Category Archives: Musings

CA: Days #16 & #17

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Thursday we did end up on a rooftop overlooking the vines of a local (& BIG) German winery called Alde Gott. Had a local spätburgunder (dry pinot noir) & a bacon/onion/cheese flammkuchen & enjoyed the view & the people watching. We did get to sit under a rather large umbrella,  (stretched across 4 or so tables), but I would have been perfectly fine one floor down in the tasting room with actual a/c & (just about) the same views we enjoyed from the roof. (Point of order: the roof views were far superior to the next-floor-down views, but the draw of the a/c made it all-the-more attractive to me. But not to anyone else who decided to go to Alde Gott that day… esp. the one I am married to.)

Eventually made our way back to Julia’s flat for a chill evening & a Hallmark movie (in Englisch!) that had received 4.8 out of 10 stars. It earned every single bit of it & was actually really funny & enjoyable to watch with the girls.

Friday was a day to hang out with Julia & her sister, Linda, & her husband, Heiko. Heiko is a leader in the Arche church led by Roland & attended by all Julia’s family, & helps oversee the Royal Rangers program that is really popular all over Eurasia (& beyond.) He’s like the ultimate boy scout & youth pastor & survivalist & great cook & so many other things all rolled into one. He recently joined a local association (Man Group)  that is connected to a local vineyard that has the distinction of being (one of) the most steeply graded vineyard in all of Europe. With typical American hyperbole I claimed it as THE most steeply graded vineyard in Europe, but with also typical German precision, I was voted down based upon the fact that we couldn’t know for 100% surety that it truly was THE most steeply graded vineyard in Europe.

Based upon Heiko’s access through his Man Group (he’s the youngest member – 38 years old; there are guys still active in the group in their mid-90s, which after accessing ONE OF the most steeply graded vineyards in all of Europe & hearing that these nonagenarians not only ACCESS the property, they help MAINTAIN it & actually cut the grass on the hillsides), we entered through a gate & began our hike.

When I say “hike” I mean “part-hike, part-climb, part-trek, part-hanging from security cables so you don’t fall off the side of the hill & tumble to your death on the rocks 50 feet below” kind of thing. He & Linda did bring Joah, their 6 year old, but he is evidently part mountain goat & weighs about 50 pounds & does more before 9 a.m. than most people do all day & his dad is the Head Royal Ranger, so he’s probably been training & stuff…

it was daunting. Fun. Exhilarating. Stretching. Beautiful. Scratchy (the brambles from the blackberry bushes snagged us a few times. Oh, & we ate blackberries til we didn’t want no more blackberries at all.)  The best part? When we (finally) made it to the top of the hill (about 500 meters/1600 feet or so climbed, NBD) we discovered the Man Group maintains a spartan little shack with table & some solar power. Heiko & Linda pulled out a German picnic: baguettes, salami & meats & cheeses; some hummus w/garlic & tomato that tasted like pizza sauce, a red-wine made from the actual vineyard we were sitting it (Engelberg – Angel Rock is what Heiko translated it as) & enjoyed the view & the respite. Took lots of pictures, but mostly just sat & conversed, laughed, & enjoyed the presence (& GIFT) of friends who were sharing their precious selves & lives with us.)

Eventually we navigated back down the mountain (different way – still rocky & steep but no safety wires required) & made it to where our cars were parked. The whole thing took about 3 hours & now, evidently, it was time to head to the place for dinner, so we dragged our sweaty & tired carcasses to the car & drove the 5 minutes to their house.

Klaus & Pia, Julia’s parents, joined us for dinner on the open-air terrace, which was a Raclette -party (click the link to make it easier on me). Kinda like a fondue-party feel, but with everyone having personal sized buffet to choose from, heat up on the flat-top in the middle, & then smother with cheese. We ate to our hearts content… lots of laughter, good talks, & never-ending entertainment with Joah. He has batteries that never run out.

It was 10:30 pm by the time we were done & Julia is usually in bed by 9:30 every day… so we scrambled to the car & drove to her house before she completely turned into a pumpkin. Showered when we got home (so good to get the stink & sweat off me) & then  TheBean & I sat up & hung out in our room for a bit… enjoying each other’s company & conversation.

We’ve got a rest day Saturday (plus doing a little wash & packing up,) then we are headed out to Frankfurt late Sunday. Really thankful for a great trip & visit here, wishing we could fit Julia in a suitcase or ship her back with us.

CA: Days #13-#15

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Thanks in advance for your patience… the last couple of days have been low-key & quiet, with a lot of hanging out around Julia’s house & also in the surrounding countryside.  We’ve been starting the morning with coffee (& raisin-bran muffins for me!) & quiet reading time in the coolness of the day. Sunday-Tuesday were HOT.. in the 90F hot, getting down to maybe 80F in the evenings. Most places in Germany don’t have a/c so the only respite from the heat comes in the form of an occasional fan, & even then they are not everywhere. Makes me very thanikful for our Reno/Sparks weather & the coolness of the day that we get (most) every evening/morning.

With the 9 hour time difference, its actually been more difficult here than in CA to keep up on what is happening at home, though we have been able to listen to/watch church at Hillside & get the occasional Marco Polo calls from loved ones. The slowed down pace of the last few days have really driven home the point that our time in CA was a LOT. TheBean & I calculated that our last day in CA – travel day to Germany – we were up for 34 hours w/o more than a short nap; the body & system take a bit to recover from that. When I was younger I would have tried to “push through” the fatigue & mileage adding up on the proverbial odometer, but at this point in life I’ve learned that if I don’t pay attention to the signs of a need for rest & acknowledge that I’m out of rhythm, I may end up with a body that makes me stop. So far, so good… with daily naps we’re doing ok, though I am currently battling a head-cold & some epic sneezes. I’m still feeling a 7-10, but prayers for health & wholeness are appreciated.

Tuesday Julia took us to the Mummelsee, a little alpine tourist-y village type area with a rustic (Bean says “quaint”)  hotel & lots of old-style gifts shops selling the things this area is known for:  Black Forest ham; cuckoo clocks; every kind of schnapps made from every kind of fruit; Black Forest cake; & lots of trinkets. The whole mountain area reminded me a bit of a super small version of “Heavenly Village.”

