juxtaposed…

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Raskalnikov

WARNING: Long Rambling Post Ahead… I’m working through a process right now – trying to clarify my thoughts, & what Jesus is saying, has said, & is pointing me towards.

The irony of knowing that there was truth in Jesus’ declaration about life in all of its fullness while not seeing/feeling/experiencing/living in that fullness led to a preoccupation… the kind that I have been told is one of the things that The Bean loves about me. It’s a preoccupation that stays on something, actively & passively, until there’s a point of resolution. She loves it, w/one exception… when the preoccupation turns gets pointed in her direction in a point of relational conflict. But I digress. (Reminds me of when Monk talks about his quirky obsessive/compulsive ‘gift’ as a blessing. And a curse. The “dark side” if you will, of a strength…)

I spent a lot of time in the Gospel of John; not just in 10:10, but all around it. I was dwelling on; meditating on; maybe even obsessing on it. Call it “focused study.” I would start with the KJV, w/the Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance with Hebrew, Aramaic, & Greek word definitions, & review each word in the passage, as every word & phrase is full of meaning & connotations. Examining context, nuances. Then I’d break out all the Bible translations in English that I had available: NASB, NRSV, NKJV, NIT, NLT, & The Message… to see how each of the translators (or paraphrasers) had chosen to word the passage.

One of the things I do as a part of studying & researching is to go through a big chunk of material (see above paragraph,) then enter “processing mode.” This is where I do something that is seemingly unrelated to what I had just been doing, but actually is a vital part of the studying/researching/writing – usually this involves cleaning or organizing something. It’s like the cleaning helps to sort through thoughts & ideas, & aids the germination of what God is speaking to me about. (I also did this while writing papers in college…) If I’m really onto something, I vacuum. The lines in the carpet are so reassuring…

Thoughts from 10:10: the thief is one who comes to take what belongs to others & to use it for their own gain or to squander it so the one that has had it, can’t use it. His purpose is 3-fold:

  • to steal – take away by stealth;
  • to kill – slaughter, kill, sacrifice
  • to destroy – render useless; remove completely; ruin; put to an end

    On the other side of that, Jesus states His purpose – the word purpose really, really is important here – it is a main reason that He came.

  • Jesus came that humanity would have – hold fast to
  • Life – vitality, absolute fullness of life
  • In all of its fullness – greater measure; more than is necessary; over & over…

    In the pondering of the word purpose, a light came on. The enemy, the thief is actively working to steal, kill, & destroy – to sabotage humanity. Jesus, who came to undo the works of the devil & more specifically, to give, that humanity would have an abundance & overflow of life… And what He gives cannot be earned. Or deserved.

    Bingo. That was me.

    Jesus died for my sins. I can receive that. He was resurrected from the dead, so I have eternal life. I’m there too. But grace for each day… hmm. that’s where I was stuck. That’s where I was toiling to be ‘worthy’ of the life that I could never earn.

    A flash of remembrance: Rich Mullins had had a dramatic influence on my life through his music, writings, & zest for life. He spoke about something that had changed his life, in how he viewed himself, something that had clarified all that he had ‘known’ about God as revealed in Jesus. It was The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. So I bought it. And made it through 3 pages before I broke down, weeping.

    Jesus loves me. And has grace for me. Even after I became a Christian, His grace is still enough for me.

    to be continued…at some point…

    • 10:10b

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    It had always been the “life in all its fullness” that tripped me up… the examination of my life circumstances seemed to be everything but a full life. Unless it meant a life full of busyness, a packed schedule, constant doing & going – I had a full plate, but not a full life. I didn’t desire to take stock of my life because I knew that I didn’t like it already, & revisiting that fact to ‘revel’ in that wasn’t appetizing, anymore than a root canal would be a fun way to spend a couple of hours in the afternoon. Reviewing my life? Why? To be reminded that something that Jesus promised to give me wasn’t evident in my life? That somehow something that was to be given to me had somehow been missed out on…?

