O Holy Night #3 – Waiting…

Posted on December 8, 2013 by scoeyd

It’s easy to forget that the great men & women of faith whose stories are recounted in Scripture were people just like us. It helps me to keep that in the forefront of my mind when I read about people like Joseph & Mary… they were people going about their routine, normal, lives… looking to love, honor, & obey God to the best of their abilities. And then something miraculous happened.

God’s plan to reconcile ALL who would believe in Him through the Christ was revealed through the simple, humble obedience of this couple, Joseph & Mary, who probably didn’t fully grasp or understand the enormous impact on eternity which stemmed from their lived out faith responses to what God revealed to them.

They didn’t have to understand it fully. They didn’t ask “WHY?” They didn’t argue with Him, or look to disqualify themselves as being insignificant Instead, they chose, individually & as a couple, to trust the One who was asking them to believe what He said. Their faith response was the means by which God forever changed the world & remade, transformed, & restored humanity’s destiny.

That we, far from God, lost in our sins & wrongs, could be brought close to God through Christ, our Immanu’El, “God with us.” That our sins could be forgiven. And we could live life in all of its fullness. This Christmas season, I am asking God to increase our faith… so that when He speaks to us, our response will be to BELIEVE. To TRUST. To put our HOPE in him. Not to argue. Attempt to disqualify ourselves, or try to figure out “WHY?” Our faith response will have an affect on our lives… & will also have a great impact on people downstream from us!

O Holy Night #2 – A New Hope…

Posted on November 30, 2013 by scoeyd

One of my favorite parts of the Christmas story is the account of the birth of John the Baptist. His parents, Zechariah & Elizabeth, were childless; they’d been unable to have kids their entire married life together, & now they both were way, way beyond childbearing years (Luke 1:7). At this point in their lives, the dream of having a child, an heir, had moved off of their collective radar, & now most likely just existed as one of life’s greatest disappointments & unfulfilled dreams. And then God intervenes, declaring a new hope, not only for their lives, but for the whole world.

God sent Gabriel the angel to proclaim to Zechariah that he & Elizabeth would conceive, & she would give birth to a son. And the best part was that he wouldn’t just be a ‘miracle’ child… no, their son John was to be the one promised by the Scriptures who would “prepare the way” for the Messiah, the Christ, God’s promised Anointed One. (Isaiah 40:3; Malachi 3:1; Matthew 3:3).

You’d think such a jubilant angelic declaration would be received with shouts of joy… but instead, Zechariah’s response was one of skepticism, negativity, & doubt. This is one of the reasons I love this story – not because I like Zechariah’s displayed lack of faith, but rather because I GET it. After years of hoping for a child, years of disappointment, & years of attempting to comfort his wife in the midst of her/their grief, the message of HOPE hit Zechariah’s ears (& heart) in such a way that revealed that he was “done,” & couldn’t grasp, let alone believe that God was on the verge of a miracle in their lives.

I love the angel’s response to Zechariah’s unbelief: “I am Gabriel, & I stand in the presence of God, & I was sent to speak to you & to bring you this good news. Now, you will be silent & unable to speak until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which WILL BE fulfilled in their time.” (Luke 1:19,20 ESV). He basically tells him – “C’mon, man! This is good news! What I told you came direct from the throne of God – so because of your lack of belief, I’m going to shut you up so you can’t spread the doubt to your wife & others.”

Every time I revisit this story, I feel the Holy Spirit doing a heart-check on me – & I find myself examining where I am… am I open to God’s new hope for my life? Am I open to it even if it is in an area I have given up on? Do I really believe all things are possible for God, if I believe?

During this Christmas season, I’m praying that my heart will be prepped for God’s miraculous new hope for me & those my life connects with.