We walked all the way around the Mummelsee (think Virginia Lake & you get the understanding of it- a brown colored, gnarly smelling body of water not so big – with a whole bunch of people from all over the European Union (this is a tourist destination, don’t you know?) swimming in the lake. Julia was having NONE of that – thinks it is gross.

The path around the lake snaked up to a paved road that wound its way up the mountain to the summit; a path about a mile long with a climb of > 500 feet. It was cooler here than in town, but still flipping hot – & we climbed up all the way to the restaurant where we would have lunch: the Grinde Hűtte. I had a burger & theBean had a version of raviolis; Julia had some vegan sweet potato business. I won.

Eventually we made our way down the mountain to the car & drove the 30 minutes or so to her flat, where we spent the rest of the evening relaxing; the girls watched a Hallmark movie (they are everywhere) & we loosely planned out our next couple of days & visits with Julia’s family.

Wednesday was cooler – dropped to 85F & there is hope for even more of a drop the next few days before we leave on Sunday. Wrapped up a luxuriously slow day with a nap then dinner at the Haus of die Familie Kern: Julia’s parents. Since we met them in 2007, we’ve come to treasure our times around their table, talking about life & spiritual things & normal things & disappointments & joys… all while sharing good food & lots of laughter. Julia’s parents, Klaus & Pia have a great sense of humor & are so hospitable. Like our time with Pastor Roland & his family, we stayed until the clock reminded us we would all turn to pumpkins if we didn’t sleep soon.

Today, Thursday – theBean made another round of bran muffins: blueberry, raisin, & banana this time, & I am a fan. I still don’t know what the deal was… why I was craving these so much, but at least for this trip, I am committed to doing my part to remove them from the planet… one muffin at a time.

The girls are getting ready & in a bit we will head out to one of the close & local vineyards/wineries in the area for some great views, good local wines, & (probably) over-priced charcuterie boards (isn’t that what wineries do?)

I’ve spent a lot of time  reading & praying & wondering… what will come from this trip? What are our ‘next steps?’ Esp since there are so many possibilities & invitations etc… Makes me dive deep into Jesus to hear what His God-ideas are for us & HOW & WHERE He would like to pour out our lives in the portion we live outside of our local Reno/Sparks/Hillside context. There are so many possibilities & good ideas… Praying for some God-ideas & insights.

Thank you for your continued support & prayers – enjoying our time (& rest!) immensely, but also missing home.

CA: Days #9 & #10

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Planes – Trains – & Automobiles… DISCLAIMER: I have lost track of days/time/hours etc. I had to confirm (2x) that it is, actually, Saturday afternoon at 5:30 p.m. as I write this.

AUTOMOBILES: It seems more like 4 or 5 days since we said tearful goodbyes to our hosts & our CA team members sometime around 12:30 a.m. early Friday to make the 45 or so minute trek in our trusty & oh special Toyota Siena van to head to the airport. Each trip in the van with our local drivers was an experience that brought you closer to Jesus… usually in frantic prayer for protection as the drivers whipped in & out of traffic like wanna-be Formula One drivers, going from 0 to whatever the top acceleration speed is of an early 2000’s Siena that has been driven hard for > a decade & a half. Imagine driving down Mt. Rose Hwy in heavy traffic… with Mario Andretti as your driver… a Mario Andretti who believes all his loved ones will die unless he passes EVERY, SINGLE, CAR in front of him… in the next 45 minutes.

PLANES… Made it to the airport with about 3 hours before our flight, meaning we needed to wait to check in, as Lufthansa only opens check in about 2 hours (max) before flight time in this part of CA. Grabbed a flat-white from a storefront & shared a few moments of conversation with the team-members that traveled with us to the airport this morning. Shared time/space/experience gives a great recipe for building relationships; our time together over the last 9 or so days has really bound us together.

Eventually the time came for check-in; got through with no issues & navigated the security line without incident. TheBean & I decided to walk the terminal & discovered it was super-small… kinda had a John Wayne/OC airport feel, so it only took about 15 to circle our whole concourse. Made it to our gate & sat & talked with Teresa, an Aussie now based in SF at a 4square church there, the lone team member traveling on the same flight as us. We talked & I crushed a coldish Coke Zero.

The time for boarding came… & passed. Everyone headed out on this flight gathered around the gate opening in a way that would have made most gate attendants apoplectic; ours seemed to think this was normal & they went about their business checking their paperwork & who knows what else until all of the sudden, out of nowhere, surrounded by increasingly agitated people waiting for the flight, she started scanning boarding documents. No rhyme or reason; just first-come, first-served.  TheBean & I made it to our seats & found that we were in a 2 seat row of our own in Economy – no middle seat for us.

Flight was about 30 minutes late taking off, but we made good time to the first stop, then had a record speed reload with passengers headed to our destination for the day: Frankfurt. It was about 7 1/2 uneventful hours in the air – a daytime-ish flight, not really conducive for sleeping, so I watched a couple of movies, read my books, & ate selections of whatever foods that were brought to us… including a sample of the very worst sandwich in the history of sandwiches… a fact that has been confirmed by theBean, a normally positive woman who, I discovered after 36 years together, is capable of incredible negativity when it comes to disappointment associated with food, unmet expectations, & esp. those sandwiches.

NOTE: we’ve been sitting so much (flights, meetings, services,) over the last 9 days that, after this flight, my tailbone & seat feel like they are severely bruised. Coming to a standing position & then sitting back down has been excruciating. It got better through the day (walking helped) but still is a pain in the rear.

BUSES… Landed in Frankfurt around 11;45 a.m. local time (3 hours earlier than where we were in CA,) & grabbed our luggage & eventually made our way towards where we thought the buses might be located. NOTE: Because of construction, our normal & easy routine of ‘get on a train at the airport & head towards Baden-Baden’ was instead a “find the replacement bus station, which is different from the regular bus station, get on the correct replacement bus which will take you an hour down the road to the Mannheim Main Train station at which point you’ll then get on a train & continue to your destination.’

And we couldn’t find it.

