Category Archives: Life

Engine lights, playoff football, & other musings on a Tuesday…

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Last Monday, I climbed into the Outback & was greeted with a yellow “Check Engine” light – bummer. Yellow. Which is probably better than red. And it wasn’t blinking, so it had to be better news than if it was both RED & BLINKING. (Right?)

Took the car to Earl’s because he has a Cool Diagnostic Tool, which told me (digitally, of course,) that the car had a P0121 Error – meaning that the Throttle Position Sensor was figuratively saying, “Hey now.”

I checked with my resident Subaru experts, Mr. H & Brother, (experts because they both either own or have owned a Subaru in the past,) & neither of them had ever dealt with a P0121. But what they HAD dealt with was the Yellow Check Engine Light Syndrome (YCELS), where an otherwise healthy Subaru would inexplicably display the CHECK ENGINE light. Which would hang around for a day or 4, & then disappear. Brother had even taken his Sube in 2 times, only to be told by the tech, “Um. Not a problem. I’ll reset the code, & you’ll be good to go. $115 please.”

Hmm. Didn’t want that to happen. Also didn’t want to ignore my engine, even if it was only YCELS. So I called my local mechanic & made an appointment to get it checked. On my way to the appointment, the Murphy’s Law of “Check Engine” lights happened – it went off. As in DISAPPEARED.

Took the car in anyway. Mechanic said, “Um. Not a problem. I’ll reset the code, & you’ll be good to go. $115 please.”

Funny.

I am very thankful for the ‘weather change’ we’ve experienced – it’s still a little cold, still a bit windy (we do live in Nevada, so wind shouldn’t be a surprise.) But the thing about the change I’m most thankful for is that we have left our record low temperatures in our rear-view. This thankfulness has been reinforced by 2 things:

  • -the continuing freezing cold spell happening all over
  • -the arrival of the December 2009 NV Energy combo Gas/Electric bill. Goodness. Our November bill was a 30% increase over October. December was 45% more than November. Ouch.

    • Tom introduced me to my new favorite place to eat – Uncle Vinny’s Pizza – breakfast, lunch, & dinner menus. Flat-screens galore. All the better to watch playoff football on. I’d recommend it.

    Speaking of playoff football – I loved the Cardinals/Packers game from last week in which the Cardinals won 51-45. I had no vested rooting interest in the game, so watching both teams offenses going off was amazing. Had me glued to the set like no other game of the year so far. (I am a 49er fan. Nuff said.)

    Woke up from a great sleep with the memory of a dream… I had dreamed that there was a new episode of Stargate SG-1 airing that evening. Silly me. Might be time for a marathon. Or at least a re-viewing.

    A few weeks ago, I was praying & had an impression… kind of a picture & an idea which is one of the ways I hear from God… anyway what I heard was an encouragement, “Read your Bible more.”

    No reason, no explanation attached. No condemnation or feelings of guilt, as though I’d neglected it. Just “Read your Bible more.”

    So I aimed to amp up my reading schedule – which for a long time has been my ‘own’ schedule, in that I haven’t followed any particular reading plan in a long, long time, almost since I started out with the “Bible Pathways” plan when I was 4. I followed that one for about 6 years, & it took me through the entire Bible in a year.

    At some point, probably my early 20’s, I realized that at times, due to familiarity with a passage, I would go on ‘auto-pilot’ & not really pay attention to what I was ‘reading.’ I was physically present, but my mind was miles away. Didn’t want to do that anymore, so I Changed it up. Bought a few “Gift & Award Bibles,” different versions (NASB, NLT, NIV, NRSV, The Message, & most recently the ESV.) Each one cost about $5-6. I’d read through one, then pick up another. But no real ‘plan’ to follow & go through the whole Bible, systematically & intentionally.

    The nudge I’d gotten to Read More made me wonder. To ask myself why I wasn’t reading on a plan. And the answer I got back, after lots of questioning & soul-searching, was that I didn’t NEED a plan. Plans were for “other people.” People not like Me.

    That sounded a lot like pride. Vanity. With a hint of un-teachable-ness. I didn’t like what was bubbling up. Too good for a plan? So mature in Jesus that I can do this on my own? Um. No.

