Friends #1 – what got me thinking was ‘Facebook’

Posted on by

Social networking is what they say is one of the purposes of Facebook. So when I veeerrryyy reluctantly joined, it was only as a ‘keeping in touch’ tool with a group of new friends from different places in Europe & the US… & only because Facebook was the chosen medium to do so.

What does that MEAN, social networking? I labor over that. Does it involve meaningful connections, virtually created, ala internet, using the fact that I ‘know’ someone for something that profits me, or merely a panacea that only serves to assuage the burning human need for real connections…?

Ok, I kind of get it – it helps us keep in touch with people we knew in high school &/or have interacted with over the years of life… BUT, for me, being friends is something I take seriously – it means something significant to me, more than a ‘social networking contract,’ something that can be put down as easy as clicking a mouse.

For example, I take time & really contemplate before ‘accepting’ a friend request… thinking, “Am I this person’s friend in real life? Would I/have I hung with them, drank a cup of joe, & shot the breeze? Shared deep thoughts? Pondered the complexities of life?” And depending on the answer to that internal debate, I have clicked CONFIRM. Or IGNORE.

There’ve been times where I overrode my gut & CONFIRMED when I think to be true to me & to not gloss over the reality of my relationship (or lack thereof) would have totally been to IGNORE. And then what? Fake it? Be ‘nice’ & carry on with surface level pleasantries once every blue moon, all the while ignoring the reality that if I saw my ‘friend’ in a store, I don’t think we’d interact. Perhaps that’s too mercenary, too serious, or just melodramatic – be that as it may, it’s led to a renewed contemplation of friendship & what makes it special…

BTW: I’m not going to rehash my BOUNDARIES posts here, though I may allude to them… –as I think they are really applicable to this topic (& any other that deals with relationships & interpersonal interactions.) Just know that the Cloud & Townsend info is a big part of the background of my thought processes.

And so it begins… I thought that my outlining would help my writing not be rambling & all over the place, but it turns out that rambling may be in the eye of the beholder. No matter – I’m going to lay out my friendship ‘givens’ – signs of a good friendship. Warning signs of a bad one. Assessing motivation in developing relationships. Looking to get from God what can only be gotten from God. And maybe some other stuff.

Coming up next: Signs, signs, everywhere the signs…

Friday musings…

Posted on by

We’re in the market for a 3rd car, for the Pasty One, which means I’m doing the leg work via craigslist, cars.com, & other such vehicles to get a vehicle. Combing through the scams & the foolish is almost amusing. Like someone else’s definition of what a ‘super clean’ car is. Goodness. I’m not talking about the soda can behind the seat, or the collection of McDouble-cheeseburger wrappers from the last month that somehow haven’t been removed yet. It’s the ground in filth in the upholstery, the body beat by something akin to a sledgehammer, & the puzzled look on the face of the wannabe seller when I ask, “THIS is the car in the picture?” Wow.

I feel a blog run coming on – I referred to a coming post on ‘heart checkups’, but I’m also contemplating friendship, trust & disappointment. There’s been several in our blog-world that have written about current situations that they’re going through, & that, coupled with a few of my own current experiences, has led to the examination of relationships with others, & trying to tell the difference between losing trust & being disappointed by another.

On that same note, the nebulous definition of ‘friends’ is up for discussion. Maybe its the proliferation of MySpace/Facebook ‘friends’ – where one pseudo-connects with people in a virtual social network, people that they wouldn’t talk to if they were in the same room, let alone be ‘real friends’ -(scoey definition to follow) with. Maybe I’ll write it as ‘Friends do, friends don’t…’

TheBean has informed me that my book needs to be finished soon :). She is done working her current job in 2 1/2 years (self-proclaimed end of the road.) That means the book has to be done within the year, so it can be shopped, bought (!), edited, published, & promo’d. It’s a dream. And it’s going to happen.

I was invited to write a short-piece again for Advance magazine. The editor is a friend of mine, & for some reason, he asks me to do this a couple times a year. I’ll be writing on the assigned topic ‘the importance of maintaining our heart & conscience’, which is a 500-600 word response to an article written in 1620 by Susanna Wesley’s dad. The sound you heard was me tooting my own proverbial horn.

1 month out from a trip to Deutschland – a 12-day excursion into the unknown of new relationships, growing deeper in old ones, & mining the depths of long-term calling. I’m flying solo.

We’re going to Scheel’s tonight as a fam – to walk the store, buy some trinkets (like fudge) & take in the newest experience in ‘sports style consumerism…’

Got a letter (an email actually) written to & about me & our church family. And it was a positive one, full of thanks, appreciation, & hope. In the aftermath of what ‘getting a letter’ has come to mean over the last year, this was a breath of fresh air. Boo-yah!