    Maybe I was trying to earn it. Show myself to be worthy. Not necessarily in a competition with another, but more in a competition of worthiness with me – late in the evening, long after all had gone to sleep, I was still stewing, & it was then that it would come to torment me, like an unseen mosquito in the dark room –

    You should be doing better.
    You’re missing something – what is it? If you were trying harder, you’d get it…
    If you were different, you’d be getting it instead of chasing it.
    You’re failing.
    It’s pointless. Give up.

    There were a lot of givens that I had accepted at face value, things that I’d picked up from a life inside The Machine…through observation & experience… others didn’t seem to be living a full life either. A real life. Something enjoyable, regardless of life circumstances. Like living for Jesus was something that we’d told ourselves was the best life there was, all the while living a drastically different reality. Hollow & empty. Spent like a tube of toothpaste that has been squeezed out until there’s absolutely nothing left to get from it. That’s how life felt. The duplicity of it haunted me. Nauseated me. Challenged me. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? This should not be so.

    I went to a conference for vocational ministers & someone quoted Eugene Peterson to the crowd – something about how the words “BUSY” & “PASTOR” should never be used together – & how a “busy life” is a travesty… It went over my head – inside I scoffed. Busy was success – it meant doing lots of things, & the more things that a pastor did, the stronger he was. The better he was. The more effective he was. Only those who “couldn’t handle so much” weren’t busy. The weak ones. The ones that hadn’t learned effective multi-tasking.

    Arrogance. Without life. Pain & hurt, more hurt than I’d want to admit. Emptiness. Anger at being ripped off, holding title to worthlessness, refusing to give in, refusing to give up.

    And still, the hope of life in all of its fullness kept me going…

    flying solo…

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    This next week, 5 Mai, I will be flying solo – literally – to Frankfurt. Last year, the Bean & I were in Frankfurt 3 separate times – Maerz, August, & November, for a total of 31 days, if you include travel days, which really should count double for all the wear & tear on the body, mind, & psyche… & that’s not even mentioning the need for acquisition of unique travel supplies, all in containers of 4 ounces or less, support hose, & the smuggle-able french press & coffee stash.

    It was too much for the Bean for many, many reasons – the emotional, physical, relational & financial toll was too great – she acquired a job in Januar, & starts a new schedule on the day I fly away…

    So, I’ll be going on my own for 8 days – traveling solo is ok; I’ve done it quite a bit… it actually makes the choice of ‘where & what to eat/drink’ much easier. I just ask myself, “Self, what do you want to do?” And I usually answer, “Thanks for asking. I am hungry. And thirsty. And hungry.” And then it’s on… I don’t know why, but traveling brings out the snacker in me – I want to stop at every kiosk for a sample, to chow down & imbibe wherever possible. Wonder why that is?

    This is a significant trip for me – I know it down in my guts… this will be a trip of resolution – I believe that my interactions & appointments, & calling to Europe will be becoming clarified. And resolved. Some of the nebulousness, the WHY’s will be cleared up. Or be clearer.

    I also know that this will be relationally significant… there are several situations that will require a miracle to see healed. If you’re wondering what to pray for in this for me, pray for grace & peace in relationships. And reconciliation.

    Finally, I am really looking forward to staying at the home of my friends Alex & Linda, & getting to spend a chunk of time with them. They are definitely one of my happy thoughts about this voyage, the one on which I am flying solo…

    And a note about ‘community…’

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    It’s a common & current topic at our staff table…

    Next to Jesus, God and relevant, “community” is the most popular Christian word. The challenge though is it’s a lot easier to say than it is to build. If creating one was as easy as renting a blow up jumping toy for kids and offering a financial planning class for parents, then 50 churches wouldn’t close permanently every week. But it’s a challenge and here’s why:

    People can tell when you’re trying to force a community to develop. Our radar to marketing is so sharp these days…

    MORE ON Community

    I love the “holding sand” analogy…

    Enjoy.