I was hangry & had not slept in > 24 hours, so my hangry was at DEFCON 2; I was alert enough to recognize it, but not alert nor coherent enough to fully contain it. An impromptu stop at McDonald’s helped (yay Double Cheese Double meat Royale,) but we were still stymied on how to get to the “Replacement Bus” station. Doesn’t help that the FRAPORT is as big as the entire city of Fernley.

In our impaired states, we finally navigated to a DB travel center & found a very direct & very pointy German who gave us directions to the Replacement Bus center. Instructions that, point of order, didn’t fully make sense at the time, but after getting a clarifying couple of pieces of input from a very helpful airport worker, we were able to understand & apply. Navigated all the way down to where our Replacement Bus stop was, & discovered it was directly outside a Starbucks. Since we had a good 90 minutes to kill, we grabbed some iced drinks & sat in comfy chairs in blessed cool silence.

TheBean & I got on our bus – it was not a ‘normal’ bus, but more like a deluxe charter bus, with A/C & a WC in the back. TheBean slept for the hour it took to get to Mannheim; I read & tried to stay awake… feeling like if I slept I’d not be able to wake up fully.

TRAINS… 

The Replacement Bus stop was about 1/4 mile from the Main Station, so we dragged our bags through the streets of Mannheim along with the other passengers. Found our track & had another Coke Zero while trying to determine where we needed to stand on the long concrete spit that made up the train station & loading area. (Gotta get on the right wagon…)

A little helper gave us the direction we needed & we made it onto our correct wagon & found our seats. (Close to them at least. They were taken, but the ones next to them weren’t. A different Louie might have asked for MY seat, the one I was assigned by the Man. This Louie, hangry tired Burnt Toasty Louie just thought about it while taking identical & available seats right across from the ones we’d been assigned.

It was a quick trip & < half hour until we had to hustle off our train at Track 2 & drag-run our bags to Track 12, all in the space of 5 minutes. And we made it.

But…

There was no space for me to sit, nor to put the bags. So I stood off to the side of the exit on the train, along with a few close strangers, & sweated profusely while waiting til the 75 minutes & several stops were done & we would arrive in Achern to see our Julia.

AUTOMOBILES #2… 

We made it to Achern & I shuffled off the train, literally dripping w/sweat, trying not to look miserable – because I wasn’t. Just sweaty. At this point, I was almost past  feeling anything. Just wanted to get to Julia’s.

She & her mama, Pia, were at the station & helped us wheel our bags through the small-town station in Achern. We loaded our bags into their cars & drove the short 10 or so minutes to Julia’s flat. She lives on the 3rd floor, so we dragged our stuff upstairs & got settled &  showered.

Julia, Pia, & TheBean made tacos & then we sat around the table & ate & laughed & enjoyed catching up. We talk on a pretty regular basis with Julia via Marco Polo, we our catching up curve isn’t too great. Tacos were on point.

Cleaned up from dinner & hung out, trying desperately to stay up as late as possible before going to sleep so as to get on the local time… we made it to 8:20 pm & dragged ourselves into bed & promptly crashed.

Woke up around 8 a.m. & had coffee & read. Ended up going back to bed around 10 a.m. & sleeping for another couple of hours. Woke up around 12:30 p.m. & theBean & Julia made brunch – brown bread, eggs, cheese, salami, etc, & ate to our hearts content. TheBean made our grocery list & brushed up on my teaching notes for Church tomorrow at Die Arche Ottersweier; – aka “The Arc of Ottersweier.”

We went with Julia to the store; spent about 45 minutes shopping (I love shopping in German grocery stores) & came back to her flat & put away the groceries.

And then I sat down to blog. So there we are.

Thank you for your prayers. Thankful for food. Good sleep. Time with chosen family. Gracious wife. That hangry doesn’t last forever. And fans that blow a steady stream of air over you.

CA: Day #8

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Last full day of DLT began with breakfast & discussion-heavy presentations. I love the discussion elements because we got to hear from people with a varied background what it might look like to them to put their faith into practice; it allows you to get beyond the acquisition of information into the practical application of a Christ-following life.

For example – as a part of the marriage & relationships module of DLT, we spent a chunk of time processing through polygamy… something that is a fairly common (& accepted) practice in many parts of Central Asia – & especially among Muslims. In a local church context, Christ-followers need to have an understanding & consistent Biblical ethic on navigating polygamy when it involves people in it coming to Christ. It’s not like a newly-saved individual with their wives can be instructed, “just keep wife #1 & divorce the rest.” To do so could be catastrophic for those women cast off in the name of fidelity to the Christian faith, as a divorced woman in many of these cultures would have next to no rights, no viable means of support or living, & most likely no opportunities for remarriage. So what might be suggested is something like “2nd generation monogamy;” where the next generations of new Christians would be taught Scriptural principles around marriage (1 husband/1 wife) while the 1st generation family learns to live in a new reality following Jesus with remnants & reminders of ‘the old ways.’ Definitely a lot to think about.. & lots of fascinating discussions.

Our team was told we would have a late night as we were volunteered by our hosts to minister to our DLT attendees in prophetic prayer starting at 9 p.m. So theBean & I took advantage of our afternoon break (1:30-3 p.m.) to rest, read, & recharge. And by that I mean we crashed hard. HARD. I don’t know what it was that woke me up, but when I looked at my watch, it was 3:05 & we were late to the session. I didn’t have a clue WHO I was, let alone WHERE I was, & it took about 20 minutes for my brain to adequately reset to the point that I could gainfully participate in the happenings in our session.

Haven’t been sleeping great… waking up between 5-6 a.m.& not able to go back to sleep which is ok unless you are going to bed late… which we are. Naps have been helpful but today really hit me with a hammer.

Navigated the last afternoon session & had an opportunity to talk with/pray with a team of people from the northern part of the country: G, O, V, & S. After 20 years of pastoring in the same city/area, they are in the process of trying to decide what their next phase of life & ministry will be, as they lean towards starting a new church a few miles down the road. People are people… so similar to the plans, hopes & dreams you might hear about at home, with added intrigue & the challenges that come specifically targeted at each of us.