    So I’m on a plan – I’m not following it religiously (meaning if I don’t read the whole amount on the day, I don’t consider the day a failure. Or that I’m behind.) And I need God’s Word in me more than ever, so that I will reflect Him, His priorities, values, & actions, & not those of a negative, bigoted, zealot that overlays God’s hopes, dreams, wants, & practices with his own.

    Love Is A Choice – may be the best interpersonal relationship book I have in my library. I recommend it at least 5 times a week. If you haven’t read it, do it!

    a phone conference & other musings on a Tuesday…

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    Just finished with a 2 hour phone conference call. I’ve had conference calls before, but this is the first one of this type, with 80 other people. The Good News was that there was a feature on the phone program used for the call that would allow all 80 people to mute their phone line (so background noise from each persons’ environment wouldn’t be projected to all on the call. The Bad News was that the instructions for muting were wrong. Not just inaccurate – but wrong. In order to mute the line, we had to press the # key, something the instructions specifically said NOT to press.

    Fortunately, when it comes to technology & instructions, I usually follow the “if it doesn’t work, try anything that you’ve found that works on other applications,” method. And it worked. It was a little bit fun to hear assorted (& anonymous) intra-office conversations from those that thought their line was muted. But I am easily amused.

    Thanks for the invention of Speaker Phone. I toughed it out for the first 45 minutes because the background noise & distractions were minimized that way… but an ear can only take so much. And both of mine reached their limit.

    Reminds me of my days as a reception for PERS. I worked there before Al Gore’s nifty “internet invention” had caught on, so there were quite a few incoming calls… in the years I did the job, I worked it out that there were an average of 650 calls a day.

    I still remember the day I got a headset to replace the handset. Almost wept with joy.

    It’s January 5, & my thoughts turn to… filing taxes. Go figure.

    One of the more challenging relational issues I have with the ladies of my family is their propensity to spontaneously make decisions to do something without having taken adequate time to prepare for their ensuing actions. Spontaneity is fine with me, as long as it can be… planned out. Hmm.

    I wonder if being spontaneous is tied to being an Extrovert.

    When I think about it, I’m amazed they put up with me. Perhaps they just work around me.

    TheWeez turns 13 tomorrow, which means I now have 3 teenagers. In this season of life & parenting, I find myself shooting up more & more quick prayers… especially when talking about the proposed future of Pasty. IDoey’s driver’s license countdown. TheWeez… being beautiful, witty, & loads of fun… & 13 going on 22.

    As if you were already tired of hearing this: I have added yet another kettlebell exercise (the Figure 8 w/hold,) to my repertoire, bringing me to a grand total of 5 exercises that I do in a row before my body says, “Done.” My goal is to work up to 10. Can I get a “Booyah!” ?

    Me & theBean were given a fantastic 2 night stay in Tahoe, which we’re taking advantage of this Friday & Saturday. Sweet!

    Life is beautiful.

    Purposing to Grow…

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    Watching college football on New Year’s Day is one of my favorite things. The full slate of Bowl Games provides a comforting & familiar backdrop for thinking, pondering, & musing – which, along with brown paper bags, wrapped up with string – are a few of my favorite things.

    I’m not a New Year’s Resolution maker. I don’t want to make a bold declaration, only to not follow through… I’m NOT a judger of those that do make them; I’d just prefer that my life & how I live speak for itself… instead of just words…

    The older I get, the more I am recognizing the ever-growing ease of resting in my own wants, likes, & preferences… & a propensity, a pull to settle in to the path of least resistance. Even if it’s not good for my long-term hopes & dreams.

    I see that my good intentions & resolve to change, to grow, to be different melt away as soon as the smallest bit of relief comes. Like how the desire, purpose, & intent to diet & take off a few pounds/inches fades away in the amount of time necessary to change from a pair of tight jeans into stretchy warm-ups…

    Wish I could say that that ISN’T true of me. That I have got the whole self-control & life discipline thing-y conquered. But I don’t. And therefore, I want to purpose to grow. I want to live on purpose, with intention & determination. To honor God, & ever be growing into His plans for me instead of shrinking from situations that are demanding, difficult, & challenging.

