Category Archives: Musings

Habakkuk & some thoughts on ‘How Longs’ & ‘Whys’

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Habakkuk 1:1-4

The oracle that Habakkuk the prophet saw – O LORD how long shall I cry for help, & You will not hear? Or cry to You “violence’ & You will not save? Why do you make me see iniquity & why do You look idly at wrong? Destruction & violence are before me; strife & contention arise. So the law is paralyzed, & justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous, so justice goes forth perverted.

It’s the ‘How Longs” that get me. They stand out as a disappointed cry, laments even, bordering on indignant anger. Habakkuk sees injustice, wrong, violence, wickedness all around him, & he’s been crying out to the LORD for help with no visible or audible response.

The WHY’s also get me; why do You idly look at wrong? As though Habakkuk incredulous at what he is seeing… wondering how the LORD God he knows could NOT be acting on behalf of him & his people Israel considering what’s happening to & with them.

Part of the how & why this is at the forefront of my thoughts likely is the book I’m sloooowly reading through, Disappointment with God. Lately, I feel especially sensitized to the laments, sighs, suffering & disappointments in the world around me.

Its kinda like when you get a new car, say a white Ford Explorer. Then, it seems that everywhere you go, you see these white Explorers all over the place & wonder how you never saw them before.

I recognize in my own heart quiet echoes of these ‘How Longs’ & ‘Whys…’ & I wonder if the reason that I don’t stop coming back to God with prayer & expectancy, & I don’t blame Him for my issues & problems, &/or the tragedies around me is because of what I had to learn through my own ‘dark times of the soul,’ like when my brother Johnny had cancer & ultimately died.

In his last day, I vividly remember visiting Johnny downstairs at my parents – seeing the very obviously approaching death in his declining body. It was overwhelming, so I went upstairs & ran outside into what I think was early evening…

Remember standing facing the Alpers’ house & the familiar West Carson horizon… & looking to the twilight sky – praying, crying, asking, pleading in desperation for God to heal my brother, to take away this cancer, to restore his health that he would live.

It was a surreal experience that I think, I know changed me… I still remember the sense I got at that moment of God’s Presence. It may have been just my impression, but I also sensed a sadness greater than me. I wondered if it was Him, & He was sad. I thought so. And while I wanted more than anything that God would heal Johnny, I also felt comforted, & at peace.

The circumstance hadn’t changed. Johnny died. But God stood with me, & I knew it. He was WITH me, & I was aware.

Made me thinks that the nearness of God isn’t always tangible, but it is a fact. He will never leave me or forsake me.

And then Habakkuk gets an answer – the LORD will respond. Is responding. Has responded.

There will be vengeance; there will be chastisement. Intervention. There will be a revelation of His Presence so strong that ‘the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD just like the waters cover the sea’

And Habakkuk praises – gives thanks – asks for mercy.

LORD, I pray for mercy… & I thank You for never abandoning me, for Your Presence, & for Your nearness. Work in me the things You want to see be true of me – thank You for Your patience with me & my questions, for not getting angry at the How Longs or the Why’s. That You love me through it by standing with me. Help my unbelief, fill me with faith.

thoughts on TiVo, signs & wonders, love, & other musings…

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I’ve been waiting for 3 years, & now DirecTV has figured out a way to make their DVR technology compatible with the wiring in my house. In the interim, I had TiVo – & wasn’t incredibly overjoyed at having to subscribe to a dish service, & a separate service so I could record the shows I wanted to watch at my convenience.

So, today, a joyous occasion. After 4 false starts & missteps, the DVR is being installed as I type this. Which means that I needed to call & cancel the TiVo service. Which is a lot easier than it sounds. Should be simple, right? Call in (because you can’t cancel on line, don’t you know? For my protection. Right. I think that it just might be that they make you call in so they can hit you with the Full-Scale Guerrilla Blitzkrieg (FSGB,) which employs intimidation, cajoling, ridicule, name calling, & other fun Techniques of Manipulation to try & keep you as a customer.

I’d prefer not to recount the entire 20 minute interchange with Andrew, which I endured in order to obtain the elusive Confirmation of Cancellation code, hanging like the proverbial carrot at the end of a stick. And yes, it really was that bad. Bad enough that I’d like to call in to talk to a supervisor to discuss my experience. Bad enough that at one point I asked Andrew, (in my best Steven Seagal ‘I’m totally under control but I’m so incredibly fearsome you really don’t want to continue in this vein because of my knowledge of Kah-razy’ voice):

“Is it your job to attempt to antagonize me to the point that I just hang up the phone before getting the elusive Confirmation of Cancellation code, thereby maintaining my TiVo subscription? Do you realize that I had my mind made up to cancel this service when I called in this morning, & all of your Techniques of Manipulation, attempted twisting of my words, & unwillingness to Cut to the part where we CANCEL the service have only served to harden me to the idea of EVER using, let alone recommending the TiVO service to ANYONE?”

