About 3 years ago, I read one of the most influential books I’ve ever come across – called, Love Is A Choice. It made an impact because it brought to light & illustrated the human condition & how/why we connect with others… esp. in unhealthy, selfish, &/or destructive ways.
One of the things that stood out to me, (at least from the thoughts that ended up being provoked OUT of having read it,) was that in order for a friendship to be healthy & life-giving, both parties had to be ‘givers’ (my word;) nurturing, feeding, building up the relationship & the other person – a relationship where 1/both are ‘takers’ (again, my word) ends up with 1/both being taken advantage of, used & abused, all in the name of friendship.
It made me think about what I’ve tolerated (& also watched others tolerate) in the name of “keeping a friendship.” Things like:
Maybe it’s just that I have a different set of definitions when it comes to what a friend is & what a friend does & doesn’t do. Maybe it’s not being willing any longer to live with the sham of “as long as you’re feeling ok & not offended today,” relationships. Maybe it’s being tired of carrying both sides of the relationship. Maybe it’s the realization that there are many, many great people that hold a high value on true friendship that makes fakin’ the funk not worth it, no matter how long standing the contact or how much water has gone under the bridge…