    Musings on a Saturday…

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    My Saturday evening routine is well under way…

  • I sit at my computer in my room at the little card table I call “The Office” @ Home – (by the way, Mr. & Mrs. H. You’ve got 4 weeks to master the theme song before we go live. I can’t wait. I want to practice it as well…)
  • If/since I’m doing worship tomorrow, drink an extra glass or 10 of water (for the hydration & the froat…)
  • Read over my notes for the teaching I’m doing – tomorrow, I’m up for Learning Community on the topic “Praying for Just About Anything” – it brings me comfort & peace to renew & review my notes… usually, something will “POP” into my head to be added or a particular section will become more clear as the area I should focus on.
  • I’m not doing the ‘Speech’ tomorrow – Shawn L is – on the topic of his blog – so I’m praying for him, as well as our desire to ‘take it where it goes’ (to cop a phrase from my Delirious? brothers…)
  • I vacuum the room, & meander out into the hallway. Usually I take the opportunity to then empty the canister in the trash can as I seem to be the one who finds that the canister is full each week at this time.
  • Look into the mirror – wonder if I really, truly have to shave… I hate my facial hair – it itches, & yet the act of shaving is painful, & usually leaves me with a wondering if I’d made the right choice… to shave or not to shave? That is the question…
  • Read a bit of LOTR
  • Miscellaneous quirky behavior…
  • Feel a bit inadequate – wonder if I’m in the right profession.

    That leads to some introspection – tonight’s thought has been swirling my brain all week at the monastery… I’m pretty sure that I don’t know what I ‘need’ God to do in me. Sometimes I think I have an idea – now, no. Clueless. A bit foggy. Dim. Makes me wonder in the times that “I Know” if I really have a clue, or if I’m really just proud, delusional, or both…

    I just know I need Him. So I can keep standing. To be my sufficiency in weakness & inadequacy. To be faith in my fear.

    • Abbey Trip, #3: A Road Trip From the Retreat

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    4/16 p.m.
    As we were sitting together in Starbucks posting blogs, drinking our 2nd refill of real, non-freeze-dried coffee, we got to talking about food… this was a mistake. Our fare for the previous 2 days had been spare & way, way over on the vegetarian side. Beggars (& retreat-ants) can’t be choosers, my Grandmother would say, but still, the thought of miscellaneous steamed veggies, AGAIN, as the main course, pushed us over the edge. We needed a road trip – the guy behind the counter who so attentively had made sure that we got our coffee refills also had a good suggestion for 3 guys that were hankering for red meat – the Riverside Grille & Bar, in nearby Red Bluff (only 17 miles up the 5.) And we’re off…

    We pulled into the Riverside & found that we were the only car in the parking lot – after double checking that they were indeed open (we’d called earlier too – that’s a 1st-born for you) we sauntered into the completely empty restaurant… completely empty except for 5 or 6 servers & the Bartender that was affectionately referred to by her co-workers using a less than kind reference to a specific part of her anatomy… Did I mention it was a cowboy restaurant? No matter – we wanted some feed, & this turned out to be a pretty great place to get it – big, burly, burgers; fries; tall icy-cold hefe; a seat overlooking the River. We hung out for a couple of hours & then decided we’d best waddle back to the Abbey before Brother John locked the front doors & we had to jump the fence (or sneak through the shrubberies) to get to our retreat.

