I mentioned it to theBean, & she wasn’t a fan. For some reason.

And then a backhoe showed up in front of my house. Obviously, I took this as a sign that God wanted me to have the Backhoe Guy dig a hole in the hill, & have a few handy friends come over to shore up the hill & ‘install’ a hobbit door. I could see the unveiling over next couple of months, complete with grass, flowers, a hobbit mailbox, & other accessories that I know that the neighbors (& of course city officials) would be very appreciative of.

As I was dreaming of all the upcoming construction, & mentally thanking the LORD for His providence at sending Backhoe Guy to my front porch, Backhoe Guy drove the backhoe up the hill to work on an install of some drainage pipe.

Noooo. Come back, says me.

It could still happen. I’m dreaming.

A few weeks ago, I was given the Kathleen Norris book “The Cloister Walk” – I’d encourage you to check it out – & though it wasn’t something she recommended in the book, I felt compelled to return to reading my Psalms like I normally do, except OUT LOUD. One of the things I immediately noticed is the significant shift that happens when I have to slow down in order to speak each word, each phrase the psalmist has written. I find that I’m hanging on the words more, as though they are not just the words I’m reading, but are part of a prayer I’m praying, joining in with the church that has been praying these same psalms for thousands of years.

I am comforted by the humanity of the words, the acknowledgement of the suffering, need, and pain of the human condition, especially with how all of that is submitted to the glory & greatness of God. No whining. No complaining. No “woe is me” stands up to the fact that He is with me. He gives me peace, life, power, freedom, encouragement, and strength. And as I read, I sense the bedrock surety that is built in a life that depends on God & His Word.

Life is good. God is better.

Instead of getting his revenge on them, Joseph used his position of leadership in the nation of Egypt to provide a way for his father, brothers, & their families to escape the brunt of the worst famine in recent memory by being relocated from their homes in the Promised Land to Egypt.

The 11 brothers were loaded down with loads of the best produce & provision that Egypt had to offer to make the journey as pleasant as possible.

What stood out to me was the last thing that Joseph said to his brothers before they left with their caravan to bring their father & families back:

Don’t quarrel about all this on the way.

I laughed when I read it.

I laughed because here are 11 brothers whose lives have been utterly turned upside-down for the good; whose worries about the famine & what they would eat, & how they’d provide for their families in the present & foreseeable future had been answered; whose past lies, treachery, greed, & jealousy had finally been uncovered; & also whose brother, the one that they’d sold into slavery, was now the 2nd most powerful man in the world.

Ouch.

They had to go back to their father & confess what they’d done to him years prior. Come clean about the carefully crafted ‘stories’ they’d told over the years to keep up their deception. Look into the eyes & face of their father, the man who they had directly caused so much pain to with their actions.

All of that can make one feel fear.

And rather than confronting our fear, which makes us feel weak & powerless, we respond in anger, which makes us feel strong. Placing blame on others, doing anything to shift the weight of personal responsibility, if even in appearance, onto the shoulders of another.

Joseph knew his brothers. Knew what they’d be doing when they got home. And knew that in spite of all the good that was going to happen to them & theirs, they’d first have to confront their own sins & wrongdoing.

It’s a good word – in the face of having to walk through tough stuff:

Don’t quarrel on the way.

Took the car to Earl’s because he has a Cool Diagnostic Tool, which told me (digitally, of course,) that the car had a P0121 Error – meaning that the Throttle Position Sensor was figuratively saying, “Hey now.”

I checked with my resident Subaru experts, Mr. H & Brother, (experts because they both either own or have owned a Subaru in the past,) & neither of them had ever dealt with a P0121. But what they HAD dealt with was the Yellow Check Engine Light Syndrome (YCELS), where an otherwise healthy Subaru would inexplicably display the CHECK ENGINE light. Which would hang around for a day or 4, & then disappear. Brother had even taken his Sube in 2 times, only to be told by the tech, “Um. Not a problem. I’ll reset the code, & you’ll be good to go. $115 please.”

Hmm. Didn’t want that to happen. Also didn’t want to ignore my engine, even if it was only YCELS. So I called my local mechanic & made an appointment to get it checked. On my way to the appointment, the Murphy’s Law of “Check Engine” lights happened – it went off. As in DISAPPEARED.

Took the car in anyway. Mechanic said, “Um. Not a problem. I’ll reset the code, & you’ll be good to go. $115 please.”

