Picture from Johnny's Senior night...
Merry Christmas… from my family to yours…
Category Archives: Life
there’s something in my eye…
I’ve been crying a lot. A LOT. Almost at the proverbial “drop of a hat.” Watching my iDoey & Reed High School’s presentation of “White Christmas.” Drinking coffee & thinking of friends. Eating breakfast. (It was a really good egg & sausage burrito.) Playing with my niece Ellie G.
Not sure why this is happening, though I think that I’ve traced the beginning to being in Germany a couple weeks back… I remember feeling overwhelmed & overcome with thankfulness, sitting around the dinner table with Shawn, Matt, & a couple of Russian/Kazakh pastors, wrestling through a couple layers of a language barrier, sharing good food & drink, lots of laughs, & the commonality of relationship with Christ. This commonality makes the most daunting cultural, language, social barrier seem like a mere crack in the floor compared to knowing & being known by Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior. It causes the most cynical part of me, the part scarred & marred by religion, religious-ness, & religiousity to be able to truly speak the words “brother” & “sister…” to the people at my table. And mean it. These words, too seemingly steeped in christian-ese to be able to be spoken except in sarcastic jest, rolled off of my lips as I embraced & was embraced by these precious men & women.
I remember being struck at how truly blessed I am. With theBean. My Pasty. iDoey. theWeez. My family. Friends – real friends.. God’s faithful provision. A church family. A job. Countless resources.
Now it seems I am seeing beauty in things & people that before I may not even have taken notice of a month ago. And its everywhere. And it is TRULY a wonderful life.
Ellie came into my office & saw me crying today – she’s 2, an age where crying only means sad. She ran out into the main office area declaring, “Tay-tay’s CRYing! Tay-tay’s CRYing!” Her mom said, “Ellie! Tay-tay needs a hug!” The precious little one came running back in & lifted up her arms: “Tay-tay! Up!”
I swooped her into my arms & she squeezed me around the neck for what seemed like an hour. Then, she patted me on the back gently, & lovingly said, “It’s ok Tay-tay.” She grabbed my face, looked into my eyes, & yelled, “Tay-tay! DOWN!”
Thoughts while traveling in “the Freezing Fog…”
I was up early this morning, & out in the 5 o’clock hour. Not just for fun, but so that I could get to the hospital to wait with a friend for her husband to get out of surgery. It’s normally a 15 minute drive, so I gave myself 30 minutes for travel, parking, & navigation of the maze that the hospital has become due to New Construction. Plenty of time.
Hadn’t planned for “The Freezing Fog,” which is what the guy on the radio said that Reno was experiencing. Visibility wasn’t bad… I drove Vista to I-80 with no trouble; however, when I tried to take the 395-S exit, & came to just about a dead stop. Baaarreeeellyyy moving. Inching along. Sigh.
Changed the radio station, & the Voice said that travelers should try to avoid 395-S & the Mill Street exit. Which is where I was headed. Too late. Bummer.
The unforeseen ‘down-time’ in the car left ample time for thinking – it was way too early to have the radio on… I think its because loud noises in the morning push my buttons & grate on me. So instead, I thought…
What came to mind was a series of interactions that I’d had over the last week; blunted ‘discussions’ really, marked with misunderstandings. Assumptions. Over-reactions. Defensiveness. Low-blood-sugar responses.
In the quiet of the car, & the stillness (my car included,) things I’d said & done bounced around my mind. It struck me that I had spent a lot of time trying to BE understood, & to MAKE myself understood, instead of trying to understand…. Funny how I hadn’t seen or even considered that due to a myopic self-focus that had majored on thinking of me & my needs, instead of considering those of others…
Hmm.
The cars were still just barely inching along. Making negligible progress.
What to do, what to do? Communication is more than just talking increasingly slower & louder until the other person gives in understands. I think I know what might help. Listening intently (as opposed to formulating responses to partially heard expressions. You don’t do that too, do you?) Asking clarifying, not condescending, questions. Listening some more. Talking.
Came across the reason for the traffic jam: an 8-car pileup @ just past the Glendale exit, caused by the culprit, “The Freezing Fog.” Off to the right of the accident, I saw a guy with a camera-phone that had climbed up the overpass, to film the crash. KOLO TV… Good news is no news.
And then, the traffic cleared. To the hospital.
I want to listen better. More fully. Be fully present in the conversation, & not merely be crafting rebuttal’s & counter-arguments. Starting now.
looking back on a Snow Day…
Woke up this morning to the joyous celebration that always accompanies a ‘Snow Day” – meaning the promised snowfall had not fallen short of expectations, 7 the prayers of my 3 children (& kids all over Reno,) had been answered. Stayed in bed for a few extra minutes; seemed the right thing to do, considering the fact that the need to rush off to school as Carpool Dad had been removed. Smelled the coffee. Ah.
