How To Make Church Boring…
Take a look at the linked article above – I love reading Tony Morgan because he asks a lot of the same questions that run through my noggin.

Also, got any suggestions that aren’t on the list on how to make church boring?

22 thoughts on “How To Make Church Boring…

  1. How about this one:

    Only talk about the lovey-dovey side of Jesus because controversy/conviction in church is bad.

  2. Here’s another 10 off the top of my head (or is it the seat of my pants?)

    1. turn down the volume a little
    2. install purple padded pews
    3. stock them with Methodist hymnals
    4. hold church on Monday nights
    5. put together a choir
    6. have an Easter play with people that have never acted before.
    7. serve Brussell sprouts at cafe
    8. instruct all non-members to stand while the congregation shouts in tongues
    9. bring out the pom poms and tamborines during worship
    10. have the ushers enforce a dress code

  3. talk in a very monetone(did i spell that right?)voice or my personal favorite when grasping at all straws yell at every ending of every sentence just to keep it from getting boring.

  4. I didnt know church could be boring. Let’s see if I could think of at least one way I could make church more boring, I mean boring…
    1. Have a quartet sing at least once a month.
    2. Be religious
    3. Call people brother or sister because you dont know their name.
    4. No coffee
    5. Have someone do announcements who cant put a coherent sentence together.
    6. Politics (maybe not boring, but truely gay).
    7. Playing church.
    8. Organ led worship
    9. Gregorian chant
    10. Suits & ties (if you’re gunna dress up, you gotta go tuxedo).
    11. Never change the service.
    12. Tell the 24 yr. olds that when they grow up, they might develop some good opinions.
    13. Have at least 1 church bitch. (Mung!) It might be someone’s gifting.

    I think there is at least 1 in there.

  5. Murdoc, it looks like you might have had this list sitting on your desk for a while. Do I sence some venting? I had a teacher ask me if at our church we did the 7/11 songs…what?!…you know those new hip songs with seven lines and you sing them 11 times each. He was an very old man. I kicked him in his knee and he fell.

  6. That’s good that you kicked him & he went down. Hopefully his hips are ok. I dont have a desk, nor a list. I have to work at a coffee table. Rub it in jerk.

  7. i’m having a hard time thinking of anything that hasn’t been mentioned. some of my favorites already mentioned: quartets, cheesy Christian sounding worship music & monotone preaching.

  8. I always like to hear about churches that embrace someone with turrets. If any church fits in any or all of the above boring catagories, doing this will counteract all of the boring and make every service full of life.

  9. ohhh, senor h, you just gave me the funniest memory. when i used to be a catholic or least my parents were and dragged me along with them THE most entertaining part of service was this man named Jimmy who most certainly had turrets(or so we thought) and he would always stand at very back of the very quiet, quiet St.Teresa’s cathedral and ya know spout a few choice ones off every now and then. we used to beg our parents every week if we could sit in the back usually we did cause there was a lot of us and we usually needed to be escorted off to the “angel room” oh… the memories. akay so that’s at least a good way to liven up a church.

  10. sweet! when do we start using more video clips.

    speaking of which, when is mediashout coming?

  11. When a preacher over emphasizes and belts out simple words louder that are there to just connect sentences like: THE, IS, OR, and AND I get bored… I heard this preacher speaking over the radio while I was at work who speaks out of Florida and I could help but focus on the over emphasis on these types of words. It was also quite confusing because he was using so many odd words that just gave my brain a twist while wondering, “Is this Necessary.” I asked my co-workers who he was and they were kinda shocked I didn’t know who this guy was. Anyway, he reminded me of an excited version of James lipton from Inside the Actors Studio… I loose my interest and attention span when this goes on.

  12. Ok, I can’t spell on this keyboard for the life of me. I meant couldn’t, and lose in that last comment.

  13. to me, the whole “idea” of what makes church “boring” is where it has become irrelevant to the uninitiated, pre-Christian seeker; and where we attempt to pass off a ritualistic, tired, uninspired, “suck for Jesus-fest” that platforms the individual & the pursuit of titles & position, & a club as the epitome of a gathering of followers of the Most High God.

    This idea leads to all kinds of potentially ‘boring’ pursuits & expressions. This is not to say that I’ve/we’ve figured church out, either, but rather that it doesn’t take much to degenerate, lose our focus, & bore with the best.

  14. …good point! It’s easy to become boring just when you think you’ve got it all together (and not even know it).

  15. hire security gaurds that tase attendies if they try to leave their seat…no wait…that would be more interesting in a way!

    I think it would be the most fun for Brint back in the sound booth…

  16. i have a hunch. how many of us, during song time, want to dance? come on… don’t be afraid to admit it.. i think if we danced during worship like we wanted to- there would be very little boredom. the entertainment factor would be way up. i mean.. come on.. who doesn’t want to see denden doin’ a little dance?

  17. We danced in our last church and there was no problem with any competition mentality. Of course by dancing I really mean we kind of jumped up and down until the bounce of our out-of-shape body fat reduced us to simply raising our arms in winded resignation. What’s interesting is that my 5-year-old still likes to dance in church, so I try to sit on the sideline where she won’t be a distraction to those who would rather watch other people than worship.

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