Friends

Posted on October 4, 2013 by scoeyd

This week at our church we’re continuing in our series, “Navigating Relationships” with this week’s focus being “Mutual Relationships.” As I’ve been studying for this topic, I keep coming back to an encouragement found in the book of Ecclesiastes. It reads:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, you up! But if there’s no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped. The Message

This passage speaks of our need for close, trusting give/take relationships with people that will walk through life with us – in work & play, in times of celebration & mourning. People that will encourage us, help us, & ‘be there’ for us…. & then will allow us to do the same for them.

At times, this sort of mutuality has been a struggle for me – not because I didn’t have a dependable spouse or great friends that would stand with me – but rather because I lived a life of self-sufficiency. It felt ‘selfish’ to lean on people. Worse, it felt like I was not carrying my share of the weight of my life if I tried to bring others into the rough areas of my life.

Instead of leaning on others, I’d pray & seek God’s help – & He did help. But one day when I was praying, I felt God say, “I want to answer your prayers for help, support, & encouragement with PEOPLE.” Faces of friends flashed in my mind – & I recognized what God was talking about – these dear, trustworthy people were already there in my life as an untapped resource – they were people I wanted to support & walk through life with… & they were there to help pick me up when I fall. To be Christ’s ears, hands, & feet to me. I just needed to put aside fear of hurt, take captive the lying thoughts that would say, “You’re weak if you need people,” & be willing to risk. To ask for help.

I still wrestle with this self-sufficiency… but I’m much quicker to pray & then run to the friends who I know have my back, & who’s back I have as well. And as a result, life is much, much richer & much more enjoyable.

Thank you friends. I need you.

Forgiven…

Posted on September 27, 2013 by scoeyd

Forgiven. Think about it.

If we confess our sins, our God, through His Son Jesus Christ, forgives us, cleanses us, & justifies us (makes it as though we’d never sinned at all). 1John 1:7-10; Romans 5:1

Forgiven. Made right with God. By His grace. Through faith. Not a feeling. A fact.

The problem is, we have an adversary, our enemy the devil. Revelation 12:10 reveals that this enemy stands before God, day & night making accusations against us. What does he accuse us of?

The things we’ve done wrong. Our failures. Short-comings. Inadequacies. Unfaithfulness. Unworthiness. Our sins.

He digs through our past/present & throws things at us in the form of thoughts, flinging them our way like fiery darts. He uses people – all kinds of people – Christian people to taunt, provoke, accuse, defame, & malign.

It is going to happen – so what is our response? What do we do when a very real area of sin is thrown back at us to attempt to remind us of ‘who we really are?”

We remember.

We are forgiven. Not according to our merits. Not because we earned it. Not just until we mess up again.

Forgiven. By grace. Through faith. In Christ Jesus.

When I’m assaulted with the condemnations of the accuser, I renew my mind (Romans 12:1,2). To me, this means I revisit & rehearse Scripture (Psalm 119:9-11). I pray, thanking God for His gift of grace to me & His work of grace in my life (Ephesians 2:4-10). I pray in the Spirit, building myself up in my heart & mind. (Ephesians 3:14-21). I actively submit myself to God, & actively resist the accuser (James 4:7), speaking out loud saying, “I’ve been washed, sanctified (made holy) & justified (made right with God) in & by the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ.” (1Corinthians 6:11)

Forgiven. Think about it. Thank the Lord for it.

Embracing grace, a couple good books, & other musings…

Posted on June 11, 2013 by scoeyd

I’ve been slowly reading a newly published book I was gifted with called “Embracing Grace” by Daniel Brown. I say I’ve been reading it slowly because I have intentionally avoided trying to power through it, in that I don’t just want to “get ‘er done,” I want to “get it.”

Grace is a hard topic for me – not because I don’t like it/want it/need it – but because I don’t easily receive grace for myself. Grasp it mentally? Yes. Process through it as it relates to others? Sure. But do I truly embrace grace in my inner being? Nope. Not so much. The first time I became painfully aware of this ‘grace struggle’ was when I read through Brennan Manning’s “The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-up, & Burnt Out.” Ended up going through that a few pages at a time, weeping with joy at the thought that this amazing grace was mine & there was no sin I had ever committed, was committing, or would ever commit that could separate me from the infinite grace of God, poured out on me.

