Tag Archives: Friends

musings on a quiet Friday…

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Woke up this morning with a start. I think I was responding to something in a dream, a dream that faded as quickly as my eyes opened. My heart thumped & raced for several minutes as the adrenaline push kept me on ‘high alert’ status, while I talked myself down to calmness, reminding self where I was.

Fun way to wake up. Reminds me of the days when our big kids were oh-so-very-little, & they’d sneak into my room on tip-toe, trying to make it to mom’s side of the bed, trying not to wake dad. As if.

Then they’d poke theBean in the arm with their poky little fingers & whisper (ever heard a 3 year old whisper?) Which of course would wake theBean in a fright, (like when we watched the oh-so-suspenseful The Count of Monte Cristo & the over/under of theBean surprise-screams was 10. And anyone who knows her always takes the over. Always.) Which then would wake me in fight/flight mode.

Yeah. It was kinda like that.

Planning my 1st trip to catch some Ace-ball this coming Wednesday – the first day game of the year. TheBean got the day off from work, so she & I, Brintus & Meekus, will be soaking in the rays & enjoying baseball. Hmmm. Can’t wait.

This last week, my dad’s aunt passed away. Which meant that Tuesday was a family graveside ceremony & Thursday was a public memorial. Which meant time with family & friends, many that I haven’t seen in a while.

Which makes me see the benefit of a family reunion. Never thought I’d be contemplating putting one together. But I digress…

Standing graveside, I wept. For so many reasons. When someone you’ve known, & has known you for every day of your life passes, there is a shaking, a bit of a tearing, in the fabric of life, as though a well-loved & favorite pair of pants develop a significant rip along a seam, a seam that can be patched, but that will forever be different & less-than-whole.

The woman I knew as Dottie, my Grandpa Locke’s sister, & her husband Bruce had been the ones that had prayed with my parents 40 years ago, & had led them into relationship with Jesus Christ, an event that has forever shaped our family & altered my destiny.

Thinking of the influence of one person on another, & the long lasting & multi-faceted ripples that touch so many unforeseen people & places. Makes me want to be a better man.

I hear people apologize for crying all the time, as though the revelation that GASP! their emotions have moved them, & surfaced in the form of tears is a violation of an unspoken social contract.

Crying, weeping, happen because of the circumstances of life. Joy. Grief. Disappointment. Fulfillment. Hope. Loss.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 ESV

More coffee, & I contemplate the spectrum of experience this week. Aunt Dottie’s funeral & memorial Tuesday & Thursday; & Matty & Nicole’s wedding Saturday.

I’ve known Matty since he was about 9, when his world revolved around Batman, baseball, & cheese & crackers. (Now that I think about it, not much has changed… ) The joy I feel at my friend stepping into this marriage relationship, especially with someone as wonderful & incredible as Nicole, brings tears to my eyes.

Seems that tears will always be a regular part of the human experience, especially where your life touches & is touched by others in meaningful & significant ways. Which means being vulnerable. Risking. Persevering. Stretching. Hoping. Repenting. Forgiving. Living life well.

Gymnasium is calling, singing the siren song of the Kettlebell.

I’m coming, I’m coming!

I’m sailing! I’m sailing! I sail…

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NOTE & DISCLAIMER: I’m not sailing. Haven’t sailed. Don’t have any plans to sail. Not against it. Just wanted to share a What About Bob?! moment I had this weekend.

Last Saturday, I finished my 40th birthday celebration. I do realize that the date was February 13th, & that it was almost a full 5 months since my ‘real’ September 19th birthday… but a couple of scheduling conflicts kept the final celebration from taking place; most notably, Petey’s 6-week National Guard deployment to an unnamed location in the Middle-East.

See, as a part of the inevitable ‘taking stock of life’ that my birthday always brings me, I decided that there were a couple of things that I would like to change – habits, patterns, ways of living. (When I was getting ready to turn 25, I read a statistic that said something to the effect that a person develops most of the habits & skills they will have by the time they hit 25. So, I decided that I needed to learn to play guitar. And I did.)

One of the things I decided to change this year involved a decision I’d made about a particular food that I had chosen not to partake of since a rather negative experience from 22 years ago. Sushi. I had it once, & I didn’t like it one bit.