Funny.

I am very thankful for the ‘weather change’ we’ve experienced – it’s still a little cold, still a bit windy (we do live in Nevada, so wind shouldn’t be a surprise.) But the thing about the change I’m most thankful for is that we have left our record low temperatures in our rear-view. This thankfulness has been reinforced by 2 things:

Tom introduced me to my new favorite place to eat – Uncle Vinny’s Pizza – breakfast, lunch, & dinner menus. Flat-screens galore. All the better to watch playoff football on. I’d recommend it.

Speaking of playoff football – I loved the Cardinals/Packers game from last week in which the Cardinals won 51-45. I had no vested rooting interest in the game, so watching both teams offenses going off was amazing. Had me glued to the set like no other game of the year so far. (I am a 49er fan. Nuff said.)

Woke up from a great sleep with the memory of a dream… I had dreamed that there was a new episode of Stargate SG-1 airing that evening. Silly me. Might be time for a marathon. Or at least a re-viewing.

A few weeks ago, I was praying & had an impression… kind of a picture & an idea which is one of the ways I hear from God… anyway what I heard was an encouragement, “Read your Bible more.”

No reason, no explanation attached. No condemnation or feelings of guilt, as though I’d neglected it. Just “Read your Bible more.”

So I aimed to amp up my reading schedule – which for a long time has been my ‘own’ schedule, in that I haven’t followed any particular reading plan in a long, long time, almost since I started out with the “Bible Pathways” plan when I was 4. I followed that one for about 6 years, & it took me through the entire Bible in a year.

At some point, probably my early 20′s, I realized that at times, due to familiarity with a passage, I would go on ‘auto-pilot’ & not really pay attention to what I was ‘reading.’ I was physically present, but my mind was miles away. Didn’t want to do that anymore, so I Changed it up. Bought a few “Gift & Award Bibles,” different versions (NASB, NLT, NIV, NRSV, The Message, & most recently the ESV.) Each one cost about $5-6. I’d read through one, then pick up another. But no real ‘plan’ to follow & go through the whole Bible, systematically & intentionally.

The nudge I’d gotten to Read More made me wonder. To ask myself why I wasn’t reading on a plan. And the answer I got back, after lots of questioning & soul-searching, was that I didn’t NEED a plan. Plans were for “other people.” People not like Me.

That sounded a lot like pride. Vanity. With a hint of un-teachable-ness. I didn’t like what was bubbling up. Too good for a plan? So mature in Jesus that I can do this on my own? Um. No.

So I’m on a plan - I’m not following it religiously (meaning if I don’t read the whole amount on the day, I don’t consider the day a failure. Or that I’m behind.) And I need God’s Word in me more than ever, so that I will reflect Him, His priorities, values, & actions, & not those of a negative, bigoted, zealot that overlays God’s hopes, dreams, wants, & practices with his own.

Love Is A Choice – may be the best interpersonal relationship book I have in my library. I recommend it at least 5 times a week. If you haven’t read it, do it!

It is amazing to me that I can go from ‘new’ to ‘old’ in a heartbeat. And just when I thought I was doing so good, out comes the snippy-ness. Harsh tone. Hard edge to the voice. Mean face. Ouch.

The other day, I was ‘in the moment’ in a ‘strong discussion’ with theBean. And in the middle of it, she ruined it by saying, “Look at your face.” She wasn’t trying to draw attention to my beauty, but rather to the nasty ‘mean face’ expression I had on it. Ticked me off that she’d try to derail our discussion with such trivialities, so I didn’t look full into the mirror… but I did peeky-peeky out of my left eye. I was startled at what I saw.

It was a face that I didn’t recognize as mine. It was twisted at the corners of the mouth, eyebrows up, lips tight & in a snarl… I didn’t need Dr. Lightman to tell me that it was anger, rage, & disgust that were coming out…

It was ugly. And it was me. Is me. Is not what I want from me. I want the new. For me. For theBean. For the kids. Not to give full vent to my anger, or to let a response build up & ride the waves of feeling & emotion that so easily give place to wronging another, even if just for the momentary satisfaction of Letting. It. All. Out.

Reminded me…

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11 New International Version

Self-control is me cooperating with the work of the Holy Spirit – & not letting the groundhog drive the truck.

Peace.

Don\'t Drive Angry…