Ger-bloggin…

My 1st semester German class is drawing to a close; there are 5 classes left. The class that began with 30 students today had 5. We were all proverbially naked, laid bare in the eyes of Frau Carson. She has intensified the depth & amount of knowledge that she is forcing upon us. It’s interesting to me that as the people have dropped the class, she has shifted from teaching the class to reading the book to us, & then assigning vast amounts of homework.

I believe that the work I’m doing now could possibly be done better on my own, with the book I purchased, in conjunction with a CD driven language learning program like Pimsleur than I am right now, & without the pressure of a ‘strong minded’ German woman making (or at least attempting to make) intimidating faces at me, compelling me to do better.

It’s by the sheer force of will that I keep going – & that the Bean hasn’t melted yet. Sigh.

Puh-leez.

I’m bored with the themes that blogger has for its templates… actually, I’ve been bored for about a year, & have even done some searching to attempt to find a theme that I can live with… to no avail. I like WordPress’ free stuff, & Typepad’s as well. Blogger must have a love-connection to Douglas Bowman, because he seems to be the exclusive designer of blogger’s themas (yes, I spelled it “thema” on purpose.)

Recommendations? Suggestions? Places to look? With the caveat: that I won’t have to go to computer geek school or learn another language (like html) to create the new look…

some days…

Seems like there is a conspiracy of some sort… a conspiracy to antagonize me until I finally snap, & really lose it. Get angry. Throw stuff. Yell. Have a fit. This isn’t a new thing. It happens all the time. A little something something pulls at me, twists me to give in to the rage, to “vent.” To allow myself the indulgence of a rant.

Yet there’s the whisper that says no. Don’t. I don’t need to. It won’t bring the relief that it promises. The resulting frustrations & regrets far outweigh the false luxury of temporary giving away of control.

It doesn’t really matter if it’s been “dumb people,” as I know that I am someone’s dumb person. (BTW: please don’t write me to confirm. I really, really would encourage you to KITY, which is my own acronym, just created for Keep it to Yourself…) Life is full of frustrations. Long lines. Computer updates that create snafus with the other programs on the computer. People that one has to interact with in order to transact business, eat a meal, fill a prescription, find necessary information… if I were to lose it every time I was justified in “losing it,” I think that I’d be going off pretty much all the time. And the issue would be selfishness. Self-focus. Pride. Me issues.

And the indulgence of flesh gives place to the dark-side… provides a pivot point, a manipulation station the enemy can work from, in complete anonymity, hiding behind my well-developed sense of offense, wronged-ness, & me-ness.

Note: please go easy on the scoey-isms that have entered the blog. If you’re reading, it’s late. I’m tired. Frustrated. Bothered at several wasted hours. At dust & dirt. Silly dogs. Eyes that itch & burn & are really red, that EVERYONE is finding it necessary to point out to me.

connect – the – dots, la-la-la-la…


It’s not like I think about thinking – it just happens. I ponder. I wonder. I examine situations, scenarios, possiblities, from just about every angle that I can. (BTW: The Bean says its one of the things that she loves about me, watching me examine the situation, put together related scenarios & bits of info to construct the big picture, which she likes to call “connecting the dots,” completely unlike PeeWee on PeeWee’s Playhouse, where he’d shout out, “Connect the dots! La la la la!” Pure magic. The caveat to the Bean’s liking of my thinking – the examination/evaluation shouldn’t be aimed anywhere near her general direction. The scrutiny of the “thinking microscope” is fairly intense, or so she tells me. Potentially relentless. But I digress…)

The thinking thing can be a gift. But when it turns into ‘overthink’ it’s more like a curse. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow outside of Sacramento with a supervisor – it’s been in the works since 10/5, & it was asked for by him… that means that I have had about 20 days to think. About. What. He. Wants. To. Talk. About.

The preparer in me wants to create, work through, & then solve every potential scenario, every interaction, every possible word that could be said so that if any of the scenarios’ actually does pop up, I’d be ready. However, it is impossible to predict what is on his mind, & the quest to “think through this,” in advance actually ends up being very, very destructive. Consuming. Frustrating. Counterproductive. Paralyzing. Esp. on the off chance (15-20% if you’re taking odds) that this could be a rough meeting.