    And so I purpose to grow:

      -to think & speak positively & hopefully
      -to spend more time with my wife doing her favorite things
      -to get to know my kids better. In 5 days, I will officially have teenagers (18, 15, 13.) This fact means we are entering a NEW LIFE STAGE – which means I better get to know them, & let them know me in the middle of the new-ness.
      -to continue my quest to be a lifelong learner, regularly & consistently stretching to know God & to be known. To grow in faith, & to read, study, research, dig, & wrestle.
      -to study, speak, & understand German
      -to see an increase in self-control & time management
      -to write
      -to live well, embracing life in its fullness – cause it’s not just going to happen by hoping for it.

    When I look back at what I’ve written, I think that maybe someone would see this as a New Year’s Resolution list, & for a lot of reasons (pride being number 1) I guess I could be inclined to try & wordsmith an explanation or 10 of WHY this ISN’T one of Those Lists because I’m not one of Those People. But that would be silly, because really, how others perceive me & think of me can’t be paramount. Can’t. And won’t.

    I’m purposing to grow.

    there’s something in my eye…

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    I’ve been crying a lot. A LOT. Almost at the proverbial “drop of a hat.” Watching my iDoey & Reed High School’s presentation of “White Christmas.” Drinking coffee & thinking of friends. Eating breakfast. (It was a really good egg & sausage burrito.) Playing with my niece Ellie G.

    Not sure why this is happening, though I think that I’ve traced the beginning to being in Germany a couple weeks back… I remember feeling overwhelmed & overcome with thankfulness, sitting around the dinner table with Shawn, Matt, & a couple of Russian/Kazakh pastors, wrestling through a couple layers of a language barrier, sharing good food & drink, lots of laughs, & the commonality of relationship with Christ. This commonality makes the most daunting cultural, language, social barrier seem like a mere crack in the floor compared to knowing & being known by Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior. It causes the most cynical part of me, the part scarred & marred by religion, religious-ness, & religiousity to be able to truly speak the words “brother” & “sister…” to the people at my table. And mean it. These words, too seemingly steeped in christian-ese to be able to be spoken except in sarcastic jest, rolled off of my lips as I embraced & was embraced by these precious men & women.

    I remember being struck at how truly blessed I am. With theBean. My Pasty. iDoey. theWeez. My family. Friends – real friends.. God’s faithful provision. A church family. A job. Countless resources.

    Now it seems I am seeing beauty in things & people that before I may not even have taken notice of a month ago. And its everywhere. And it is TRULY a wonderful life.

    Ellie came into my office & saw me crying today – she’s 2, an age where crying only means sad. She ran out into the main office area declaring, “Tay-tay’s CRYing! Tay-tay’s CRYing!” Her mom said, “Ellie! Tay-tay needs a hug!” The precious little one came running back in & lifted up her arms: “Tay-tay! Up!”

    I swooped her into my arms & she squeezed me around the neck for what seemed like an hour. Then, she patted me on the back gently, & lovingly said, “It’s ok Tay-tay.” She grabbed my face, looked into my eyes, & yelled, “Tay-tay! DOWN!”

    Thoughts while traveling in “the Freezing Fog…”

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    I was up early this morning, & out in the 5 o’clock hour. Not just for fun, but so that I could get to the hospital to wait with a friend for her husband to get out of surgery. It’s normally a 15 minute drive, so I gave myself 30 minutes for travel, parking, & navigation of the maze that the hospital has become due to New Construction. Plenty of time.

    Hadn’t planned for “The Freezing Fog,” which is what the guy on the radio said that Reno was experiencing. Visibility wasn’t bad… I drove Vista to I-80 with no trouble; however, when I tried to take the 395-S exit, & came to just about a dead stop. Baaarreeeellyyy moving. Inching along. Sigh.

    Changed the radio station, & the Voice said that travelers should try to avoid 395-S & the Mill Street exit. Which is where I was headed. Too late. Bummer.

    The unforeseen ‘down-time’ in the car left ample time for thinking – it was way too early to have the radio on… I think its because loud noises in the morning push my buttons & grate on me. So instead, I thought…

    What came to mind was a series of interactions that I’d had over the last week; blunted ‘discussions’ really, marked with misunderstandings. Assumptions. Over-reactions. Defensiveness. Low-blood-sugar responses.