To which Andrew replied, “I just can’t see why you won’t keep this great service at the great price with the great deal I’m offering you.”

Oh goodness. Breathe. And I realize I’m upset. Frustrated. On-the-verge of snap-age. Over TiVo. But its not about the TiVo. Its more about the discomfort of conflict. The feelings of being manipulated & not having my “No!” heeded. Anger at the part of me that wants to give in, to make Mr. Andrew happy, pay more money for a service I no longer need. Just to make the conversation stop.

Asking God to examine my heart.

And in other news, I’ve been reading a book by Philip Yancey called
Disappointment with God. Only about 1/4 of the way into it & already I’m hooked. What has stood out to me the most so far is Yancey’s observation about the correlation (or lack thereof) between displays of God’s power (the ‘mighty hand & outstretched arm’) & the devotion, love, faithfulness, & obedience of His people, Israel.

You’d think that the result of God’s miraculous provision, protection, deliverance, & presence would have been the undying, unwavering love & devotion of the people that He provided for, protected, delivered, & dwelled with. Surprisingly, what actually happened was that Israel complained & grumbled. Chased idols. Mistrusted. Wished for a return to the good old days of slavery in Egypt. Rebelled against their God-appointed leader. And God.

Makes me think about Jesus in the Gospels, & how He would heal, & then tell those that had been healed not to say anything about it. For the longest time, I never really understood why He would do that. In my mind, it seemed that these signs, wonders, & miracles would serve to point to Christ as the Messiah, the Anointed One, the Promised Saviour… & that people would have had even more reason to believe in Him because there was evidence of His power & might backing up His words.

But when I read through the gospels, there were many, many miracles that Jesus did. Turned water into wine. Raised the dead. Fed 5000 people with 2 fish & 5 loaves of bread. Healed every kind of disease. Was transfigured & transformed, revealed in all His glory. Was crucified & buried, then was resurrected from the dead. Was taken into heaven in the full view of hundreds of people.

And the result? Lots of crowds, not many disciples. Lots of people, the multitudes, the religious leaders , & even a king, continually asked Him to perform more signs.

Maybe what we’re looking for, what we think we need from God, isn’t really what we actually need in order to be faithful. To love God. To obey. To persevere. And the signs we hope for (pray for? wish for?) wouldn’t really be the ‘thing’ to put us over the edge, the short-cut to being able to live it.

Sigh. Gonna ponder & meditate on it.

And for the 1st time in more than a month, my whole family is home, together, at the same time. Pizza Plus for all! Booyah.

Life is beautiful.

Green Stuff, Hezekiah, a new coffee gadget, & other musings…

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Last week, theBean decided to try to cook a couple more times than usual – & found her inspiration in the Rachael Ray magazine. This has meant trying to marry the ‘adventure’ of new foods (& familiar ones prepared in the not usual way,) with being economical & wise with the food budget. (Cause really- is it really gonna break the recipe to not use the organic ingredients? Really? But I digress.)

Normally, I’m not a big fan of change when it comes to food – & I must admit that I have been known on occasion to resemble the proverbial stick in the mud. However, it’s amazing what a good attitude & a ‘setting of the will’ can do. And the meals theBean is creating have been amazing. Last night we had Jalapeño Bacon Avocado Burgers, with a cheesy-Jalapeño ‘sauce’ (the ‘ ‘ around the word sauce are because I have no idea what it really should be called. It was sauce-like. But thicker. Saucy even, about the consistency of ketchup, but white. Ish.) Between the burger & the sauce was Green Stuff. Cilantro. Diced avocado. Not sure what else.

I’m not usually a fan of Green Stuff (other than lettuce & broccoli,) but I set my will to eat the food, & I didn’t taste the Green Stuff, at least in a negative way. You know what I mean – like when you taste a food & just wait for the punch line… the moment when the ‘yuck’ taste hits the taste buds & one has the OK to spit the food into the trash. It never happened. I must be growing. Hmm.

Got to watch a great Giants/Dodgers game last night. Not a pitchers duel, or a great performance by Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum – but a victory for the Giants. Over the Dodgers. And Giants victories over the Dodgers are worth about 3 regular victories in my mind.

Brother got an Aeropress. I think it was for his birthday last week. More than just Another Novelty Coffee item, it makes a great cup of coffee. And is fun to use. And easy to clean up after using. Unlike my French press, which is so messy that I have to psych myself up to actually make coffee in it. Not that the coffee in the French press isn’t good; the mess is a big deterrent. And there aren’t many sights (& smells) worse than finding the still-messy French press 2 weeks after the last time it was used. Trust me on that.

