And I’m going to fill out a bracket. One.

And as Selection Sunday came to an end, the whining began in earnest. From where, you ask? From the supporters, advocates, & coaches of teams that didn’t make it into the Dance, that’s who. Somehow, someway the Colorados, Virginia Techs, & St. Marys of the world fill the air with tales of woe, mistreatment, aiming blame at a long list of people…

Ultimately, they didn’t get in because they didn’t win their conference tournament. They didn’t win quality road games. They didn’t win. Enough.

The airwaves (radio & TV) will resound with the “woulda, shoulda, couldas” all week… or at least until Thursday when the ‘real” games begin in earnest.

Sigh.

I’m not on a diet. Just avoiding the refined sugars & refined flours again. And 3 weeks in, it’s working.

Nobody owes me anything.

When he first said it, I smirked, & my internal response was, “That sounds good… &, even better, I don’t owe anybody anything…”

That thought was still on the tip of my brain (you know what I mean; it was still bouncing around, being pondered & whatnot,) when he said, “And don’t go thinking that you ‘I don’t owe anybody anything’ is the same thing as ‘Nobody owes me anything.’ Cause its not. I don’t owe anybody anything is selfish. It’s petty. It numbs us to our personal responsibility to love one another, actively. To do to others as you would have them do to you…”

I was floored.

You know the times when someone is talking & it seems like they are talking just to you? That the subject matter & the things that they’re saying specifically address you, where you’re living, right on the dot? This was like that. Except stronger.

My heart was in my throat & it raced 100 miles an hour.

I. Was. Convicted.

It felt a lot like Dickens “A Christmas Carol,” (the George C. Scott version of course,) where the ghost of Christmas Past, Present, & Future view scenes from Ebenezer Scrooge’s life, & let him be an observer to himself & to the people in his life.

Unbeknownst to me (or at least successfully ignored by me for a time,) a virtual bastion of thoughts, strong beliefs, & feelings that I was OWED something by others had born ‘fruit’ in & through my life.

Anger. Resentment. Entitlement. Bitterness. Offense. Pessimism. Negativity. Biting sarcasm. An inability to enjoy people, relationships, & situations that SHOULD’ve been enjoyed.

Some fruit.

I saw:

• A wife & family that OBVIOUSLY didn’t appreciate all that I did – from working hard to provide for them, working around the house, personally going without so that they could play a sport or purchase a ‘want.’ I was OWED at least a regular diet of “Thank you’s.”
• Countless times where others, especially those closest to me, should have known what I was thinking, feeling, hoping for, only to let me down. I was OWED more consideration.
• ‘Friends’ who hadn’t reached out, hadn’t called, hadn’t sought me out, hadn’t done ANYTHING, when it was OBVIOUS that I was hurting – I was OWED more attention from them.
• Times where I found out that my friends had gotten together to do something fun, & that I wasn’t invited – I was OWED an invitation.
• People that had left the church without a word, a note, or an email – people I had loved, cared for, wept with, & invested in – I was OWED more than silence.
• Being overlooked for a series of special assignments within our church family – that I was BEST qualified for, & didn’t even get ASKED about. I was OWED more.
• Disappointment at unmet hopes, dreams, & expectations, even feeling let down by some as though they should have been a part of making MY hopes, dreams, & expectations a reality. I was OWED that.

You get the picture.

A really bad part  of the ‘fruit’ of my entitlement was the collateral damage  it had caused to other people through my example, my frequent ‘sharing’ of my feelings (complaining? gossiping?,) thereby influencing them towards the ‘dark side’ of cynicism, negativity, & self-focusedness.

I saw that I’d given away, neglected really, the responsibility for myself. My feelings of peace, happiness, &  joy. My contentment.

People had to walk on eggshells around me, not knowing what to expect… Because the very worst part of feeling like I was OWED, was that I didn’t express my feelings or thoughts to the people I was feeling OWED BY.  In retrospect, it feels silly to me to look back; embarrassing even.

Nicely put.

Bottom line, I know that what I have learned & am learning can be redeemed, & maybe someone, somewhere can learn from me & what I’ve gone through, instead of having to choose the ‘way of pain.’ That’s my hope.

