Tag Archives: resilient

…but here I am, living my new life & other musings…

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I have a namesake: Moses Louis Heifner. I’d like to say that  one of the requirements I gave to Mo-Lou’s parents, Chris & Natalie, for me hiring Chris as our Worship/Creative Arts guy was that they had to agree to use MY name for one of their children, but that wouldn’t be accurate or right, esp. seeing that Mo-Lou was born BEFORE I hired Chris. But that would have been a good story.

As confusing, chaotic, difficult, & stretching as 2020 has been for me & mine, I can only imagine how the  ‘utes’ (youths/young people) are navigating it, esp. with the school year starting (albeit in a typical-for-2020 herky-jerky manner.) The utes & their teachers have been on my prayer list for reals.

Today, Natalie shared something from Mo-Lou’s school day that I thought was encouraging, inspiring, & even a little bit of a tear-jerker.

…but here I am living my new life.

I can identify with that statement. Lately, I don’t feel ready for many things. And a lot of the time I find myself wishing I could fall back on one of those tried & true “do-overs” from when I was 8. You know, when you didn’t know if the ball was fair or foul, or who touched it last, or something was in question… you just declared, “Do-over” & you got to reset, to start new, to “do-it-over.” But in the meantime, I think that Mo-Lou’s answer is a perfect one that we can learn from: “I feel like I am not ready, BUT here I am living my new life.” Here’s to living our (new) lives to the best of our abilities, even when (especially when?) we don’t feel ready. May God give us the grace & faith to go forward into the unknown with the encouragement that He won’t leave or abandon us.

Fires. Man! All over the place. Wreaking havoc, instilling panic, threatening to destroy entire lives, homes, & livelihoods. And the smoke from the fires (so many fires) has filled our valley for the last couple of weeks, & made it really difficult to breathe, do anything physical outside, &/or even SEE across the city like we’re accustomed to. So imagine  my surprise (& joy!) this morning to wake up to a clear(er) sky with many thanks to early morning rains.

I’d gotten used to the smokiness. The status quo. And it only took 2 weeks. And now…

I see the sun & it looks normal. I can see the other side of the  valley. I’m reminded of the beauty I’m surrounded by that I so often take for granted.

TheBean & I went out back & sat in the fresh, rain-scented air to read, drink our morning water & coffee (2 separate drinks, not watered down coffee. That would be gross & that would be wrong. But I digress.)

So thankful for the rain that cleans, purifies, & makes new (if even for a short-time. Skies are smoky again.) I’m praying for more rain (the regular stuff that falls from the sky) & also for a God-given rain that will fall on & around me & mine… to clean, purify, & make me new.

Little Lites just opened our “Kinder Lites” Kindergarten class today. They meet in the classroom right outside my office & I have to say I was thoroughly entertained by their songs, excited voices, & goofy playfulness as they began their own school journey in a really great place.

Reminded me of how many things I can remember from my own early life, the Kindergarten years. So many memories, some good, others not so much. Stuff that I still think about at times, stuff that helped shape my thinking (again, in some good ways, & others not so good.)

In Mrs. Morris’ class, (my Kindergarten teacher at Jessie Beck Elementary back in the olden days) I learned:

  • I talked funny (couldn’t say my “L’s”  or my “R’s”) until about 3rd grade
  • If I asked the wrong person for help, I would get made fun of
  • Recess was (& remains) the best
  • No matter how big a problem is/seems, rest/a little nap helps a lot
  • Clean up time, while not being fun, was/is one of the most important life lessons
  • School District toilet paper is THE WORST (2″ x 2″ 1-ply squares? Seriously.)
  • Reading opens up all sorts of worlds & provides a phenomenal respite from the ‘real’
  • Girls are interesting & VERY different from boys

For the stuff I’ve had to unlearn: I’m thankful for my parents & for the people who  took the time to show me another way. For those who God worked through to re-shape that which was intended to mar, to warp, & to damage me, into just memories & reminders that things don’t always go our way, & God’s  word on ME & who I am & will be is THE final say.

Wanting to be resilient & other musings as October slips away…

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I’ve been thinking a lot about things that I want to be true of me. Characteristics. Attitudes. Traits. Things that could be good & accurate descriptors to help paint a picture of the man that I am & the man that I am continually becoming.

A few that have come up.

Gracious.
Compassionate.
Thoughtful.
Faithful.
Substantial.
Consistent.

One word keeps coming to mind, over and over. Resilient. I want to be resilient.

To be “resilient” is to be pliable. Able to bounce back from being stretched. Quick to recover. Not rigid or inflexible.

I want my friendships and relationships to be resilient. Able to withstand adversity, difficulty, & even being wronged. Not easily broken. Characterized by a steadfastness of commitment to life-giving, encouraging relationship, come what may.

Cause life is tough. And its not always easy to see the personal and relational challenges that await us around the corner.

And life is too short to be wondering, “when it gets bad, really bad, will this friendship last? Will it stand?”

Some things that may lead to a trend towards resilience: humility. Peace. Truth. Grace. Perspective. A positive outlook. A determination, in advance, of how I will live, act, and be towards others.

Pasty has been in Knoxville for coming up on 3 months. Sigh. Happy for him; he’s working at a great restaurant & gets to see his Alexandrea just about every day. If I was him, Ida moved too.

Missing his laugh, his routines, and his hugs before bed. His unswerving commitment to keeping me updated on what is happening in the sports world.

Yesterday was pastor appreciation Sunday – I’m thankful and amazed at the kind words, written notes, & heartfelt encouragements that so many shared with theBean and I. It seems surreal to be “thanked & appreciated” for pastoring, something that I do because I know God has put me in that spot & role. Maybe its because the early years, there wasn’t so much appreciation as there was criticism, suspicion, and frustration with me & the “Job” I was doing. I tried not to get “too low” based upon what people were saying or writing in the special anonymous notes. I wonder if now I’m just guarding my heart & not wanting to get “too high” from the good things people have shared with me & my family. Not sure. But I know that I do want to be able to receive compliments, ‘thank yous’ & the like, without self-deprecation or minimizing it.

Hmmm. Change my heart, Oh God.

Just started Week 2 (out of 8) of my 6th Masters Class – at the end of the class I will be 50% of the way through the program. It has been a battlefield between my ears for sure. One of the most difficult things hasn’t been the workload, but rather the new ideas, theories, terminology, and ways of conceptualizing what it means to lead.

I caught myself last week wrestling with an especially challenging assignment in “Leadership Theory & Praxis” & I wanted to quit. Stop the program. Be done. Quit challenging & trying myself, exposing weakness, inadequacy, & ignorance. (Nice & melodramatic I know.)

Heard the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit encouraging me to keep going – to resist the discouragement. To stand firm. To apply myself, & also to ask, believing, for wisdom & understanding.

So I am. Prayers are appreciated.