The search for the vehicle has put me in the awkward, yet necessary position of interacting, ‘discussing’ & negotiating with perfect strangers, something that I have found to be as weird as I thought it would be. There’s always the thought, “Is this guy going to be the psycho-killer that my mom warned me about?” It’s led to my communicating with several someones to let them know what I’m doing, where I’m going, & when I should be done. And if they don’t hear from me by the appointed time, then they know to call in the cavalry. Or at least Chuck Norris.

I’m off again in a few minutes to do it again; & I’m bringing backup with me.

I’ve got a good heart…

Posted on by

Over the last week, I’ve been undergoing tests on my heart, some of which I’ve written about HERE. Yesterday, I went in for my ‘evaluation’, where the good Dr. Nylk (rhymes with Milk) would interpret for me the results of all the tests I had last week, & let me know what, if anything, I’d need to do to follow up…

After arriving & being ushered to the chilly examination room, I had the privilege of waiting an hour. I took the opportunity to reflect, send text messages to theBean, & to kick back with my eyes closed… Waiting has its perks.

Dr. Nylk came in & started with, “Great news,” which I think is a nice way to start a ‘heart-test-result-evaluation’ if you ask me. The EKG is ‘perfect,’ (his word, that he used throughout the evaluation.) The echo-cardiogram is ‘perfect, as a heart should be.’ The thickness of the heart muscle is ‘perfect.’ The results of my lipid panel (cholesterol test) show that my LDL (bad) levels are well within acceptable limits at 97. My triglycerides came in at 88, also very good, & my HDL (good) levels were a whopping 85, which he said was incredible, as it is a real treat to get the HDL level on most people to 40.

The evaluation bottom line: I don’t need to go back, & he doesn’t ever want to see me again.

Hooray.

Part of my reflection in the waiting room was about the process that I’ve been going through in getting my heart muscle evaluated… going through various tests, examinations, indignities, & pokes, then waiting to hear from someone with some good perspective, someone who could speak with authority as to the health of my heart. It reminded me how similar this process has been to my own journey on emotional health & well-being, my time at CSR, meetings with Chuck, re-evaluating priorities, values, & asking God to 139me. I may blog this in more depth…

I’m glad to hear that my test results were ‘perfect’. I also underestimated what the effect of said results would be on my kids, esp. the Pasty Gangster. He held onto me for about 10 minutes & told me how happy he was that my heart was good. At one point, I tried to detach from his squeeze (he’s 6′, 180# of solid muscle & he was loving me TIGHT) & he said, “Dad. I’m not done.”

I want the results of my spiritual heart exam to be good as well. For me, & for my kids, & for the kids they eventually have, because a bad heart can be & is often hereditary.

Here’s to good hearts.

fall…

Posted on by

The crispness in the air is refreshing… makes me glad to live in Reno/Sparks, where we get to have all 4 seasons… The more I travel, the more I’m thankful for the change in temperature, the occasional frosty dew on the grass, & even the need to bundle up before going out. Even the brown that is the normal Nevada landscape is something I appreciate.

Life is short, & time goes by so quickly, hidden in the change of seasons, the rhythm of the familiar, which seemed to take forever when I was but a wee bairn, & now seems to roll as quickly as a slideshow on my IPhoto…

The last 3 months have been a time of reconnections – I’ve gotten more contacts from people from my past through Facebook in that time period that I had heard from in the previous 20 years. Very interesting to be able to hear from people who have been significant in my life at some point, & now to hear/see what is happening in whatever phase of life that they’re in. And seeing the fruit of the choices that have been made too. Cool beans.

It seems that the “falling back” part of Daylight Savings Time should be happening sooner than November. What the heck? We go through ALL of October with no recompense for the travesty of the Spring Forward? I’m a standard time guy. Forget Ben Franklin, forget the ‘practicality’ of the sin of packing more into the day than can fit in the 23 hours 56 minutes we’re allotted by the Most High…

Diet Sierra Mist rocks the world. The DSM with Cranberry is on another level as well. Absolutely incredible. I shall pour me another.

Tuesday afternoon…

Posted on by

A couple weeks back, I found out that my brother Moe had been diagnosed with HCM – I wrote about it HERE. This week is test week for me… meaning Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday I get to undergo a barrage of tests, pokes, & prods to see if this potentially hereditary thickening of the myocardium of the heart is something that I have as well.