I have wrestled for most of my life with a nagging feeling of a need to perform well, to do things right, & to avoid the things that are bad so I can be a “good” Christian. In my head, I know that my standing before God isn’t based upon any of my own actions – and I can quote “grace scriptures” with the best of ‘em, like:

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8,9 English Standard Version

And yet there was still that sense of God’s displeasure with my performance, that somehow I hadn’t measured up; that my myriad sins, wrongs, & stumbles had marked me in an indelible way, a way that was unfixable. It sounds silly when I write it out. And to read it out loud.

And in the face of the rich mercy shown to humanity (& Louie!) by God in the gift of His grace, the grace that brought us (me!) from death to life, this sense of God’s displeasure with my performance as a Christian is an affront, a mockery, a bold-faced lie challenging God’s character… it’s a lie of the same variety which has been whispered to humanity for all time by our enemy, beginning with “Did God really say…?” Part of the battle to embrace grace comes from my ‘flesh’ (a.k.a. the part of me that opposes the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.) Part of it is being an unwitting yet involved participant in the accusations, manipulations, negative thoughts, lies, & shame lobbed at me (all of us) by the enemy of our souls.

And part of it is needing to exercise faith – the kind of faith that pushes through, perseveres, & overcomes to tenaciously embrace grace, while refusing to give time, energy, or brain power to anything that stands in opposition to the truth of God’s Word & what it (& He) says who I am, in Christ, because of Christ. It’s living in grace, thinking in grace, & walking out in grace towards others (& myself) because that is what God does with us.

A birthday remembered & other musings on a Tuesday…

Posted on January 22, 2013 by scoeyd

Johnny 1988 Today would be my brother Johnny’s 40th birthday. 40. How time has flown since I last saw him at 17 & death separated us for a breath as long as the rest of my lifetime here on the earth. The picture you see is his sophomore class pic from Carson High, 1988. He took my red-bow tie for the day – my PeeWee Herman costume bow-tie. And he rocked it, as usual, with a sense of style that would have made Elvis Presley jealous.

I’ve been celebrating Johnny’s life in a special way today – through the music he loved. Johnny was one of the first people I knew to create mix-tapes (remember, this was the 80s). He painstakingly would take tracks off of CD’s & other audio tapes, & put them on his own high quality audio tapes for me, then create a custom playlist to serve as the tape/CD liner so I would know what was coming. I took it for granted that this is normal – this is just what one does with ones free time.

Thank the Lord for Spotify – Johnny would have loved it. All the joy of a mixtape at the click of a keyboard. I recreated several of the playlists he made for me with his favorite artists to serve as a soundtrack for the otherwise mundane activities of my day.

It’s amazing to me how music, a song has the power to stir memory – to vividly recall glimpses, faces, events, & remembrances from long ago. More than once I found myself wishing for windshield wipers on my eyes so I could see my computer screen – only to hit “repeat’ on a song because of the sweetness of the memory attached to it.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds. And at the same time, this wound is not infected. I know my brother is experiencing the presence of God in a way that is my own hope & dream. And at the same time, there is a family here that is like a tree with a missing limb – a tree that has recovered, but that is forever scarred by the loss of a vital branch.

Though he’s been gone for almost 23 years, I see Johnny everywhere. I look at my family of origin – my parents – still loving Jesus & each other, committed for the long term to be people who intentionally look for the dancing after the mourning, to be living life fully in the here & now, with a firm grasp that this Here & Now is but a glimpse of the Real Life that is to come.

Joel (Moe) is married to Jenny – with 2 great little ones (both boys) under the age of 4 – T-Bone & TyBone (my names for them that I only whisper because they have real life grown up man names that will fit them well when they step into adulthood.) So proud of Moe & his fam – & the compassionate excellence with which he/they live their lives. Moe is world class in his work, but even moreso as a man.

