was only as a ‘keeping in touch’ tool with a group of new friends from different places in Europe & the US… & only because Facebook was the chosen medium to do so.

    What does that MEAN, social networking? I labor over that. Does it involve meaningful connections, virtually created, ala internet, using the fact that I ‘know’ someone for something that profits me, or merely a panacea that only serves to assuage the burning human need for real connections…?

    Ok, I kind of get it – it helps us keep in touch with people we knew in high school &/or have interacted with over the years of life… BUT, for me, being friends is something I take seriously – it means something significant to me, more than a ‘social networking contract,’ something that can be put down as easy as clicking a mouse.

    For example, I take time & really contemplate before ‘accepting’ a friend request… thinking, “Am I this person’s friend in real life? Would I/have I hung with them, drank a cup of joe, & shot the breeze? Shared deep thoughts? Pondered the complexities of life?” And depending on the answer to that internal debate, I have clicked CONFIRM. Or IGNORE.

    There’ve been times where I overrode my gut & CONFIRMED when I think to be true to me & to not gloss over the reality of my relationship (or lack thereof) would have totally been to IGNORE. And then what? Fake it? Be ‘nice’ & carry on with surface level pleasantries once every blue moon, all the while ignoring the reality that if I saw my ‘friend’ in a store, I don’t think we’d interact. Perhaps that’s too mercenary, too serious, or just melodramatic – be that as it may, it’s led to a renewed contemplation of friendship & what makes it special…

    BTW: I’m not going to rehash my BOUNDARIES posts here, though I may allude to them… –as I think they are really applicable to this topic (& any other that deals with relationships & interpersonal interactions.) Just know that the Cloud & Townsend info is a big part of the background of my thought processes.

    And so it begins… I thought that my outlining would help my writing not be rambling & all over the place, but it turns out that rambling may be in the eye of the beholder. No matter – I’m going to lay out my friendship ‘givens’ – signs of a good friendship. Warning signs of a bad one. Assessing motivation in developing relationships. Looking to get from God what can only be gotten from God. And maybe some other stuff.

    Coming up next: Signs, signs, everywhere the signs…

    Friday musings…

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    We’re in the market for a 3rd car, for the Pasty One, which means I’m doing the leg work via craigslist, cars.com, & other such vehicles to get a vehicle. Combing through the scams & the foolish is almost amusing. Like someone else’s definition of what a ‘super clean’ car is. Goodness. I’m not talking about the soda can behind the seat, or the collection of McDouble-cheeseburger wrappers from the last month that somehow haven’t been removed yet. It’s the ground in filth in the upholstery, the body beat by something akin to a sledgehammer, & the puzzled look on the face of the wannabe seller when I ask, “THIS is the car in the picture?” Wow.

    I feel a blog run coming on – I referred to a coming post on ‘heart checkups’, but I’m also contemplating friendship, trust & disappointment. There’s been several in our blog-world that have written about current situations that they’re going through, & that, coupled with a few of my own current experiences, has led to the examination of relationships with others, & trying to tell the difference between losing trust & being disappointed by another.

    On that same note, the nebulous definition of ‘friends’ is up for discussion. Maybe its the proliferation of MySpace/Facebook ‘friends’ – where one pseudo-connects with people in a virtual social network, people that they wouldn’t talk to if they were in the same room, let alone be ‘real friends’ -(scoey definition to follow) with. Maybe I’ll write it as ‘Friends do, friends don’t…’

    TheBean has informed me that my book needs to be finished soon :). She is done working her current job in 2 1/2 years (self-proclaimed end of the road.) That means the book has to be done within the year, so it can be shopped, bought (!), edited, published, & promo’d. It’s a dream. And it’s going to happen.

    I was invited to write a short-piece again for Advance magazine. The editor is a friend of mine, & for some reason, he asks me to do this a couple times a year. I’ll be writing on the assigned topic ‘the importance of maintaining our heart & conscience’, which is a 500-600 word response to an article written in 1620 by Susanna Wesley’s dad. The sound you heard was me tooting my own proverbial horn.

    1 month out from a trip to Deutschland – a 12-day excursion into the unknown of new relationships, growing deeper in old ones, & mining the depths of long-term calling. I’m flying solo.

    We’re going to Scheel’s tonight as a fam – to walk the store, buy some trinkets (like fudge) & take in the newest experience in ‘sports style consumerism…’

    Got a letter (an email actually) written to & about me & our church family. And it was a positive one, full of thanks, appreciation, & hope. In the aftermath of what ‘getting a letter’ has come to mean over the last year, this was a breath of fresh air. Boo-yah!

    The search for the vehicle has put me in the awkward, yet necessary position of interacting, ‘discussing’ & negotiating with perfect strangers, something that I have found to be as weird as I thought it would be. There’s always the thought, “Is this guy going to be the psycho-killer that my mom warned me about?” It’s led to my communicating with several someones to let them know what I’m doing, where I’m going, & when I should be done. And if they don’t hear from me by the appointed time, then they know to call in the cavalry. Or at least Chuck Norris.