I decided I’d try it again.

I’ve never been a fish or seafood guy. Don’t exactly know why, other than the smell of fish & fishy-ness sets me off. A fish market is the worst. (Actually, any really strong smell has the potential to do that. Fish. Chemical-ly & flowery perfumes. Floral ‘plug-ins’ that are supposed to make the air smell better. Most air-fresheners. Except for the new Febreze that is like the ‘clothes fresh out of the dryer smell…’ But I digress.)

Growing up, my family ate fish. Trout. Shrimp. Crab. Salmon. Halibut. You get the picture. I didn’t. I can remember trying a few of them, & feeling the repulsion, revulsion, the nose-wrinkling displeasure of EWWW!

I’ve heard from plenty of people that I just needed to try “fill-in-the-blank” seafood, prepared in the “fill-in-the-blank” way, & that I would be a convert. I tried a few. Always ended with EWWW!

My friends Petey & Debi kept encouraging me to try sushi again. Not just any sushi, but sushi prepared by Iron Chef Heif: Chris Heifner. My friend Chris is an artist in the truest sense of the word – amazing musician. Worship leader. Painter. Writer. And sushi chef.

And so, the combination of their gentle encouragement, Iron Chef Heif’s skill, & a willingness/desire to change created the perfect storm: a 40th birthday sushi celebration where I would once again give sushi a chance.

It happened Saturday, around our counter, in the company of a few friends, good music (theBean’s 40’s swing/big-band faves,) some Sapporo (as a shout-out to the real sushi-masters,) & a healthy appetite.

I don’t really know what I ate, other than I ate at least one part (portion? slicing? proper terminology would be helpful,) from every roll that Iron Chef Heif made.

My reflections:

    -I don’t like fish eggs. “Caviar.” Big or small. Black, brown, or pink. But I ate it. Salty. Like tasting a fishy part of the ocean.

    -Spicy is better. Jalapenos, wasabe, & the hot red sauce (don’t recall what it was,) were very much enjoyed & appreciated.

    -Soy sauce. The more the better.

    -Enough is enough. The pace of the eating, balanced by the time necessary for the preparation allowed me to know I was feeling full before I’d reached the proverbial “Super-Bowl” or Thanksgiving full-ness. Which probably made the whole experience more enjoyable, in that I didn’t have the “I can’t believe I ate so much” regrets. Other than the little fish-egg leftovers I was picking out of my teeth for at least 3 hours after.

I’ve been asked if I liked the sushi. It was good. Different. Don’t really have anything currently in my world to compare it to. Not a negative experience. Just don’t know.

But I’ll let you know if I end up craving it.

So… Thank you Chris, for your hard work & artistic preparation. And Pete-Debi, for your encouragement. And friends for celebrating with me.

Did you know what’s happening? I’m growing.

on waking up & other Friday musings…

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Woke up today feeling something was different. The early morning fuzziness began to fade & I went through the hazy mental checklist to try to determine what it was… nothing came to mind. Hmm. Deep breath. Oh! That’s it. My sinuses aren’t clogged, & I can breathe through both nostrils… & my ears are ‘open.’ Sa-weet. What a difference that makes. It feels like finally waking up after dozing on-&-off for days. And my head doesn’t feel 3 feet thick, meaning that my words are actually accessible.

And theBean says, “The Olympics are starting.” Hmm. There was a day that that would have been big news, & generated a lot of excitement. Those days went away during the U.S. boycott of the 1980 Moscow Summer Games, where I was first introduced to the influence of propaganda, political rhetoric, & posturing politicians. And was reinforced in the former U.S.S.R.’s boycott of the 1984 Los Angeles summer games.

And that’s not even getting into the snafu that is the television coverage. Heard that the Vancouver Olympics, which happen to be on Pacific Standard Time thank you very much, will be broadcast in the PST with at least a 3 hour tape delay. Marvelous.

More than a few times in the last 2 weeks, I have been reminded of my desperate need for the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in my life, & my utter inability to “do” or “be” good. It seems that I’m holding a mirror, reflecting back in my face the scripture:

“There is no one who is righteous, not even one; there is no one who has understanding, there is no one who seeks God. All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; there is no one who shows kindness, there is not even one.” Romans 3:10-12 NRSV

Fortunately, there’s also the promise that the Spirit is at work in me, & also that I’m empowered to live & breathe to the praise of God’s glory. Booyah!