Ben (Benny, CTC) is married to Jessica – & has 3 little ones (2 girls & a boy) under the age of 6. The kids reflect their parents’ joie d’vivre, & Ben reminds me of Johnny’s funny side – a side that often manifested with wit & with a discontent for the status quo (if that makes sense.) Proud of Ben & the fam. Happy that their pursuing their dreams.

MytheBean & I dated for about 6 months before Johnny was diagnosed with cancer – so she knew him well, both before & after, something I appreciate more with the passing of time as she holds me in the times when tears overwhelm & laughs with me other times of recalling the LIFE with which he lived. The gentle, humble, fierce strength which which you live each day, mytheBean, is a reminder of how fortunate I am that Jedi mind tricks work & you committed yourself to me so many years ago.

Then there’s my kids. Pasty, (actually his uncle’s namesake,) one of the whitest kids you’ll ever see, with the rosiest cheeks in the world. Sometimes just looking at his resemblance to my brother catches my breath. My Pasty.

iDoey – no longer a kid, now a man. His personality & “Never give up, never surrender” attitude, determination, & fierce loyalty most closely mirrors that of the uncle he never knew. Time & time again, theBean has asked me how I can so accurately predict what iDoey will say/do/respond in a certain situation, & I have to answer – “I grew up with this.” And I smile.

TheWeez – Johnny would have been amazed that I could have such a beautiful daughter & would most definitely (& correctly) have attributed it to her mother. He would have doted on theWeez – & I see him in her eyes when they flash, & when she speaks her mind, standing for truth, justice, mercy & life in her interactions with the world.

Something else that stands out to me is that running through our family is a trait of perseverance, hard work, a “never give up” push in the face of adversity, no matter what. We have what Eugene Peterson refers to as the “ability to engage in a long obedience in the same direction.” I have to believe it goes beyond human genetics & is a part of the spiritual DNA passed down to us from generation to generation of Christ-followers, that we would be people who, in spite of our many failings, human frailty, & other weaknesses, carry a relentless commitment to love Christ & love others. The longer I live on this planet & the more I experience the temporal nature of this life & the fleeting, often unpredictable nature of human relationships, the more I appreciate this & desire to embrace it as a part of my own character & hopefully, what is left in the wake of my life.

Happy birthday Johnny – see you soonish. Save me a spot at the dinner table. I get the corner.

“Come to MY house!!!”

Posted on August 16, 2012 by scoeyd

During the workday, one of my favorite activities is the “Field Trip.” My field trips consist of a walk-through our preschool. I love the opportunity to interact with the 2-5 year olds, to listen to them talk about what they believe is important, & to break my own day up with something that really matters.

Today, I went into a classroom & saw my little friend Noah – I’m going to his house for dinner soon, so I told him I was coming to his house. His brow furrowed… & he declared, “YOU are NOT coming to my house. My MOM & my DAD are coming to me house!”

Oops. He was ticked.

I told him, “Noah – your mommy & daddy ASKED me to come over. Its ok.” He was not convinced.

Out of nowhere, another little 4 year old guy started yelling, “Come to MY house! Come to MY house!” I told him, “I didn’t get invited to your house, but thank you.”

He shouted, “No! Come to MY house! I only have a mommy. I don’t have a daddy. You can come to MY house! Please!?”

I gave him a big hug & we talked about lunch. And bugs. And dinosaurs. And gummy worms. He went back to play. I went to my office & wept.

Through the Gospels – Matthew 5

Posted on July 16, 2012 by scoeyd

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp & put it under a basket, but on a stand, & it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works & give glory to you Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16, English Standard Version

As I was reading Matthew 5 this morning, several “light-related” thoughts came to mind.

“Let there be light…” (Genesis 1:3, ESV)

Tahoe’s North Shore

Reno

Vincent Van Gogh

undermining the dignity of the priesthood

Starry Night

We are the light of the world because we have the LIFE that Christ has given, represented by the in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit. We are the light because Jesus was the light first (John 8:12), & we’re following in His footsteps, reflecting Him. The Matthew 5:14-16 passage declares that the light is meant to shine; a lamp isn’t lit to be covered, but to be placed where it can bring light to the dark areas. Since we are the light of the world, we are to LET our light SHINE – not hide it, minimize or cover it. To me, this is a declaration that if I live following after Jesus & loving God & people, & following Him, my light WILL shine; I would have to take specific measures to keep the light from being seen.