After dinner, (7-9 p.m.)  we decided to rest some more in preparation for our late night… I lightly napped & read (I’m on my 3rd paperback) & eventually got up & got ready about 8:45 p.m. Felt a little like burnt toast, but we took the time to pray for energy & to thank God in advance for giving us what we’d need over the next couple of hours as we prayed for our new friends from a variety of CA countries.

There was a brief message/encouragement, & then our team was divided into 4 groups of 2 or 3 & sent to the 4 corners of the room. The DLT attendees were instructed to get together with the people from their city/church/region &/or country & identify different things that they wanted to receive prayer for: things going well; points of need; areas of struggle; etc. Some instrumental worship music was put on & people began to make their way to the corners of the room. It wasn’t like they were standing in lines; they were encouraged to talk & pray with each other in the middle of the room, & then to make their way to a corner for prayer when the opportunity presented itself.

Got to partner with theBean & Will – pastor from Atascadero – as wave after wave of people came for prayer. Some readily identified specific requests, like “We need a place to meet that is authorized by the government,” or “We need workers to help us in our mission,” or “We need to know what we’re supposed to do next.” Others left it intentionally vague & asked us just to pray “as the Holy Spirit leads.”

Really cool how in every situation, specific things came to mind to pray for; sometimes related to the request; other times out of left field. The one that stood out to me the most was a group of 5 from the northeast of the country. They are all 30-something & are all 1st generation Christians. They don’t have elders in the faith in their area to look up to, to be discipled by, to learn from. They have the Bible & each other (as well as the confederation of other pastors spread waaay out in this vast land.) They prayed for spiritual parents: fathers & mothers in the faith to come alongside to help them grow in knowledge, experience, & perspective. They want so desperately to do well in making disciples & to not mar people with their unnecessary mistakes caused by inexperience &/or lack of good Bible teaching/practice.

As I listened to them talk, I was overwhelmed with emotion – they see themselves as inadequate & know all the things they DON’T have & WISH they did. They feel alone & desperate for help – for divine intervention in the form of people, elders, to stand alongside them & encourage them in the Way of Jesus. And I had a deep sense (& prayed about) God’s great love & joy that He has for these people; for their pure hearts, simple obedience, & active fatih… a faith that doesn’t wait until they know ALL there is to know on a topic before they start living it out. I felt like I could see in the spirit realm & when I looked at them, I saw warriors (not in a natural conflict/war kind of way,) but warriors who are battle tested in spiritual things. I saw God shaping them & making them to be the very thing they were praying for in there desperation… spiritual fathers & mothers. And though they may be 1st generation Christians, the first ones in their area of CA, they have what they need because they continue to see the One who will supply all their needs according to His provision.

So sweet to hear their prayers & their thanks at being able to be a part of the DLT: to learn from others & to grow in things of God that they would be able to do the same for others in their own place.

I was deeply moved & affected by this group, & I will continue to be praying for them long after we get home.

Finally wrapped up our prayer times around 11:30 – thankful for translation team – & made our way back to our room. We were pretty wired still (pretty normal for nights like this,) so we sat up & (finally) got the WiFi to work well enough to watch a show on Amazon & nurse a CA Coke Zero. Eventually nodded off around 1:30 or so (according to the FitBit) & (unfortunately) woke up at 5:30 again.

We’ll be leaving the hotel & headed to the airport around 2 a.m. tonight (8/9 – & technically Friday); then we have a flight & a bus/train ride to get to our Julia’s home in Germany. It might be a minute before I get to catch up on Day #9 & #10 – but – thank you for your continued prayers. Please join me in praying for these precious people of CA… & give thanks for the God who hears & responds… the same God who HEARS you & RESPONDS to you in your needs as well.

CA: Day #6 & #7

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The last couple of days have been a bit of a blur, as there’s been lots of sitting in meetings in the same few of spaces in the hotel: eating room; conference room; snack bar room; our room & balcony, etc.

Early-ish Monday we ate breakfast & gathered in the conference room (not as cool as the one on the Office; think more hotel-nouveau randomness,) for a “Intro to Menaca” where we learned about the international region (classified by our parent organization) we are currently in. MENACA is an acronym for  “Middle East – North Africa – Central Asia.” Click the link for more information & to hear more about a HUGE region of the planet/the planet’s people.

Couple things that stand out:

  • Very little US project funding is given towards this region: only about 5 cents of every $100 given to “Good News projects” goes to this area;
  • There’s a lot of apathy & even animosity towards the people of this region; possibly because over the last several decades ‘we’ (the West) have been at war with ‘them.’
  • The peoples of this region are often seen as ‘other’; Muslim nations, radical, extreme, dangerous, etc.
  • While many/most of the nations this region are ‘closed’ to the Good News in theory, in practice there are actually guidelines in place that allow believers to actively live out & share their faith & gather publicly for services.
  • What is called or seen as persecution, isn’t. It’s consequences for insisting on doing ‘outreach’ in the most ‘self-focused, go for the big bang’ way. It is often a response to unwise violations of the laws set up to keep real cults & subversive movements from taking root in-country; the local believers in the fellowships don’t see it as persecution; they see it as opportunity to invest person to person & to also to really consider how one person’s actions affect those of another. Even my inept dancing around saying/using certain words (in this blog & others) & referring to to it as CA (instead of the specific country name) are out of deference to the local believers & their desire to not draw attention of those in authority to themselves by having a bunch of unknown & self-focused ‘foreigners’ come to their country with who knows what message, & then go home leaving behind messes of all sorts. (Please bear with me today – the words aren’t flowing easily; I’m less than articulate this early morning.)
  • A final illustration: A few years ago, I made an off-hand comment at church during a message about Jesus dying for the sins of ALL people, not just Americans. Including the people in the Middle East. One of our members came up to me afterwards & told me that a person sitting next to them, after hearing me say that, muttered under their breath, “Jesus didn’t die for those muslims…” The next week, I specifically addresses that comment – not knowing who made it – & talked in depth about the ‘false Good News’ that is only Good News for American people/people like ‘us.’ If it is not Good News for everyone, its not the real Good News. This isn’t a blog about X-ian nationalism, USA first (only?) religion, etc… But it is a reminder to check our hearts (& our faith) for prejudice, racism, hatred, ethno-centrism, & the like… & to urgently submit our own hearts & lives to the regular examination of the Holy Spirit for Him to expose & remove the more-deadly-than-cancer hatred of fellow man that manifests when we identify them as “other” or ‘not like us.’ Nuff said

We’re here for a Discipleship Leadership Training (DLT) for the locals from the greater CA region of MENACA. They’ve been in a cohort for the last several months exploring the theological & working on practical application; our team is here to help with the presentations of this round of DLT, & each of us team-members has been assigned a topic dealing with “Family.”

