Tag Archives: Commentary on Human Condition

blasting through memories about fasting…

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Oprah fasted… not for Jesus but for weight control..

I used to think that fasting was an activity that was intended to gets God’s attention. A way to shout with ones actions: “Hey! Look at me! I’m not eating, & its for you!” I may have even believed that it was transactional… not that I’d have ever spoken the words out loud, but there was a thought, however small, that would say, “Ok God. Since I am fasting, You HAVE to do what I am praying for. Have to. I am doing my part. Now its Your turn.”

Something about the ‘spiritual-ness’ of fasting used to make me want to make sure that I slipped it into conversation, something that would kind of get mentioned in passing… its not that I was going all “woe is me hypocrite” on anyone… its just that I found ways & means to happen to be places where my lack of eating would be observed.

I tried to fast once a week, Tuesdays. Which meant Monday nights at 11:50 p.m., I was loading up a plate or 3, just to make sure that I wouldn’t be passing out from hunger on my ‘fast day.’ During what would normally have been meal-times on ‘fast-days,’ I tried to pray – which often meant I tried not to think about eating. Kept having to corral my runaway mind, & to try not to pay attention to my stomach which seemed to be flipping over in a complaint at not having been paid attention to.

A guy that I knew got really into fasting… at meal time he’d just read his Bible & pray… he got a bit carried away with it, so much so that over a period of 3 months, he dropped about 50 pounds… pounds that he couldn’t afford to give up. In talking with him later, he told me that somehow he had reasoned to himself that if God likes it when we fast, then he was going to make God really happy with him.

That put me over the edge. Got tired of acting like I understood this – so I tried to study up on it; read through every passage that mentions fasting in the Bible. Talked to people, asking questions. Read books.

What I found out is that people are all over the map in their understanding about fasting… that a lot of people see it the way I used to…its a way to twist God’s arm, to play the trump card that He can’t ignore.

And what I think I came to understand about fasting is that its not that at all – instead, as a ‘personal practice,’ its about humility – humbling myself – a reminder that my stomach is not the boss of me. That I don’t live by bread alone. And that the reality of the situation was, i was keeping God at arms length & trying to impress Him (& others) with superficial ‘stuff’ – behaviors & conversations that never went beyond the surface, focusing mostly on my own needs & my own will.

I wanted it to be different.

Isaiah 58 was insightful. And helpful. So was Daniel..

silly vandals…

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Last night, Pasty & I-Doey made their way to Coconut Bowl for some bowl-age…

They came out 2 1/2 short hours later to find that some miscreant had taken the liberty of bashing the back window of the Infamous Ex…

Post-church, I contacted the Coconut Bowl & reported the destruction (as the PastyOne had been too incensed to do it.) Then, I filed a PO-leece report with Sparks’ finest…

Called & left a message with my car insurance dealer (no, I don’t have Geico. Or Progressive. My insurance agent takes the weekends…)

Now, all we have to do is… wait.

It’s interesting – the emotions that have been stirred up in my kids. Anger –> Rage. Disbelief. Disappointment. Disgust. Frustration. Sadness. And back again.

They want A Plan of Action. A Way for us to Stick It to the person (persons? perps?) that Perpetrated the vandalismo. Like somehow, Dad will know what to do, & how to locate the Violator(s). More interesting to me is the boiling over desire for Revenge. And you thought the Empire Struck Back! Just wait til lil Pasty gets going.

Talked about letting God be our defender & avenger. Not giving away peace. Being thankful it was Just a Window. Believing it.

Hmm…

pride

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This is a continuation of some thoughts I started processing through HERE.

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires (cravings, lusts, & longings) of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1John 2:15-17 ESV

Pride. What I have. What I accomplish. Who I am, (or present myself to be?) based upon my job, title, education, place I work… Specifically measured against what Others have. Who they are. What they have done. Are doing.

Pride is insidious. It worms its way into the most unfortunate places. Disguises itself with the best of disguises. Undermines the most unsuspecting of persons.

And is common to all humanity. To me.

I read in Numbers 12…now Moses was more humble than any other person on earth… I remember that he was the adopted son of the Pharaoh’s daughter, meaning he most likely grew up with privilege. Education. Wealth. Position. And he left it to lead his people out of slavery to a land occupied by the Nephilim.

I remember that Moses is called the friend of God, a person whom confers with God face to face. That Moses has seen incredible signs, wonders, & miracles worked in & through him by the power of God.