And that is the purpose of shining the light – so people can see. Light means, “There is LIFE here.” It draws people towards it. And worked out in our every day lives, it brings glory to God the Father.

LORD, let Your light shine in & through me today. Bring life to me & to others in Jesus Name, for Your glory.

“You’re HIM!” & other fun stuff from the last week…

Posted on November 29, 2011 by scoeyd

Thanksgiving afternoon, while theBean was working for theBux, I took theWeez & iDoey to the moving picture show. I happened to be wearing my Nevada polo; the special one that Opie gave to the PastyGangster for his birthday. It is the special one that I stealthily (& without remorse) took from his closet & owned by sheer will power. I wear that polo 2x/week, because I want to, and I can, and it makes it easy for me to decide what to wear when I don’t have theBean’s yay/nay sayer available. But I digress…

As we gave the nice lady taking tickets our stubs, she saw my shirt & said, “ohhhhh! You’re him.”

ME: “Hmmm. Who me? I’m who?”

LADY: “You’re the guy from the football team. The coach. The Nevada man.”

ME: “Uh, no. I’m not a football coach. I do have a Nevada polo, but that’s about it.”

LADY: “Oh, I know you people have to say such things in public, but I KNOW its you. You’re him.”

ME: “I’m not the football coach for Nevada. I promise.”

LADY: “You must be an assistant then. I can tell. You’re him!”

By this point, a line had formed behind me, drawing curiously (and uncomfortably I might add) close to hear just WHO the nice lady was talking to. TheWeez & iDoey were amused.

I just wanted to get my buttery popcorn & sit in the dark theater, eating to my hearts content. But the nice lady wasn’t going to let it go. So I said:

ME: “Ok. You’re right. You got me. I’m him.”

LADY: “I KNEW it! See (to everyone in the line) I KNEW it. It’s HIM!”

I thought that would be the end of it, but no…

LADY: “Soooo. Why did you kick that guy off the team?”

I knew she was talking about THIS STORY because I’d come across it earlier in the week. So I recapped what I’d read, and told her, “Happy Thanksgiving!”

My kids thought it was hilarious.

I got my remaining wisdom teeth removed on Monday, 11/21. When I was 16, I’d had the two from the left side of my mouth taken out, but time, $, and other things had kept me from getting the other two taken out. So, 24 years later, with many thanks to SBux insurance & God’s timely provision, I am less wise than I was before.

I have several stories from when I was under sedation… Perhaps I’ll share one sometime.

I remember vaguely, like it was a dream, that I talked during the procedure, but I don’t know what I said. Of course, I wondered if I had scandalized the very nice & sweet dental assistant due to the fact that my Oh So Powerful Thought & Word Filter was inoperative due to the amount & type of medication that I’d been given.

When I went into the office yesterday for my checkup, I asked her, wincingly, if I’d been untoward or off in my comments. She only smiled & said, ‘You like football. A lot. And I know more about the 49ers because of you than I ever wanted to know.” Dr. Pete asked, “You remember ANYTHING from the procedure?” And I said, “Nope.” And the two of them, Dr. & assistant, just smiled at me.

Great.

Over the last week, I’ve been pondering God’s promises to me & mine. This includes my marriage, my family, my friends, & my church family. Sometimes the circumstances of life threaten to make me afraid, make me doubt, make me worry… the accuser throws out his classic line, “Did God really say….?” and I’m driven to my knees & to God’s Word to remind myself that God’s promises WILL come about, not for my greatness, but for His. Not due to my goodness or worthiness, but because of His. He delights in blessing & caring for His kids, & I am one of them. And I am holding on to what I know to be true. No matter what.