EllieG gave me a valentine yesterday. Cute little one with a watermelon sucker attached to it. She came into my office & held it up to me & said, “Here ya go, Tay-Tay.” I made a big deal out of it & said thank you. She interrupted me with the demand, “Give me the candy. Give me the candy NOW!” Turns out, I get to keep the actual valentine, but the sucker is hers.

And yet another reason I love theBean. This Sunday is Valentine’s Day. TheBean & I were discussing the Holiday, & deciding what we were wanting, hoping, expecting for the Celebration of the Day. Turns out we both aren’t so much into the Giving of the flowers, candy, bling, etc. (Please note: theBean does like bling. Just not enough to go into Debt for it.) And don’t have to go out to a Fancy Restaurant on the day. We’ll probably celebrate together with some quiet, face to face time in our getaway, with a favorite bottle of red & something spicy.

Watching GODTV today… because Dr. Chuck Missler is on. I love that dude. When he teaches, it’s like what he’s saying gets downloaded into my brain ala ‘The Matrix.’

I’m thankful for friends who stick with me through thick & thin, good times & bad. Who know me, strengths & weaknesses, the great things about me & my glaring flaws… who still offer grace, forgiveness, mercy, & the opportunity to share life together. Makes life richer.

I’ll end with that. Thank you friends.

there’s something in my eye…

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I’ve been crying a lot. A LOT. Almost at the proverbial “drop of a hat.” Watching my iDoey & Reed High School’s presentation of “White Christmas.” Drinking coffee & thinking of friends. Eating breakfast. (It was a really good egg & sausage burrito.) Playing with my niece Ellie G.

Not sure why this is happening, though I think that I’ve traced the beginning to being in Germany a couple weeks back… I remember feeling overwhelmed & overcome with thankfulness, sitting around the dinner table with Shawn, Matt, & a couple of Russian/Kazakh pastors, wrestling through a couple layers of a language barrier, sharing good food & drink, lots of laughs, & the commonality of relationship with Christ. This commonality makes the most daunting cultural, language, social barrier seem like a mere crack in the floor compared to knowing & being known by Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior. It causes the most cynical part of me, the part scarred & marred by religion, religious-ness, & religiousity to be able to truly speak the words “brother” & “sister…” to the people at my table. And mean it. These words, too seemingly steeped in christian-ese to be able to be spoken except in sarcastic jest, rolled off of my lips as I embraced & was embraced by these precious men & women.

I remember being struck at how truly blessed I am. With theBean. My Pasty. iDoey. theWeez. My family. Friends – real friends.. God’s faithful provision. A church family. A job. Countless resources.

Now it seems I am seeing beauty in things & people that before I may not even have taken notice of a month ago. And its everywhere. And it is TRULY a wonderful life.

Ellie came into my office & saw me crying today – she’s 2, an age where crying only means sad. She ran out into the main office area declaring, “Tay-tay’s CRYing! Tay-tay’s CRYing!” Her mom said, “Ellie! Tay-tay needs a hug!” The precious little one came running back in & lifted up her arms: “Tay-tay! Up!”

I swooped her into my arms & she squeezed me around the neck for what seemed like an hour. Then, she patted me on the back gently, & lovingly said, “It’s ok Tay-tay.” She grabbed my face, looked into my eyes, & yelled, “Tay-tay! DOWN!”

playing catch up, #2

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November p.m..
Monday night brought a couple of surprises – käse nacht (cheese night) at the Kern’s & a special tour of the Olde Gott Winery – with the local “Wine Queen” Corinna, who just happened to be a friend of Julia’s that had visited us in Reno for a few days. It was a very high tech winery, & is known as 1 of if not THE best production wine maker in Salsbachwald. Corinna gave us background on the local grapes (mostly whites with a couple of reds,) & then took us through the process the grapes go through to make the wine. (Took us through virtually, that is. Virtually. Not actually. That would only produce Whine.)

Special surprise at the end was that we got to meet the president & CEO of the winery, who gave us a greeting & a free tasting of the top 4 wines on Olde Gott’s shelves – 2 reds & 2 whites. Very cool.