Nobody. Owes. Me. Anything.

Which gets me thinking about some ‘opponents’ of contentment… ungratefulness. Complaining. Negativity. Critical-ness. A bad case of the “if only’s,” which signify that the only thing between me & contentment is a change in circumstances, environment, etc. (BTW: What are the “if only’s” that mess with you?)

Being content is a choice I make to be thankful for God’s provision, protection, & care. It’s recognizing that I’m responsible for me, my choices, attitudes, & responses. To not look to stuff, other people, places to ‘make’ me content. To not place blame for the unrest, storm, & dryness in my own heart, soul, & relationships on someone or something else. To really live out verse 13 – “I can do all things through Him Who gives me the strength;” meaning that there’s nothing, no one, no circumstance that can take my contentment… because my contentment is resting on the person & provision of Christ.

My favorite part was the ‘art’ of the brewing of beer, which emerged as all 3 of the brew-meisters gave a list of their “beer making absolutes” – most of which they disagreed on. Meaning that someone like me could perhaps one day make beer. I’m thinking September-ish.

The word in customer service, however, was that they could get around this need for the 2nd line with Advanced Technology. So last week, I confirmed with said customer service that I could, for free, get a DVR through DirecTV. Made the appointment for today, Friday, & waited for the tech.

Tim the Tech arrived within the convenient 4 hour window that he’d promised. I met him at the door & gave him a run-down of our history with DirecTV & told him I wanted to get all the info out there before he got started working. Annnnddd…

It turns out that in order to get a DVR through DirecTV, the dreaded 2nd line is still necessary. Drat. So the appointment had to be canceled.

Except… I got the ‘cancellation call’ from DirecTV customer service… & the person I talked to confirmed the cancellation, & then informed me that there actually WAS some Advanced Technology that would allow us to upgrade for free & to have a DVR. Better than that, the monthly cost would increase by only $7. Nice.

Sounded promising, so he connected me with the Scheduling Wing of DirecTV Customer Service. Who told me that one of the required units was free, but the other required equipment came to a total of $200. Which is more than free. Didn’t do it. Exploring other options, like U-verse. We shall see.

But I’m still content.

Which begged the question: Raise the standard for leadership above WHAT?
ANSWER: The Bible.

And just when you thought every iPhone app you could think of was already in the App Store, there is now a free vuvuzela application. Which I have downloaded. And while I’m watching the World Cup, I’m playing the vuvuzela to my hearts content. Ahh.

On that note, the more I travel & see the parts of the world I get to see, the more I appreciate home. Reno. This area. I know its not green, & the weather is crazy. But it’s home. I like (usually) the “you-never-know” weather. The warm days & cool nights. The valley. The mountains nearby. And even the expanse of desert to the east.

Plus, the alternative is complaining, grumbling, self-focused whining, & the like. And who wants to listen to that.

Once I was alone in the airport, surrounded by strangers, the familiar travel-brain kicked in. Pay attention to the announcements. Check all the Departure screens. Check them again. Hurry up & wait.

The layover in San Francisco was a robust 4 hours 20 minutes – an unavoidable inconvenience due to United cutting back on a few of their Reno/SF legs. Fortunately, playoff hoops was on, & the Gordon Biersch restaurant was serving…

Finally boarded the plane, & made my way back to my assigned seat, praying all the way. Praying for what, you might ask? For a small human to occupy the seat next to me. With emphasis on the word small. Makes the long eastward bound ‘sleep’ flight that much easier to bear.

Turns out, the flight was 11 hours long, as it was re-routed due to the so-famous-its-INfamous Ash Cloud. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. I did manage to fit in about 7 total hours of sleep, mostly broken into 1 & 2 hour chunks. Better than the alternative, & I shall get good sleep tonight! So say we all!

