Wind and fire, a return to school-ness, family, & other musings…

Oh LORD. Have mercy.

Fire is one of my favorite things – candles, camp fires, a back yard fire pit. Fire. In moderation, under control, providing ambiance, warmth, cheer… Sigh. I’m sitting at my desk looking out my window at the smoke filled sky… yet another wind-blown rager has descended upon the Reno area, consuming at least 10 houses in the Pleasant Valley-ish area. Oh LORD. Have mercy.


Sunday evening marks my return to my Master’s program & with it a 6 month deluge of reading & writing before my next break. I find myself wanting to drag out the days until I go “back to school” as long as possible. Its not the work – its the stress that keeping my school schedule in the context of an already full life – puts on my attempts to live “in rhythm,” balanced; to not only have a good day off, but to Sabbath. To cease. Rest. Celebrate. Reflect. Deadlines, assignments, pressures have taken me & my resolve to Sabbath to the bending point… bending to the point of recognizing a great need for an iron backbone and a forehead made of flint that, for the good of me & mine, will enable me to navigate the next phase of life & school. Oh LORD. Have mercy.


It has been exactly 5 months & 7 days since #1 son, the Pasty Gangster, moved to Knoxville, TN. He is doing well, has a great job, is prepping for a return to school in the fall, & his relationship with Alexandrea is going gangbusters… (He inherited from his Papi the uncanny ability of having a beautiful, talented, compassionate, caring woman fall in love with him. 3 words: Jedi mind tricks.)

I miss him something terribly. There’s a part of me that is so happy for him – the prayerful choices he made to get where he is, the hard work he’s put in to excel at his job, & set himself up for the next phase of life… And there’s a part of me, that is still grieving, missing him; it is so close to the surface that merely thinking on it moves me to weepyness, & I find myself “dad-gumming” the dust in the room that has gotten in my eyes. Oh, the joy of feeling one’s emotions… Don’t have a date to see the boy yet, but I’m hopeful. And praying for him. And us. And asking the LORD for mercy on our lives, and favor upon his.


Joey, aka iDoey came into our room last night, and laid across the foot of the bed. The whole thing. He was even hanging off the edge of it. What HAPPENED to that kid? When did the little man turn into the tallest member of the family? His drivers license tells me he is 17. I don’t believe it. I still see the 2 year old boy that used to try to sneak into my room in the morning (if 4 a.m. is the morning), dodging pillows that I’d toss at him, trying to make it to his mom’s side of the bed so he could alert her to his need for food & drink: “I’m hungry, and thirsty, and hungry!” Always the same words. The same intensity and desperation.

iDoey is passionate. His personality is reminiscent of my brother Johnny’s – super strong, articulate & well-expressed. I have oft been tempted to counter his strength with my own tidal wave of forcefulness, strength, & power… but that’s been shown, long ago, to be ineffective. Meekness, controlled strength, patience and perseverance is what was required. Oh, so many times I blew it in a blow up, only to repent later, asking forgiveness of my God & my boy. There’s not much time left before the world we live in calls my son an adult, challenging him to move out on his own to pursue life, dreams, & God’s plans for His life. I resist the temptation to control, and find myself praying for this boy/man. Oh LORD. Have mercy.


Alyse, theWeez, Princess Weezer-brooks just had birthday #15. She takes great joy in tormenting her father with stories of her dreams of getting married in just a couple more years… Oh theWeez, you can wait a little while, can’t you? I will spoil you something terrible, & you will get to have your mom & I all to yourself…

We, she & I, picked out a ring for her birthday – its special, with her birthstone – we call it a “getting a vision for sexy-time with her husband and only her husband” purity ring. To save the specialness of intimacy for marriage. Because my girl is special, & worth waiting for. Oh LORD. Have mercy.


Thankful for the peace of God that transcends understanding & circumstance, filling my heart & mind with the comfort of KNOWING that I KNOW that He is with me. Is sufficient for me. For my life situations. And my kids.

So say we all.

Blowing in the wind on a New Year’s Eve eve & other musings…

I spent the morning putting together a shopping list for our church family’s New Year Pancake Sunday extravaganza… the preparation of the list was much more thrilling than the actual shopping that fulfilled the list (unless you count the crossing off of items from the list which just might be one of the funnest things ever to do. Give me a list to cross stuff off of & entertain me for days. Truly. But I digress.)

Navigated the aisles of Costco, bemoaning the fact that the Powers That Be within said Costco must have made it their holiday wish to stymie my already malformed ability to shop effectively by daily moving items from one place to another within the warehouse. I vaguely remember an explanation i was given by a Costco employee as to WHY they happen to move stuff around so frequently, but I have chosen to forget said explanation because it pales in contrast to the obvious wrongs of Changing the Location of Items I would like to purchase.

Never fear. Pancake Sunday is happening, & all relevant items for the celebration of the day are in hand. So to speak.


The wind is blowing. Howling even. As a native Nevadan, I am used to the wind. Wind happens. But today, I stood outside my house in the street for about 10 minutes & let the wind gust around me, sending tumbleweeds, sticker bushes, & small items of trash from the House that Shall Remain Unidentified (hit the trash can with your stuff man!) The warmish yet bleak ‘winter wind’ reminded me that a new year is coming, & with it, a ‘new’ sameness. It’s a little bit awkward, because ts not like 2012 just arrives & all of the sudden everything is new – its just the flip of a page on the calendar… there is work, school, friends, relationships, & all sorts of the same types of interactions that 2011 had… but, 2012 brings the idea of something new, a mindset where people are, even for the briefest of times, open to the promise of possibility of a different, developing, new way.

I’m believing that God has & is setting in motion new things for me & mine in 2012, & am looking for the areas that I am to shift from how I have been & have lived in 2011 (& before) into the new patterns of life, new “good seeds of God’s plan” to plant in my life so that I can see the harvest, the developing fruit of what God would want to see in, through, & around me.