Tuesday, theBean & I did a module on marriage, & then she taught another session, the dreaded late afternoon, everyone is toast & ready for dinner session, on Women & Mothers. She knocked it out of the park – everyone loved the direct, applicable, real-life stories & self-revealing testimonies about our own struggles. More than a few came up to us to say “thank you” for being real about the struggles of marriage, parenting, etc. One guy said, “NO ONE talks openly about their own issues; this is freedom to be able to not have to be perfect, but to share how God has worked in you to transform your life.” It was precious.

After dinner we met with a couple from another country in CA & listened to their stories & testimonies about how they are living out the Good News in their context; the main part of the purpose of these interactions is to solicit prayer & prayer partnership, & it is moving & faith-building to hear stories of how “the fervent prayers of God’s people are powerful & effective.”

We’re wiped out – sleeping ok, but the Kauai style roosters start crowing early & often… Our access to coffee here is NOT the Machine of Joy; it’s a collection of Starbucks VIA that we brought, fed by a hot-water kettle in our room.

Talks with others are life-giving; they are also draining because 90% of the time they have to be run through a translator (or at least an app on our phones.)

Today – Wednesday – are the final sessions of the DLT, followed by an opportunity (requested by the local leader) for our team to pray for & bless those in attendance. Looking forward to that for tonight.

Thank you for your prayers – please keep them coming… esp. for soft hearts, life transformations, & for the marriages & families represented here by the precious men & women who faithfully serve all over CA. My faith is being built as well – & I can definitely see the “why’s” about theBean & I being on this trip.

Blessings to you

CA: Day #4

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Saturday began w/oatmeal & copious amounts of raisins washed down w/a couple cups of black coffee. Our team gathered in the lobby for our morning briefing & shuffled to the 3 vans that would be our transportation for the day.

Today involved tours of 3 of the homes the local host church owns/sponsors for people in various states of life repair, housed according to need (women & kids; guys in rehab; ladies in rehab; special needs; elder care.) The first home was women w/their children, all leaving behind abusive situations with the idea of creating a Jesus-centered community to help them get on a good life track, build life skills, & gather themselves together to somehow learn to dream again. We heard several testimonies of God’s goodness to the ladies & got to celebrate with (& grieve with) them in the middle of the (often) extreme makeover happening on the fly in real-time. Our team split into 2 & spent an hour or so praying for each of the individual house members (& their kids) & then gradually made our way out of the refuge to the vans & the long, hot drive through big-city traffic to the next home about an hour away.

When I say long, hot, drive, I mean exactly that. Today was a long, hot, drive. Sweat. Traffic noises. Herky-jerky movements of the vans racing through stop-&-go traffic, weaving in & out of side-streets, alleys, & racing through roundabouts. Sometimes the vans had a little a/c, but mostly it was 4-35: roll down the 4 windows & go 35… or 5, hoping & praying there would be a cross-breeze. It sounds terrible, but it really was just a minor & uncomfortable everyday inconvenience as we made our way through a normal day for our hosts in the hot August summer. 1st world problems.

Second home was our lunch stop. We all sat under a shaded awning at a picnic table in the back yard amidst hip-high weeds & a (safe & secured) dog the size of the Beast of “The Sandlot” fame. The people tasked with lunch grabbed us a collection of deconstructed beef & lamb kabob w/o the skewers & with the veggies (onions & peppers) on the side. There were also bbq lamb chops (so tasty) & plenty of greens for anyone who wanted them. We got to hear one of the local ministry overseers tell the story of the home & how it came to be a part of their network of refuge. Lots of stories, testimonies, & incredible progressions of “I’ve got an idea” to “We need a miracle” to “God has provided & answered.” Truly heart warming & faith building.

Third home was a guys rehab home – 3+ stories tall. We gathered in their open living room, listening awkwardly at times, as we heard stories of redemption & restoration in the face of loss, brokenness, & isolation. Some of the men had been in the home for years & were now functioning as leaders; 1 young man was on his first day, clinging with desperation to the idea of hope; a Living Hope that could possibly offer a different life, one with a future. You could tell that it danced before his eyes, seemingly out of reach, but possibly, just maybe, it could happen. Sobriety. Healing. New ways of living. People. Community. Friends & family. Jesus. Hope?

This pilgrimage took about 5 hot, sticky, sweat-soaked hours; we left the last home & headed back to our hotel to quickly grab supplies & Bibles (no time for a change) & headed to the Saturday service at the church, one attended mostly by the residents of the houses of refuge, though they are open to anyone. (NOTE: there are about 4 public at the church services/week. Maybe more. Some in the local language, some in another.)

Hillsiders would be at home in this – great worship, time for teaching, & opportunities for prayer. Our team spent the last 45 minutes or so of the allotted service time praying for people who wanted to experience a God-breakthrough in their lives; we prayed for stuff like restoration of broken relationships (spouse/kids); for a new way of living w/o needing to be hyper-controlling; to freedom from addiction.

But the thing we prayed for the most often was forgiveness of self. For relief from shame, condemnation, worthlessness & the life. People are people & we have an enemy who specializes in launching onslaught after onslaught of accusations of the wrongs we’ve done, mixing in his lies about our inability to EVER be free of an identity tied to those wrongs, as well as the crushing shame that puts us into a deep, dark hole of a prison from which there is no natural escape.

But there is Jesus. It was beautiful to see the beginning streaks of freedom & hope & life & NO CONDEMNATION take hold of several peoples’ hearts & minds & countenance.