    The evening was passed in quiet contemplation. We all sat in our chairs (Moe & Ben had their rockers; I was sporting old-school green plastic chair,) reading various books:

    Moe had “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller

    Ben had “Leap Over A Wall” by Eugene Peterson

    I had “Eat This Book” by Peterson

    We spent the better part of the evening in silence, reading, with the quiet only broken by the ringing of the bell calling the monks to one of their scheduled prayer times, or by the occasional interjection made by one of us as we excitedly shared something that we’d just read & couldn’t keep to ourselves…

    Finally, the bugs got so bad (they watered 2x a day, leaving the grass of the grounds a dead-ringer for mosquito heaven;) that we finally entered the Peace room & picked up our conversation of the day before – talking about:
    • making music with friends;
    • worship as a lifestyle;
    • community living;
    • one-sided relationships, (where one party seems to do all the giving, & the other does all the needing)
    • eating too much food & the ethics of purging, just this once to deal with the aftermath of our cavalcade of red meat…

    We ended up heading for bed after talking to & texting our wives & hearing the latest news of the day & night, including that my son had kissed a girl after youth group, & that she wanted him to, so he did it. And he liked it. Goodness.

    4/17 a.m.
    It’s a travel day, so I woke up early, as usual. It’s a gift; and a curse, I’m sure. Stripped the bed, put new sheets on it, took the ‘dirties’ to their appointed place & woke up/tried to wake up the others. Ben was rolling, Moe wanted no part of it – so brother & I made our way to St. Luke’s kitchen for a last breakfast of PB&J bread & crackers.

    Lucky for us, someone had gotten up at the crack o’dawn & had squeeze some of the oranges from the tree outside the window, had squeezed them just so that there was real live orange juice. Let me testify – there is a difference between the concentrate & the fresh squeeze-age.

    By this time Moe was up & at ‘em. He really knows how to make a bed – both mine & Ben looked like a 3rd grader had done their best; Moe’s looked like Ines from “Bottle Rocket” – absolutely perfect. He claims his dad taught him how to do it. Very nice. I need lessons.

    We liberated some OJ for Moe, then it was time to go – we left a “suggested donation” & our room keys with Brother John, & hit the road for home.

    Other than a stop for gas, some down-time in construction traffic, & a detour to get directions to Reno (don’t ask. I won’t tell.) the trip home was uneventful. And quiet. Almost like we’d all adopted the “Grand Silence” for the trip home – we didn’t, but it sure seemed that way. I amused myself by saying lines from movies, & singing snippets of songs… Good times.

    And now we’re home. What will the aftermath or the fallout of our semi-retreat to the Abbey of New Clairvaux be? Don’t know. But I do know, all over, that God wants me to have joy. And to BE joy-filled. So that’s where I’m at. You’ll have to ask the others their take, but I’m thankful for my friends. And for a new experience. I’ll definitely do it again – maybe not in the same place/venue, but I will do it again.

    Tschüss!

    Abbey Trip, #2 – Crackers w/PB & J

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    4/15 p.m.
    After lunch, we decided that we’d participate/attend the afternoon & evening “Divine Office” prayer – the 1:55 “None” & the 5:45 “Vespers”.

    We entered the chapel through a ‘visitors door’. The monks of the Abbey of St. Clairvaux are cloistered, which means that their living & work areas, as well as their grounds are set apart from the rest of the property, separated by a large shrubbery (hedges if you’re not a Monty Python fan.) There is even a separate entrance to the chapel for the monks. The retreat-ants get to sit in a sequestered, set apart set of benches, with the prayer books, kneeling rail, & other accoutrements common to the chapel.

    The “None” (Noin) for Tuesday consisted of the singing of several portions of the Psalms – actually a selection from Psalm 119 – followed by the Alleluia & Amen singing – which is all done following the leader (Cantor) & in the familiar, sing-song that I have experienced before while attending Mass on the Gonzaga campus in Spokane for my brother’s law school graduation. It’s the kind of sing-song that if you hear it once, you could participate if you so desired – & could take any sentence you’d normally say & put it into the rhythm of the cadence. It was about 15 minutes long, & I really enjoyed praying the Psalms – its something that I’m familiar with from the Daily Office (Office meaning the “work devoted to God,”) that I follow (see Peter Scazzero’s book, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” for more on the Office.) It was a great reminder that we are set apart to God – & was a great break in the middle of the day.

