I’ve been reading the “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” book by Peter Scazzero (check out THIS LINK to find out more.) It posits the idea that we can’t grow as Christ-followers beyond the point to which we have matured emotionally… therefore, its possible, probable that a 40 year old person, a Christian for 20 years, could still be functioning relationally as an emotional infant, child, or adolescent. Very insightful stuff.

The excerpt I’m sharing with you is from pp. 178,179 & gives some characteristics of different stages of emotional development – read it & weep.


  • look for others to take care of them
  • have great difficulty entering into the world of others
  • Are drive by the need for instant gratification
  • Use others as objects to meet their needs

  • Are content & happy as long as they receive what they want
  • Unravel quickly from stress, disappointments, trials
  • Interpret disagreements as personal offenses
  • Are easily hurt
  • Complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, beomce sarcastic when they don’t get their way
  • have great difficulty calmly discussing their needs & wants in a mature & loving way

  • Tend to often be defensive.
  • Are threatened & alarmed by criticism.
  • Keep score of what they give so they can ask for something later in return.
  • Deal w/conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, going to a 3rd party, pouting, or ignoring the issue entirely.
  • Become preoccupied with themselves.
  • have great difficulty truly listening to another person’s pain, disappointments, or needs.
  • Are critical & judgmental

  • Are able to ask for what they need, want, or prefer-clearly, directly, honestly
  • Recognize, manage, & take responsibility for their own thoughts & feelings
  • Can, when under stress, state their own beliefs & values without becoming adversarial
  • Respect others without having to change them.
  • Give people room to make mistrakes & not be perfect
  • Appreciate people for who they are – the good, bad, & ugly-not for what they give back.
  • accurately assess their own limits, strengths, & weaknesses & are able to freely discuss them with others.
  • Are deeply in tune with their own emotional world & able to enter into the feelings, needs, & concerns of others without losing themselves.
  • Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely & negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others
  • Interesting, esp. as a mirror for self-examination. What rings true of me & my behavior? What am I able to see about myself? Next, I’ll take this to the Bean & ask her to honestly assess how I interact with her… & we’ll go from there…

    4 thoughts on “excerpt…

    1. wow. i think i’m pretty firmly planted in the emotional adolescent area. with a few adult tendencies.

    2. Good stuff Scoey . . . I just finished chapter 1 and it has me intrigued already . . .

    3. This probably indicates that I’m an emotional child, but I’m just curious if the appearance of the word “mistrakes” was intentional in the emotional adult section, just to see if anyone would notice and point it out. I am just amused by the irony.

    4. Brintus – self-evaluation is good, if you can be brutally honest & are self-aware… asking someone who knows you is also fun, esp. if you’ve got an adult moment that will allow you to hear what they’ll say.

      TPT – yes. I’m re-reading it again.

      Jeni – not intentionally placed “mistrakes” – but ironic. Interesting to ask, “Why does this bother me?” At one point, it would have bugged me as well – but not now. There’s other typos in there as well, but c’est la vie. Or asi es la vida.

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