Tag Archives: Travel

goodbyes are hard…

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Aaron & Michelle are moving home for the summer, but they’ll be back in late August just in time for Aaron to subject himself to 21 units at the U of N, & for Miss Michelle to jump in for the opening of the Fall semester of Little Lites. The fact that they’re coming back in a relatively short time (as short as the summers are in Reno,) should temper the loss… but it doesn’t, really. Because I know that when Aaron graduates, they’re moving. And goodbyes are hard…

So how does one deal with goodbyes? Here’s a couple of my favorites…

  • Avoidance – Some avoid relationships all-together, & become virtual hermits… Bizarro-scoeyd could do that. Has done that. Didn’t work out either, thanks for asking.
  • Denial – pretending its not happening. Creating an artificial reality helps, where people only exist when they’re in your presence. It helps if one has lots of practice at living in their own little world, but it’s pretty tough to sustain this one. Other people keep it complicated.
  • Embracing – kinda like the moment at camp, when the Friends song gets broken out at the end. People claim to hate it, but I think it’s really their favorite part of camp – being able to get all teary & clingy – maybe it’s an artificial grieving, maybe it’s real, but I think it serves a purpose, for at least a segment of the population. Cause people are going to move away. Or die. Or get married. Or I will. (not the married part. Done that.)

    I know that there’s many other means of dealing with goodbyes, but Friends is almost over. I never intended to post this morning, but rather to just roll through my blogs & catch up with friends. So as I read back over it, I feel self-conscious, because there are many more eloquent ways to state what I’ve stated, & if I crafted for a while, I might even find one. But instead, I’m just pondering. And feeling a bit melancholy.

    And setting myself to be a person who lives well. Embraces life. And relationships. They make life so much richer & deeper, which is probably why it hurts so much when a relationship changes, even if its ‘just’ geographic. I’m thankful for you.

    I miss you Dabey… :)

    • 7 Mai…

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    I slept well, & woke up a couple of times in the night to see what time it was… only to find that I still had several hours of sleep available to me. Alex & Linda are on the 5th floor & have an incredible view from their extra large window. A double espresso & a trip on the U7 later, I arrived at TPLF for our 1st meetings with the Roundabout team.

    TPLF is going through a very difficult time right now, as they have lost their pastor, a dear friend of mine (& ours) for an indefinite period of time – as I approached the building, I was overwhelmed with waves of grief… almost like a wet blanket that weighed me down & made it hard to walk. I sobbed for a period of time (I don’t know how long,) then went upstairs to the top floor. The people that make up the Roundabout core team that were able to be here are myself, Sam & Mirjam, Dan & Joy, Petra, & Geert, & We met for about 3 hours, & had a great time catching up. We talked about Roundabout, our schedule, & also how we are working through/processing our own grief & life struggles. A couple of highlights – I got to see my god-daughter, Rebecca Grace, & to hold her – she is very light, & always has the beginnings of a grin on her face. Plus, she can touch her nose with her tongue! Not bad for a 7 month old… She came to me right off (which her mum says she doesn’t normally do,) & was content for quite a while…

    My belly was growling, & at 1 p.m., we made our way over to the Bistro Sahin for Doener Kebaps & mineralwasser, which is water with some light carbonation. Very nice; just like I remembered.

    Sam & I talked for about 2 hours – sitting outside of the Bistro, drinking a coffee @ the “Illy”, taking a walk around the White Tower (by the U of Frankfurt) – we talked about family, marriage, church, personal calling, Sabbath & “pacing” e.g. walking vs. running through life, & also about navigating difficulties, & maintaining/cultivating integrity. I really like the opportunity to talk – & to have interchange of ideas – it reminds me that regardless of where we come from that there are many, many things that we can relate to because we’re both Christ-followers. It makes me thankful that in Christ we really have a depth & breadth of relationship that is based on values that aren’t personality or culture.

