So Friday was a blur of activity. Took theGiant table upstairs, & then tackled the floors. Vacuumed the tile (so as not to stir up a bunch of dust,) then mopped it. Twice. Using Fabuloso, which, I might add, is one of the best smelling cleaning products in the world. Not that I am a regular sniffer of cleaning products… which would be weird. And potentially damaging to the currently functioning brain cells. But it is wonderful. And purple, which is definitely a plus.

Now, I don’t have any illusions about thePasty being my ‘baby.’ Just my firstborn. Now 18 years old. With 18 years of random memories & life lived that kept flashing back & forth in & through my mind & heart. A few of them…

I stopped & pondered… allowed the rush of images, feelings, thoughts, & memories to flood my brain. I wept. Laughed. And resumed cleaning.

Saturday, the time for graduation came. We found our way through the frantic-ness of Lawlor Events Center, stumbled up the aisles to the balcony seats, & watched the ceremony. Our boy’s name was called; he shook the principal’s hand, went to the top of the steps of the stage & raised his arms in the air & let out a “Whoo!”

It was the same kind of “Whoo!” that we’d grown used to hearing from the football field during the pregame when the team would storm the sideline & jump around, bouncing into each other. I realized the comfort that I’d taken in hearing Pasty’s exuberant yells. And I smiled. And yelled my own “Whoo!”

Fun way to wake up. Reminds me of the days when our big kids were oh-so-very-little, & they’d sneak into my room on tip-toe, trying to make it to mom’s side of the bed, trying not to wake dad. As if.

Then they’d poke theBean in the arm with their poky little fingers & whisper (ever heard a 3 year old whisper?) Which of course would wake theBean in a fright, (like when we watched the oh-so-suspenseful The Count of Monte Cristo & the over/under of theBean surprise-screams was 10. And anyone who knows her always takes the over. Always.) Which then would wake me in fight/flight mode.

Yeah. It was kinda like that.

Planning my 1st trip to catch some Ace-ball this coming Wednesday – the first day game of the year. TheBean got the day off from work, so she & I, Brintus & Meekus, will be soaking in the rays & enjoying baseball. Hmmm. Can’t wait.

This last week, my dad’s aunt passed away. Which meant that Tuesday was a family graveside ceremony & Thursday was a public memorial. Which meant time with family & friends, many that I haven’t seen in a while.

Which makes me see the benefit of a family reunion. Never thought I’d be contemplating putting one together. But I digress…

Standing graveside, I wept. For so many reasons. When someone you’ve known, & has known you for every day of your life passes, there is a shaking, a bit of a tearing, in the fabric of life, as though a well-loved & favorite pair of pants develop a significant rip along a seam, a seam that can be patched, but that will forever be different & less-than-whole.

The woman I knew as Dottie, my Grandpa Locke’s sister, & her husband Bruce had been the ones that had prayed with my parents 40 years ago, & had led them into relationship with Jesus Christ, an event that has forever shaped our family & altered my destiny.

Thinking of the influence of one person on another, & the long lasting & multi-faceted ripples that touch so many unforeseen people & places. Makes me want to be a better man.

I hear people apologize for crying all the time, as though the revelation that GASP! their emotions have moved them, & surfaced in the form of tears is a violation of an unspoken social contract.

Crying, weeping, happen because of the circumstances of life. Joy. Grief. Disappointment. Fulfillment. Hope. Loss.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 ESV

More coffee, & I contemplate the spectrum of experience this week. Aunt Dottie’s funeral & memorial Tuesday & Thursday; & Matty & Nicole’s wedding Saturday.

I’ve known Matty since he was about 9, when his world revolved around Batman, baseball, & cheese & crackers. (Now that I think about it, not much has changed… ) The joy I feel at my friend stepping into this marriage relationship, especially with someone as wonderful & incredible as Nicole, brings tears to my eyes.

Seems that tears will always be a regular part of the human experience, especially where your life touches & is touched by others in meaningful & significant ways. Which means being vulnerable. Risking. Persevering. Stretching. Hoping. Repenting. Forgiving. Living life well.

Gymnasium is calling, singing the siren song of the Kettlebell.

I’m coming, I’m coming!

