Comments on: One Day

By: scoey-d

scoey-d — Fri, 23 May 2008 05:36:00 +0000

Yep. You're right Matty. It is awkward.

I've been pondering this for a long time & think that when stuff is awkward &/or there will be some sort of conflict, people bail, avoid or go aggro... & then end up missing out on a lot of life, growth, & potential fulfillment.

Sigh.

Makes me wonder... what else do we avoid because it's awkward? I think I'll blog it. Tomorrow.

By: Matty C.

Matty C. — Fri, 23 May 2008 04:33:00 +0000

I think if I was to leave, the only reason I would tell someone is out of respect because I’ve been friends for so long. If I wasn’t such good friends, I would leave without saying anything because I don’t like dealing with awkward situations.

I think that is what you are dealing with. People don’t like awkwardness. It’s easier to not have to deal with stuff.

By: scoey-d

scoey-d — Fri, 23 May 2008 00:34:00 +0000

Mr H – I was wondering… first the worship team, then you’re playing soccer… :) I think that you & murdoc both speak to a bit of truth on the ‘why’s’ of this phenomena…

laura- hava nagilah, & how bout 2 bat-mitzvahs for the girls?

erica – I hate being in the dark, esp. if there was some perception or reality that could’ve been addressed, or at least brought to light. The ‘exit’ interview is also a great place to learn… plus, I know a few great churches in town that are a bit different from us (& maybe even each other.) Talking to someone on the way out may allow some input into a new potential church family for someone. Its happened a few times in the last couple of years, & is definitely my favorite way to say goodbye.

celeste – good to hear from you! I’m glad you’re lurking in the shadows :) keeping up with what’s going on – I know that time flies. Thank you for reading & for writing – hope to see you soon!

brintus maximus – yes! exactly. I’d love to hear about what exactly is fueling someone’s motor, even if it means its not all Pollyanna. Thanks for playing…

By: digapigmy

digapigmy — Thu, 22 May 2008 23:33:00 +0000

it’s like quitting a job and not bothering to tell your boss off on the way out. i don’t get it either. isn’t that what it’s all about?

By: Celeste

Celeste — Thu, 22 May 2008 18:56:00 +0000

You are still in my heart, I stay connected through reading this blog, and the prayer chain. I love you all, miss you, and think of you often. Especially to Louie and Joanie, after all our talks, needing to not come and then waiting toooo long, is not always intentional. Just a bit thoughtless, and please forgive me.

By: Erica

Erica — Thu, 22 May 2008 03:27:00 +0000

great post Louie, the last paragraph really hit it on the nail for me. Selfishness hinds behind many different faces. For andy and I, we seem to be in the dark regarding noticing when people are gone and why. Almost scary how we don’t know, guess this is a blessing in a way. Letting a pastor who is also a friend know you weren’t going to the church would seem to be the right/courteous path.

By: laura

laura — Wed, 21 May 2008 23:05:00 +0000

p.s. about a year ago Jay told me that if i made him change churches again, he was becoming jewish. so if we are gone… you can assume we converted.

By: Murdoc

Murdoc — Wed, 21 May 2008 21:29:00 +0000

Here are a couple reasons people just leave & don’t communicate:
1- You had something to offer that they liked for awhile & don’t need/like it anymore. It’s easy. Church relationships are generally shallow in nature, so leaving them is like changing the radio station.
1.5- Pride. Selfishness.
2- When people are leaving & talk to the pastor(s) & explain why they’re leaving, they know all too well that the possibility exists they will be labeled as the people who were just disgruntled, or the people who didn’t want to be part of the solution, or the people who were never really with us. For some the risk is too great & don’t want to deal with the pain before.
3- They hurt, damaged people. Any confrontation is like death to them, especially with a “pastor.”

By: Señor H

Señor H — Wed, 21 May 2008 18:21:00 +0000

First off, I had a soccer game last week, so Jami and I stayed home; we're not going anywhere. :)

I think this issue works from both ends. I think 'breaking up' is awkward for both sides. From the other end, there might always be the "will they even know we're gone"; "should I tell anyone that we found another church with better programs"; "how long would I have to wait till no body remembers that we were ever there" type of questions.

I think it depends on the personality to determine how a person would handle this. Are they the type of people that dive into the Fruit Loops at the local Wal-Mart when they see people they used to know (or in Diga's case, pray for morphing abilities), or do they enjoy seeing an old face and catching up with them? I think that would determine how they would 'break up' with a church.

I'm the second type of person.

By: scoey-d

scoey-d — Wed, 21 May 2008 05:51:00 +0000

jeni- I know what you mean. It is a 2 way street...

tim- it would drive me crazy if I were in charge too. And I love meesa Dilbert.

laura- time flies when you're having fun :). And any group of people together seems to have elements of the worst parts of high school... church gets it worse because God & God-cards & God-endorsements & religious stuff gets put into the mix.

david- I was wondering where you were. Thanks for still being my friend. You know I don't watch American Idol, don't you? So you can be sure we'll always be friends then.

no..el - for me, the communication about leaving has more to do with people that I thought I was close to, people that I had in my house & I was in theirs - not strangers, not people who I didn't know their name. Friends should be able to talk openly, so maybe I just wasn't their friend. Or the idea of talking openly & saying difficult things was less important than avoiding a tough conversation & wanting to 'keep peace.' I want to contend for real friendships. & that's why I like you & Moses.

And it's not hitting. It's punching.