Did what I always do when its snowing – check the weather report at weather.gov (like Duffy told me to,) to see how bad the storm would be, & how long it would stick around. Good news… confirmed by the evidence from the windows. Spriling snow, but not much. Which meant… shoveling the driveway.
Dressed for success & made my way to the driveway – don’t know exactly why I’m drawn to shoveling snow, but it feels absolutely like the right thing to do – clear a path to the cars, clear the cars, scape the windows. Great satisfaction at completion, in spite of the input my neighbor gave letting me know it was going to snow all day long. (BTW: it didn’t. Booyah.)
Took IDoey to the dentist, braving the most dangerous & difficult thing about the snow: drivers. Almost got taken out a couple of times by a black Hummer driving in the middle of the 4-lane road. Rewarded ourselves with chocky donuts, & navigated our way back up to the house.
Got a call saying that in spite of the snow & cancellation of school, IDoey’s dress rehearsal for White Christmas was still happening, giving further credence to the saying, “the show must go on.” So we piled into the car & navigated the streets again. Worked out, (Yes, it was a kettlebell day. I’m feeling the results of the last 3 weeks. Good results. Love it.)
Home. Chili-beef soup, made extra spicy with the brown Tabasco, aka Chipotle... And cornbread. Little rotwein. MNF. Now just waiting for dress rehearsal to be done so the day can end.
Reminiscing with theBean. This turned out to be a great day, snow & all. Life is good.
Don’t drive angry…
The last several days, I have been pondering Ephesians 4… especially the last few verses that contrast the out-workings of the ‘old’ vs. the results (fruit?) of the ‘new.’
It is amazing to me that I can go from ‘new’ to ‘old’ in a heartbeat. And just when I thought I was doing so good, out comes the snippy-ness. Harsh tone. Hard edge to the voice. Mean face. Ouch.
The other day, I was ‘in the moment’ in a ‘strong discussion’ with theBean. And in the middle of it, she ruined it by saying, “Look at your face.” She wasn’t trying to draw attention to my beauty, but rather to the nasty ‘mean face’ expression I had on it. Ticked me off that she’d try to derail our discussion with such trivialities, so I didn’t look full into the mirror… but I did peeky-peeky out of my left eye. I was startled at what I saw.
It was a face that I didn’t recognize as mine. It was twisted at the corners of the mouth, eyebrows up, lips tight & in a snarl… I didn’t need Dr. Lightman to tell me that it was anger, rage, & disgust that were coming out…
It was ugly. And it was me. Is me. Is not what I want from me. I want the new. For me. For theBean. For the kids. Not to give full vent to my anger, or to let a response build up & ride the waves of feeling & emotion that so easily give place to wronging another, even if just for the momentary satisfaction of Letting. It. All. Out.
Reminded me…
A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11 New International Version
Self-control is me cooperating with the work of the Holy Spirit – & not letting the groundhog drive the truck.
Peace.
a shout out to Thanksgiving Victory
For the last couple of months, I’ve been listening & re-listening to an mp3 series called “Thanksgiving Victory” by Keith Moore. I’ve found it to be incredibly encouraging – esp. in the reminders to purpose to give thanks. Be thankful. Practice thanksgiving… & not just in good times, or when things are going well. Another thing that really jumped out at me is the connection between giving thanks & exercising faith… that it takes faith to give thanks in times of difficulty or trouble.
Another area that really resonated was the connection between complaining, nitpicking, flexing ones negativity, self-pity, jealousy, & ungratefulness. It really jumped out at me that all of these feelings that lead to behaviors that are selfish, destructive, & not contributing to the goal of becoming more like Jesus can be overcome & overlaid by an attitude of thanksgiving… & as a Christ-follower, its not just an optional suggestion that I do this.
Later, when I was reading my Bible, I started seeing the command to “give thanks” all over the place, kinda like once you get a blue hoodie, you start noticing all the blue hoodies others have. It’s everywhere. Psalms is especially full of it – with the instruction being that I’m to come into God’s presences with thanksgiving, & to be constantly looking to give thanks (& praise!) for the things He has done, is doing, & will do for me.
Hasn’t been easy, & I was really surprised at how susceptible to negativity & ungratefulness I have been… & at the same time, how in a few months, I have seen & experienced a very real change in the way I think & speak.
Good stuff. I’d highly recommend the whole series.
playing catch up, #2
November p.m..