Last Saturday, I finished my 40th birthday celebration. I do realize that the date was February 13th, & that it was almost a full 5 months since my ‘real’ September 19th birthday… but a couple of scheduling conflicts kept the final celebration from taking place; most notably, Petey’s 6-week National Guard deployment to an unnamed location in the Middle-East.

See, as a part of the inevitable ‘taking stock of life’ that my birthday always brings me, I decided that there were a couple of things that I would like to change – habits, patterns, ways of living. (When I was getting ready to turn 25, I read a statistic that said something to the effect that a person develops most of the habits & skills they will have by the time they hit 25. So, I decided that I needed to learn to play guitar. And I did.)

One of the things I decided to change this year involved a decision I’d made about a particular food that I had chosen not to partake of since a rather negative experience from 22 years ago. Sushi. I had it once, & I didn’t like it one bit.

I decided I’d try it again.

I’ve never been a fish or seafood guy. Don’t exactly know why, other than the smell of fish & fishy-ness sets me off. A fish market is the worst. (Actually, any really strong smell has the potential to do that. Fish. Chemical-ly & flowery perfumes. Floral ‘plug-ins’ that are supposed to make the air smell better. Most air-fresheners. Except for the new Febreze that is like the ‘clothes fresh out of the dryer smell…’ But I digress.)

Growing up, my family ate fish. Trout. Shrimp. Crab. Salmon. Halibut. You get the picture. I didn’t. I can remember trying a few of them, & feeling the repulsion, revulsion, the nose-wrinkling displeasure of EWWW!

I’ve heard from plenty of people that I just needed to try “fill-in-the-blank” seafood, prepared in the “fill-in-the-blank” way, & that I would be a convert. I tried a few. Always ended with EWWW!

My friends Petey & Debi kept encouraging me to try sushi again. Not just any sushi, but sushi prepared by Iron Chef Heif: Chris Heifner. My friend Chris is an artist in the truest sense of the word – amazing musician. Worship leader. Painter. Writer. And sushi chef.

And so, the combination of their gentle encouragement, Iron Chef Heif’s skill, & a willingness/desire to change created the perfect storm: a 40th birthday sushi celebration where I would once again give sushi a chance.

It happened Saturday, around our counter, in the company of a few friends, good music (theBean’s 40′s swing/big-band faves,) some Sapporo (as a shout-out to the real sushi-masters,) & a healthy appetite.

I don’t really know what I ate, other than I ate at least one part (portion? slicing? proper terminology would be helpful,) from every roll that Iron Chef Heif made.

My reflections:

-I don’t like fish eggs. “Caviar.” Big or small. Black, brown, or pink. But I ate it. Salty. Like tasting a fishy part of the ocean.

-Spicy is better. Jalapenos, wasabe, & the hot red sauce (don’t recall what it was,) were very much enjoyed & appreciated.

-Soy sauce. The more the better.

-Enough is enough. The pace of the eating, balanced by the time necessary for the preparation allowed me to know I was feeling full before I’d reached the proverbial “Super-Bowl” or Thanksgiving full-ness. Which probably made the whole experience more enjoyable, in that I didn’t have the “I can’t believe I ate so much” regrets. Other than the little fish-egg leftovers I was picking out of my teeth for at least 3 hours after.

I’ve been asked if I liked the sushi. It was good. Different. Don’t really have anything currently in my world to compare it to. Not a negative experience. Just don’t know.

But I’ll let you know if I end up craving it.

So… Thank you Chris, for your hard work & artistic preparation. And Pete-Debi, for your encouragement. And friends for celebrating with me.

Did you know what’s happening? I’m growing.

And theBean says, “The Olympics are starting.” Hmm. There was a day that that would have been big news, & generated a lot of excitement. Those days went away during the U.S. boycott of the 1980 Moscow Summer Games, where I was first introduced to the influence of propaganda, political rhetoric, & posturing politicians. And was reinforced in the former U.S.S.R.’s boycott of the 1984 Los Angeles summer games.

And that’s not even getting into the snafu that is the television coverage. Heard that the Vancouver Olympics, which happen to be on Pacific Standard Time thank you very much, will be broadcast in the PST with at least a 3 hour tape delay. Marvelous.