Dinner was on our own; evidently, there is a version of McDonald’s around the corner. Kinda hi-brow & full of people. Once we figured out ordering in the local language, it didn’t take long to get our food, which for this hungry guy, was really good. (Was it good because I was so hungry & tired or was it good because it was a little familiar, or was it truly good because in CA the McD is good? I may never know.)

It’s now Sunday a.m. & I couldn’t sleep, so I’m writing & watching the SFGiants get rolled by the Reds. We head to church around 9 (3 hours or so) & will be taking all of our stuff & checking out of the hotel to start the day of church services (3 of them) to be followed by a trek to our next hotel where we’ll be through the end of this week for our retreat with the pastors & leaders coming from all over CA.

Thank you for praying for us – for endurance each day. For good interactions with the rest of the team (think tired, hot, hangry, & we need Jesus to give grace & to keep choosing to live in it.) Looking forward to an evening (just 12-14 hours away) of rest & recuperation for a bit until things begin in earnest sometime Monday evening.

Central Asia Mission – Days #1 & #2

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We started our 24 hours of travel on Tuesday with the 1st of 3 flights. All of our scheduled connections & connecting flights were too close together (from 40-80 minutes each) but it was beyond our control to change. So, we purposed to be present, to be positive, & to “roll with” whatever our travels brought us. (NOTE: as we “rolled with” our travel curveballs, never did we actually, nor will we ever “Roll Tide.” But I digress.)

Flight out of Denver to Frankfurt was delayed by an hour; the “trip alert” software used by our airline let us know while we were still IN Denver that we’d miss our Frankfurt to our “final destination in Central Asia that shall remain unnamed throughout this series of blogposts other than calling it ‘Central Asia’ or “CA” for short, per the request of said hosts in CA.”) We purposed to stick with our chosen “be present/positive/& roll with it” motto. Got very little sleep on the almost 9 hour flight due to a very loud 18 month old in the row next to us & also (most likely) the excitement of the trip.

Upon arrival in Frankfurt, we found that even though we’d left Denver an hour later than scheduled, we still made our scheduled arrival time. Yay.

And then we sat on the tarmac for 45 minutes waiting for our gate to open.

And then we got news that we were assigned to a “bus gate” meaning we got to drive for 20 minutes in the plane to an empty spot where we’d be picked up by buses & transported to the terminal where we’d then scan our boarding passes, & — theoretically — get on OTHER buses & drive to another open area with a plane headed to CA.

And it took > 90 minutes.

And yet… we still made the flight to CA because our flight was delayed by > 90 minutes.

But our travel app, powered by the latest greatest versions of AI, informed us that our Bags were possibly missing & that they MAY have taken an earlier flight to our destination. But not for sure.

No worries. We had our carryon backpacks with supplies for 3 Louie outfits (black polos & shorts for the win!). TheBean prayed for an upgrade on the flight, & I must say, I wasn’t too hopeful (man of great faith!) only to find out that we were indeed upgraded to Premiere Economy, which meant MUCH bigger, recliner-lite style seat with footrest & menus. Thank you Jesus. Made for a much more comfortable flight, albeit with just A little tiny bit of sleep on a ‘daytime’ flight.

Eventually we Made it to CA at just before midnight Wednesday, & noted that we are exactly 12 hours ahead of home on the clock. So when it is 7 am in CA, it is 7 pm the previous night at home. (My brain still feels silly at this point, so I needed to talk that out.) Met up with Teresa, a team member from a church in the Bay (by way of Australia) & got our BAGS(!) from the baggage claim; navigated customs & met our driver, a wonderful man named S that spoke no English but used his translator app to communicate with us while driving us to the hotel. (Adventures in Driving in CA.)

Hotel is super-nice & very Soviet-era chic. Spacious room, incredible A/C & big Euro style bath & shower. Headed to bed around 1:45 am & slept fitfully til about 7:30 (4 good hours or so). Made our way to the breakfast area & had several cups of premium coffee made by the Machine of Joy. I ate beef vienna looking sausages & oatmeal w/raisings. Tried the yogurt only to find it was sour cream. Talked w/Teresa & theBean for a couple hours, milking our access to the Machine of Joy (MOJ)… the ladies stayed to talk & I decided to tour the exercise room & sauna area, which I plan to hit later today.

Only thing on the agenda is lunch & team-time from 1:30 – 4 p.m. The rest of the day is dedicated to rest & getting acclimated to CA.

Very thankful for traveling mercies. Made connections in SPITE of all sorts of rumors & threats of missing them, & got our BAGS even though the Machines told us we most likely wouldn’t. (Don’t trust SkyNet. Ever.)  God is already answering prayers, & we are both looking forward to our time here with our team & new friends.

Increase & abound in love…

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This morning as I read through 1Thessalonians, the following passage stood out to me:

Now may our God & Father Himself & one Lord Jesus, direct our way to you, & may the Lord make you INCREASE & ABOUND in LOVE for ONE ANOTHER & for ALL, as we do for you, so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God & Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all His saints. 1Thess 3:11-13 – ESV – Emphasis mine

This is something I need; an extra dose even. The love Paul is talking about isn’t a “feeling” or an “emotion;” it’s a choice & an orientation. It’s a promise that says, “This is how I will be towards you. Oriented towards unconditional love, with a willingness & desire to receive people in the same way & same manner Christ receives me.

I’m convicted of lovelessness. Of  (un)intentionally(?) withholding myself from people… which results in distance & separation & an inability to connect SO THAT relationship can develop through shared time, shared space, & shared experience.  In the middle of this, I realize that my challenge in this area is rooted in fear, in rejections I’ve experienced in the past, & in a faulty(?) assumption that a person’s undesirable qualities, attributes, & flaws might be transmittable or rub off on me. That their ‘ick’ would become my own ‘icks.’

Romans 5:6-8 details how Christ loves us & gave Himself for us – before we had our stuff together; before we’d decided to turn & follow Him. While we were still at our worst, most detestable selves… And He chose love… the unconditional, without strings love that goes beyond circumstance & understanding… a covenant promise that declares “This is how things will ALWAYS be between us: built on the foundation of Christ’s love that goes first, that reaches out, that receives us, so that we (I) can be becoming what He made me to be.