Tonight, (as well as the week of Saturday, 1 May – 8 May,) I am staying with Eddy & Laura Dueck; he’s the pastor of our sister church in Frankfurt – they just moved into their new home in February after a pretty extensive remodel & reshaping to make the flat ‘reflect’ them. Took a bit to just relax & get settled in… & to get reacquainted with the Dueck’s 3 boys – Taylor 6; Elliot 3; & Max 2. To say that they have an active house would be an understatement. :)

Read a little, & then took a walk through the streets of Bockenheim (think Bistro Sahin, Subway, the White Tower, & the Rewe,) they live only a few blocks away from TPLF. So with our sister church as my North Start point of orientation, I know exactly where I am now. Which means I just may Run Real Fast in the morning. On purpose.

Eddy & Laura put the boys down, & went to a birthday party – meaning I’m the ‘on-call’ sitter. No sooner had they headed out, than #1 son Taylor made his way into the office where I’m writing & hung out with me for a while, sharing the kinds of stories that firstborns everywhere can relate to. Of little brothers. Getting to do things First. Feeling like a grown up at 6.

I DO plan on awakening refreshed in the morning – & will meet with Eddy to discuss my itinerary for the next couple of weeks. Then in the evening at 6 p.m. (meaning Tuesday at 9 a.m. PST,) I’ll be headed to Mainz to visit with Jan & Susanna von WIlle, & the church Jan pastors, enChristo. There shall be barbecue. And interaction & talks. I’m looking forward to it – it’s a great privilege to be able to spend time with people in their town, living life with them, hearing their stories. I love this place & these people.

Reflecting on the value of encouragement, not living self-focused, practicing thankfulness & thanksgiving, & being relentlessly committed to following Christ with everything, in every way. Praying for my family. Blessing the new life in Hillside (New Life = growth & CHANGE if you didn’t know.) Wondering what Jesus will bring my way.

Home again, looking at my 18 year old son this morning, watching him wrestle with the weight of the day – preparing to go to school while not feeling up to par… but pushing through just the same. For some reason, it inspired me to ponder the “meaning of life” stuff… which of course ends up sooner or later in Ecclesiastes. Read through. Tried to pretend it was my first time through it, to read & receive it fresh. Without the years of familiarity coloring the words, categorizing the ‘writings’ as that “bitter & negative” book in the Old Testament that says life sucks & most of it is a waste of time, energy, & resource.

And so I prayed for new eyes. And read. And noted what stood out to me.

The writer, “The Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem,” writes that “everything is vanity.” Some translations say, “everything is meaningless.”

And by everything, he means EVERYTHING. And then he tells us about it, as though we are supposed to learn from him & his experience, his attempts to find something, anything of substance in the world that we live in.

So he sought after wisdom & knowledge, only to observe:

For in much wisdom, there is vexation, & those who increase knowledge, increase sorrow. 1:18

Then he pursued pleasure & the accumulation of stuff.

Whatever my eyes desired, I didn’t not keep from them; I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, & this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done & the toil I had spent in doing it, & again, all was vanity, & a chasing after wind, & there was nothing to be gained under the sun… the lover of money will not be satisfied with money; nor the lover of wealth with gain. This also is vanity. 2:10,11 & 5:10

Makes me think of different things that people live for, focus upon, chase, even. Education. Wealth. Status (or even the appearance of it.) A title (or 10.) The perception of respect. Entertainment. Pleasure. Accumulation of stuff. .

Might be just that I’m feeling incredibly rich these days, the George Bailey, “no man is a failure who has friends,” kind of rich. Watching some crashing & burning of people who’ve been living the Ecclesiastes-life… looking for something MORE than they have, pursuing it as hard & fast as they can… finding vanity. Emptiness. Discontent. Pain.

Makes me want to wrap both hands around contentedness. Thankfulness. Check, & double-check to make sure that I’m chasing, looking, & paying attention to the important stuff – the stuff that lasts.

Knowing Christ. Deep & real relationships with the people in my life.

Not comparing myself to others – what they have accomplished. The stuff they have. Or bemoaning difficult, negative, or confusing life circumstances.

Embracing a life-focus & life-investment that is worth every penny.

Last week in LA, we opened our meetings with worship. Simple, 1 guitar & 1 keyboard, with familiar songs. One of them, a blast from 1980, was O Lord, You’re Beautiful from Keith Green. I’ve been singing it over & over, as a prayer… which is how I think it was written.

Thanks Keith.

Rain goes with coffee.

So say we all.