More than a few times in the last 2 weeks, I have been reminded of my desperate need for the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in my life, & my utter inability to “do” or “be” good. It seems that I’m holding a mirror, reflecting back in my face the scripture:

“There is no one who is righteous, not even one; there is no one who has understanding, there is no one who seeks God. All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; there is no one who shows kindness, there is not even one.” Romans 3:10-12 NRSV

Fortunately, there’s also the promise that the Spirit is at work in me, & also that I’m empowered to live & breathe to the praise of God’s glory. Booyah!

EllieG gave me a valentine yesterday. Cute little one with a watermelon sucker attached to it. She came into my office & held it up to me & said, “Here ya go, Tay-Tay.” I made a big deal out of it & said thank you. She interrupted me with the demand, “Give me the candy. Give me the candy NOW!” Turns out, I get to keep the actual valentine, but the sucker is hers.

And yet another reason I love theBean. This Sunday is Valentine’s Day. TheBean & I were discussing the Holiday, & deciding what we were wanting, hoping, expecting for the Celebration of the Day. Turns out we both aren’t so much into the Giving of the flowers, candy, bling, etc. (Please note: theBean does like bling. Just not enough to go into Debt for it.) And don’t have to go out to a Fancy Restaurant on the day. We’ll probably celebrate together with some quiet, face to face time in our getaway, with a favorite bottle of red & something spicy.

Watching GODTV today… because Dr. Chuck Missler is on. I love that dude. When he teaches, it’s like what he’s saying gets downloaded into my brain ala ‘The Matrix.’

I’m thankful for friends who stick with me through thick & thin, good times & bad. Who know me, strengths & weaknesses, the great things about me & my glaring flaws… who still offer grace, forgiveness, mercy, & the opportunity to share life together. Makes life richer.

I’ll end with that. Thank you friends.

Super Bowl Sunday is upon us. And I find both the Colts & Saints compelling. Meaning I like them both. Could easily find a rooting interest in either team. Great stories, hopefully even better game. I shall choose the warrior Colts of Indianapolis to be victorious. But if they’re not, I won’t lose any sleep.

Where have you gone, Joe Montana? This Niner fan turns his sad eyes to you. Woo woo woo.

Saw “Night At The Museum 2″ today, with the Pasty One. Forgettable, save for a great one-liner about the fiercest creature in all of nature: the Squirrel. Psha… I KNEW that.

It shall be WingStop tonight. For a celebration. So say we all.

Pondering Philippians 2 & humility. What it looks like lived out.

Moving the furniture again. Bedroom. Living room. Kids rooms. It is on. And I love it.

Took the car to Earl’s because he has a Cool Diagnostic Tool, which told me (digitally, of course,) that the car had a P0121 Error – meaning that the Throttle Position Sensor was figuratively saying, “Hey now.”

I checked with my resident Subaru experts, Mr. H & Brother, (experts because they both either own or have owned a Subaru in the past,) & neither of them had ever dealt with a P0121. But what they HAD dealt with was the Yellow Check Engine Light Syndrome (YCELS), where an otherwise healthy Subaru would inexplicably display the CHECK ENGINE light. Which would hang around for a day or 4, & then disappear. Brother had even taken his Sube in 2 times, only to be told by the tech, “Um. Not a problem. I’ll reset the code, & you’ll be good to go. $115 please.”

Hmm. Didn’t want that to happen. Also didn’t want to ignore my engine, even if it was only YCELS. So I called my local mechanic & made an appointment to get it checked. On my way to the appointment, the Murphy’s Law of “Check Engine” lights happened – it went off. As in DISAPPEARED.

Took the car in anyway. Mechanic said, “Um. Not a problem. I’ll reset the code, & you’ll be good to go. $115 please.”

Funny.

I am very thankful for the ‘weather change’ we’ve experienced – it’s still a little cold, still a bit windy (we do live in Nevada, so wind shouldn’t be a surprise.) But the thing about the change I’m most thankful for is that we have left our record low temperatures in our rear-view. This thankfulness has been reinforced by 2 things:

Tom introduced me to my new favorite place to eat – Uncle Vinny’s Pizza – breakfast, lunch, & dinner menus. Flat-screens galore. All the better to watch playoff football on. I’d recommend it.

Speaking of playoff football – I loved the Cardinals/Packers game from last week in which the Cardinals won 51-45. I had no vested rooting interest in the game, so watching both teams offenses going off was amazing. Had me glued to the set like no other game of the year so far. (I am a 49er fan. Nuff said.)