Yesterday, I had the EKG, which is a way (invented by the Germans!) to monitor the electrical activity of the heart. Eileen attached 11 sticky pads to my chest, & then hooked me up, one electronic tentacle at a time, to the EKG machine. She turned it on & left it running for a good 10 seconds, then switched it off, & reversed the tentacle attachment process. Then, in a swift motion, (& with nary a warning, I might add) proceeded to remove the sticky pads from my chest. As I’m not a manscaper, this hurt. 11 times.

Then it was on to the blood pressure check, ala the arm cuff. Only this time, it was taken on both arms, also by the aforementioned Eileen.

The doctor came in about this time, & placed the icy cold (is there any other kind?) stethoscope on my chest, back, neck, etc. & asked me to breathe. And flex. Cool. Day 1 of the testing was then over, with another round of tests to be set up for ASAP. And no real interpretation of the results of the day, other than, “Doesn’t look bad.”

Today was echo-cardiogram day, which is an ultrasound of the structure of the heart. For those of you who have had an ultrasound (like when you’re pregnant) you know exactly what comes next… the goop. Keith applied the goop, liberally I might add, to my chest, & spent the next half hour doing his best to make sure that there wasn’t anywhere on my chest, neck & stomach that didn’t get covered with the stuff. Nice. Thanks. But the good news is, when it was done, he gave me a paper towel, 1, one, paper towel to clean myself up. Let’s just say that I needed to go get a few more. Like 12.

And, no interpretation of the results yet. That comes later; next Tuesday actually.

Tomorrow I go in to LabCorp, after 12 hours of no food, (which obviously makes us Oh so Hungry…) to get blood drawn – to test my cholesterol, among other things. After that, I eat (of course) then I’m off, solo :(, to Danville for the Fall Pastors’ Conference, which goes until Friday.

Good times.

faces…

Posted on by

My friend Chumley use to tell me that after spending a few days at Youth camp together, people would come up to him & because he’s my buddy, would ask him about me:
“Dude, what wrong with that guy? He looks so…………….” (Fill in the blank with your favorite ‘negative word-association’ – some that came up a lot were:

  • angry.
  • shut down.
  • frustrated.
  • anti-social.
  • scary.
  • cold.
  • intimidating.

    Chum would inevitably laugh, his big, infectious laugh, the one that makes everyone around him feel like a million bucks, & puts them immediately at ease, & he’d say something like, “He’s not ……………………, he’s just tired.”

    Thanks for that, David. Wish I had you around to give a primer on what the look (or absence thereof) means…

    Sigh.

    • musing about the mysteries of ‘superiority…’, pt. 1

    Posted on by

    Yesterday, I took an afternoon nap… meaning I passed out due to a long run of too many late nights coupled with early mornings. Which meant that when everyone else had headed off to bed, I was sitting on my couch musing, even pondering important things, wide awake. Stuff like fantasy football & where I can get a real QB without sacrificing any of my 3 decent RBs. A book I’m trying to outline. The unfortunate disappearance of quality sci-fi TV shows. The consistency of creamy peanut butter (vs. crunchy.) Being on the receiving end of a superiority complex.

    Huh?

    I flashed back to John, Phil, & Dan – three guys that had ‘correct’ theology – correct being the operative word, theology meaning the study of God, along with the understanding of His purposes, ways, & the things He does & doesn’t do. They knew which translation of the Bible was correct (KJV IS called the Authorized version, but the NKJV will do in a pinch) & which ones were not (the rest of those.) Had nailed down each passage of Scripture, using correct Biblical hermeneutics – They spoke with authority to anyone who would listen (& a few who didn’t) on these & many other topics – with the authority coming from the sure-ness of their position, which was as fixed as was their picture of a Sovereign, though often capricious & temperamental God, a God that was/is looking for things to wipe out, people to judge, & punishment to mete out… People (& their belief systems) fit into boxes – & depending on what box you were placed in, depended on the level of superiority-flaunting one was subjected to.

    To the brave soul that dared enter a conversation with them would be reserved a stinging condescension – one that was tangible, one that was couched with high-sounding spiritual & academic phrases, with barbs stuck in to remind one of their place of inferiority to the knowledge that they had gained, had worked for, had achieved.

    It was a theological, intellectual superiority complex. They had the special knowledge that God, in His infinite wisdom, had chosen to reveal to a limited few. And to those who God had not revealed this wisdom, (aka: those that disagreed with them) they sent waves of scornful disdain. And spoke, with spiteful ‘pity,’ about those “unenlightened, so called Christians” who were so much obviously less than/inferior to them, people that must not have been ‘chosen’ by the ‘limited atonement’ of Christ’s death on the cross. They were the self-appointed heresy hunters within the body, the defenders of the Scriptures, the watchdogs of the true Christian faith, those that called into question the salvation of those that disagree with them.

    Hmmm. Good times at 1 a.m.

    To be continued…