    I am also very, very thankful to be a part of Hillside; & that you, my church family, are behind me & believe in & support me, not only at home, but also in coming to Frankfurt. I am so proud to be able to represent you, & to be able to know that I’m loved & am prayed for. And that Hillside is Jesus’ church, & that we’re on the way – becoming who God has shaped us to be. I’m getting teary writing this as I see your faces & think about the wonderful people that you are, & how special you are to me. I am overwhelmed with love & appreciation for you. Thank you for saying “Yes” to God’s process for your life – for being brave, filled with faith, to hear God & to obey Him, both personally, & as a church family.

    Between the hours of noon & 4 p.m. are the lowest times for me – it’s the wee hours of the morning at home (we’re 9 hours ahead) so my body is screaming out for me to “obey’ & go lay down. But I resist, & stand firm, & drink lots & lots of java, hoping & praying for the time in the afternoon, usually about 5:30 p.m., when my body realizes that anywhere I am, its time to get up…

    Tonight we’ll be eating dinner with all of the Roundabout participants – there’s even a couple of people from Romania… maybe I’ll break out my incredible knowledge of the Romanian language, which allows me to say a few words: Please; thank you very much; you’re welcome; I don’t understand; apple pie; French fries; two hamburgers. (Let’s just say I spent a LOT of time at McDonald’s on my trip to Oradea, Romania.) We have worship & prayer, then will take about 2 hours to get to know a bit about each other – as we describe a bit of our life ‘story’ – or what brought us to this place at this time. Then its home to Alex & Linda’s for a cold German beer & watching episodes of The Office. Dwight K. Schrute is funny in any language.

    Tears are very near the surface for me – I find myself blinking them back all the time now… sometimes tears just come out, & I don’t know why.

    It’s 5:30, & I’m emerging from my pseudo-slumber – I’m going downstairs to the erde-geschloss (ground floor) to mingle with the people that are arriving – you know how I love to mingle ☺.

    Thank you for your prayers – & I will update as soon as I can.
    Tschüss!
    Louie

    Tuesday…

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    3 legs of a trip – Reno to Denver (2 hours) to DC (2:45) to Frankfurt (7:30). The trip to Frankfurt was uneventful – I ended up in Economy plus on an aisle, with not one (1) but two (2) empty seats next to me. The Plus part of Economy Plus = about 7 more inches of foot/leg/knee room, which just might be the greatest thing ever on a long flight.

    I ended up sleeping about 5 hours, though not consecutively, as I was woken up multiple times by someone in the vicinity who was passing gas like it was a sport, & they were the Olympic champion. Truly, whoever this was could give Brother, in travel mode, a run for his money.

    Alex picked me up at the airport, & we dropped off my huge bag at his & Linda’s home. It was there that I met Jonathan, their 7 month old huge puppy – I thought he was going to eat me, but instead he just licked me & has taken to removing my socks from my room on occasion.

    Alex, Jonathan & I went to a Vietnamese restaurant where I ate spicy duck (psych! on the spicy part – it was white bread spicy, meaning not at all,) then we went for a walk around Kurfuerstenplaetz & Leipziger Strasse – got home a minute ago to find that Alex has wi-fi. So, the good news is I have email access 1 or 2x a day.

    I’m jet lagging, but good – & it’s taking all of my spidey-sense to stay awake. Pray for me; I’ll check in soon.

    flying solo…

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    This next week, 5 Mai, I will be flying solo – literally – to Frankfurt. Last year, the Bean & I were in Frankfurt 3 separate times – Maerz, August, & November, for a total of 31 days, if you include travel days, which really should count double for all the wear & tear on the body, mind, & psyche… & that’s not even mentioning the need for acquisition of unique travel supplies, all in containers of 4 ounces or less, support hose, & the smuggle-able french press & coffee stash.

