One of the things that has stood out the most to me is the mention of how things smell – specifically of incense & other rich, deep, good smells, esp. associated with the presence & throne-room of God. We had quite the discussion about how smell is very closely tied to memory… & Michael O passed on the tidbit that the sense of smell is the only sense that bypasses the normal ‘central processing relay-stuff’ & goes straight to the brain. Which, in turn, makes for some very vivid & clear memory making… & at the next ‘smell’ of that scent, a person can be ‘taken back’ in memory to when they’ve smelled it before.

This drove me to the Scriptures & their mention of incense & fragrance in the context of the Tabernacle, the presence of God, & of royalty (more on that later.) What I found really blew me away – in the instructions that the LORD Adonai gave to Moses for worship were included an altar from which incense was to be burned all the time – (Exodus 30). And the incense burned on the holy altar was to be made of a special blend that was not for private use – only for the presence of God.

Another sweet smelling perfume was mixed in with the anointing oil applied to kings…

If you’re interested in finding out more, click HERE to be taken to Bible Gateway…

At the same time as I’ve been studying incense & fragrance in the Scriptures, I’ve been reading a book called Sitting At the Feet of Rabbi Jesus. Its a book that brings understanding to what living as a disciple (talmid) of Jesus would have been like within the culture of 1st century Judaism – with the nuances of Hebrew culture, language, belief, & practice. Good book.

One of the chapters talks about fragrance as well – referring to the John 12 account of Mary from Bethany anointing Jesus’ feet with “an expensive perfume” made of “pure nard” (which I’d recommend you reading about HERE )

The authors mentioned that this anointing event, using this potent & sweet smelling perfume, would have caused the sweet smell to linger around Jesus for a long time – & would have been very apparent even during His betrayal, trial, scourging & crucifixion.

This has made me even more curious – & I am in the process of doing some ‘experiments’ with smell, fragrance, & incense… theBean is not nearly as excited about this as I am…

In my attempts to experiment with incense & the like, I have found through my searching locally that that the only places that I’ve been able to find incense (cone or sticks) or oil for burning have been in the ‘head’ shops, &/or shops that are catering to a pagan, wiccan, or new age clientele… Hmmm. Interesting.

So, resourceful me went to eBay & purchased some incense cones & a little tiny censer to burn the incense in. My package arrived & I wasted no time lighting my first cone of incense… in the kitchen. Ooops.

My experiment was quickly relegated to the garage… turns out that a reason that theBean wasn’t as excited as me about the incense is that she had a negative experience with it – where as a youngster, she & her family went to dinner at someone’s house – & the house was filled with an ‘incense’ smell (you know the smell – no matter what flavor or scent of incense you get, its a smell common to burning the cones…) I asked her about it & she described in minute detail what the house looked like inside, the people, & even what they ate for dinner. How’s that for a 30 year old memory?

I got excited about that… & told theBean that she just proved what I was trying to discover & describe about smells, incense, & fragrance. I must say, though, that theBean remains not amused.

But I am. :)

At the same time, rather than just put my proverbial nose to the grindstone & push through, I’m trying to examine life & see what can be changed about it – the things that I’m committed to do, be a part of, oversee, carry on, etc. Instead of doing it all, I’m trying to evaluate self & remove that which can be removed, or at the least, shelve what can be shelved. (Removing is permanent; shelving is putting something up until later.) I’m finding that I, too, am a notoriously poor self-evaluator, or that I am incredibly optimistic about all that I can do in a week’s time. Or a days. And butting up against the ‘doing feelings’ that cry & whine whenever I try to balance my life by leaving a task undone, nagging for just “15 more minutes.” Especially when it’s not a ‘want to do’ but a ‘need to do.’

As if that wasn’t enough, about 5:30, we’ll meander over to the Pseudo-amphitheatre to take our seats… for the Shakespeare festival… we’re going to be seeing “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” The play starts around 7:30. It’s supposed to be a full-moon. We’re bringing the salami, cheese, & vino.

Can’t wait.

I’m sure that woman aren’t immune to this bug, but my completely unscientific splanation is that I should wash me hands more. With soap even. 30 seconds. Maybe more.

Seems that the local neighborhood ATT guy helped her get around the little “24 month til you can upgrade for free” by using one of the other lines on the account that WAS NEWLY ELIGIBLE for the upgrade to get her a new phone for just $***, (after the 356 month rebate, of course.) Guess who’s newly eligible line was appropriated? If you guess anyone other than me, you’d be wrong.

So what’s the rub? It’s not like I was looking to get a new phone – though I was enjoying my status of being “out of contract.” I have found ATT to be very willing to negotiate group rate & feature prices, as well as offering free stuff, good phone upgrades etc in order to “woo” you into signing over your life for Yet Another 24 month period of time.

The catch in this process came when i was on my way home to the little woman, & thought I’d bless her with a warning call – one of those, “Hi Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes…” calls. My line went directly to ATT Customer Service where I was told that in order to use my phone, & as a part of the upgrade that I had just received, I would need to agree to surrender my long-awaited “out of service” status to be once again, enslaved by the corporate giant that is ATT. And, until I did, my phone privileges were suspended.