Over the last week, I’ve been reading in Isaiah, 2Kings, & 2Chronicles – today was the ‘perfect storm’ – all 3 passages I read dealt with the same story & events: the Assyrian threat against Israel & King Hezekiah, & Hezekiah’s response. (FYI: the passages are Isaiah 36 & 37; 2Kings 18 & 19; & 2Chronicles 32.)

What really jumped out at me was the Assyrian attempt to incite Israel to leave their land (God-given inheritance) through threats, fear, & intimidation. Threatening all sorts of mayhem. Promising that they (the Assyrians) would do such damage to Jerusalem that there would literally be nothing for the Israelites to eat except their own waste & filth. Trying to intimidate the masses with booming broadcasts of doom & gloom to all within earshot. Writing letters to the king, detailing the coming destruction.

And Hezekiah’s response? He took one of the letters he’d received & went into the temple. There he laid the letter out before the LORD & prayed:

Hezekiah received the letter from the hand of the messengers, and read it; and Hezekiah went up to the house of the LORD, and spread it before the LORD. And Hezekiah prayed to the LORD: “O LORD of hosts, God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, you are the God, you alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; you have made heaven and earth. Incline your ear, O LORD, and hear; open your eyes, O LORD, and see; and hear all the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to mock the living God. Truly, O LORD, the kings of Assyria have laid waste all the nations and their lands, and have cast their gods into the fire. For they were no gods, but the work of men’s hands, wood and stone. Therefore they were destroyed. So now, O LORD our God, save us from his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you alone are the LORD.”

And the LORD delivered Hezekiah & Israel.

I felt gently convicted… knowing that my response to real/perceived lack, threats of doom & gloom, & even the unknown, can be to worry. Be anxious. To run through all the potential bad things, worst case scenarios, that could happen.

Hezekiah prayed. Reflected on God’s promises for provision. Protection. Hope. Deliverance.

In my minds eye, I get the picture of Hezekiah in the temple, kneeling before the LORD with the threatening letter on the ground in front of them – & Hezekiah crying out, “LORD, have You READ this? Have You heard what they’re saying about us? About YOU? What are You going to do about this?

God hears. And responds. And He still does today.

SOAP, Isaiah, family, & other musings…

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A few months ago, I felt impressed to amp up (increase, broaden, deepen, expand) my Bible reading. I started adding ‘reading breaks’ of a few minutes several times during the work day, times when I might normally be checking my email, or practicing my vuvuzela… & then followed up each reading with reflection. Thinking on what I’d read. Asking the Holy Spirit to apply it to my life. To seek out all the places in my heart, mind, & life that need a touch from Him. To transform mindsets, attitudes, & behaviors that subtly (or not so subtly) stand against, resist, or even oppose God’s purposes for me.

And I’m seeing LIFE. I’m getting woken up before 5, no alarm necessary. Waking up feeling rested & restored, excited to take on the day, looking forward to my reading & reflecting. Looking for opportunities to interact with others about the stuff that God is stirring up in me. Feeling a renewed love & hunger for the Word.

Reading through Isaiah 25 this morning – a prophetic passage talking about the end times. These chapters of Isaiah have a definite Revelation feel & sound to them, with familiar themes like the fall of the nations that have resisted/opposed God’s redemption; judgment; the fall of Babylon; perseverance; salvation.

A section of Chapter 25 really jumps out at me:

On this mountain the LORD of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine, of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined. And He will swallow up on this mountain the covering that is cast over all peoples, the veil that is spread over all nations. He will swallow up death forever; & the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, & the reproach of His people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken. And it will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited; Let us rejoice & be glad in His salvation. Isaiah 25:6-9 ESV

Very cool – God throws a feast to celebrate, with the best meats & wines, specially chosen & prepared by Him! And the recognition that this is God’s favor, His salvation come to humanity, to those who waited for Him.

Reminds me of the passage in Isaiah 40 that talks about ‘waiting on the LORD’ – & that those that wait on the LORD will renew their strength… And that waiting isn’t passive inactivity (like sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office.) No, its consistent, active obedience to the things I know to be doing. The confident expectation that God is at work, will be at work, & is acting on my behalf. Sweet.

Pasty has been in Cookeville, Tennessee with Alex & her family since 7/1. Kind of a senior trip, complete with a houseboat trip & a Florida vacation – before he comes back & starts college in the fall. He’ll be back 7/26. And I miss him this morning.

TheWeez is at Middle School Camp in Sonora, meaning theBean & I are down to 1 kid – IDoey. He’s got summer weights & football every day, so life for him revolves around sleeping, playing, & eating whatever he can get his hands on.