    It was too much for the Bean for many, many reasons – the emotional, physical, relational & financial toll was too great – she acquired a job in Januar, & starts a new schedule on the day I fly away…

    So, I’ll be going on my own for 8 days – traveling solo is ok; I’ve done it quite a bit… it actually makes the choice of ‘where & what to eat/drink’ much easier. I just ask myself, “Self, what do you want to do?” And I usually answer, “Thanks for asking. I am hungry. And thirsty. And hungry.” And then it’s on… I don’t know why, but traveling brings out the snacker in me – I want to stop at every kiosk for a sample, to chow down & imbibe wherever possible. Wonder why that is?

    This is a significant trip for me – I know it down in my guts… this will be a trip of resolution – I believe that my interactions & appointments, & calling to Europe will be becoming clarified. And resolved. Some of the nebulousness, the WHY’s will be cleared up. Or be clearer.

    I also know that this will be relationally significant… there are several situations that will require a miracle to see healed. If you’re wondering what to pray for in this for me, pray for grace & peace in relationships. And reconciliation.

    Finally, I am really looking forward to staying at the home of my friends Alex & Linda, & getting to spend a chunk of time with them. They are definitely one of my happy thoughts about this voyage, the one on which I am flying solo…

    Thursday musings…

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    This has been a whirlwind of a week – starting off with a Christmas party Friday (during which I barfed up my dinner… sorry, no pictures) then Saturday’s worship team practice & 3/4’s of a work day, then to Sunday’s triple duty of worship, Learning Community, & Speeching; followed by packing up the gear & the fam & heading off to the happiest (merriest?) place in the world… Disneyland for a couple 18 hour days of fun @ both parks. A good time was had by all, especially at the fireworks display of 12/18, but the rush home to beat the storm (which we barely did) meant leaving at 7 a.m. 12/19. I’m still trying to catch my breath – & am greatly looking forward to Friday’s “Rest day lived for the sake of living.”

    Something is wrong. I know it, can tangibly feel it, & think that I can even identify it. Yet I don’t know that there’s anything for me to actually DO about what’s wrong… at least that I know of. Might be that I’m a bit delusional. Or hardening. Definitely sorrowful. A bit weepy. Christmastime exacerbates it. Cryptic, I know, however…

    On that note, something that popped up while in Deutschland in November – I was encouraged by several close friends to speak out what I am thinking; to stop leaving so much unsaid. BTW: or those of you that are right now contemplating a world where I talk MORE, not less, & wishing, hoping you will be far, far away from that world, sorry ’bout it. SIU. Suck it up.

    I don’t know or believe that this means all of my filters get removed, (now I’m scared.) But I do think that only about 5-10% of what I’m thinking (conversation, speeching, family interactions, friendships, work stuff, etc.) actually gets verbalized. I’ve started to speak it out & so far, so good. At least for me. I can’t say that others are equally as thrilled with the New Me as it has appeared in a Conversation Near You, but it’s real. Authentic. Truth in love-ish (to the best that I can.) And yes, I’ve had to ask forgiveness a couple of times too – but haven’t regretted it yet.

    Wish I would have bought the new Mickey Mouse watch. I’ve had mine on the left wrist for 13 years (save for the occasional bath/shower) & it has seen better days. Not currently running, but I am still wearing it. It is a reminder of one of the worst days I’ve ever had, as a man, a husband, & as a father. And also of the grace shown to me by my wife, the one who purchased it for me for our 5th anniversary (7/1/1989) on a day when I abandoned her in Disneyland with a 3 year old in a stroller, while she was several months pregnant with baby #2. All in the name of trying to be a good youth pastor, supervising students in the Park while my wife was left flying solo. Fortunately, a couple in our church, 15-20 years my senior, & also on the trip, were watching out for her & helped her with my son. I make myself sick even with the memory of it. I can’t believe I did that. All in the name of The Job for the Machine. And selfishness. What a tool am I. And she bought me a watch to say she loved me anyway.

    Reminds me of the depth of depravity of my soul. Sigh.