Woke up from a great sleep with the memory of a dream… I had dreamed that there was a new episode of Stargate SG-1 airing that evening. Silly me. Might be time for a marathon. Or at least a re-viewing.

A few weeks ago, I was praying & had an impression… kind of a picture & an idea which is one of the ways I hear from God… anyway what I heard was an encouragement, “Read your Bible more.”

No reason, no explanation attached. No condemnation or feelings of guilt, as though I’d neglected it. Just “Read your Bible more.”

So I aimed to amp up my reading schedule – which for a long time has been my ‘own’ schedule, in that I haven’t followed any particular reading plan in a long, long time, almost since I started out with the “Bible Pathways” plan when I was 4. I followed that one for about 6 years, & it took me through the entire Bible in a year.

At some point, probably my early 20′s, I realized that at times, due to familiarity with a passage, I would go on ‘auto-pilot’ & not really pay attention to what I was ‘reading.’ I was physically present, but my mind was miles away. Didn’t want to do that anymore, so I Changed it up. Bought a few “Gift & Award Bibles,” different versions (NASB, NLT, NIV, NRSV, The Message, & most recently the ESV.) Each one cost about $5-6. I’d read through one, then pick up another. But no real ‘plan’ to follow & go through the whole Bible, systematically & intentionally.

The nudge I’d gotten to Read More made me wonder. To ask myself why I wasn’t reading on a plan. And the answer I got back, after lots of questioning & soul-searching, was that I didn’t NEED a plan. Plans were for “other people.” People not like Me.

That sounded a lot like pride. Vanity. With a hint of un-teachable-ness. I didn’t like what was bubbling up. Too good for a plan? So mature in Jesus that I can do this on my own? Um. No.

So I’m on a plan - I’m not following it religiously (meaning if I don’t read the whole amount on the day, I don’t consider the day a failure. Or that I’m behind.) And I need God’s Word in me more than ever, so that I will reflect Him, His priorities, values, & actions, & not those of a negative, bigoted, zealot that overlays God’s hopes, dreams, wants, & practices with his own.

Love Is A Choice – may be the best interpersonal relationship book I have in my library. I recommend it at least 5 times a week. If you haven’t read it, do it!

I’m not a New Year’s Resolution maker. I don’t want to make a bold declaration, only to not follow through… I’m NOT a judger of those that do make them; I’d just prefer that my life & how I live speak for itself… instead of just words…

The older I get, the more I am recognizing the ever-growing ease of resting in my own wants, likes, & preferences… & a propensity, a pull to settle in to the path of least resistance. Even if it’s not good for my long-term hopes & dreams.

I see that my good intentions & resolve to change, to grow, to be different melt away as soon as the smallest bit of relief comes. Like how the desire, purpose, & intent to diet & take off a few pounds/inches fades away in the amount of time necessary to change from a pair of tight jeans into stretchy warm-ups…

Wish I could say that that ISN’T true of me. That I have got the whole self-control & life discipline thing-y conquered. But I don’t. And therefore, I want to purpose to grow. I want to live on purpose, with intention & determination. To honor God, & ever be growing into His plans for me instead of shrinking from situations that are demanding, difficult, & challenging.

And so I purpose to grow:

-to think & speak positively & hopefully
-to spend more time with my wife doing her favorite things
-to get to know my kids better. In 5 days, I will officially have teenagers (18, 15, 13.) This fact means we are entering a NEW LIFE STAGE – which means I better get to know them, & let them know me in the middle of the new-ness.
-to continue my quest to be a lifelong learner, regularly & consistently stretching to know God & to be known. To grow in faith, & to read, study, research, dig, & wrestle.
-to study, speak, & understand German
-to see an increase in self-control & time management
-to write
-to live well, embracing life in its fullness – cause it’s not just going to happen by hoping for it.

When I look back at what I’ve written, I think that maybe someone would see this as a New Year’s Resolution list, & for a lot of reasons (pride being number 1) I guess I could be inclined to try & wordsmith an explanation or 10 of WHY this ISN’T one of Those Lists because I’m not one of Those People. But that would be silly, because really, how others perceive me & think of me can’t be paramount. Can’t. And won’t.

I’m purposing to grow.