So say we all.

musings on a Friday day off, waiting for theBean to get home from work…

Posted on September 9, 2011 by scoeyd

She volunteered to do my makeup. I was at a High School camp at Old Oak Ranch; I was too old to be there, but on a medical leave of absence from my work due to a shoulder dislocation. I was helping out with a variety show for the camp, & had the good fortune of being able to do a pretty good impersonation of the classic Paul Reuben’s character “Pee-Wee Herman.” Oh, the red bow tie, grey suit, & big white shoes. How I miss thee.

When I met her, she wanted to be an osteopathic physician. Even though I’d spent more than my share of time under the care of an orthopedist who so graciously made sure my shoulders & knees got patched up, good as new, I had no idea what that was; I just knew that talking with her as she applied her wares to my face was fun. I’d never been this close to a girl for this long… She wasn’t interested in a relationship (not that I was fishing; it just came up in conversation. Really. Innocently. But I digress.) She just wanted to grow as a Christian, focus on school, & help people. I was fascinated by my new friend, & couldn’t wait for makeup time to talk with her. So I didn’t. Wait to talk. I searched her out. Looked for opportunities to sit where she sat. Managed to learn her oh-so-spontaneous-but-still routine routine & maneuver myself to be in the right place at the right time.

Camp was only a week long, & when I got home, I knew something was different. I missed my new friend. There wasn’t really anything romantic in my thoughts, just a desire to connect in conversations that almost always were filled with laughter. So I called her on the camp pay phone. Talked as much as she was able with her work schedule. Shared hopes & dreams. Way too soon probably, but it happened nonetheless. She was many things I was not: fun, carefree, graceful, joyful, in touch with her emotions, able to identify what she wanted in life…

I felt myself slipping into something I’d never known before, something I couldn’t identify, something deep & strong; something I wanted to grow.

Weeks later, her grandparents were returning from the mission field of Brazil, & she & her mom were off for a week-long visit to Los Angeles to welcome them back to the States. They invited me. Still on work-leave, I went, not really knowing what to expect, but looking forward to time with my friend.

One night in LA, we were watching TV & I happened to look at her… she turned to look at me & at that moment, I knew that I wanted to marry her, that I would marry her if she would only have me. & somehow I knew that she knew too. She kissed me. Goodness, she kissed me.

Later that week, we talked about our hopes & dreams, our plans for the future. I will never forget her looking deep into my eyes & telling me, “I want to go with you, wherever you go, whatever you do… to be a team.” Somehow it didn’t seem too much to hear, but I couldn’t believe my ears… I asked her about her dream of becoming a doctor, an osteopathic physician… & she said, “That was my dream. Now I want to be with you.” & that was that.

More than 23 years have passed since that conversation, & I have watched this capable, gifted, talented, called, driven, unbelievably positive, “so beautiful it makes you think you’re dreaming,” woman make choices to choose me. Us. Often at the expense of herself. A career. Becoming something, somebody, someone. She stayed home with the kids. Worked jobs that others may have seen as menial or beneath them. Supported me. Believed in me. Stood by me, even when I acted like a fool & a tool. Even when I forgot that a team was what we were supposed to be, she didn’t. & she has contended for & believed in the very best version of me & us, with the greatest hope in her heart (& on her lips) being growing old, together, with me.

With me.

She started working at Starbucks last December – & her gifts, talents, optimism, & people loving have all contributed to her being recognized & elevated in her role with the company. She’s a shift-supervisor now, & has lots of potential opportunities for advancement; the sky is the limit, & I see the favor of God all over her life.

She has chosen me, time & time again. Her unwavering love has given me the support, the strength, & the courage to change, to grow, to contend for more; to not settle for a stunted, diseased version of myself, but to hope & grow, through pain, into the person God would have me be, the person that I think that she must see in order to love me as good as she does.

I am so proud of & thankful for this girl. My friend. My theBean. MyJoni. MyOne.

scoey's conundrum

just a boy trying to figure it out on the fly…

Category Archives: People