    In the quiet of the car, & the stillness (my car included,) things I’d said & done bounced around my mind. It struck me that I had spent a lot of time trying to BE understood, & to MAKE myself understood, instead of trying to understand…. Funny how I hadn’t seen or even considered that due to a myopic self-focus that had majored on thinking of me & my needs, instead of considering those of others…

    Hmm.

    The cars were still just barely inching along. Making negligible progress.

    What to do, what to do? Communication is more than just talking increasingly slower & louder until the other person gives in understands. I think I know what might help. Listening intently (as opposed to formulating responses to partially heard expressions. You don’t do that too, do you?) Asking clarifying, not condescending, questions. Listening some more. Talking.

    Came across the reason for the traffic jam: an 8-car pileup @ just past the Glendale exit, caused by the culprit, “The Freezing Fog.” Off to the right of the accident, I saw a guy with a camera-phone that had climbed up the overpass, to film the crash. KOLO TV… Good news is no news.

    And then, the traffic cleared. To the hospital.

    I want to listen better. More fully. Be fully present in the conversation, & not merely be crafting rebuttal’s & counter-arguments. Starting now.

    looking back on a Snow Day…

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    Woke up this morning to the joyous celebration that always accompanies a ‘Snow Day” – meaning the promised snowfall had not fallen short of expectations, 7 the prayers of my 3 children (& kids all over Reno,) had been answered. Stayed in bed for a few extra minutes; seemed the right thing to do, considering the fact that the need to rush off to school as Carpool Dad had been removed. Smelled the coffee. Ah.

    Did what I always do when its snowing – check the weather report at weather.gov (like Duffy told me to,) to see how bad the storm would be, & how long it would stick around. Good news… confirmed by the evidence from the windows. Spriling snow, but not much. Which meant… shoveling the driveway.

    Dressed for success & made my way to the driveway – don’t know exactly why I’m drawn to shoveling snow, but it feels absolutely like the right thing to do – clear a path to the cars, clear the cars, scape the windows. Great satisfaction at completion, in spite of the input my neighbor gave letting me know it was going to snow all day long. (BTW: it didn’t. Booyah.)

    Took IDoey to the dentist, braving the most dangerous & difficult thing about the snow: drivers. Almost got taken out a couple of times by a black Hummer driving in the middle of the 4-lane road. Rewarded ourselves with chocky donuts, & navigated our way back up to the house.

    Got a call saying that in spite of the snow & cancellation of school, IDoey’s dress rehearsal for White Christmas was still happening, giving further credence to the saying, “the show must go on.” So we piled into the car & navigated the streets again. Worked out, (Yes, it was a kettlebell day. I’m feeling the results of the last 3 weeks. Good results. Love it.)

    Home. Chili-beef soup, made extra spicy with the brown Tabasco, aka Chipotle... And cornbread. Little rotwein. MNF. Now just waiting for dress rehearsal to be done so the day can end.

    Reminiscing with theBean. This turned out to be a great day, snow & all. Life is good.

    Don’t drive angry…

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    The last several days, I have been pondering Ephesians 4… especially the last few verses that contrast the out-workings of the ‘old’ vs. the results (fruit?) of the ‘new.’

    It is amazing to me that I can go from ‘new’ to ‘old’ in a heartbeat. And just when I thought I was doing so good, out comes the snippy-ness. Harsh tone. Hard edge to the voice. Mean face. Ouch.

    The other day, I was ‘in the moment’ in a ‘strong discussion’ with theBean. And in the middle of it, she ruined it by saying, “Look at your face.” She wasn’t trying to draw attention to my beauty, but rather to the nasty ‘mean face’ expression I had on it. Ticked me off that she’d try to derail our discussion with such trivialities, so I didn’t look full into the mirror… but I did peeky-peeky out of my left eye. I was startled at what I saw.

    It was a face that I didn’t recognize as mine. It was twisted at the corners of the mouth, eyebrows up, lips tight & in a snarl… I didn’t need Dr. Lightman to tell me that it was anger, rage, & disgust that were coming out…

    It was ugly. And it was me. Is me. Is not what I want from me. I want the new. For me. For theBean. For the kids. Not to give full vent to my anger, or to let a response build up & ride the waves of feeling & emotion that so easily give place to wronging another, even if just for the momentary satisfaction of Letting. It. All. Out.