Käse Nacht involved melty cheese, garlic & French bread, good wine, & lots of laughter, discussion & tears. We sat around the Kern table with the whole family plus Heiko, the boyfriend of Linda. Good times. It got late way too quickly, so before we went our separate ways, Julia’s dad, Klaus, gave a heartfelt speech of thanks & gratitude to Jesus – for us, for Julia coming to the US & fulfilling her dream, for God’s provision, & for family. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room when he finished.

It was a real blessing to us to spend this time with the family, & I’m richer for having experienced it. Matty kept saying that this was the favorite part of the trip for him – I’m guessing it had to do with the family interactions, the intimacy of the talks, & the incredible food.

17 November
Went to the train station WAAAYYY too early for our 8:30 train – made it on without any trouble (yay me!) & managed to make it all the way to Frankfurt Main station without having to surrender our seats. Found a Starbucks & downed an Americano before we braved the drizzling rain.

Took the U-Bahn to TPLF where we met Elena & Eddy – he was hungry (almost as hungry as us,) so he accompanied us to Zimt und Koriander for pizza. Again. Go figure. Good talks & good pizza.

Afterwards, I tried to make my way to Alex’s house on the U-bahn. I must have fallen asleep, because I found myself waking up, disoriented on a train. Fortunately, it wasn’t far from the stop that I needed. 1 of the weirdest experiences of my life so far – didn’t know who or where I was, & my brain wouldn’t kick in & give me a context, language, or idea of what was going on around me.

Got to Alex’s & decided to take a nap. And that’s where I am right now.

I’m back… or, how I finally found the internet in Prum, Germany

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I’ve not been able to connect to the net for a while, so if you’ve been sending me emails or notes that haven’t been returned, I’m sorry. Please bear with me – today, 10 November, Shawn & I found the “Lothar Raum” which is where we are connecting to the net via an ethernet cable. Also, this is a long post – you’ve been warned.

Sunday, 8 November
Woke up early to have breakfast with Alex & Linda – a good German breakfast of bread, nutella, yogurt & mueslix… & coffee of course. I appreciate these people who have opened up their home & life to me, inviting me in to be a part of what they do.

Alex dropped me at TPLF at 10, & I spent time reconnecting with friends & mentally preparing for the Sunday speech. Worshipping with our sister church is a lot like being at home, with a pleasant comfort that comes from revisiting something familiar, something that you’ve been missing. It was especially fun to see Dudi on the keyboards ☺.

I spoke on John 15:1-11 – on Staying Connected, with 3 specific points about connection:

  • connecting to God,
  • connecting to our church & church leaders
  • connecting to the people in our church family.

    Speaking through an interpreter is mentally draining – esp. because it requires thinking in complete thoughts vs. in ‘sentences’ if that makes sense. I hit a tangible ‘wall’ in point #2 about connecting to church & church leaders – because of the German reticence to ‘trust’ those in leadership due to both the history of domineering leadership in Germany (WW2) & also the loss/removal of TPLF’s senior pastor 18 months ago. It was tough, but I know I did what I was supposed to & said what I needed to. And left the rest up to the Holy Spirit & the grace of God. Sigh.

    After church, I ate a döner with Shawn & Matty, then waited for Eddy to come pick us up to take us to the Pastors conference that I’ve been a part of for the last 4 years – really enjoyed the talking & laughing with the boys on the long (3 hour) drive to Prüm, on the western border of Germany near France & Luxemborg.

    Our evening at the conference was one of getting oriented to the youth hostel where we’re staying, & a service consisting of praise & worship. Afterwards, we spent time with the German pastors & talked at length about the life & times of the last year. I met a pastor from Kazachstan who was visiting Germany & the German conference to see how the FEGW (Foursquare Germany) functioned as a church movement. As I stood their & listened to amazing story after amazing story, it reminded me both of how incredible our God is, & how small I am.

