Tag Archives: evaluation

what really matters is being with Jesus…

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Now when they (the Council) saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.

How our world & culture measure value, potential, and ‘specialness’ in people is largely based on brains, brawn, looks, & special abilities. This type of thinking & evaluating can find its way into the church as well – it can sound a little like:

“That person is so gifted & talented! If they became a Christian, God could really do big things through them.”

Sound familiar?

By the time Jesus had chosen the disciples, they each had most likely been passed over as “not good enough” by local rabbis seeking out promising young disciples. Sure, they’d all been taught the Torah, God’s Law & the Prophets as kids, but as they grew up, each one took a job, learned a trade, or joined the family business.

And then Jesus called them to “come & follow Me.”

The disciples were chosen not because of their greatness or special abilities – Jesus chose them because they were normal. They were common, regular people, with nothing really remarkable about them.

God sees value & potential in people, not because of their natural giftings, abilities or competencies, but because He sees what we can be when we’re called by His Name, filled with the Holy Spirit “…Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

It’s important to keep this in mind when we ‘evaluate’ our (& others) fitness & ability to be used by the LORD. Too often, we disqualify ourselves for God’s use based upon our shortcomings, weaknesses, struggles, & inadequacies, as though God didn’t know these things about us when He called & filled us.

It’s vital for us to remember that what really matters is being with Jesus. It is impossible to be with Him & not be forever changed. May the same things that were said of Peter & John, be said about us – “they seem normal enough, & there’s really nothing special about them… it must be Jesus.”

Great book resource: Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus – by Spangler & Tverberg

pride rears her ugly head, taking stock of life, & other musings…

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I know that I just personified pride as a ‘her…’ not really sure why, other than when I was typing the title, it just seemed so wrong to write “pride rears its ugly head…”

Mostly because my confrontations with pride seem to take on an almost other-person-ly interaction… as though my wrestlings with pride aren’t internal, but rather external, taking place in conversations with self that contain an element of shock; the same type of shock at turning the light on in the garage when you’re taking the garbage out, only to discover a rat. Not a little mousey-mouse, but a big rat. There’s a “WHOA!” element to that discovery, & something more than distasteful. Repulsive even.

That’s how I feel about discovering bastions of pride lurking within. I found her this time when I did something I haven’t done in many a moon: I slept through an appointment.

I take pride in being on time. I take pride in remembering people’s faces, names, & phone numbers. I take pride in being able to remember & keep track of my schedule, both in my head & on my iPhone. I take pride in being prepared for multiple scenarios in which I’d need an alternate route & directions to get where I’m going. I take pride in other people knowing I can do all these things, & like it when they talk about my preparedness, my memory, & my punctuality.

Hmm. Seems like I take pride a lot.

I hadn’t been feeling very good, most likely due to keeping an overloaded, breakneck-paced schedule for three weeks prior… so I thought I’d take lay down for a short early morning nap (which would fall conveniently after my even earlier morning devotion.) Which would leave me plenty of time to rest, then get to my 9:45 appointment. Except for one thing. I slept until 11.

I awoke in a stupor, which is a warning sign for me that the candle has been burned at both ends for too long… I looked at the clock… & couldn’t believe it. I had missed the appointment. Totally slept through it.

The self-flagellations began. Pride had been dealt a blow by my frailty, by weakness brought on by attempting to be superhuman. Ignoring my limits, ‘just this once.’

The worst part wasn’t so much that I had missed the appointment; it was how wounded & deflated my pride was. And how long it took me to get past it. (NOTE: the person who I had the appointment with was more than gracious, forgiving, & compassionate.)

So, being the melodramatic over-reactor that I am at times prone to be, I decided to take a complete inventory of my life. To measure, evaluate, & scrutinize my life, my calendar, etc.

And also to repent. For getting caught up in the greatness of me. For subtly & quietly feeding my pride, letting her grow, nourishing & encouraging her development. Asked the Holy Spirit to check me out, search me for areas where pride & other infestations of destructive self-absorption may be lurking. Silly me.

I feel better today.

Over the last few months, I’ve been doing my devotions & Journaling (the SOAP plan if you’re interested.) Usually I do the journaling on my lappy, but lately I’ve gone retro, & am using my old-fashioned pen & paper… a real leather-bound journal even. I love the feeling of the pen in my hand, & the tactile sensation & smell of the leather/paper combo.

Except today I couldn’t find My Pens. They’re mine because I purchased them special, just for me. I had placed them in My Spots (on my desk at work, by my sofa, & at theGiant Scofield table, so no matter where I am, I have a pen,) but there was no pen to be found.

No. Pen.

Pen thieves.

Playoff baseball, & this year I’m watching intently because My Giants are involved. My history with the San Francisco Giants has oft been one of great disappointment & frustration. The teams from the 70s & 80s were largely also-rans, though my heart didn’t care. I loved (& love) the Giants. The lineups from years back still fill my brain, remnants of radio broadcasts listened to on my very own transistor radio & the imaginary action I reconstructed as I hung on every word from Lon Simmons, Hank Greenwald, & the others…

I know its only the 1st round of the playoffs, & that the mighty Phillies are waiting for the winner of this Giants/Braves series… but my team is in it. So, hoping beyond hope, I watch the games intently, often through clenched eyelids, thinking that maybe, this will be the year.

It could happen.