Last night before bed, he came to tell us goodnight. He grabbed both theBean & I & said, “Family hug!” He looked at both of us while he hugged us & exclaimed, “Isn’t this great!?”

I’m pretty sure IDoey enjoys the life of an only child.

For some reason I was thinking yesterday about the Christmas song “Away In A Manger”… there’s a part of the song that says:

the cattle are lowing/the baby He wakes/but little Lord Jesus/no crying He makes

That never made any sense to me – the cows are making a bunch of noise & wake up the baby… but the baby doesn’t cry. Of COURSE the baby cries. That’s what babies do when they get woken up, especially by cows.

I think we like the idea of a baby that isn’t like other babies; one that doesn’t cry when woken up suddenly… in the same way we like the idea of Jesus being a man that wasn’t like other men – who wasn’t subject to the same feelings, thoughts, temptations & frailties that we are, yet who persevered through them to be obedient to the call on His life to be Redeemer & Saviour to the world.

I think we’re uncomfortable with Jesus’ humanity.

NEWSFLASH! U2 has published the dates for their rescheduled North American tour. June 7, 2011. Oakland.

Magnificent!

Man Night, home, & other musings…

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Sitting in the coolness of my office with a fan blowing on me drinking an iced-coffee. All to try to avoid the heat of the day, the heat that has been turned up to “11.” Thinking over the soon-to-be-happenings of Man Night. Proverbs 27, especially verse 17.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens the countenance of another

Got me thinking about the ‘act’ of sharpening… & how in order for a tool (like an axe, a knife, or a sword – c’mon, it’s Man Night, so I’m thinking of wielding Manly tools) to be sharpened, one has to strike the item to be sharpened, skillfully, in just the right places with an item or implement that is stronger & harder than the item to be sharpened.

So how does ‘iron sharpen iron?’ One way for this to work is for the ‘sharpening iron’ to have been tempered – or put through a process of controlled reheating to harden & strengthen the implement. Interesting….

I wonder how this ‘tempering’ translates to people, to me. What does the heating process do? I don’t think of getting heated to red-hotness being something that is desirable.

But the process makes the forever-changed implement useful. To shape other implements. Hmm.

Regret raises her head occasionally, usually at times where I’m most pensive & introspective. Kinda like when I’m doing the deep cleaning of a room at home… opening up ALL the drawers, going through the corners of the closets, making sure the lights are on in order to see just what is in there… & then I discover a Mess. A big Mess that I distinctly remember thinking that I’d eventually get around to cleaning up. A big Mess that was forgotten, due to the forgetfulness caused by falling into routine busyness. A big Mess that begs to be addressed. But it’s such a big Mess. The only way to deal with the Mess is to put on the special gloves & head into it. A little bit at a time.

Even if it hurts.

Home is ultimately not about a place to live but about the people with whom you are most fully alive. Home is about love, relationship, community, and belonging, and we are all searching for home. Erwin Raphael McManus – Soul Cravings – Entry 8

That resonates with me – I think its because when I think about home, I don’t think about a place. Granted, I live in Sparks, Nevada, & have been a resident of Northern Nevada within 35 miles of my current home, all of my life. But instead of Sparks, I think of people. Faces flash through my minds eye. People that are intimately associated with being ‘home.’ Home is people, & being in a place without those people would be unbearable. No matter how ‘cool,’ elegant, spacious, or desirable that place is.

I see that I have changed. I’m changing.. Will continue to change. At one point in the not so distant past, home was being in my Cave. The place where I could be by myself & get lost in a book, a TV show, or a good movie. Alone. Where I didn’t have to be WITH people. Looking back, I can see times where even in the presence of people I’d try to be apart from them, to be by myself, to isolate & withdraw in the name of my (very real,) introversion. I regret that. The lost opportunities to discover “home” with others. With myself. Where I’d been so focused on my own discomfort that often comes being around people that I missed the joy & wonder of being WITH people.

A hard thought: in not being WITH people, I missed out on things that God wanted to do in & around me THROUGH people.

I don’t want to ‘miss’ God & ‘miss’ others in the name of a misguided self-sufficiency. Fear has stolen enough from me: fear of rejection. Inadequacy. Pain. Being unloved & unlovable. Of making a mess. Saying the wrong thing. Saying nothing. (like the lyrics from REM’s “Losing My Religion” – “oh no, I’ve said too much; I haven’t said enough…” ) How many things, friendships, experiences I missed out on because of fear. Knowing that if I couldn’t do it perfect, I wouldn’t try it at all.

Heavy sigh.

So I’m thankful for the process & act of redemption. That as long as its still called today, its never too late for things lost to be regained, restored, healed, & transformed.