And still he is humble.

I ponder… I think that there’s a special susceptibility to pride that christians have – without even giving 2 thoughts to it… it hides out in our using of our relationship & standing before God to measure ourselves, ranking ourselves against others. Glorying in our humility, our faithfulness. Measuring ourselves by the Great Things that we will do for God. By aspiring to do Great Things, even Greater Things than others do, all the while forgetting what God really wants from us is that we would ‘do justly, love mercy, walk humbly…’ Not that we admit to doing it, but it happens just the same…

CS Lewis writes:

Pride always means enmity – it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and man, but enmity to God. In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that – and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison – you do not know God at all.

As long as you are proud, you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you…Mere Christianity p.124

The more I think about the 1John passage, the more I see a root of discontent lurking, waiting to be planted in me. A discontent with what I am. What I have. What I’m doing. What God has provided. And this discontent rashly & repeatedly looks for its fulfillment in the world we live in… And then God becomes a tool that I use to further my reach – to indulge the cravings of my eyes, my flesh, & my pride.

Sigh.

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I spent 10 years of my life as a volunteer & vocational youth worker… & know firsthand the very real pressure that exists in wanting, needing to be ‘cool’ in the eyes of the students that one is working with.

And yes, the video is over-the-top. But I bet while you watch it, you just MIGHT think that Ignatius starts to remind you of a someone you’ve known before… & comments on a bit of the mockery we’ve made of a relationship with God…

flesh

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This is a continuation of some thoughts I started processing through HERE.

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires (cravings, lusts, & longings) of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1John 2:15-17 ESV

I ponder… “the cravings, lusts, & longings “of the flesh… with the word flesh meaning me, my physical body, & my human nature – my natural propensities, bents, drives, & inclinations. It’s not a call to live in denial of my humanity – can’t change that, don’t want to. It’s also not an indictment as ‘inherently unholy’ the God-instilled drives of hunger, thirst, & sexuality…

That’s important to note because there are places, pockets of belief really, where people get lost; places that equate holiness with abstaining from anything enjoyable or nice – that the more they would deny their ‘fleshly’ (see: human) desires, the more spiritual that they would be. And the converse would be true also – those that DIDN’T deny those impulses were less spiritual & holy.

Galatians 5:16,17 tells us to walk in the Spirit, & we won’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh… & that the flesh & Spirit are at odds with each other… What I see is that I will get into trouble if I put my natural drives & desires in charge of me, in the drivers seat if you will – letting them & them alone guide my thoughts, choices, decisions, & what I give myself to.

The ‘walking in the Spirit” is where self-control comes in – not me trying to keep myself in check, but living life under the direction & guidance of the Holy Spirit. Acknowledging, even declaring that there’s more to life than self-indulgence, doing what I feel, following my cravings – that even though I’m 100% human, the most important thing to me is obedience to God, & living the Christ-following life…

Here’s a thought:

To go to an extreme either way is destructive & displays the rotting fruit of a flesh-driven life….

Hmmm.

It’s easier to see the results of self-indulgent excess – wanton debauchery, the life of the Prodigal in Vegas, letting one’s proverbial ‘freak-flag-fly’… I believe that there’s just as much deadly flesh evident in the extreme ascetic lifestyle, though in christianity the latter is often held up as something desirable & to be aspired to…

I’m still pondering…

eyes…

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For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been pondering a section of 1John that has come back to me a few times since reading it… & the next few posts are my processings through it, in no real order… First, the section:

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1John 2:15-17 ESV

In reading that, what grabbed me 1st was the phrase, ‘all that is in the world…’ As though the following statements are revelatory about specific ways that we are seduced into sin… I looked up the word translated as “desires,” & found that it is also translated as

‘craving, lust, &/or longing for that which is forbidden…Strongs Concordance – G1939″

Desires of the eyes… what I want. Need. And seeing that I want, no, need what I don’t have. I sense an erosion of contentedness, knowing that my next bout of ‘happiness’ hinges on the accumulation of some thing, some material possession that will Finally put me over the edge into bliss. Until the next craving hits. This desire is never satisfied. It has a roving eye, portraying, promising an emptiness of life unless an attempt is made at fulfilling the craving. Which always returns. With a vengeance.

Makes me contemplate what I’m looking at. What catches my eyes? Maybe its the studies I’ve been doing on idols & Idolatry, but I think this is a fleshing out of a visible, tangible idol; an idol whose face changes, that takes on different shapes. An idol that is hinting at, & occasionally flaunting ‘completeness of me,’ as seen through the jaded, jealous, & judgmental eyes of a nameless, faceless, yet oh so important Other person that will either accept or reject me based upon what I have. Or don’t.