    I’m off again in a few minutes to do it again; & I’m bringing backup with me.

    I’ve got a good heart…

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    Over the last week, I’ve been undergoing tests on my heart, some of which I’ve written about HERE. Yesterday, I went in for my ‘evaluation’, where the good Dr. Nylk (rhymes with Milk) would interpret for me the results of all the tests I had last week, & let me know what, if anything, I’d need to do to follow up…

    After arriving & being ushered to the chilly examination room, I had the privilege of waiting an hour. I took the opportunity to reflect, send text messages to theBean, & to kick back with my eyes closed… Waiting has its perks.

    Dr. Nylk came in & started with, “Great news,” which I think is a nice way to start a ‘heart-test-result-evaluation’ if you ask me. The EKG is ‘perfect,’ (his word, that he used throughout the evaluation.) The echo-cardiogram is ‘perfect, as a heart should be.’ The thickness of the heart muscle is ‘perfect.’ The results of my lipid panel (cholesterol test) show that my LDL (bad) levels are well within acceptable limits at 97. My triglycerides came in at 88, also very good, & my HDL (good) levels were a whopping 85, which he said was incredible, as it is a real treat to get the HDL level on most people to 40.

    The evaluation bottom line: I don’t need to go back, & he doesn’t ever want to see me again.

    Hooray.

    Part of my reflection in the waiting room was about the process that I’ve been going through in getting my heart muscle evaluated… going through various tests, examinations, indignities, & pokes, then waiting to hear from someone with some good perspective, someone who could speak with authority as to the health of my heart. It reminded me how similar this process has been to my own journey on emotional health & well-being, my time at CSR, meetings with Chuck, re-evaluating priorities, values, & asking God to 139me. I may blog this in more depth…

    I’m glad to hear that my test results were ‘perfect’. I also underestimated what the effect of said results would be on my kids, esp. the Pasty Gangster. He held onto me for about 10 minutes & told me how happy he was that my heart was good. At one point, I tried to detach from his squeeze (he’s 6′, 180# of solid muscle & he was loving me TIGHT) & he said, “Dad. I’m not done.”

    I want the results of my spiritual heart exam to be good as well. For me, & for my kids, & for the kids they eventually have, because a bad heart can be & is often hereditary.

    Here’s to good hearts.

    musing about the mysteries of ‘superiority…’, pt. 1

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    Yesterday, I took an afternoon nap… meaning I passed out due to a long run of too many late nights coupled with early mornings. Which meant that when everyone else had headed off to bed, I was sitting on my couch musing, even pondering important things, wide awake. Stuff like fantasy football & where I can get a real QB without sacrificing any of my 3 decent RBs. A book I’m trying to outline. The unfortunate disappearance of quality sci-fi TV shows. The consistency of creamy peanut butter (vs. crunchy.) Being on the receiving end of a superiority complex.

    Huh?

    I flashed back to John, Phil, & Dan – three guys that had ‘correct’ theology – correct being the operative word, theology meaning the study of God, along with the understanding of His purposes, ways, & the things He does & doesn’t do. They knew which translation of the Bible was correct (KJV IS called the Authorized version, but the NKJV will do in a pinch) & which ones were not (the rest of those.) Had nailed down each passage of Scripture, using correct Biblical hermeneutics – They spoke with authority to anyone who would listen (& a few who didn’t) on these & many other topics – with the authority coming from the sure-ness of their position, which was as fixed as was their picture of a Sovereign, though often capricious & temperamental God, a God that was/is looking for things to wipe out, people to judge, & punishment to mete out… People (& their belief systems) fit into boxes – & depending on what box you were placed in, depended on the level of superiority-flaunting one was subjected to.

    To the brave soul that dared enter a conversation with them would be reserved a stinging condescension – one that was tangible, one that was couched with high-sounding spiritual & academic phrases, with barbs stuck in to remind one of their place of inferiority to the knowledge that they had gained, had worked for, had achieved.

    It was a theological, intellectual superiority complex. They had the special knowledge that God, in His infinite wisdom, had chosen to reveal to a limited few. And to those who God had not revealed this wisdom, (aka: those that disagreed with them) they sent waves of scornful disdain. And spoke, with spiteful ‘pity,’ about those “unenlightened, so called Christians” who were so much obviously less than/inferior to them, people that must not have been ‘chosen’ by the ‘limited atonement’ of Christ’s death on the cross. They were the self-appointed heresy hunters within the body, the defenders of the Scriptures, the watchdogs of the true Christian faith, those that called into question the salvation of those that disagree with them.

    Hmmm. Good times at 1 a.m.

    To be continued…