    It became evident that we needed a trip to Starbucks – Monday on our way to the Abbey, we’d seen one in Corning while picking up our supplies for the week, so we navigated our way into town & parked at Starbucks. The beans were roasted by AJ, by the way – a sticker on the beans we were enjoying said, “Proudly roasted in Carson Valley, NV” – Woohoo. BTW: we told the manager that we knew the man who was in charge of roasting the beans… she didn’t care, but we did, because we’re proud of that guy.

    You know from reading the blog yesterday that we also ended up horking onto the bandwidth in one of the shops next to Starbucks – Ben got onto the Quizno’s network, & I was on something like “Zylnex” which sounds an awful lot like a prescription for something that I don’t want to know about. It brought great joy to “liberate” bandwith for free – to post & go. We hung out in the Starbucks for about 90 minutes, & were treated to a couple of free refills by one of the baristas that was eager to show his manager that he is capable of some great customer service. Of course, we egged him on, & played the role of sassified customers – the coffee was excellent, & tasted much, much better than normal after our steady diet of Taster’s Choice Freeze-dried specials.

    Our curiosity got the better of us, & we left to explore Corning – we went to a couple of 99c stores, & meandered through another couple of mini-mart-type places looking to see what we could see. All the while, we were on the topic of discussing what we’d experienced in “the None”, & also talking about the incorporation of Mary into worship, & the theology that presents Mary as an (the?) integral piece (center?) of Catholic worship & practice. We postulated a bit about how a great woman (Mary, Jesus’ mother) chosen by God to be the woman who gave birth to Immanu’El, God with us, is transitioned by church traditions from ‘great woman of faith” to one that is worshiped, revered, honored, venerated, & is recast as divinity (or at least right next to divinity.)

    One of the things we talked about is the title “Queen of Heaven” that is spoken of by the prophet Jeremiah (Chapter 7 & Chapter 44) in referencing a particular idol worshipped by Israel – in direct opposition to God’s instruction not to. This title has popped up throughout history, attributed by various peoples to the god/goddesses they worshipped – Canaanite, Babylonian, Roman, & Greek peoples assigning worth & worship to an idol that manifests in the name/image of the “Queen of Heaven.”

    So, we came back to the ASC in time to get some dinner (crackers w/PB&J for me) & headed off to vespers. Our sing-song for vespers (evening prayers) came from Romans 6 & Psalm 116 & 117. Then a couple of hymns were to be sung – in the same sing-song voice/chant of course. Except the hymns were an “ode to Mary, the Queen of Heaven” – this line was repeated a few times in the hymn. On the heels of the discussion we’d been having all afternoon, we were hyper-attentive to the title ascribed. Hmmm.

    The rest of the evening involved more crackers, lemonade & Fiddle-Faddles that we’d liberated from the Dollar store earlier in the day – with lots of deep thoughts & discussions. Our thoughts & talks turned to Hillside, & the changes that we’re going through …

    Change & the results of change don’t make themselves visible right away – sometimes it takes months –usually years – for the effects of change to appear, to surface. And it seems that that is too long ☺… we want to see the changes happen, to not just be modified, but to be transformed by Christ… & the longer the time that passes, the more possibilities we have to become impatient. Our discussions were heated & strong – not out of control (we were having them in the Peace Room, after all.) Moe commented that he was suddenly reminded that his desire to see the results of change NOW might, just might reflect the need to have patience developed in him & his character. And in us. To submit to God’s timing for ourselves, but also to allow it for others – to not grow weary of doing good, to not give up or surrender, but to keep on. And to believe in other people, & the work that God is doing in them. And to look for that work, & not the junk – because we’ll find what we’re looking for.