Monday night brought a couple of surprises – käse nacht (cheese night) at the Kern’s & a special tour of the Olde Gott Winery – with the local “Wine Queen” Corinna, who just happened to be a friend of Julia’s that had visited us in Reno for a few days. It was a very high tech winery, & is known as 1 of if not THE best production wine maker in Salsbachwald. Corinna gave us background on the local grapes (mostly whites with a couple of reds,) & then took us through the process the grapes go through to make the wine. (Took us through virtually, that is. Virtually. Not actually. That would only produce Whine.)
Special surprise at the end was that we got to meet the president & CEO of the winery, who gave us a greeting & a free tasting of the top 4 wines on Olde Gott’s shelves – 2 reds & 2 whites. Very cool.
Käse Nacht involved melty cheese, garlic & French bread, good wine, & lots of laughter, discussion & tears. We sat around the Kern table with the whole family plus Heiko, the boyfriend of Linda. Good times. It got late way too quickly, so before we went our separate ways, Julia’s dad, Klaus, gave a heartfelt speech of thanks & gratitude to Jesus – for us, for Julia coming to the US & fulfilling her dream, for God’s provision, & for family. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room when he finished.
It was a real blessing to us to spend this time with the family, & I’m richer for having experienced it. Matty kept saying that this was the favorite part of the trip for him – I’m guessing it had to do with the family interactions, the intimacy of the talks, & the incredible food.
17 November
Went to the train station WAAAYYY too early for our 8:30 train – made it on without any trouble (yay me!) & managed to make it all the way to Frankfurt Main station without having to surrender our seats. Found a Starbucks & downed an Americano before we braved the drizzling rain.
Took the U-Bahn to TPLF where we met Elena & Eddy – he was hungry (almost as hungry as us,) so he accompanied us to Zimt und Koriander for pizza. Again. Go figure. Good talks & good pizza.
Afterwards, I tried to make my way to Alex’s house on the U-bahn. I must have fallen asleep, because I found myself waking up, disoriented on a train. Fortunately, it wasn’t far from the stop that I needed. 1 of the weirdest experiences of my life so far – didn’t know who or where I was, & my brain wouldn’t kick in & give me a context, language, or idea of what was going on around me.
Got to Alex’s & decided to take a nap. And that’s where I am right now.
It’s Thursday again, & I’m titling my posts after the days of the week again…
The longer I live, the more I think that the whole “coloring inside the lines” thing is over-rated. Some of the best pictures I ever did didn’t even have clear lines to color inside. Seems like life is a lot like that. Either the lines are in all the wrong places for where I think I’m supposed to color, or there’s not any lines to give a reference point.
Oh well… pass the Violet & let’s have at it.
I’ve got a spasm in my back, 1/2 way up on the left, which is turning out to be a big knot most of the time… The good Dr. G worked me over as if there were no ramifications for doing so, & then recommended a massage; esp. in light of the fact that next week is convention… er… Connection & the odds are decent that I’ll be sitting in meetings & sessions & other things quite a bit. Any recommendations on a masseuse? I’ve gone one place & decided not to go back there…
Been listening to Green Day’s newest. Interesting. Never been much of a fan, but based upon a recommendation, I thought I’d give it a spin (figuratively…) I’ve been going back & forth between it & NO LINE, & finding the combo to be very, very thought provoking…
And we’re off…
Finally, at long last, the promised retreat is here. And it’s not just me. It’s TheMoses & Brother Ben…
Contemplation. Soil. Reading books. Quiet. Hang-time. At St. Clairvaux.
Be back Thursday-ish.
Tschüss!
taxes…
NOTE: This is not a rant addressing the Constitutionality or lack thereof of the IRS, &/or any federal/state taxing entity. That’s a topic for the politicians to rant about in this wonderful election year that we’re only 9 months away from being done with. Barring another Florida. But I digress…
Every year, as soon as January 1 rolls around, the 1st thing I want to accomplish is to finish my taxes for the now dead & gone year. Granted, 1/1 is rather early to start on a return, so I usually aim to make myself wait until at least 1/15 before I start the deed in earnest. I don’t like taxes, so I want to get them done as soon as possible.
Another thing – because my job is what it is, there are myriad special tax-laws, forms, & ways of calculating the #’s that apply only to me… it’s led to me being semi-well informed on taxes, tax-law, self-employment taxes, housing allowances, & other things tax… so I do them myself.
There’s usually some institution (mortgage company, school, etc) that neglects to send me my info in a timely fashion – timely meaning sending it to me when I want it. It has nothing to do with meeting their 1/31 deadline to have the info out. Timely is my timely.
So, it brings me great joy to know that all of the documents I now need for my taxes to be done correctly, legally, etc can be accessed online.
And my taxes are done.