I can feel it in the pit of my stomach.

So the extremist emerges – rather than accumulate, I will divest myself of this materialism, go ‘minimalist’ & detach myself from all of my possessions, & even from the desire to possess, choosing instead to subsist on the bare minimum… & maybe just a bit less. Yep. That’ll do just fine.

But there’s a nagging sense that all I’ve done is exchange one side of the coin for the other. And that the comparisons, the cravings, the lurking enticement remains, though with a different face.

I come back to think on what it means to be “content.” To be able to be at peace, at rest, with a little. Or with a lot. To not need an external ‘security blanket’ that can rot, burn, be stolen, be misplaced… (no matter how nice a Goodall Walnut Standard would make me FEEEEEEL…)

To put my eyes where they belong. On Jesus Christ, the author & finisher of my faith… who was tempted in every way that I am, but Who didn’t give in to sin. Who saw through the empty promises of the lusts & desires, & chose instead obedience…

there & back again… Friday musings…

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I spent the 1st part of this week in Los Angeles… San Dimas, if you want to get specific… It’s the home of Bill & Ted, as well as Life Pacific College. I had the good fortune to be able to travel with Brother, & to hang out with some dear friends, both of whom there is years of history. Had gut level talks… listened… laughed a lot. Discovered a great pub, on St. Patrick’s Day to boot, one that specialized in Belgians… the set up of the pub reminded me a lot of the ‘traditional’ Frankfurt/Sachsenhausen restaurant, albeit with a long, tall table instead of a standard one. Great times.

On that note, Brother & I stayed in the dorms – Floor 3 of Bldg D, #315. Through a series of negotiations that I shall not get into here I ended up with the top bunk, which was a great gig once I found a way to actually GET to the top bunk. Ended up having to climb up the desk/bookshelf & then launch myself up & over the rail. It was quite the experience. Not as comfy as sleeping in my very own bed with my very own theBean, but it was cool – esp. with the novelty of sharing a room with buddies.

One of the highlights for me was sitting in on classes – Pentateuch/Torah, where the class was in the beginnings of working through Leviticus – talked about the theme being “Becoming who we are” – never heard it described that way. In light of that, the rituals (ceremonies, practices, daily reminders) lose their strange-ness, & take on a special quality… seeing a people be-becoming… learning to step into their calling & identity. Nice job David.

The other classes we went to were Biblical Preaching & a Youth Ministry seminar class, with 7 students who are already out & about involved in youth stuff. The professor had to go to a “meet & greet” for about 40 minutes, leaving Brother & I to talk to & with the students. It was a highlight, & really sparked me to remember how much I enjoy ‘school with a purpose’; learning, growing, being challenged in my thought processes, having to formulate new ideas & new conclusions. Good stuff.

One of the other reasons Brother & I were there was to explore some distance learning ops – not a whole lot has surfaced, but in some way we’ll be back at school, if only from afar.

It also spurred on & reignited some old ideas for a local institute within our church family – we’ll see.

At youth group right now we’re talking about “Image & Identity” – reflecting on the fact that we’ve been made in God’s image. We aren’t mistakes. Individually, we’ve been marked as God’s masterpieces, unique, special, & well-made, really coming to life in all of its fullness as we embrace who God made us to be.

And the enemy of that are the forces that exist to conform – reshape us, using a ‘1 size fits all’ approach. Its easy to look outward, to the country & culture that we’re living within… with its ideas about beauty, acceptable body shape, what to eat/drink, how to live… with the pressure to conform & take on behaviors & an ‘acceptable’ outward appearance to really fit in with those around us, even though it means living inauthentically based on someone else’s version of what I’m supposed to be & do.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about this, & what came up was the sneaky & insidious way this same type of thing exists within the Church… where the pressure to become a ‘good christian’ with approved & authorized ‘good christian behaviors, thoughts, characteristics, & preferences’ can seemingly force us into a mold where we’re just as focused on the outward appearance, going through the motions of living this ‘good christian life’ in order to gain the approval of others within the Machine. All in the name of becoming a disciple. But WHOSE disciple? Faking the funk, putting on a show that we’re outwardly ok, while dying on the inside – living in a virtual prison of not wanting to do the WRONG thing, leaves us undeveloped, immature, & fearful. Is this the ‘life in all of its fullness’ Jesus came to bring? Don’t think so.

