I enjoyed reading no..el’s post on saying “NO” instead of defaulting to “YES” answers. It got me to thinking about one of the “el guapo’s” in my own life (Three Amigos reference for the uninitiated.)
It’s living out the repercussions or results of my “NO.” I don’t really have a problem saying “NO” when I want to &/or when it’s appropriate to do so. I do, however, struggle navigating through the “punishment” phase of having said “NO”, where the person/persons that I’ve said “NO” to bring all kinds of questions, frustrations, problems, guilt-trips & other junk because my “NO” has displeased or aggravated them. Examples: its the guy on the phone asking for money who gets bent & challenges my Christianity for not hooking him up; it could be the person asking for me to take on a project that I have no time for, as though the measure of a “good person” is being a doormat; perhaps its the person that wants me to do something that violates my sense of personal values, & my “NO” becomes the latest proof that I’m “oh, so self-focused…”
It’s true that this is not necessarily my problem; it’s the problem of the person that doesn’t like to hear my “NO” for whatever reason. However, it doesn’t make it easier to endure knowing this.
I don’t enjoy having people displeased with me, but I’d rather go through this than the ramifications of saying “YES” when I really, truly, with all my heart mean “NO.”
Emotional manipulation . . . the enemy of personal boundaries. I admire that you are willing to go through the pain of the repercussions. I tend to go along to avoid that pain. I realize this, though, and am continually working on it. Usually two steps forward, one step back, but I “think” I’m making prgress.
My wife isn’t allowed to say no.
That’s a smack.
i think this will be a life learning process for me. i can honestly say that most of the change has come from you and your wifees good influence, so thanx jus don’t hold a grudge when we tell you no. hee hee.
speakn of grudges, i hate grudge holders!! hate em!!
i’ve learned to say no to forgiving people who hold grudges against me.