Monday, Monday, an anniversary, hotness, & water issues…

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Remember a couple of weeks back, when we were bemoaning the fact that warm weather seemed to have overslept, & hadn’t remembered to grace northern Nevada with her lasting presence? Well, she’s here with a vengeance. It is just plain hot.

Which reminds me – last Saturday, I did a wedding on the roof of the Nevada Museum of Art at 5:30 p.m. Which meant that the temperature was about 100F…+ an additional 20 or so degrees due to being on the roof, heat magnified & held by the concrete tiles that adorn it. Oh, & I was in a black suit. Which meant that though I tried to stay in the climate controlled museum as long as possible, the 20 minutes I was out in the open on the roof I was absolutely drenched in perspiration.

As soon as I declared “Man & Wife,” I bailed… to head to 7-11 for an icy water… I was absolutely pouring sweat, & setting the A/C to ’11’ didn’t even take the edge off. Walked into 7-11 & headed for the cooler – the clerk behind the counter greeted me, “Hey! How you doin’?” I’m thinking, isn’t it obvious? I’m in a SUIT on a day that is so hot one wouldn’t even need a magnifying glass to fry bugs on the sidewalk… But, in the name of common decency, I simply replied, “I’m hot.”

To which she said, “Wow! Aren’t you sure of yourself!” I was caught off guard… she thinks I’m saying that I believe I am Hot…? Not temperature hot, but capital H Hot.

Goodness. “Uh, no. Not what I meant…” Errr…

The main water line going into the water heater in the garage broke. Again. That makes 4 times in the last month. TheBean mentioned to the plumber last time (or the time before. I forget,) that the PVC pipe piece that keeps breaking might, just might be better replaced with a metal piece. Previously, the plumbers didn’t agree with her, & insisted on using a ‘factory approved’ (read: needs to be replaced on a regular basis…) piece.

This time, the plumber agreed… & went to Home Depot to buy Copper piping material. He cut & soldered & MacGyvered the piece until such a time as the leak was repaired, & the water was returned to our home. Booyah!

Thinking about marriage. Being married. This Thursday is anniversary #21 for me & theBean. We married at 19 & 18, respectively. Thought I knew what love was. What it meant to sacrifice & love another with the whole heart. Reflecting on what I know now, the lessons learned over the last 22 years of life with the girl of my dreams. I’ve learned…

-Communication is more than speaking louder & slower.
-Eye contact is under-rated.
-Sometimes the problem is not enough sleep.
-The real issue isn’tthe toilet seat.
-She really doesn’t want me to fix her. She just wants me to listen. Who knew?
-Sharing food doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would.
-Down-time doing ‘nothing’ is the best time there is.
-I think I understand a little bit more what it means that “love covers a multitude of sins…”
-Sitting on the porch doesn’t hurt either.
-Vino is truly a sign of God’s blessing. And enjoyed with theBean, its the best.
-Going through tough things, together, is one of life’s great joys.
-Grace is absolutely beautiful. When displayed, it shines brighter than a diamond in the sun.
-The wife of my youth makes 39 look amazing.

And we just now, this second, verbally agreed (which is binding, don’t you know) on how we’ll be celebrating our anniversary. Makes me smile to think of it: Panda Express (theBean’s favorite), a Stags Leap Petite Syrah, & candles. Lots of candles. Sigh.

musings on a Friday…

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I’ve been spending a lot of time in Philippians, especially chapter 4. It starts with verse 10 – Paul’s thankfulness that the Philippian church is financially & materially contributing to his care & well-being while he is in prison. What really catches my attention are verses 11 & 12 – where he says that he has ‘learned’ to be content in ‘any & every situation.’ Having everything & nothing. In times of feasting & famine, support & opposition. Learned contentment.

Which gets me thinking about some ‘opponents’ of contentment… ungratefulness. Complaining. Negativity. Critical-ness. A bad case of the “if only’s,” which signify that the only thing between me & contentment is a change in circumstances, environment, etc. (BTW: What are the “if only’s” that mess with you?)

Being content is a choice I make to be thankful for God’s provision, protection, & care. It’s recognizing that I’m responsible for me, my choices, attitudes, & responses. To not look to stuff, other people, places to ‘make’ me content. To not place blame for the unrest, storm, & dryness in my own heart, soul, & relationships on someone or something else. To really live out verse 13 – “I can do all things through Him Who gives me the strength;” meaning that there’s nothing, no one, no circumstance that can take my contentment… because my contentment is resting on the person & provision of Christ.

Wednesday night was Man Night @ Dr. G’s. We had a BBQ & 3 guys, brew-meisters if you will, gave us a lesson in the home-brewing process, from the boiling & mixing of the ingredients, to the filtration of the brew, to bottling. Truly inspiring.