    FEGW Conference, Day 2
    Peter Wenz, a pastor from Stuttgart is the presenter. The thing that jumped out at me is that he is very animated & full of life & a tangible joy. The topic for the week is “FAITH” – & learning to live ‘correctly’ – which he defined as being filled with the Word of God, filled with hope, & lead by the Spirit into a life that is greater than me, for a purpose that God intends. Our main texts for the session were Habakkuk 2:14 & Hebrews 11:6

    I love how he defined & discussed faith –
    • not as something nebulous or intangible, but as something that is a secret, Godly substance placed in the hearts of His people; this secret substance gives us Godly confidence & boldness, special hope, discernment, & supernatural abilities to accomplish God’s purposes.
    • Faith is a gift from God to stir us, to awaken us to be looking for opportunities to live for God & to intersect the lives of others for God.
    • Faith opens us to God’s realm, the really real realm, to live life in a way that is ‘overcoming’ (Romans 8:39)
    • Faith is real & integrated into our everyday life, & as we act on it causes truth to become ‘real & evident’ in our hearts & lives
    • Faith is real & tangible, & causes ordinary people to really live extraordinary lives.

    Session 2 addressed Mark 1:14,15 & the ministry of Jesus – he talked about Jesus’ 4 declarations:
    • The time is come
    • The Kingdom of God is at hand
    • It is time to Repent – to renew our minds & way of thinking to God’s
    • Believe – in Christ, & follow Him

    Things that stood out:
    • The main obstacle to faith is unbelief – a humanist intellectualism that opposes the purposes & plans of God
    • This unbelief is often centered in the religious upper-class of society
    • We ask God to increase our faith, & then we ‘stand’ in & exercise the faith that we have – not the letter of it, but the Spirit of it.

    Good stuff – lots of great testimonies & encouragements.

    Shawn, Matt & I ate lunch together, then walked to a store down the street for supplies (snacks & water.) The highlight of our walk was when Matt tried to engage the cashier in small talk with a little, “How you doin?” She just looked at him blankly – didn’t speak any English. Shawn translated for Matt, & the clerk, once she understood, just looked at Matt & said, “Bad. Bad.” We all got some good smiles from that. Went to an Austrian restaurant for a schnitzel, a hefe, & lots of good discussion then went back to the hostel for the evening.

    We’re learning all kinds of stuff about each other. Good times.

    FEGW Conference, Day 3
    I woke up at 1 a.m. to a dull ache in my right shoulder, waaaay down deep in the joint. It kept me up until about 4. Bummer way to start the day.

    Our final sessions with Peter Wenz centered on Ephesians 4:7-13 – which is a portion of scripture that is especially significant for me (on account of the fact that we spent more than 3 months in those verses last year at this time – he focused on the words “measure of grace,” something given by God for people to live & function in – & that the “some people” who’ve been given the role of being a pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, or apostle are to be about the work of making disciples, spurring others on towards maturity in Christ.

    I especially enjoyed his discussion on how the body of Christ is to be “complementing” each other instead of “competing” with each other – with complementing being “to harmonize, go together better;” truly functioning like a body functions towards the same goal, not 100 unique ones.

    The boys & I are debating what we’ll do this afternoon during the ‘small group’ time – everyone else will be getting with the other pastors & leaders from their region & working on a project. We may be making another run to the store for snacks & supplies; Shawn found a “Sculpture Park” that we might be walking to, though the chill of our day, coupled with the ache in my shoulder makes a longer jaunt seem much less attractive… We will see.

    • preparing for lunch, & other adventures…

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    Eventually, one gets hungry on a Friday. And when one gets hungry, what does one do? One makes their way to the local REWE to do some grocery shopping.

    Since we were having hamburgers, the 1st thing we need to pick out was what we’d eat them on – Alex said that the bread needs to be good German bread so that it doesn’t get soggy – & who am I to argue with him. So we started by checking out the bread roll section…

    After we got our rolls & other supplies, we made our way back to the house for creation & assembly. The picture at left is the assembly line; notice how its put together in such as way as to allow for maximum efficiency.

    The burgers were marinated with a home-made marinade with lots of garlic & honey (delicious, with a spicy-bite-kick to it.) & then cooked in the oven.

    Linda isn’t a meat-eater, so she created tofu versions of what we had.