    I was sitting in a white molded plastic chair tonight, & broke it.The whole back leg came off. Oops. I’m trying not to take it as A Sign that It’s Time to be the Biggest Loser, but I am feeling a nudge every time I rub the bruise on my hip… did I mention all the floors are cement? I dropped my Mickey watch on it as well (DOH!) & broke the crystal – need a new one now. Any idea if I can get a crystal fixed on a watch I have a sentimental attachment to?

    4/16
    Today has been a slow day – rehearsing yesterday… more crackers w/PB&J – a nap (after crackers, 1 hour after waking up for the day) to clear my fuzzy head. Recording thoughts here – processing joy. Watching nature. Laughing at the boys. With the boys. Drinking my gallon of Crystal Geyser because I’m thirsty. Lots of wondering. Not a ton of answers; just a determination to keep on, to look for Joy, the joy that God gives in the middle of where we are, the joy that is not circumstantial or fleeting… to have Peace. Patience. Joy.

    Abbey Trip, #1, @ St. Clairvaux…

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    Warning – long post ahead – you’ve been warned… :)

    We’re at Starbucks in Vina (with a long “I” sound, so its VI-nah.) Found a place to boost the net for free – no paying Howard Schultz & his empire for me…

    Enjoy! I am.

    4/14 p.m.
    The drive from Reno to Vina took about 3 ½ hours, including the stop in Oroville for a Taco Bell run… walking into a Taco Bell in Oroville is like walking into a Taco Bell in any town – yay franchising…

    The access road to the monastery, actually the “Abbey of New Clairvaux” was a single lane road with a blind curve that had to be navigated at about 3 mph. To my surprise – the road around the was covered in water. When I say “covered” I mean that it was deep enough that I stopped. Couldn’t see the road under the water. Didn’t know if it would be safe to take my valiant & trusty Jetta, the car that will soon be turned out to pasture as its lease expires, through the turbulent & rushing stream.

    Turns out that the ag-creek had been rising, & the workers in the vineyard/olive/walnut grove had pumped the water to aid in their irrigation, as its been something of a dry spring… we entered the water & it got no higher than 6 inches. Fortunately for us, an obstacle navigated.

    When we arrived at the Abbey, we stopped at the “Guest Masters” quarters – more of a “Welcome Hut” or a ‘lobby’ than an actual quarters – there was no one around – no one to be seen anywhere on the grounds. So we got out of the car & walked, slowly of course (we’re at a monastery for retreat, Hello?) looking for any signs of life. About ¼ mile down the road, Ben pipes in with how this actually reminds him of a scene in a particular “Twilight Zone” episode. I know what he’s talking about, but I don’t want to go there right now – esp. to the end of that episode.

    Finally, I see a guy on a golf cart heading for a maintenance shack – I head in his direction – he heads to the shack, not really avoiding me, but definitely not making himself available. He’s a dead ringer for the Amish meets car mechanic look that I became familiar with in a trip to Philadelphia – I explained to him our situation: we just arrived. No one was in the Guest Masters qtrs to meet us, we’re looking for help. He replied: “Ok. Well go back to the Guest Masters qtrs & wait. Someone will be there eventually.” He smiled & went into his work shack.

    We all had a good laugh – of course we wait. That’s part of the point to this place with no ‘useful’ point – time functions on a different clock here, & the waiting is a part of the process. So we walked, (Slowly. Of Course) back to the Guest Master’s, & eventually we were met by a man, probably in his late 70s or early 80s who introduced himself to us as the Guest Master, Brother John. He wore tattered blue jeans & a college sweatshirt pullover – a little bit of an absent minded guy, he gave us a tour of the grounds via a map in the office, & as they came to his mind, offered up a stream-of-consciousness commentary on various topics:
    • The origin of the Abbey – came from Leland Stanford’s family
    • The building project, started in the old days by William Randolph Hearst, & picked up again by his Order (the crew he rolls with) – with a timeline of 50-75 years for completion.
    • The chapel, the meditation room – two places for retreat-ants (that’s what we’re called) to go & hang out if we need a building to do that sort of thing. He called the meditation room a “Zen sort of thing” – which means a sand pit, a couple of candles, no chairs, & a cassette player with a collection of Zamfir’s greatest hits.

