Seems like there is a conspiracy of some sort… a conspiracy to antagonize me until I finally snap, & really lose it. Get angry. Throw stuff. Yell. Have a fit. This isn’t a new thing. It happens all the time. A little something something pulls at me, twists me to give in to the rage, to “vent.” To allow myself the indulgence of a rant.
Yet there’s the whisper that says no. Don’t. I don’t need to. It won’t bring the relief that it promises. The resulting frustrations & regrets far outweigh the false luxury of temporary giving away of control.
It doesn’t really matter if it’s been “dumb people,” as I know that I am someone’s dumb person. (BTW: please don’t write me to confirm. I really, really would encourage you to KITY, which is my own acronym, just created for Keep it to Yourself…) Life is full of frustrations. Long lines. Computer updates that create snafus with the other programs on the computer. People that one has to interact with in order to transact business, eat a meal, fill a prescription, find necessary information… if I were to lose it every time I was justified in “losing it,” I think that I’d be going off pretty much all the time. And the issue would be selfishness. Self-focus. Pride. Me issues.
And the indulgence of flesh gives place to the dark-side… provides a pivot point, a manipulation station the enemy can work from, in complete anonymity, hiding behind my well-developed sense of offense, wronged-ness, & me-ness.
Note: please go easy on the scoey-isms that have entered the blog. If you’re reading, it’s late. I’m tired. Frustrated. Bothered at several wasted hours. At dust & dirt. Silly dogs. Eyes that itch & burn & are really red, that EVERYONE is finding it necessary to point out to me.