    Reminded me…

    A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11 New International Version

    Self-control is me cooperating with the work of the Holy Spirit – & not letting the groundhog drive the truck.

    Peace.

    Don\'t Drive Angry…

    a shout out to Thanksgiving Victory

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    For the last couple of months, I’ve been listening & re-listening to an mp3 series called “Thanksgiving Victory” by Keith Moore. I’ve found it to be incredibly encouraging – esp. in the reminders to purpose to give thanks. Be thankful. Practice thanksgiving… & not just in good times, or when things are going well. Another thing that really jumped out at me is the connection between giving thanks & exercising faith… that it takes faith to give thanks in times of difficulty or trouble.

    Another area that really resonated was the connection between complaining, nitpicking, flexing ones negativity, self-pity, jealousy, & ungratefulness. It really jumped out at me that all of these feelings that lead to behaviors that are selfish, destructive, & not contributing to the goal of becoming more like Jesus can be overcome & overlaid by an attitude of thanksgiving… & as a Christ-follower, its not just an optional suggestion that I do this.

    Later, when I was reading my Bible, I started seeing the command to “give thanks” all over the place, kinda like once you get a blue hoodie, you start noticing all the blue hoodies others have. It’s everywhere. Psalms is especially full of it – with the instruction being that I’m to come into God’s presences with thanksgiving, & to be constantly looking to give thanks (& praise!) for the things He has done, is doing, & will do for me.

    Hasn’t been easy, & I was really surprised at how susceptible to negativity & ungratefulness I have been… & at the same time, how in a few months, I have seen & experienced a very real change in the way I think & speak.

    Good stuff. I’d highly recommend the whole series.

    playing catch up, #2

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    November p.m..
    Monday night brought a couple of surprises – käse nacht (cheese night) at the Kern’s & a special tour of the Olde Gott Winery – with the local “Wine Queen” Corinna, who just happened to be a friend of Julia’s that had visited us in Reno for a few days. It was a very high tech winery, & is known as 1 of if not THE best production wine maker in Salsbachwald. Corinna gave us background on the local grapes (mostly whites with a couple of reds,) & then took us through the process the grapes go through to make the wine. (Took us through virtually, that is. Virtually. Not actually. That would only produce Whine.)

    Special surprise at the end was that we got to meet the president & CEO of the winery, who gave us a greeting & a free tasting of the top 4 wines on Olde Gott’s shelves – 2 reds & 2 whites. Very cool.

    Käse Nacht involved melty cheese, garlic & French bread, good wine, & lots of laughter, discussion & tears. We sat around the Kern table with the whole family plus Heiko, the boyfriend of Linda. Good times. It got late way too quickly, so before we went our separate ways, Julia’s dad, Klaus, gave a heartfelt speech of thanks & gratitude to Jesus – for us, for Julia coming to the US & fulfilling her dream, for God’s provision, & for family. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room when he finished.

    It was a real blessing to us to spend this time with the family, & I’m richer for having experienced it. Matty kept saying that this was the favorite part of the trip for him – I’m guessing it had to do with the family interactions, the intimacy of the talks, & the incredible food.

    17 November
    Went to the train station WAAAYYY too early for our 8:30 train – made it on without any trouble (yay me!) & managed to make it all the way to Frankfurt Main station without having to surrender our seats. Found a Starbucks & downed an Americano before we braved the drizzling rain.

    Took the U-Bahn to TPLF where we met Elena & Eddy – he was hungry (almost as hungry as us,) so he accompanied us to Zimt und Koriander for pizza. Again. Go figure. Good talks & good pizza.

    Afterwards, I tried to make my way to Alex’s house on the U-bahn. I must have fallen asleep, because I found myself waking up, disoriented on a train. Fortunately, it wasn’t far from the stop that I needed. 1 of the weirdest experiences of my life so far – didn’t know who or where I was, & my brain wouldn’t kick in & give me a context, language, or idea of what was going on around me.

    Got to Alex’s & decided to take a nap. And that’s where I am right now.