    We toured the kitchen – its more of a community kitchen with no staff – the food from the Abbey kitchen, all vegetarian, is delivered a couple of times a day for all of us to eat & enjoy – lots of saltines & peanut butter to go with homemade jam. Looks like plum jam. A loaf of bread. Swiss cheese. Some tofu-based minestrone type soup. With tomatoes & mushrooms.

    We arrived at the guest rooms – two ‘wings” of about 4-6 rooms each – (Matty, we’re in the West Wing. Woohoo!) each very cozy with a cement floor, 2 ½ x 3 ½ throw rug, a single simple bed with Spartan bedclothes (don’t think “The 300” here – think we don’t need much Spartan…) a little built in desk (ala small hotel rooms everywhere,) & a small, personal bathroom. Walls made from cinder block, vaulted ceilings. And plenty of quiet to go around.

    Each of the rooms we were assigned has a placard next to its number – with a corresponding “Room Name” or “blessing” over each room – I’m in #2 – Joy. Ben’s in #3 – Peace. Moe is is #4 – Patience.

    We spent a good portion of the evening talking & laughing, & internally wrestling ourselves about the appropriateness of the room names that we were assigned to – with me desperately needing Joy. Bean & I had talked on Sunday about this very topic – & her prayer, her hope for me is that I would be joyful – & happy. And en-joy my life – because when I’m having a difficult time, when I can’t find my joy, it’s a tough one for all who get to be around me. So joy it is. That transcends circumstance – that goes beyond difficulties. That is based in contentment. That is my strength, regardless what else is going on.

    Later, we congregated in the Peace room, & talked deep talks about life & death, hopes & fears, hiding behind facades, & other joyous things like that. We headed for bed about 11 –

    I had forgotten that there are 5 prayer times a day, the Divine Office, that happen in the Abbey church – & that the call to prayer for all who want to come happens with the clanging of the church bell 5x/day. So I was woken up a few times. At these times.

    Prayer Schedule:
    • 3:30 a.m. Vigils
    • 6 a.m. Lauds & Mass
    • 8:55 a.m. Terce
    • 12:15 p.m. Sext
    • 1:55 p.m. None (prounounced Noin”)
    • 5:45 p.m. Vespers
    • 7:35 p.m Compline –

    The Compline is followed by “the Grand Silence” where all retreat-ants are asked to go along with the monks practice of being silent – or at least providing a place where the rest of the people at the Abbey grounds can be quiet if they want to. Which means that Ben, Moe & I sound like 3 jr high girls whispering & giggling on the grounds. In our room. In the field next to the “West Wing”

    4/15 a.m.
    So now it’s the morning, & I’m debating what to eat – I think it will be crackers with peanut butter & jam again. I love that, & haven’t had it since… I can’t remember. Since my kids were small & I’d eat their left overs? Perhaps?

    At noon, we have a wine tasting for the 3 of us set up in the New Clairvaux Vineyard.

    We’re back from the tasting – we had a full tour of the facilities too – very cool to see the barrels of wine, the press, the ‘crusher’, & the filling station – all of which are manned by the priests from the abbey – they do all of the work under the supervision of Amy the Vintner…

    They took one grape, a Zinfandel, & planted it in two different sections of the vineyard, the “Poor Souls” block & the “St James” block – this gives them a ‘control’ wine to be able to tell what’s happening in the soil in each block. It was amazing how different the same wines in different blocks 300 yards apart smell, taste, & feel. (No, we didn’t have a freak wine tasting accident…)

    Very enjoyable – & pasta for lunch, w/homemade pudding for dessert – fruit cocktail (by Sysco!) mixed with Vanilla Pudding (by Sysco!) Hooray!