I’ve been reading the “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” book by Peter Scazzero (check out THIS LINK to find out more.) It posits the idea that we can’t grow as Christ-followers beyond the point to which we have matured emotionally… therefore, its possible, probable that a 40 year old person, a Christian for 20 years, could still be functioning relationally as an emotional infant, child, or adolescent. Very insightful stuff.
The excerpt I’m sharing with you is from pp. 178,179 & gives some characteristics of different stages of emotional development – read it & weep.
look for others to take care of them
have great difficulty entering into the world of others
Are drive by the need for instant gratification
Use others as objects to meet their needs
Are content & happy as long as they receive what they want
Unravel quickly from stress, disappointments, trials
Interpret disagreements as personal offenses
Are easily hurt
Complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, beomce sarcastic when they don’t get their way
have great difficulty calmly discussing their needs & wants in a mature & loving way
Tend to often be defensive.
Are threatened & alarmed by criticism.
Keep score of what they give so they can ask for something later in return.
Deal w/conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, going to a 3rd party, pouting, or ignoring the issue entirely.
Become preoccupied with themselves.
have great difficulty truly listening to another person’s pain, disappointments, or needs.
Are critical & judgmental
Are able to ask for what they need, want, or prefer-clearly, directly, honestly
Recognize, manage, & take responsibility for their own thoughts & feelings
Can, when under stress, state their own beliefs & values without becoming adversarial
Respect others without having to change them.
Give people room to make mistrakes & not be perfect
Appreciate people for who they are – the good, bad, & ugly-not for what they give back.
accurately assess their own limits, strengths, & weaknesses & are able to freely discuss them with others.
Are deeply in tune with their own emotional world & able to enter into the feelings, needs, & concerns of others without losing themselves.
Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely & negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others
Interesting, esp. as a mirror for self-examination. What rings true of me & my behavior? What am I able to see about myself? Next, I’ll take this to the Bean & ask her to honestly assess how I interact with her… & we’ll go from there…