So I find myself practicing rest in the middle of stress – breathing out confusion & tension, breathing in the peace of the Holy Spirit. Bringing myself to sit quietly on my purple chair (its comfy!) & reminding myself that a) I am not God b) I am not in charge & c) I know who is. I submit my thoughts, the wild, crazy, stuff that I won’t even type here thoughts, & the challenging, potentially life-sucking practical thoughts as well. Submit them. To God. Under His feet. Me, sitting at His feet. Just a boy, trying to figure it out on the fly, but really now trying to just BE, making the presence of God my priority.

(PS – why the photo? I’ve got a soft spot in me heart for PeeWee Herman, as the Bean & I met when she did my make-up at a camp where I played Mr. PWH for a week-long tour that was actually extended into a couple of extra guest appearances later in the summer…)

what is the measure of your success? and other questions to ponder…


Feeling a bit pensive today- & wanted to share the love.

How does one know if what they’re doing is a success or a failure?
What constitutes a successful life?
Is it silly to think in terms of success & failure when it comes to evaluating a life/life decisions?
Is it accumulation of stuff? Wealth? Friendships? Philanthropy/benevolence/humanitarianism? Education? Accomplishments?

What standard will I be measured with? Against?

WHAT IS THE MEASURE OF YOUR SUCCESS?

© Roland Steven Taylor, from the Album “I Predict 1990”

In this city I confess
I am driven to possess
answer no one, let them guess
are you someone I impress?

I am a big boss
with a short fuse
I have a nylon carpet and rubber shoes
and when I shake hands
you’ll get a big shock
you’ll be begging for mercy when the champ is through
you’d better believe I’ll put the clamps on you

In this city, be assured
some will rise above the herd
feed the fatted, leave the rest
this is how we won the West

I am a safebox
I am the inner sanctum when the door locks
I own the passkey
you say you can’t take it with you?
we’ll see about that, won’t we?

push…push…push…

In this city I confess
god is mammon, more is less
off like lemmings at the gun
I know better, still I run

I am an old man
and the word came
but you can’t buy time on a good name
now when the heirs come around like buzzards on a kill
I see my reflection in their envious eyes
I’d watch it all burn
to buy another sunrise

Some men find the fire escape
old men learn it all too late
push…push…push the alarm
old MacDonald’s bought the farm

Disappeared…

I have a secret blog that has disappeared, although not because I wanted it to – for some reason, completely unannounced, the weblog hosting service is no longer there. Hmmm.

You might wonder: Just what does one put on a secret blog? Secrets? Not really – I’ve used it as a semi-private journal (because it is, or was, available for people within that particular blog community to read & comment on it.) I was struck with some inspiration & went to pour out my heart only to find: alas! it was gone. However, I will not be daunted…

In other news: I’m connected…

Post-Deutschland Musings…

Pardon the meanderings… I’m back from Deutschland, slept in til about 8:30 (what what?) & feel very rested. I believe that the rhythm & pace we have been trying to follow with the Hillside Sabbath was incredibly helpful to our time in Frankfurt.

  • Reno is hot, but it’s a dry hot. I like it.
  • The Mosel is a beautiful region in Germany, possibly more beautiful than anywhere I’ve ever been. I laid down among the grapevines (intentionally) & could just feel the tangible sense of rest, of purpose, the pace of life that has been going on there for generations, with families living where their great-great-great-greats had been. It inspired awe in my soul. And, for the first time in my life, made me long for the green that Nevada hath not.
  • We focus a lot on success & failure. I’m not sure God does that nearly as much as we do, & don’t believe that a lot of what we call “success” would meet His criteria for the same. Ditto for failure.
  • Grace is good. I need it. And to give it.
  • My wife is an amazing woman. And like the Dornfelder from the Schwaab vineyards we just visited, she’s getting better with age. NOTE: this isn’t to get brownie points from her either, as she doesn’t read my blogs. (And I said “whoooaaaahhh.”)
  • This “pondering” is a little longer, so I’ll go to traditional blogging format:

    Based on the saying (Augustine?)

    In essentials (the things we know for sure are of prime importance to God,) unity. In non-essentials (the things that are debateable, doubtful, not known for sure, open to interpretation,) liberty. In all things, charity (love, acceptance, care, concern).

    For the last year+ I’ve been pondering, wondering about, & observing how much of our Christianity (mine & yours?) has been based on our culture rather than on real faith essentials… meaning, much of what I grew up in, experienced, & have observed (& continue to) has been more a product of our country of origin, the life experiences, & the definitions, practices & traditions that have been passed down to us by our very well-meaning elders… the result ends up being a Christianity defined by what we don’t do. Something that I have heard over & over & over, ad nauseam, from other Christians is “you’re not doing it right” referring to how I live for Jesus; my values & convictions; my priorities & life choices. Someday, I may do a post with the top 10 “We don’t do’s” for American christianity, so I won’t list them here… But, you know what they are, don’t you :)?