My favorite part was the ‘art’ of the brewing of beer, which emerged as all 3 of the brew-meisters gave a list of their “beer making absolutes” – most of which they disagreed on. Meaning that someone like me could perhaps one day make beer. I’m thinking September-ish.

For the last 3 years, I’ve been attempting to get a DVR through DirecTV, which shouldn’t be that difficult. Except we need a 2nd line run from our dish to a place on the other side of our house (long story.) And the said 2nd line can’t be run. Can’t. Which we established with DirecTV 3 years ago. Which meant that in order to DVR, we had to get a side contract with TiVo. Which strangely only needs 1 line to use. But I digress.

The word in customer service, however, was that they could get around this need for the 2nd line with Advanced Technology. So last week, I confirmed with said customer service that I could, for free, get a DVR through DirecTV. Made the appointment for today, Friday, & waited for the tech.

Tim the Tech arrived within the convenient 4 hour window that he’d promised. I met him at the door & gave him a run-down of our history with DirecTV & told him I wanted to get all the info out there before he got started working. Annnnddd…

It turns out that in order to get a DVR through DirecTV, the dreaded 2nd line is still necessary. Drat. So the appointment had to be canceled.

Except… I got the ‘cancellation call’ from DirecTV customer service… & the person I talked to confirmed the cancellation, & then informed me that there actually WAS some Advanced Technology that would allow us to upgrade for free & to have a DVR. Better than that, the monthly cost would increase by only $7. Nice.

Sounded promising, so he connected me with the Scheduling Wing of DirecTV Customer Service. Who told me that one of the required units was free, but the other required equipment came to a total of $200. Which is more than free. Didn’t do it. Exploring other options, like U-verse. We shall see.

But I’m still content.

Came across an poll/article that discovered that 40% of American evangelical leaders “socially drink alcohol.” (The National Association of Evangelicals defines an evangelical as ‘one who takes the Bible seriously and believes in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.’

Nothing really surprising in the poll/article – though one quote jumped out at me:

“While we understand one cannot defend abstinence from alcohol biblically, we have chosen to raise the standard for leadership in our movement,” said Jeff Farmer of Open Bible Churches.


Which begged the question: Raise the standard for leadership above WHAT?
ANSWER: The Bible.

And just when you thought every iPhone app you could think of was already in the App Store, there is now a free vuvuzela application. Which I have downloaded. And while I’m watching the World Cup, I’m playing the vuvuzela to my hearts content. Ahh.

Graduation weekend & other musings…

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This last weekend was one of those where we found ourselves running… starting with Thursday evening. The Pasty Gangster was set to graduate on Saturday, & theBean & I wanted to host a graduation celebration. Being in Atlanta for the 4SQ convention the entire previous week didn’t help with our preparations for the graduation… getting the house & yard together, ready so that it would be clean enough & organized enough to host some family & friends.

So Friday was a blur of activity. Took theGiant table upstairs, & then tackled the floors. Vacuumed the tile (so as not to stir up a bunch of dust,) then mopped it. Twice. Using Fabuloso, which, I might add, is one of the best smelling cleaning products in the world. Not that I am a regular sniffer of cleaning products… which would be weird. And potentially damaging to the currently functioning brain cells. But it is wonderful. And purple, which is definitely a plus.

The business of the preparation for the graduation & the after-grad-party made it easier to distract myself from the very real & very powerful emotions that rose & fell in my chest like the incoming ocean tide.

Now, I don’t have any illusions about thePasty being my ‘baby.’ Just my firstborn. Now 18 years old. With 18 years of random memories & life lived that kept flashing back & forth in & through my mind & heart. A few of them…

Holding him in my arms while he slept, not wanting to put him down because I couldn’t believe I had my own kid. The ever-present ball he’d have in his hand, depending on the season. His infatuation with the music of Steven Curtis Chapman. How he watched the “Front Row: Steven Curtis Chapman” Video over & over & over, singing along to all the songs, & even memorizing the banter Steven Curtis Chapman exchanged with his bass player. The binky dance. The worry we had over his eye issues & inability to see… & the day he got glasses. The day he got contacts. The washing of the hands & refusal to open doors with anything other than his elbows. The joy exuding from him every time he participated in a team sport. He’s always been the heart & soul of the teams he’s on… His humor. Determination. Strong will. Compassionate heart. The rediscovery of a love for music. And a girl named Alex…

I stopped & pondered… allowed the rush of images, feelings, thoughts, & memories to flood my brain. I wept. Laughed. And resumed cleaning.

Saturday, the time for graduation came. We found our way through the frantic-ness of Lawlor Events Center, stumbled up the aisles to the balcony seats, & watched the ceremony. Our boy’s name was called; he shook the principal’s hand, went to the top of the steps of the stage & raised his arms in the air & let out a “Whoo!”