Apart from Jesus going first, I can’t do that. We can’t do that.

But in Him, by the power of the Holy Spirit alive & active in my life, I can increase & abound  in love for ONE ANOTHER & for ALL. And in doing so, I am changed, from the inside out, for the better, to be a little more like Jesus is with me.

A real-life story:

30 or so years ago, I led a mission trip to San Quintin, Baja California. One of our main outreaches was to migrant camps; these were temporary homes for migratory workers from Oaxaca & Chiapas regions of Mexico, people who worked in the strawberry (& other) fields, picking the harvests until it was time to move to the next camp & next set of fields.

We encountered huge numbers of mostly unaccompanied kids – between 6 months – 5 years old. Any older than that they were working alongside their parents in the fields. We did games & songs & brought snacks, food supplies, shoes, over-the-counter ‘cheater’ eyeglasses, & any other thing we could possibly think of to make life better.

One particular day while I was participating in games with the kids, I heard a young child (I’m guessing 12-18 months old) crying unconsolably. This wasn’t new & it happened ALL the time; today was different. This child wouldn’t be comforted. They wouldn’t stop crying. They kept wailing & crying & it became obvious this was more than the normal situation we’d grown accustomed to seeing in the camps.

A couple young ladies from our team – early teens (13-16 ish) swept in to see what they could do to console the child & also the child’s ‘guardians,’ most likely older siblings 4-5 years old, charged with keeping their sibling alive during the long days of separation from the parents. After a few minutes I made my way over to where the young ladies (& one of our team who was a nurse) were trying to get to the bottom of the distraught child.  What I saw still sticks in my brain as fresh as if it were happening today.

This child was wearing a ragged tshirt & a diaper… a diaper that had been duct-taped on so that no matter how soiled & full it got, it would stay on. I don’t know HOW LONG it had been on this child, but it was full. It was torn. It was filthy. It was one of the worst sites I’d ever seen in person.

The young ladies & nurse communicated with the siblings what they were doing &, gently & softly, began the cleaning up process on the little one. They worked on her for at least 30 minutes maybe more, removed layers of dirt, waste, & the like. They gently cleaned & disinfected the child’s wounds & rashes, most likely caused by wearing the duct-taped diaper for so long that it did damage to the baby’s skin. So much pain. So much hurt.

And finally, the little one was ‘clean.’ With a fresh diaper on, a new tshirt & some too-large pants to help protect her little legs. And April, one of the young women from our team who’d been a part of the whole cleaning  process, wrapped the child up in her arms & held her close, softly whispering comfort & songs to the child until the cries turned to whimpers & finally, to soft breathing as she fell asleep, disappearing into dreamland.

Afterwards on the way back to our home base, I looked at April. She was filthy, covered all over with the mess that had been on the baby. She didn’t notice, though, because she had been too busy loving & comforting & caring for the child. I can remember thinking that day, (& today),”THAT is what the love of Jesus looks like.” I wept.

Jesus comes to us at our worst, in our mess, & loves us. He’s not diminished or repulsed by our ‘ick,’ but instead He loves us to wholeness & makes us clean.

And He invites us to ‘let our love, HIS love in & through us, INCREASE & ABOUND to one another & to all.

Lord, work in me – I pray you give me the love that is Yours – an unconditional Jesus-like love that transforms me & the ones who receive it.

 

Delivered from bondage – Psalm 107

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Today’s Psalms reading includes Psalm 107. I was especially captivated (no pun intended) by the following verses:

He brought them OUT of darkness & the shadow of death & burst their bonds apart; let them THANK the Lord for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man! For He SHATTERS the doors of bronze & CUTS in two the bars of iron. Psalm 107:14-16 – NIV

The Psalmist describes the incredible deliverance brought about by the Lord, the God who delivers His people from hopeless & impossible situations. God enters into the darkness & rescues His people, bringing them from dark to light, while completely destroying the bonds that held them stuck. His motivation for doing so is not nefarious or self-serving; it is due to His steadfast love & care for His people. The inescapable prison of bronze doors & iron bars are shattered & cut through by the power of God. The result? Deliverance. Freedom. Great joy. Thankfulness. Hope.

I spent about 15 minutes just pondering the ramifications of this Psalm: the significance of a God who saves; delivers; rescues; does the impossible, even to destroying the most impregnable & hopeless prisons the enemy could throw at us.

I imagined myself in bondage, broken down over time to not even consider that there could be a different way to live. My existence is futile & I hope for nothing because I am powerless to affect any change in my circumstances; if I could have gotten myself out of the mess, I’d have done it already. My efforts to free myself only made things worse.

But the Lord God…

That’s our hope. The mighty hand & outstretched arm of the Lord God. The One who does the impossible. The One who conquered death, the grave, & Hell. The One who brings us out of the Darkness through His mighty power. The One who breaks the bonds that have held us fast for who knows how long. The One who crushes the doors & bars of our prison cells with a word.

That’s why no matter how stuck we are, no matter how hopeless our situations seem, no matter how dark our days have become… there is still One we can turn to & know that He will not only HEAR us, He will ANSWER us.

Several times today – much more than a ‘normal day,’ I’ve heard of situations that people are facing that make me shudder. Situations that are terrible & hopeless & dark & complicated & impossible….

And yet, they’re really not. Because of the Lord God, the God who HEARS & the God who ANSWERS.

And when He sets us free, we are TRULY free.

“…Let us thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to us!” 

John Leavy Locke – 1/22/1973 – 6/17/1990

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If I Stand…

This is the 34 year anniversary of my brother Johnny’s death… sometimes, some years, the grief waves are small & manageable, barely tinged with a sting. Others, the waves are wild, unpredictable, & unruly, crashing into me & dashing me around like a rag doll.

This is one of those “wild, unpredictable, & unruly” wave years.

And so I write. I’ve found that the combination of remembering & rehearsing memories – & writing them down – helps mitigate (or at least spread out to a manageable level,) the grief.