Worse, the longer we go, the more difficult it can be to break out – because the longer we live the lie, the more fear & shame piles up, trapping us in a cycle of inaction.

Makes me think… The enemy isn’t always out THERE.

I’m stoked. Tonight, we get to go to Carson to hang with the Locke clan: brothers & fams. My dad’s birthday is tomorrow, & to celebrate, we’re gathering tonight for a Giant Apple Pancake (GAP.) Let me ‘splain.

Back in the day, momentous occasions in our household meant going to Johnny Ascuaga’s for a GAP – its a monstrous, dense, battered concoction, smothered with apples, cinnamon, butter, & powduhed sug-ah, then topped with syrup. The batter itself has to sit out for a day, & it takes at least 20 minutes to cook, & involves a ‘flipping of the Pancake” that can (& sometimes did) result in disaster. Going to Johnny A’s meant an adventure, not knowing if our delicacy would actually make it to the table intact, but that if it did, we were going to eat & eat well, at least until the sugar coma came on.

At some point, Johnny A realized that the GAP was more trouble than it was worth – to him at least – & stopped serving it. He did, however, put the recipe out for the adventurous soul that would try to recreate the greatness of the GAP.

My dad, being the brave soul that he is, took up that challenge, & over the years has become quite the GAP maker. Chef-like even, producing GAPs that rival the best I ever had at Johnny A’s, marking great days, holidays, & just becauses with sweetness.

But up until now, he’s the only one that knows what it takes to pull this off… I say until now, because we (me, brother Ben, & brother Moe & fams) have been invited to not only partake in the eating tonight, but also in the making, so that we too can carry on this great tradition of decadence. Ahh.

Should be fun.

Spring sports season is upon us. Pasty is in track. I-Doey is in baseball. TheWeez is a proper footballer (soccer to us ‘mericans) & I’m in softball. TheBean is breaking out her cheerleading outfit as I type… :)

Life is beautiful. Tim & David, thanks for a great week.

a little humility…

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This afternoon after work, I went for a 4 mile run – nice & invigorating, especially after the sun the went down. (Read: invigorating means It was icy-cold.) Fortunately, I made sure to dress for the weather, meaning that my little ears, hands, & feet were all ably cared for & amply covered by the appropriate runners-wear.

The only thing that really suffered was my lips – the cold caused them to get pretty chapped by the time I was done. Usually, I carry a tube of “Lip Service,” (Vanilla Ice flavor if you must know,) but today, it slipped my mind, so by the last 1.5 miles, all I could think about was getting to the car, (the Ex, the car theBean usually drives) & the tube of Burt’s Bees that I’d seen in the center console. It made me fast.

I got to the car & applied the Burt’s Bees liberally. Ahh. Relief.

Had a couple of places to go. 7-11 for a Double Gulp fill up. USPS.

When I got to Sev- (which of course is the way all the Cool Guys refer to 7-11), the people in line at the soda fountain gave me a look. A double take. Enough that I noticed. I felt like the guy behind the counter was trying not to look at me. Hmmm. As I paid the $1.19 for the refill, a guy that had just come in stopped & said, “Nice!” & then kept walking. People are weird.

At the Post Office, it was more of the same. What is UP with people today?

Got home & got ready to take a shower… happened to glance in the mirror on my way to bathing (no, it wasn’t an Innerspace, “Tuck Pendleton, gazing in the mirror moment,”) & saw that I looked… shiny. Glittery. Shimmery even. My lips were rosy. And sparkly. Uh oh.

I re-clothed & went to the Ex, to the center console where the Burt’s Bees was… Turns out, I HAD applied the familiar Burt’s Bees. But it also turns out, my favorite lip balm company also makes a product known as “Champagne Shimmer.” And all the afternoon’s funny looks make sense.

And I feel pretty…

a little help?

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I’d like to ask a favor of you – reader of this blog, the readers that I know, the blog-lurkers that I don’t… even the random person that stumbled across this page in a chance Google search or ‘go to next blog’ moment.

I’m doing some studying for some writing & a speech or two, & would like to utilize your vast life experience to help myself out…

When you hear/think of the words “REPENT” & “REPENTANCE”, what comes to your mind? What do you think of? It might be:

  • An image

  • thought

  • concept

  • idea

  • even a specific memory

    • Thanks in advance for your input.
    Ciao!