When I looked in the mirror, what I saw reflected back at me was unacceptable. Fat. Ugly. Distorted. Off. But to me, that was normal – it was how I saw myself, & to me, it was reality. It didn’t matter if there was someone there with me who told me “how nice” I looked, I knew it was probably just someone exercising their ‘social graces” & not acknowledging what I (& probably everyone else) knew to be true.
Looking back on it, I think it was that my perception, my reality, my lens for looking at me & my life situations was skewed, like a carnival mirror. Where the image that is reflected is distorted, inaccurate, yet just as painful to observe. And remember.
So I stopped looking the mirror… but I could still remember what I “looked” like – the distorted images of me, the twisted outlook on life. My reality. Which remained, until my mirror was replaced…
And I looked into it again.