    And yes, thanks for asking, those are the hamburger creations we dined upon. They were so huge that large skewers were needed to just hold them together. I even ate my burger with the skewer still in it, which required a coordination & dexterity that I was not aware I possessed. Only had one DOH! moment where I Homer’d myself in the right eye. No pictures were taken of that portion of the meal.

    And here’s Linda downing her tofu-burger, topped with Alex’s specially created sauce, fresh tomatoes, lettuce, & chopped up little gerkins (which, by the way, is german for little pickles. Who’da
    thunk it?

    Near the end of the meal, I got a call from Anja – we’ll be getting together tomorrow for coffee, then dinner with Alex & Linda. Good times.

    Tonight, we’ll be hooking up with Earl & Matty, Levent & Ines to go to a place called Celsius, which I’ve been told is as close as one can get to Berlin, while staying in Frankfurt. I’ll have to report on that.

    Finished the final touches for my speech for Sunday at TPLF – I’m talking from John 15:1-11 about staying connected:

  • Connected to God
  • Connected to our leaders
  • Connected to our church family

    Sound familiar?

    • Wednesday in the afternoon, & I’m hungry…

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    Just finished lunch – it came 3 hours too late, but why cry over an already eaten meal? What gets me is that even though I just ate lunch, I am already pining for dinner. And I’m not really hungry… just wanting to make sure that I plan adequately for the evening meal. It happens this way when theBean works her doubles – Tuesdays & Wednesdays – meaning we fend for ourselves. Not that we aren’t capable re-heaters of the delicacies known as Left Overs, but everything is better with theBean. If you’ve met her, you know what I’m speaking of…

    Talking with Chum today about life & stuff… like we normally do 1 or 2x/week. Don’t know where I’d be without the steadying, consistent encouragement & friendship of that guy.

    Got on the topic of Old Dead Guys – people we like to read – A.W. Tozer came up… Got to talking on the topic of leading within the context of church, & one of Tozer’s quotes:

    A true and safe leader is likely to be one who has no desire to lead, but is forced into a position of leadership by the inward pressure of the Holy Spirit and the press of external situations. Further, I believe it might be accepted as a fairly reliable rule of thumb that the man who is ambitious to lead is disqualified as a leader.”

    That one really rings home for me – mostly because I don’t aspire to be ‘the pastor’ – the leader, the guy in charge. Yet through circumstances & as Tozer says, “inward pressure of the Holy Spirit,” I have consistently found myself in the spot where I’m holding the keys to the bus… Ok, guess its time to drive.

    Led to discussion on Tozer’s commentary… those who are ambitious to lead. Not sure if that person “gets” what leading is, cause if they did, would they have to try to make it happen?

    Brings to mind:

    Jesus said, “You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all. For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:42-45 NLT

    And also:

    FRODO: “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

    GANDALF: “So do all who come to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us.” Tolkien, Lord of the Rings

    Hmmm.

    musings on a Slow Saturday…

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    I’m functioning on EST pretty well – getting to bed by 10 or 11, usually rolling out about 8. Last night, I hit the sack a little earlier & the next thing I knew, I awoke to the sounds of falling rain. No thunder that I could hear, just the regular rhythm of rain on the pavement outside… if I wasn’t on the ground floor (out of 3 levels) perhaps I’d be talking about rain on the roof, which is one of my favorite sounds… & it was 9:45 in the a.m.

    A part of my brain kicked in, knowing that 9:45 is LATE & there must be SOMETHING that needs to happen, something I need to do, a place to go… as the sleepy haze left, I once again realized that today is Slow Saturday – & day with Nothing on the agenda, the day of my week where I intentionally scheduled Nothing. I was roused from my thought by the beeping of the coffee pot finishing its brew cycle. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the coffee pot letting me know it is done… only thing cooler would be if it said, “Hey. Finished!”

    Reading a lot, with lots of interruptions for thinking. A conversation I had with Chuck yesterday has been circling my brain – perhaps not so much in what was said in the conversation, but in the WHERE the conversation led to in my thoughts…

    What keeps coming up is Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

    I’m thinking on friendship – the kind of true friendship Proverbs addresses – the kind of friend that will stick with you through thick & thin, in good & bad – who wants the best for you – who sticks up for you if others run you down when you’re not around – who can genuinely be happy for you when something good happens to you, & who grieves with you in your pain.