It was the same kind of “Whoo!” that we’d grown used to hearing from the football field during the pregame when the team would storm the sideline & jump around, bouncing into each other. I realized the comfort that I’d taken in hearing Pasty’s exuberant yells. And I smiled. And yelled my own “Whoo!”

The recent passing of basketball coaching legend John Wooden, had a profound impact on me… not because of the incredible coaching records that he amassed during his tenure at UCLA, but rather for the way he influenced & affected the people he came in contact with during the 99 years of his life: those that played for him, those he coached with & against, & those in the ever-widening sphere of influence that grew without any intention or design of his own… due to his character, integrity, insights, wisdom, & devotion to his wife, Nell. His “Wooden-isms” go far beyond pithy quotations that would adorn bumper stickers.

My mom sent me this picture, taken at Pasty’s graduation party last Saturday. It’s of Pasty, my dad, me & my brothers Moe & Ben… I’m trying to remember what I was thinking at the exact moment the picture was taken, what was running through my head that is so obvious in the expression on my face… Sigh.

musings on a Pancake Sunday…

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Today is Pancake Sunday… meaning that in place of our regular Sunday a.m. service, we’ve got tables set up all over the sanctuary & we’re making (& devouring) at least 3 different types of pancakes: Plain with Strawberry topping, Chocolate-chip, & Blueberry. Just thinking about pancakes makes me happy.

Why pancakes? No real reason – I think it could be just about any food, but I especially love hot pancakes smothered in butter & just a little bit of syrup… so I can pick up the pancake & eat it as finger food.

One of the reasons we’re doing Pancake Sunday is to put our proverbial Money where our Mouth is. We spend a lot of time talking about the importance of authentic, connected relationships. Every Sunday we spend 10-15 minutes in “the middle” of the morning for connecting & reconnecting – talking & catching up – hopefully getting beyond the “turn around & say ‘hi’ to the person behind you…” knowing that building a relationship, a friendship, requires that we share time, space, & experience… & that this goes beyond sitting in rows looking at the back of the persons’ head in front of you… to facing each other & interacting.

Funny (& true story:) Last week at our Foursquare Convention in Atlanta, one of the speakers was talking about the importance of building relationship & community – he challenged us saying:

If you REALLY want to get to know somebody, you should sit around a table & eat pancakes with them. There’s nothing that brings people together like pancakes. And syrup.

It cracked me up – because it reminds me that the idea to do pancakes for ‘church’ isn’t unique to us… & that there’s a common thread & desire for knowing & being known that is popping up all over the place.

Last night at 10, just as we were headed toward dreamland, we heard shouts of alarm from thePastyOne downstairs. He’d been in the garage creating the usual culinary masterpiece: deep fried chicken, made with his special BBQ Hot sauce.

Turns out the water pipe leading to our water heater burst. Again. Happened last week as well, & fortunately, also as someone was in the garage to see it & minimize the damage.

So, after some trials & tribulation, we were able to get the main water turned off & the plumber called. Hopefully, they’ll be able to get the pipe replaced (again!) & hopefully it will hold for more than a week. And then we’ll have water powering the faucets, shower heads, & toilets…

The momentary inconvenience serves as a reminder to me… that there are a lot of people in our world (& some in our country,) that go without fresh running water every day. Something that can be done about that is to click HERE.

Got to thinking about friendship last week at convention after one of the main sessions… mostly about friendships that have faded, dissipated, waned, &/or downright disappeared. A few names & faces came to mind, & I pondered… with some of the people I know EXACTLY what happened, the very MOMENT the friendship started to go south. But with several others, I have no clue. Zero. Don’t have any idea of what took place (or didn’t…) what led to the drifting apart. The break down. The development of actual animosity even… which is worse than just losing touch… something has happened, some real/perceived violation (or series of violations) that caused a breaking. And I’m clueless.

Sigh.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of doing the wedding for Dave & Kim. I’ve known Dave for 9 years. He lost his 1st wife, Sue, to cancer a couple years back. It was incredibly painful ordeal for the family & for our church family as well. One of the most challenging & difficult seasons of church life we’ve navigated.

I found myself yesterday reflecting on the pain of death & loss. Grief. Confronted, & even surprised by joy. The strange mixture of all of the above. Seeing Dave so happy, absolutely beaming as he watched Kim walk down the aisle to him. I wept as they declared their undying love & devotion to each other, repeated vows, & spoke their thankfulness at all that God has done in bringing them together. So happy.

Dave got a job that will require him to relocate to Sacramento – meaning that the wedding was also a “goodbye.”

Sigh. My heart feels like mush.

