A Life In Review…

I really enjoyed our trip to Virginia, especially looking in the rear-view mirror… & in light of the breakneck pace at which the school year has begun (for at least the older two) has been matched by a growing weariness that I know is not unique to me & mine…

At the same time, rather than just put my proverbial nose to the grindstone & push through, I’m trying to examine life & see what can be changed about it – the things that I’m committed to do, be a part of, oversee, carry on, etc. Instead of doing it all, I’m trying to evaluate self & remove that which can be removed, or at the least, shelve what can be shelved. (Removing is permanent; shelving is putting something up until later.) I’m finding that I, too, am a notoriously poor self-evaluator, or that I am incredibly optimistic about all that I can do in a week’s time. Or a days. And butting up against the ‘doing feelings’ that cry & whine whenever I try to balance my life by leaving a task undone, nagging for just “15 more minutes.” Especially when it’s not a ‘want to do’ but a ‘need to do.’

A couple of things have happened in the last week that have gotten my attention, & have prompted a more introspective house cleaning of the scoey machine…

  • Last week, in a classic heart to heart, theBean brought to my attention the fact that I seem to have the same issue that Zay has (you can read about it here…) – yes, its that I must think that I have superpowers with what I had committed myself to.

    And the problem, it seems, is that I don’t see a problem… & this time, rather than try to bluster my way past theBean, or dance around it, or try to use the remote to “mute” her (BTW: I don’t recommend this. The sheer act of pointing a remote at one’s spouse has proved, multiple times, to be ill-advised…) So, instead of doing those things, l listened. And I asked her advice. And some of what she said made sense to me… while other things seemed so, so wrong. But, going on the premise that I may not see stuff as accurately for my emotional, physical, & mental well-being & health, I asked Jesus about what she’d said. And got a peace about it. Sigh. The times, they are a-changin’. (Thanks to Robert Zimmerman for that.)

  • Second, I heard from my brother, Moe – seems he’s been diagnosed with some version & degree of HCM, which is a fancy way of saying that something in the heart doesn’t work & the results of that can be catastrophic… It was his birthday & I had called him to talk about the kind of things that brothers talk about on birthdays as we age… & to hear this was a shock.

    More shock, though not alarm – this HCM can be hereditary, so Brother & I are both trying to get appointments for our own EKG… only to find that the next opening with the next available doctor in the Greater Reno/Sparks metropolitan area is 29 September. Sigh again.

    No panic, no frustration, just ‘meaning of life’ type introspection, couched in the fact that priorities & responsibilities are shifting… from without & from within. And that’s ok.

  • 4 thoughts on “A Life In Review…

    1. sorry to hear about your brother’s diagnosis. Hope you and brother’s tests come back o.k.

    2. thanks for the plug louie- zay had another quote last night while praying bedtime prayers, i said “and thank you Jesus for Isaiah” he interupted me and said ” you mean your superhero mom?” to which of course i corrected myself and said, “yes i meant my superhero isaiah.”
      ya know superheroes need some down time too. it’s a really, really good thing to listen to the bean. really good. :)
      can i also say i am proud of you for this because it’s hard to do(not listen to the bean but lay stuff on the shelf)
      sorry to hear about joel. i will be praying for him for surwa. at least he is being responsible and checking things out.

    3. Thanks Erica-
      No..el – & SuperHero Zay does need down time… probably more than he thinks he does. At least that's how it works for me… :)

    4. glad to hear you're listening to thebean. i'm learning much of the exact same things you are right now. when it comes to running/training for marathons, i have a belief that i'm superhuman. i've been down this road before. mindy noticed, yesterday, at nanna's soccer practice that i was kind of limping/wobbling around. i have been "pushing through/ignoring/neglecting" a pinched nerve in my right glute. i often believe that all that is needed to overcome an obstacle is more effort. i bang my head against the same wall and bang it harder when it pops-up. i'm often unaware of my physical limitations and time limitations. i have an inner-coach that repeats, "suck it up, push-through, this pain/business shall pass." in reality, it's the negative of my gift (stubborn) that will put myself in a burn-out situation if i ignore it. mindy recommended some things relating to my running: "how about running in moderation and cutting back to see if your pinched nerve gets better? couldn't you just run and enjoy it– all while staying healthy and eating right? why do you have to be extremely busy or have to quit when you get hurt? i see a cycle, jay, that continues to repeat itself: you run a lot, you get hurt, you quit, and you gain a bunch of weight back. repeat cycle."

      i know she's right and i had to spend a little time last night grieving my aspiration of being an elite marathoner for now/"shelving." mindy is a good wife. :>)

      praying for all your physical hearts and for peace. also that all of us can acknowledge our limitations and rest within them.

    Comments are closed.