    And mostly, I’m thinking about how a friend, a good, true friend – will speak the truth in love – & be willing to say something that is hard to hear – to act as a ‘mirror’ – reflecting the truth of the matter, what they see & observe when so many others would cover over, ignore, &/or turn their head away.

    I think in principle we want that kind of friend, but in reality, its easier to respond poorly to them – to deny, discount, &/or reject what they’re saying – to go on the defensive & pour out the excuses why the things they are mentioning are Not My Fault… maybe more often, we go on the offensive, & take shots at them – getting on a High Horse & lobbing verbal grenades at the one who would Dare to say such things to us. Even if its just them reflecting what they see.

    I think that it takes a lot of humility to be able to receive correction – & trust, that the person speaking really does love me, & isn’t just pointing out faults to belittle me &/or to make themselves ‘bigger.’ That they want the best for me. That the ‘wounds’ they’ve given are more truthful & more important to me being able to grow & develop into the person I want to be than all the deceptive, pandering, & disingenuous ‘kisses’ of an enemy…

    On more than 1 occasion, I’ve been on the receiving end of rebuke, correction, & reflection – & every time, it was tough to hear – but in retrospect, I prefer going through each of those difficult talks, & having to really, really work through stuff, than I would have wanted them to say nothing, or worse, tell me that what they saw wasn’t So Bad, esp. compared to Some.

    Sigh.

    It seems to me that the alternative of self-justification, self-righteousness, & pride aren’t worth it.

    I want to have real friends, & also to BE a real friend. Especially when its tough.

    Finished my LOTR Extended Version marathon. Still cry at when Sam & Frodo are alone on the rock, surrounded by liquid hot Mag-Ma. Maybe it’s the Frodo/Sam friendship that has been a part of provoking these musings as well. Hmm.

    rain down…

    Posted on by

    I was talking to the kids yesterday during our most recent downpour… just soaking in (literally) the smell of the rain, which is one of my favorite smells in the whole world (next to the purple meets cotton candy fragrance that theBean wears.) One of them said, “Dad, all this rain isn’t NORMAL, is it?”

    Thought about it for a minute & answered: “Nope. But I’m not complaining. Let’s enjoy it while its here…” And we are.

    Made it to & through Convention/Connection unscathed. Convicted. Challenged. Loved by friends & fam. Blessed with a surprise trip to Disneyland, my favorite place to go ever (right next to minor-league baseball parks…) But unscathed. Maybe a little larger in the soul. I’m believing for it.

    Just passed the time of year when I’d normally be in Frankfurt for my Spring visit to our sister church – this year’s visit will have to wait until November. I’m missing friends.

    Don’t know if its all the sitting last week that aggravated a stiff back, or something else… but I’ve been having intermittent back spasms up & down since last Friday. No buono… Which is why I go see Dr. G, & then things feel better. Less twisty, that’s for sure.

    I don’t have a map. Or a blueprint. Lost them a few years ago, back in the days when I was a lot smarter than I am now, & knew what I was going to do & how I was going to do it. Got reminded of that last week.

    By the way… don’t tell my 3 kids – It only looks like I’m winging this whole “dad” thing because… I am.

    Jesus! Help me!

    In the next few days, I’ll be painting over a mural that has got painted in my office in April 2000. Its time for change. I’m thinking a Tolkien theme. Or at least, I am going to hang my now homeless (room-less?) LOTR posters… because they can’t stay where they are now. Sorry Frodo. Sam. Strider. But now you get to be with me in my office.

    Either my feet are growing, or my shoes are shrinking.

    I ate at The Cheesecake Factory 4 times while in Anaheim. Man, I can get used to that place, esp. the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. I dreamt about it last night. Truly.

    On that note, I heard a rumor that the Reno/Sparks area (Scheels) will get one of those if the shops in the area can boost their annual sales to Cheesecake Factory standards. Oh please, oh please.

    Reading through my Complete Jewish Bible, musing through Mishlei/Proverbs, pondering 17:17

    A friend shows his friendship at all times – it is for adversity that {such} a brother is born.

    The longer I live, the more I realize my need for friends – real friends who will stick with me, through thick & thin, in spite of my issues, who love me enough to tell me the truth & not just blow smoke…