Packing for a trip & other musings…

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This morning, theBean & I are headed out for a week… going to Atlanta for the ‘Foursquare Connection’, our church family’s annual convention. It’s a great opportunity to reconnect with friends (like how I incorporated the “connection” theme seamlessly into my post?), be a part of some training workshops led by a couple of people that really challenge me, stimulating simultaneously my thinking & my spirit.

It’s also a momentous & crucial opportunity for Foursquare as on Tuesday, the next president will be selected. I’ve got a million thoughts on this, & have been a part of the selection process since January… but I’m not writing about that now. Perhaps later for the 3 other people that are interested in that sort of thing.

So theBean & I prepare to leave – we had great news earlier in the week: our 6 a.m. flight departure had to be changed to 11:47 a.m… meaning no 4:30 a.m. mad dash to the airport on too little sleep. TheBean must have told me “thank you” 20 times. Funny thing is, I felt like the change in schedule was a ‘let down.’ It occurred to me that the two of us were functioning off a different set of expectations & hopes when it comes to traveling.

I’m thinking, “The earlier we leave, the earlier we get there & can relax, hang out, do whatever we want to. So what if we have to get up before the chickens do, all bleary eyed, not seeing straight. The goal is to GET there; if the journey is a LITTLE unpleasant, that’s ok.” Meanwhile, theBean is thinking, “Starting the day off in a hectic rush is painful, difficult, & stressful. Getting to sleep in until a normal (6:45) time, then leisurely put the finishing touches on our bags… kiss the kids, jollywag* our way to the airport. Enjoy the time. And if/when we don’t get to our hotel until midnight, that’s ok, because we had a great travel day…”
*Jollywag – to take one’s time, going along at a slow & enjoyable pace; to strol; meander. From the Dictionary of Words According to theBean, ©2010.

Might seem like a no-brainer, but to me it was bordering on epiphany… considering my wife & her different definition of what makes a great travel day matters. Taking the time to enjoy the process, the just-the-2-of-us-lost-in-a-crowd, & being together instead of rushing to get there & missing the opportunity of the day.

Sigh. I have a lot to learn about marriage.

On to packing… earlier this week, the Miser in me took a look at the $23/checked bag fees & thought it might be worth considering to see if we could fit our stuff for the week in 1 bag. So I asked theBean… & to my surprise, she said, “Sure. Let’s do it.”

What? Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” erupted, the Hallelujah chorus followed, & my own special version of Michael Flatley spilled into the room.

So, in preparation of our packing, on Wednesday I made a list of everything I would be taking – & encouraged theBean (1 time, & 1 time only…) that it MIGHT be prudent to do the same. Early Friday morning, I pulled the last freshly washed clothes from the dryer, carefully folding them & placing them next to the 1 (one) suitcase Chosen to be the Vessel that contained both of our clothes for the week.

I got the bright idea that I’d let theBean put all of her clothes etc… in the suitcase 1st, then find a way to fit my stuff in the nooks & crannies of the Chosen Vessel. Which seemed like a good plan. So good it was a Good Plan.

One problem. TheBean seemed to be…procrastinating. Doing stuff around the house. Tinkering with things in the closet. Cleaning up the bathroom. It seemed like she was looking to do ANY-thing except pack. I sat on the couch & watched her bounce from place to place, task to task, all the while keeping my eyes on the Chosen Vessel & the carefully folded clothes I’d placed next to it. Waiting. Patiently. Sighing. Louder sighing.

11 p.m. came & went. Still no clothes in the Chosen Vessel… Feeling a leeetle frustrated. The Good Plan wasn’t coming together. Had an idea that what I NEEDED to do was to get grumpy & tell theBean just what she needed to do & why. Because I was inconVENienced. I had been WAITING to pack together, & now she was proCRAStinating.

Fortunately, at this point, before the meltdown, I realized that for $23, I could avoid all the marital strife & antagonism that a grumpy episode would bring about. So I let theBean know that she could have her own Chosen Vessel, & I would take the other one. It took me 30 seconds to put my stuff in the suitcase, arrange everything to my liking, & then, BOOM. I’m done. No more stress. Just sitting on the couch, catching up on the evenings sports highlights, letting theBean go at her own pace & in her own way… which is SO different that mine. That I don’t quite understand. Ok, don’t understand at all. But that is uniquely hers. And rather than SQUISH her, even try to antagonize her into compliance, I could just LET HER BE.

Who’d a thunk it?

Now its 9:09 a.m. Saturday. Departure for the airport happens in 45 minutes. We’re both packed. No pre-trip fights. No regrets. Just a renewed sense that stuff can & will be accomplished without me riding herd on it to make it happen like I would want it to, like I would do it. Perhaps I’m growing?