    It’s funny because different groups have different lists of things that they would consider to be “essentials” – my take is that if its something Jesus & the scriptures emphasized, the church has been connected with, still applies & matters regardless of your country of origin, culture & cultural experience, & technology (or lack thereof,) it might be an essential.

    Bummer. We don’t associate with other “believers” that aren’t as enlightened as us. That we “do it” or “don’t do it” right, while others don’t. Don’t believe it? Read the yellow pages, in the ad section for churches. Check out how we differentiate ourselves from other churches. Usually by the “We don’t’s”. Hmmm.

    It gets me to thinking about my perspective, the point of view that I have. Is it godly? Or have I created my own god in my own image, one who reflects me, my likes & dislikes, my preferences? Am I espousing a theoretical christianity that nothing to do with living a godly life? Or is the “godliness” I proclaim more closely tied to epic, stoic, &/or ascetic belief systems?

    Freedom. It was for freedom that Christ has set us free. Are we free? Or are we bound to religious traditions & practices that lead more to the exaltation of self than the glorification of Jesus Christ?

    ramblings…

    I’m on my way to Frankfurt, Germany, for a 15 day trip with a team of 18 from our church, visiting with & hanging out with our sister church, Treffpunkt Leben

    One of my highlights of going to Germany (my wife & I go about 3 times/year) is that the Hefeweizen is absolutely incredible, & completely different than the American counterpart. The German Hefe is sweeter, smoother, with a great, great finish that has no need of any sort of fruit in in to make it taste better. (I know there are other reasons for putting a lemon, orange, lime, etc. in a beer, like “we’ve always done it that way,” but I digress.) On this particular trip, our team is wrapping up with a 2 1/2 day stay at a B&B style vineyard about an hour out of downtown Frankfurt… We’re really looking forward to the quiet, the rest, the connection opportunities, & yes, learning about & sampling the German wines

    On that note, I was getting ready to post a blog stating that I’d be out of town for 15 days, & wouldn’t be posting, when I came across this article A Snapshot of Christian Culture in the US of A; or why Christians in other parts of the world think Americans are a bit cuckoo… by Dan Kimball. Please note that I take 100% of the credit for the title of the link, & in no way am stating that Dan has labeled his article what I called it in the link…

    Dead link & other musings…

    No sooner do I get an AWESOME Star Wars poster/pic, a virtual ode to Brint, than it disappears. I was indignant. Couldn’t believe it. I was legitimately borrowing this link, & the owner of the link killed it.

    So, I found it again. And reposted it. Who’s your daddy?
    Other thoughts on an early Tuesday…

  • The Bean & the Daro (12 year old son) are on an extended, 3 day field trip to SF. Bummer. And, they’re freezing. I miss them. I really miss the Bean.
  • The NBA playoffs are almost interesting watching the Suns/Spurs go at it. Go Suns.
  • The Master Cleanse is coming… Anyone done this before?
  • I found out that there is a musical instrument called a Euphonium – how cool.
  • I will be sitting in meetings all day tomorrow. Ugh.
  • Brother’s dog (Carter) is in heat, meaning Brother’s other dog (Higgins) is chasing it around, 24/7. Higgins is tired.
  • Found a book on my desk after Sunday’s speech called, The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman. Anyone know anything about this book? Anyone give it to me?
  • It is too hot to wear shoes, & my flip flops are uselessly thin. How does one go about purchasing new ones?
  • I’m off to Wild Oats to buy organic lemons, Grade B Maple Syrup, Cayenne Pepper, & Sea Salt. I think I’m going to make a smoothie.

    TTFN.

  • Ready for too much information?


    At the encouragement of Brintus Maximus… here’s a little pic from the downstairs TPLF WC… & a little story to go with it. I was takin’ care of business after a hard days meetings – the cardboard roll at left in the pic tells the story of the drama I faced. No mas.

    No worries. There was a handy little package of baby-wipes for just such an occasion – as you can see, the package is wholly in German, but the package resembles the one we use, literally, at our house. It even had a cute little puppy dog on the package.

    My first swipe w/the mystery wipes was effective, yet accompanied by a vigorous tingling, & not the good kind, in just the wrong place. My second swipe did the job, yet the tingling grew more intense… into pain.

    Checked w/Johannes on the contents of the mystery package. Turns out they’re BLEACH wipes.

    Duly noted.