I arrived home to find only Cubby (the nickname I’ve given to the 13 year old after a recent bout of In-School Discipline for something that Wasn’t His Fault.) I used Cubby’s phone to call ATT & talk to a live person. 2 different people took 30 minutes to describe the WHY behind my line suspension. Why MY line suspension? Because “i” had recently upgraded my phone. I tried to explain that no, I hadn’t upgraded my phone, but someone in their retail store had pulled a switcheroo. As you can probably imagine, they don’t care.

So now – I have a cell phone that is suspended until I agree to the 24 month contract extension. And, to me, it makes perfect sense that I will not agree to that contract extension. On principle.

If you’ve tried to reach me by cell, it’s not that I am “not taking calls” as the nice lady with the psycho-recording voice stated – its that unbeknownst to me, my right to freedom from a celly contract was violated in the name of getting the Bean an upgraded phone. And my line is suspended until I do agree. Which might be a while…

But me, well, that’s a different story. The idea of sitting down & eating together scares me. Why? you might ask… I’m not quite sure.

I’m not much for crowds – standing in line – getting stuck anywhere; I’ve been known to get a bit claustrophobic. I like to sit at the end of the table, because then I have at least one right/90degree angle in front of me. Somehow, that is comforting. I was trying to explain what my emotions & thoughts are on this topic to the Bean, theMoses, & Brother. I really like the idea of the Big Dinner & eating my own food. Of seeing friends. Making new ones… but the practical working out of it makes me feel a bit reclusive.

However, in spite of the fear, I will be there. At the Big Dinner. Hopefully sitting on an end.

The week prior, I had been battling with the run-down, blah feeling of one battling a cold; I battled – took the Vitamins like Hulk Hogan always tells us Hulkamaniacs to take, tried to get enough sleep, eat well, & take care of me… all to give the immune system a fighting chance. And then came Sunday.

Led worship, did the teaching for Learning Community, regular teaching, & then the DNA class after church. Tried to rest in the afternoon, but it didn’t really work out. College Bible Study ended up going a bit long. And it was on.

Monday & Tuesday, I dragged – my voice, which had taken a beating from the cold weather & cold bug, in addition to massive amounts of use, began to disappear in “Peter Brady” episodes (obscure pop-culture reference to when the Peter character went through his voice changing – alternating sounding like a baritone & Mickey Mouse on helium…) Blah, blah.

Stayed home Wednesday to try to rest the bug away – slept a good chunk of the day… but what went away was my voice.

I have a whisper. Yesterday, went to work & entertained theMoses & theBrother with my inability to raise my voice to be heard. At least they’re enjoying it.

Can’t hold a decent conversation. Can’t talk on the phone. So I’m spending most of my time in silence…

I’m sucking down Earl Grey Tea, hot because it feels nice on my froat… Hmmm.

Reminds me of a time, two or ten that I spent “praying in” the New Year – the splanation being that it was a great way to start the year off. Perhaps, but it always felt contrived & forced to make the prayer happen, esp. if/when it required getting others to shut up from their deep ‘meaning of life’ conversations that they were having, & making them stop their games, loud happy interactions in order to join the somber prayer group (usually a circle) that would take turns trying to out “our Father,” each other. I tried so hard to make God happy… & to do what I thought a good Christian should do…

Looking back, I have regrets – I know that everyone does, but mine usually center on:

Two weeks ago, I got my notification from my wonderful insurance company – they’ve been purchased by a company known as HealthNet, which means that the premium gets to be ‘adjusted’ to meet the new boss’ bottom line… welcome to the world where the privilege of having a $5000 deductible has gone to $850/month.

Had the insurance rep do some checking around – looks like I personally am uninsurable for anything less than this price because I’ve had surgery 2x in the last 10 years – both to fix hinges that had broken. So, now I’m trying to find an insurance plan that will cover the wife & kids for something less that the proverbial arm & leg & go with that… & then bank on the wonderful government of the USA to take care of my issues should I go Scarecrow from Oz…

Come Lord.

The thinking thing can be a gift. But when it turns into ‘overthink’ it’s more like a curse. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow outside of Sacramento with a supervisor – it’s been in the works since 10/5, & it was asked for by him… that means that I have had about 20 days to think. About. What. He. Wants. To. Talk. About.

The preparer in me wants to create, work through, & then solve every potential scenario, every interaction, every possible word that could be said so that if any of the scenarios’ actually does pop up, I’d be ready. However, it is impossible to predict what is on his mind, & the quest to “think through this,” in advance actually ends up being very, very destructive. Consuming. Frustrating. Counterproductive. Paralyzing. Esp. on the off chance (15-20% if you’re taking odds) that this could be a rough meeting.

So I find myself practicing rest in the middle of stress – breathing out confusion & tension, breathing in the peace of the Holy Spirit. Bringing myself to sit quietly on my purple chair (its comfy!) & reminding myself that a) I am not God b) I am not in charge & c) I know who is. I submit my thoughts, the wild, crazy, stuff that I won’t even type here thoughts, & the challenging, potentially life-sucking practical thoughts as well. Submit them. To God. Under His feet. Me, sitting at His feet. Just a boy, trying to figure it out on the fly, but really now trying to just BE, making the presence of God my priority.

(PS – why the photo? I’ve got a soft spot in me heart for PeeWee Herman, as the Bean & I met when she did my make-up at a camp where I played Mr. PWH for a week-long tour that was actually extended into a couple of extra guest appearances later in the summer…)