Grief. It is a weight that causes shoulders to slump, & backs to bend. It can approach slowly & almost imperceptibly, or it can slam you to the ground. Sometimes carrying grief feels like carrying a 5 gallons jug of water with 3 gallons of water in it; its uneven, unbalanced, & sloshy… making any sort of movement difficult to sustain, as the sudden sloshing of the water can throw you off balance & knock you to your knees. Or face.

I’ve found grief makes people uncomfortable… especially when its been a while since the passing & loss of a loved one. “Time heals all wounds,” is a mantra I’ve had stated to me more than once. Or “…at least you got him for 17 years…” There’s a whole bunch of “at leasts,” people throw out as leaden lifelines, meaning well, but doing nothing except to emphasize their own discomfort & disconnection with the feeling. (I’d recommend checking out Brene’ Brown’s short video on Empathy  – in a few short minutes she offers several great insights on how to come alongside someone without making the pain worse. But I digress.)

I’m thankful for the people in my life who will just sit with me, without having to say something to try to make it better. Who send a text, a note, or a phone call to say, “I’m with you today.” I’ve learned that one of the greatest helps for navigating grief is to feel it, to be where you are, & to acknowledge it as the present reality I’m experiencing. Denying it, ignoring it, burying it, minimizing it, etc… none of those things “fix” the grief… because, I don’t believe, it CAN be fixed. Nor should we try to FIX it.

At this point, I think the best course of action for navigating grief, FOR ME, is to ride it out. To talk to another person who will listen without judgement or excess word-spam. To intentionally make sure to do things that make the day bearable. To get a good work out & take a “mental & emotional health regulating” sauna. To read in the Psalms. And if I feel like crying, I cry.

Yesterday, on the actual anniversary, I wrote (typed out) a long blog with all sorts of things I remember about my brother Johnny – from our childhood up through (& past) his death. And right before I posted it, I had an issue where the whole thing was deleted. Unretrievable.

Instead of trying to re-create it immediately (or breaking things & losing my biscuits,) I decided to take the rest of the day to “be” & then to tackle a new blog today, taking it where it would go. I’ve decided to touch on a couple of the memories here.

I remember…

  • Folding newspapers in the wee hours of the morning. The smell of newspaper ink & rubber bands. The conversations about nothing & everything. Our beloved Giants & 49ers. Spiritual matters. Family, younger brothers, chores, & school.
  • Sharing a room in Carson. We’d had our own rooms in Reno so the forced shared space was a great gift & a time I treasure… especially remembering Johnny’s rants about me talking too long on the phone with theBean.
  • Johnny getting sent home from school on the 1st day of 9th grade for wardrobe infraction. He wore his Jetsons T with multi-colored board-shorts & vintage black-white-red Air Jordans. Carson Jr High had no clue what to do with him. Our great-uncle Bruce used to scratch his head & loudly declare, “That boy dresses like a clown.” The world wasn’t ready for Johnny’s style, & he didn’t care.
  • The mixtapes. Johnny & I spent hours curating our own ancient version of today’s Spotify playlists using our dual cassette boombox… Russ Taff, Steve Taylor, Rich Mullins, DeGarmo & Key, Rez Band, Altar Boys to name a few. The title of this blog IF I STAND, is taken from our favorite Rich Mullins song… something we both declared we wanted to aspire to be. People who STAND.
  • The cancer diagnosis, treatments, & battles… too many & too painful to go into detail again (did that yesterday & it helped. Don’t want to go there today.) I just know that throughout, Johnny didn’t complain or ask, “Why me?” He embraced his life-path as the one God gave to him – kind of like Hananiah, Azariah, & Mishael – aka Shadrach, Meshach, & Abed-nego in the fiery furnace. He knew God could heal him in a moment; but if He didn’t, Johnny was still going to worship Him with all of his heart.
  • The last days at home, where Johnny’s body betrayed him & he weakened. We talked around his home-hospital bed. I got up to leave & he said, “I love you brother.” And I kept walking up the stairs, echoing back to him, “I love you too.”  The pain & intimacy of the moment seemed too much to bear & went & stood outside by my car in the gravel at the top of the driveway, weeping, asking God to heal my brother. And I KNEW that He was there; I could sense His tangible presence. And in a way, His sadness too. But there wouldn’t be a healing this side of heaven. So many times I wished I’d gone back downstairs & just sat with Johnny some more instead of leaving. It is one of my life’s great regrets, & was a great source of pain & sorrow for me for many years.
  • The phone call from my mom in the late 4 a.m. hour of 6/16; the blur of the day(s) following. The memorial service. The songs. The eulogy. The people who came. The numbness.
  • Having to move forward with “normal” life again. The weird things people would say to try to make it better, failing miserably. The religious pontifications people would spout thinking they were providing answers, all the while filled with so much crap & lack of awareness that it was physically painful. Still fires me up a little. (Ok, a lot.)
  • Our family unit moving forward, albeit with a hole in it. There was a big gap where in a different world Johnny’s wife & kids would have taken their place in our hearts & my kids would have had cousins near their own ages. Birthdays & holidays & anniversaries & life. We’re still growing, & still moving forward. And still, there’s a hole.

One more thing – remember the “life’s great regret” I mentioned a minute ago? About 10 years after Johnny’s death, I had a vivid dream where I encountered Johnny in a vividly colored, almost too bright to see place… I had to squint to see, but he didn’t. He was older than I last remembered, somewhere between 18 & 35ish, the picture of health, with fair skin & ruddy cheeks, his signature flowing mullet (he pulled it off so well,) & he radiated LIFE. I embraced him for what seemed to be an eternity & then we talked. He told me stories that were wonderful & that are just at the edge of my memory today, things that feel like a promise of what is to come. I expressed to him my great regrets at not coming back downstairs & sitting with him, & rehearsed the fact that I love  him. He hugged me again & gave me reassurance that it was more than ok. The pain & regret I’d carried for years melted that moment, & have never returned. And then he had to go; he turned to me & smiled & headed out & I woke up.

It was healing & restful for the soul. I’m not sure how to define what happened, so I won’t. I just know my burdens were lifted.

Miss you Johnny. So much. Save me spot; I’ll be seeing you eventually.